When should i tell my parents im pregnant: When to tell people you are pregnant
When to tell people you are pregnant
When to tell people you are pregnant | Pregnancy Birth and Baby
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For many women, choosing the right time to tell family and friends that they are pregnant is hard. There is no right answer. But there are several things you may wish to think about when making this decision.
Ask yourself the questions below to help work out what’s right for you.
Who should I tell first?
If you have a partner, the decision about who to tell, as well as when and how, is best made with them.
In many ways, it may be harder to tell close family and friends that you are pregnant than people you do not know as well. So, it may be worth planning who you will tell first about your pregnancy and how you will do it.
You may decide you want to tell your family and close friends first. Then they will be available to provide support as early as possible.
How do I tell them?
Close friends and family may prefer to be told personally.
It’s worth remembering that if you announce your pregnancy on social media, you may have little control over who views your announcement and when. These public announcements may draw significant attention, personal stories, and advice, which may or may not be invited and/or wanted.
How do I tell someone who’s infertile or lost a baby?
When you tell people you are pregnant, your friends and family will almost certainly be very happy for you. But some people may not be able to show their happiness for you as enthusiastically as others. Those who have lost a baby, or are having trouble getting pregnant may find the news difficult.
It may help to tell these friends in private and before you tell others, letting them know you realise your news may not be easy for them.
What if I tell people I’m pregnant and then have a miscarriage?
Many women choose to delay announcing a pregnancy at least until the end of the first trimester (12 weeks into their pregnancy). This is usually because of concerns about the risk of miscarriage (pregnancy loss) during this time.
When deciding the right time to tell people you are pregnant, you might want to think about how you would handle a miscarriage were it to happen. Many people would consider a miscarriage so devastating that they would be too distressed to discuss it with others.
On the other hand, by telling people you are pregnant, support may be available in the event of a miscarriage.
When should I tell my employer that I’m pregnant?
Unless your doctor has told you it is unsafe, it is possible to work while you are pregnant.
There is no law saying you need to tell your employer at any specific time that you are pregnant. But both Australian law and your employment contract, agreement or award (if you have one) will include certain rights and responsibilities.
You need to give your employer at least 10 weeks notice if you are planning to take parental leave. You must give them written notice of your leave and return dates. These dates should be confirmed at least 4 weeks before your leave starts.
It’s a good idea to tell your employer you are pregnant before they hear it from somebody else. That’s because there may have to be some changes made to your working arrangements. For example, you may have to avoid certain tasks that are a health and safety risk, depending on what your work involves.
In Australia, you are protected by law against discrimination during pregnancy. That means you cannot be treated unfairly because you are pregnant. This means you can’t be sacked, given fewer hours, or overlooked for a promotion because you are pregnant.
When should I tell my colleagues?
Early in your pregnancy you may experience symptoms such as tiredness or morning sickness. You may also need to take time off for appointments.
This could affect both your personal and working relationships with your co-workers if they don’t know why it’s happening. It’s often a good idea to tell your co-workers you are pregnant once you have told your boss.
A workplace can offer significant personal support during pregnancy. It may be especially valuable should you experience pregnancy complications.
Speak to a maternal child health nurse
Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.
Sources:
Raising Children
(Pregnancy and work: women’s rights and entitlements),
Fair Work Ombudsman
(Maternity and parental leave),
The Royal Women’s Hospital
(Miscarriage)
Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.
Last reviewed: May 2022
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When Is the Best Time to Announce Pregnancy?
When Is the Best Time to Announce Pregnancy?
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Medically reviewed by Deborah Weatherspoon, Ph. D., MSN — By Ashley Marcin on December 6, 2018
Announcing your pregnancy
One of the most exciting times in your pregnancy is getting that first positive test. You probably want to tell the whole world you’re expecting. But when is the best time to announce your pregnancy?
Many parents-to-be wait until the end of the first trimester — around week 13 — to tell friends and family about their pregnancy. A number of factors influence why people wait until this time to share the news.
