Do the baby sitter: What Does A Baby Sitter Do: Job Description, Duties and Responsibilities
What Does A Baby Sitter Do: Job Description, Duties and Responsibilities
A Baby Sitter is responsible for the welfare and safety of children while their parents or guardian are away. The tasks will vary on the age, behavior, or needs of the children. However, most of the time, a Baby Sitter must supervise the children’s activities in a friendly and fun manner, prepare meals, assist in bathing or dressing, and get them to bed. There are also instances when the Baby Sitter must do some light chores, such as cleaning up after the kids or washing the dishes.
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Baby Sitter Responsibilities
Here are examples of responsibilities from real baby sitter resumes representing typical tasks they are likely to perform in their roles.
- Prepare and organize records for tax purposes and comply with DCFS licensing standards.
- Provide and prepare daily meals and snacks according to DHS and FDA rules.
- Job duties, babysit for working parents, last min plans, mommy helper.
- Supervise safe activities for the children and provide tutoring and homework help; CPR train.
- Hire to babysit friends/neighbors, as well as providing regular childcare services for younger brother.
- Volunteer by helping children complete their homework and babysit until their parents pick them up.
- Have babysat multiple children from family members, to neighbors and friends over the last few years.
- Own and operate a state license daycare center with above standards of early childhood development and academical skills.
- Play with the kids, care for them, and most importantly make sure their needs are meet before mine.
- Recruit, train, and evaluate care staff, including accounting for payroll reports and records to state tax agencies.
- Excite to offer child-appropriate activities involving art, music and dance and being silly with the kids as they have fun.
- Maintain a clean facility, prepare monthly reports for DHS, maintain immunizations records, receive several certificates in child development.
- Assist children with daily activities and homework
- Monitor homework assignments of school-age children.
- Retrieve bi-weekly payroll summary information for quarterly financial payroll reconciliation.
Baby Sitter Jobs You Might Like
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High Paying Baby Sitter Jobs – $44K and Up
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Entry Level Baby Sitter Jobs
Little to no experience required
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Part Time Baby Sitter Jobs
Part Time Jobs Hiring Now
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Actively Hiring
Baby Sitter jobs added within last 7 days
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No Degree Baby Sitter Jobs
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Baby Sitter Job Description
When it comes to understanding what a baby sitter does, you may be wondering, “should I become a baby sitter?” The data included in this section may help you decide. Compared to other jobs, baby sitters have a growth rate described as “slower than average” at 2% between the years 2018 – 2028, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. In fact, the number of baby sitter opportunities that are predicted to open up by 2028 is 27,700.
Baby sitters average about $14.89 an hour, which makes the baby sitter annual salary $30,972. Additionally, baby sitters are known to earn anywhere from $21,000 to $44,000 a year. This means that the top-earning baby sitters make $25,000 more than the lowest earning ones.
Once you’ve become a baby sitter, you may be curious about what other opportunities are out there. Careers aren’t one size fits all. For that reason, we discovered some other jobs that you may find appealing. Some jobs you might find interesting include a personal care worker, companion, nanny, and vocational childcare teacher.
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Baby Sitter Jobs You Might Like
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Dorothy Ortiz Baby Sitter Contact Information Wilmington, DE (980) 555-8628 Skills
Employment History Baby Sitter 2020 – Present YWCA USA Wilmington, DE
Baby Sitter 2010 – 2020 Na Philadelphia, PA
Party Host 2008 – 2010 Chuck E. Cheese’s New York, NY
Education High School Diploma 2008 – 2008 |
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Victoria Owens Baby Sitter Contact Info Wichita, KS (980) 555-3261 Skills Child CareHomework AssignmentsNew VehicleFluid LevelsMeal PrepOLD ChildrenVehicle ExteriorNutritious MealsStorage AreasEmpty Trash Employment History Baby Sitter 2018 – Present SRS Holding Wichita, KS
Baby Sitter 2013 – 2018 My Home Wichita, KS
Car Washer 2011 – 2013 Enterprise Rent-A-Car Los Angeles, CA
Education High School Diploma 2011 – 2011 |
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Ashley Freeman Baby Sitter Los Angeles, CA (490) 555-1769 Experience Baby Sitter2019 – Present KIDS CAN GIVE TOO•Los Angeles, CA
Baby Sitter2017 – 2019 Allied Services•Lancaster, CA
Mcdonalds Crew Member2015 – 2017 McDonald’s•Detroit, MI
Skills CommunicationBabysatQuality ProductsNutritious MealsGreeting CustomersFun ActivitiesChild CareCooking SurfacesCPRExplore Interests Education High School Diploma 2015 – 2015 |
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Baby Sitter Skills and Personality Traits
We calculated that 50% of Baby Sitters are proficient in Child Care, Kids, and Nutritious Meals. They’re also known for soft skills such as Communication skills, Instructional skills, and Interpersonal skills.