Still, the most important part of your decision should revolve around what makes you the most comfortable. Read on to find out more about what to consider before you decide to announce your pregnancy.
The risk of miscarriage
The first trimester is a tremendous time of development and change for you and your little one. With all that change comes some risk that the pregnancy might not carry to term.
Between 10 and 25 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and roughly 80 percent of these miscarriages occur in the first trimester.
Most miscarriages are caused by factors beyond a mother’s control. About half are caused by chromosomal abnormalities. This means that the baby doesn’t develop properly.
Other causes of first trimester miscarriage include:
- illness in mother
- luteal phase defect (problem with a woman’s monthly cycle)
- hormone imbalances
- adhesions (scar-like tissue) in uterus
Age is another factor that affects miscarriage. Here is the miscarriage risk by age:
- Women ages 35 and under: 15 percent
- Women ages 35 to 45: 20 to 35 percent
- Women ages 45 and older: 50 percent
If a developing baby lives to 7 weeks with a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage drops to 10 percent. In those beginning weeks when the risk is highest, you may not even know you’re pregnant unless you’ve taken an early test. After week 12, the risk of miscarriage falls to 5 percent for the rest of the pregnancy.
Given these statistics, it’s understandable that many parents wait until the risk of miscarriage drops before they announce. Most women don’t want to have to tell people the sad news of a miscarriage shortly after announcing their pregnancy.
The first prenatal visit
Another reason couples wait until the end of the first trimester to share has to do with prenatal checkups. Your first appointment may be around week 8 of pregnancy, or even later.
During the first visit, your provider will run tests to confirm your pregnancy, estimate your due date, screen for infections, and determine the general health of you and your baby.
For some couples, hearing that heartbeat for the first time or having an ultrasound to date the pregnancy is reassuring before announcing it to everyone.
Recurrent pregnancy loss
If you’ve experienced a previous loss, your risk of having another miscarriage may be slightly higher, depending on your health history.
This news can be disheartening, especially in the case of recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL). Your doctor will likely examine you, order blood tests, and do some other testing to determine the cause of your losses.
The good news is that with the right treatment, your chances of carrying a baby to term may increase. But you might feel more comfortable waiting until after this treatment to announce your pregnancy to everyone.
The pros of waiting to announce your pregnancy
If you’ve had difficulty conceiving, had a previous pregnancy loss, or had a stillbirth, you may want to wait even longer than 12 weeks to share news of your pregnancy. It’s also fine to share later than the traditional first trimester cutoff. It’s entirely up to you and what you feel is best.
Though loss in the second and third trimesters is rare, couples may feel sensitive or worried that something will happen.
In these cases, you may choose to share news about the following instead:
- having an ultrasound that shows the baby is healthy
- finding out the sex of the baby
- reaching the halfway mark of pregnancy (week 20)
- reaching a personal milestone (e.g., when you start showing)
Sometimes letting a close friend or family member know can be helpful, especially if you’re feeling anxious.
If you’re still not comfortable sharing the news, your doctor may be able to refer you to a therapist or support group where you can express your feelings in a safe space.
Another option is to search online for forums with women who have gone through similar situations. Examples of online support groups include:
- Pregnancy After Loss Support
- Subsequent Pregnancy After Loss Support
Pros of Waiting
- The risk of miscarriage usually decreases after the first trimester.
- You might feel more comfortable after you’ve had an ultrasound, heard your baby’s heartbeat, or reached a pregnancy milestone.
- There’s anonymity for you and your partner.
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The cons of waiting to share the news
If you’d rather have a support network in place regardless of your pregnancy outcome, feel free to share the news right away.
The first trimester may be tough for some women because of fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and other unpleasant symptoms. Letting a few key people know may help ease the burden. And if you do end up miscarrying, you might not want to have to go through it alone.
You may also want to tell your employer about your pregnancy right away if your job requires you to do physical labor that might be dangerous. These hazards might include:
- bending repeatedly at your waist (more than 20 times per day)
- standing for long periods of time
- lifting heavy things, like boxes, more than once every five minutes
- being exposed to chemicals
Your job may require these tasks. The data isn’t concrete on whether or not these activities directly lead to miscarriage, but it’s still worth considering in the overall picture. Speak with your doctor about the recommendations for lifting during pregnancy for more specifics.
Cons of Waiting
- The first trimester might be difficult without support.
- You might be exposed to workplace hazards if you don’t tell your employer.
- Friends and family might find out from other sources instead of you telling them directly.
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Announcing to different groups
It might make sense to announce your pregnancy to different groups at different times. You may want to first tell a few close family members and then some friends before you announce it publicly on social media or tell your co-workers.
Family
Consider telling only your family to start. Your pregnancy will be major news for your parents, especially if this is their first grandchild. You might want to think of a creative way to tell your mother, father, and siblings so you can be there to witness their reaction firsthand.
If you choose to announce to just your family early on in your pregnancy, you’ll have plenty of people to celebrate with, but you won’t have to explain things over and over again if something does go wrong.
Friends
You’ll most likely want to tell your closest friends first. Then, whenever you feel more comfortable, you can broaden the group, or make an official announcement on social media. But be aware that the news might slip out of even the most well-meaning friend or relative.
Social networking is probably the easiest way to get the news out to friends and family who live far away. Posting a picture online of your ultrasound can get the news out in an instant.
Employer
You will have to tell your employer sooner or later, especially if you’re going to be taking parental leave or time off work. As mentioned above, it’s a good idea to tell your workplace right away if your job involves physical labor that might be dangerous.
Once your employer knows of your pregnancy, you’re protected against discrimination under the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978. Your employer is required to provide you with reasonable accommodation if you’re unable to perform your work activities safely while pregnant.
If your job doesn’t involve physical labor, you can wait until you’re comfortable letting them know. Just make sure you give your employer a reasonable amount of time to prepare for your time away.
You will most likely want to tell your direct manager first so you two can plan together how to tell others you work with. It’s completely fine to ask your manager to keep this information confidential until you’re ready to tell others.
If you don’t want to inform your immediate superior right away, feel free to meet with your company’s human resources department to discuss your options. Be prepared to discuss their concerns about how your pregnancy will affect your job.
Being professional and prepared will help reassure your workplace of your commitment to making this a smooth transition.
What should you do?
In the end, the choice over when to share your pregnancy is entirely up to you. You can tell friends and family right away, or wait until you know more about the health of you and your baby.
To help make your decision, you may want to ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have a high-risk pregnancy or other factors that increase my miscarriage risk?
- Will telling everyone make me feel more comfortable, or less comfortable?
- Do I have certain work or lifestyle factors that make telling sooner important?
- Do I want a large network of support if something happens?
The takeaway
The beginning of pregnancy can be both exciting and frightening. Try to relax and enjoy the journey.
A lot of women choose to announce their pregnancy at the end of the first trimester because the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced and their pregnancy “bump” may no longer be easy to hide. Of course, announcing at the 12-week mark isn’t required and the choice is entirely up to you.
Whether or not you tell the whole world right away, make sure to tell your doctor if you’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Schedule a prenatal appointment, take your vitamins, and keep up with good eating and exercise habits.
Try to take care of yourself and your baby-to-be. No matter when you share the news, it’ll surely be reason to celebrate.
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Last medically reviewed on December 6, 2018
- Parenthood
- Pregnancy
- 1st Trimester
How we reviewed this article:
Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We avoid using tertiary references. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.
- Mayo Clinic Staff. (2013). Miscarriage.
mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/symptoms-causes/syc-20354298 - Miscarriage. (2015).
americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/miscarriage/ - Miscarriage. (2017).
marchofdimes.org/complications/miscarriage.aspx - Reproductive health and the workplace. (2015).
cdc.gov/niosh/topics/repro/physicaldemands.html - Second trimester pregnancy loss. (2007).
aafp.org/afp/2007/1101/p1341.html - Your first prenatal visit. (2015).
americanpregnancy.org/planning/first-prenatal-visit/
Our experts continually monitor the health and wellness space, and we update our articles when new information becomes available.
Current Version
Dec 6, 2018
Written By
Ashley Marcin
Edited By
Nizam Khan (TechSpace)
Medically Reviewed By
Deborah Weatherspoon, Ph. D., MSN
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Medically reviewed by Deborah Weatherspoon, Ph.D., MSN — By Ashley Marcin on December 6, 2018
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How to tell mom, parents about pregnancy
“Mom, I’m pregnant!” Why are women so often afraid to say this phrase for the first time? If we are talking about an unmarried young girl, this can still be understood somehow. But why do adult women feel such fear, who have everything in order, have a loving husband, a separate apartment, and a child (whether the first, second, third, fifth …) – they expect with joy?
Psychologist Alla Khvan comments on the situation.
Alla Hvan
It has been noticed that in today’s society, today’s women do sometimes have a fear of motherhood. Motherhood does not really fit into the values of this society: self-realization, career, achievements … Future motherhood is beginning to be perceived as the boundary between normal life and the life where all popular values seem inaccessible.
Against this background, the fear of admitting to your mother that you are pregnant is quite understandable. But he himself is, in a sense, just a shadow. And the figure that gives this shadow is in fact the need for mother’s support and the uncertainty that she will receive it.
Previously, the older woman, the mother, helped in childbirth, took the child, washed, taught the young woman how to feed, she remembered how her mother did the same for her. Somewhere inside, in the subconscious, a modern woman has a need for this experience, for her mother to say: “Don’t be afraid, I’m near, everything will be fine.”
Today, in more traditional cultures and families where this continuity has been preserved – in each family there are many children, and no one has the thought that talking about pregnancy is scary. Where there is a third, there is a fourth; where there is a fifth, there is a sixth. It is normal, natural and harmonious – the birth of a child.
In modern society, indeed, with the birth of a child, a woman will have to drastically change her life. And she wants to count on her mother’s help in this.
But mother has her own doubts, her own expectations from her daughter. Often, she does not want her daughter to stay at home, to be a housewife. As a rule, a modern mother sees her daughter as a modern woman, successful, reaching career heights. And not every mother approves when her daughter wants to make a stop in this or even turn off the “right” path. In all honesty, an “unsuccessful” daughter deprives the mother of the opportunity to consider herself a “successful” mother.
And then it turns out to be unimportant whether the first child is expected by a woman, or the second or third. She begins to worry that her mother will say: “What a wrong time! Why are you doing this now. You will miss the chance to advance, to succeed.” The most interesting thing is that mothers don’t tell this to someone in the end, but fears that they will say still remain. Sometimes this happens because the daughter did not have the experience of experiencing unconditional acceptance by her mother.
So, pregnancy, voluntarily or involuntarily, is perceived as an event that can ruin life or change it irrevocably…
What until recently was natural and taken for granted: “Pregnancy is not a disease” is now sometimes perceived differently. And if a woman “decides” on the third, on the fourth – she seems either a heroine or not quite in her mind. In any case, her decision looks somewhat extravagant.
Who is responsible for what?
When women who are expecting a child (I repeat, it doesn’t matter if it’s the first, second or sixth child) call the helpline regarding unplanned pregnancy, their fears are especially understandable if they live in an apartment with their mother, are financially dependent on her or she looks after the child. In such cases, we discuss with the caller where whose responsibility is and for what. After all, the truth is that no one has yet canceled the life rule “Whose responsibility is that and power.”
If a woman takes on this responsibility, it is easier for her to build a dialogue with her mother. She can say: “Yes, mom, I understand that you are tired. I am very grateful to you for your help. But I won’t kill my child…” Then there can be quite a business conversation about how she sees her duties, what she will do for this child. And then it turns out that the story is not about money and not about square meters.
When I listen to a caller on our line about her fears and doubts about how to finally inform my mother, at some point I notice that she speaks and thinks only like a daughter, and not at all like a future mother. And it turns out that the same woman thinks, feels and even sounds differently depending on who she now perceives herself to be, a negligent daughter or a future mother.
Photo: Natalya Deksbakh, photosight.ru
Her priorities are changing: what is really important to her, what she considers right for herself and her child. Childish resentments and fears go somewhere, patience, wisdom, gratitude appear. She will be able to start a conversation with her mother, and this may already be a dialogue, a search for solutions, and not mutual reproaches and accusations.
What is happening with mom
When there is tension between close people, it would be better to figure out what is wrong?
It doesn’t hurt to be attentive and see what’s really going on with mom. It is clear that she has her anxieties and worries. There may be, among other things, selfish fears that here she is, already an elderly, sick woman. She implicitly hoped that everything had already settled down, she had done everything she could, and now she can be calm: her grandchildren are growing up. And now the situation is changing. Moreover, a mother may not internally admit this to herself, but say: “I’m worried about you, you will create poverty, you yourself will be left without work, you will turn into an old woman, you will not be able to educate your children.”
Or maybe my mother’s picture of what a daughter’s life should be like does not coincide with reality and her daughter’s ideas.
Or she got used to controlling her daughter more or less, and then suddenly the situation got out of control and she was just scared. After all, people sometimes control others not out of malice, but out of a certain distrust of life.
It is likely that the mother is really scared, or lonely, or she lacks attention.
How to talk to mom about pregnancy
Girls often call the helpline and say: “I’m afraid to tell my mother about pregnancy.” I’m starting to figure out what they’re afraid of. It turns out – screams, scandals, sometimes they formulate: “She will kill me!” When I ask them how they think their mother will feel after this news, the girls think deeply.
At some point, they suddenly realize that nothing terrible will happen, well, mom will scream from strong feelings (not the first and not the last time), and in general, strange as it may seem, this is such a form of love and care. This awareness helps them to treat what is happening as a natural phenomenon, “a thunderstorm in early May”, for example.
Expecting a predictable reaction, you can prepare a glass of water, heart drops.
It is important to feel confident. Because only calm confidence will be a kind of deterrent for the development of the conflict.
If the conflict continues
We proceed from a situation where we want to keep peace in the family. The main thing is to speak like a human being, showing that your mother is a person dear to you. “Mom, I see that you are worried, nervous. You are so important to me and it is important for me that we hear each other. Understand that this is not a whim, this is our child and it hurts me when you … “That is, the rule is simple – do not ignore the feelings of another and your own too.
Resentment and looking for someone to blame will definitely not move you forward. You need to look at the situation not with the eyes of an offended girl, but of a woman who knows what all this is for, what she is fighting for, who is building a calm and kind world for her baby.
If a mother is worried because of objective reasons, for example, because her daughter has health problems, it is especially important to show that you are able to take care of your health. Tell your mother which doctors you have already consulted with, under the supervision of which you are going to be observed. This is where the reverse law works: “whose power is that and responsibility.”
Read also:
The life of a child for the opinion of others, or how to dissuade from abortion
Myths about pregnancy
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How to tell parents about pregnancy, or Mom, I will become a mother!
Home ideas /
Family and children
It is not always easy to report pregnancy, especially if it is the first pregnancy. Many are nervous, even if they have a conversation with parents who have long dreamed of becoming grandparents. We studied the advice of psychologists, as well as the thoughts of women who have gone through such conversations personally.
1. Think about the right time
Few people know the useful rule that any serious news should be reported after the interlocutor has eaten. Do you find it funny, stupid and strange? The thing is that after eating a person perceives news much more favorably, which would greatly disturb him on an empty stomach. But it’s not worth looking at the news at night, because this is guaranteed by a long, sleepless night full of advice from parents.
2. Who to tell first?
It’s also worth considering which parent you want to break the news to first. Ideally, both parents should be present during the interview. They are very jealous of such news and may simply be offended by you if one of them finds out about the pregnancy before the other.
However, there are exceptions. If one of the parents is prone to overreaction, then it is worth sharing the news with the other parent first. It will help to present the message as calmly as possible, without tears or joyful tantrums.
3. First Aid
Even if parents are expecting grandchildren, the news of pregnancy can unsettle them. That is why it is worth keeping sedatives on hand: drops of valerian, drinking water, validol. This is especially important if the parents have health problems, because even good news makes the hearts beat wildly. Remember Sheldon Cooper’s rule to calm down and make your parents a delicious and hot drink. Our parents will always see us as children, even if we are in the middle of a demolition. For them, the news of pregnancy cannot pass without a powerful emotional reaction.
4. Be ready for interrogations
Questions will pour down on you, stun you, make you embarrassed by their frankness. Think about the options that parents will start asking about, preparing short but concise answers. If you don’t feel like answering a question, remember that you have the right to keep secrets of your personal life, even from your own father and mother. But do not forget that these people gave you life and they want to know the details. After all, one day you yourself may be in their place.
5. Control yourself
Most parents love their children unconditionally, but even they can react to this kind of news with extreme intensity. Especially in cases where the daughter is not married or is very young for motherhood. Breathe deeply and remember that their nervousness is the result of shock, not contempt for you. They will get used to your new position, if not immediately. The first wave of violent reactions will pass. If it’s difficult for you to restrain your emotions yourself (especially with your position and the game of hormones), then you can meditate a little before the conversation or listen to relaxing music.
6. Find moral support
When you talk to both parents alone, you feel embarrassed – your mother and father drive you into a corner, asking millions of questions at the same time. It will not be superfluous to find moral support by bringing someone with you for a conversation. The ideal option is the future father of the child. If for some reason you can’t bring him, ask a friend to stay with you during a conversation with your parents. It is desirable that she personally does not interfere in the conversation. Her presence will already give you confidence in someone’s support.
7. Face-to-face conversation
We live in a digital age, and therefore the modern generation easily discusses important news via SMS, social networks or by phone. But older people are used to the fact that serious conversations take place face to face. No need to send mom SMS with emoticons: “Mom. I am pregnant. LOL XDD. Show respect for the traditions of your parents’ generation and break the news in person. Life is unpredictable and there are situations when parents are in another city or even in another country. But even here you can have a conversation with such an important eye contact. A video call will help with this.
8. Touch
In a live conversation between close people, touch plays an important role in addition to eye contact. Take your mother by the hand, hug your father. So you will feel warm, show your openness and help them calm down. Yes, and you yourself will not interfere with hugs! You are expecting a baby, you need a feeling of support.
9. Avoid rude answers
Some parents can act stubbornly and capriciously, breaking the boundaries of the life of already adult children. Such behavior is annoying in principle, and during pregnancy it can cause a wave of negative emotions on your part. No matter how much annoying parental instructions irritate you, try to avoid rude answers like “Stay out of my life”, “This is my child, not yours”, “I didn’t ask for your opinion”, and so on.
Remember that grandparents are important in a child’s life, and you – as a wise mother – should immediately try to arouse in your parents tender feelings for your future grandson (or granddaughter). They have yet to feed the baby with pies and babysit him while you are at work. Think ahead and don’t be rude, be kind.
10. Cute gifts
To set your parents in a positive mood, preparing them for important changes in life, you can give them cute trinkets with a hint of your pregnancy. It can be a bracelet engraved with “The world’s best grandmother”, “The world’s best grandfather” or a cup with an inscription. Such cute surprises evoke positive emotions in most people.
11. Pregnancy is a protective shield
Are you tired of being questioned, are your parents overreacting, has the conversation become unpleasant? Use your position as a shield. Remind me that you are pregnant, you should not worry, you need to rest. This is not shameless manipulation, but the true truth, so you have every right to resort to such a shield. You need to take care of yourself. In the meantime, while you are resting, your parents will have time to catch their breath and get used to the news.