We break down the percentage of Baby Sitters that have these skills listed on their resume here:
- Child Care, 50%
General child care responsibilities-Cleaned up homes and prepared several types of meals-Helped with homework and academic/intellectual endeavors
- Kids, 24%
Job Description: I am able to entertain multiple kids in fun, interesting, as well as safe way.
- Nutritious Meals, 12%
Assisted the six year old with homework, prepared nutritious meals, supervised activities of two children 2 and 6 years old
- CPR, 5%
Started date night sitting at age 12 for young children and the yacht club job involved work extensively with children* CPR certified
- Homework Assignments, 5%
Monitored and assisted children with daily homework assignments.
- Meal Prep, 1%
Worked with children birth to 12.-Developed age appropriate games/activities.-Meal preparation.
Some of the skills we found on baby sitter resumes included “child care,” “kids,” and “nutritious meals.” We have detailed the most important baby sitter responsibilities below.
See the full list of baby sitter skills.
After discovering the most helpful skills, we moved onto what kind of education might be helpful in becoming a baby sitter. We found that 35.4% of baby sitters have graduated with a bachelor’s degree and 2.5% of people in this position have earned their master’s degrees. While some baby sitters have a college degree, you may find it’s also true that generally it’s possible to be successful in this career with only a high school degree. In fact, our research shows that one out of every four baby sitters were not college graduates.
Those baby sitters who do attend college, typically earn either a psychology degree or a nursing degree. Less commonly earned degrees for baby sitters include a business degree or a early childhood education degree.
Once you’re ready to become a baby sitter, you should explore the companies that typically hire baby sitters. According to baby sitter resumes that we searched through, baby sitters are hired the most by CARE, College Nannies And Tutors, and Jccs Pc. Currently, CARE has 437 baby sitter job openings, while there are 4 at College Nannies And Tutors and 2 at Jccs Pc.
Since salary is important to some baby sitters, it’s good to note that they are figured to earn the highest salaries at CARE, Sittercity, and City of Aurora. If you were to take a closer look at CARE, you’d find that the average baby sitter salary is $37,441. Then at Sittercity, baby sitters receive an average salary of $33,621, while the salary at City of Aurora is $32,474.
View more details on baby sitter salaries across the United States.
If you earned a degree from the top 100 educational institutions in the United States, you might want to take a look at Private Inc, Care.com, and Childcare Services. These three companies have hired a significant number of baby sitters from these institutions.
The three companies that hire the most prestigious baby sitters are:
- CARE437 Baby Sitters Jobs
- College Nannies And Tutors4 Baby Sitters Jobs
- Ymca Of Delaware2 Baby Sitters Jobs
Baby Sitter Jobs You Might Like
-
High Paying Baby Sitter Jobs – $44K and Up
Search jobs near in the US
-
Entry Level Baby Sitter Jobs
Little to no experience required
-
Part Time Baby Sitter Jobs
Part Time Jobs Hiring Now
-
Actively Hiring
Baby Sitter jobs added within last 7 days
-
No Degree Baby Sitter Jobs
Search jobs with no degree required
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What Personal Care Workers Do
A personal care worker is responsible for providing quality health care services for elders and disabled persons. Personal care workers are usually employed in a private household setting or a special healthcare institution, assisting patients with their daily activities, and monitoring their conditions. They update the patients’ medical charts, administer medication from the physician’s prescriptions, and manage their food intake. A personal care worker must be highly-organized, especially when attending to patients’ needs, inquiries, and concerns.
We looked at the average baby sitter annual salary and compared it with the average of a personal care worker. Generally speaking, personal care workers receive $1,482 lower pay than baby sitters per year.
Even though baby sitters and personal care workers have vast differences in their careers, a few of the skills required to do both jobs are similar. For example, both careers require nutritious meals, cpr, and meal prep in the day-to-day roles.
There are some key differences in responsibilities as well. For example, a baby sitter responsibilities require skills like “child care,” “kids,” “homework assignments,” and “family friends.” Meanwhile a typical personal care worker has skills in areas such as “patients,” “home health,” “good communication,” and “in-home care.” This difference in skills reveals how truly different these two careers really are.
Personal care workers tend to make the most money in the professional industry by averaging a salary of $29,488. In contrast, baby sitters make the biggest average salary of $48,994 in the finance industry.
The education levels that personal care workers earn is a bit different than that of baby sitters. In particular, personal care workers are 0.1% less likely to graduate with a Master’s Degree than a baby sitter. Additionally, they’re 0.2% less likely to earn a Doctoral Degree.
What Are The Duties Of a Companion?
A companion is responsible for assisting sick and recovered patients, as well as the elderly. Companions perform housekeeping duties, ensuring that a facility is well-maintained and safe for the use of the patients. They also monitor the patients’ medication, prepare their meals based on a medical professional’s prescription, support them on their daily activities, respond to the patients’ needs and special requests as allowed, and report any developments to their family or guardians. A companion must be compassionate enough to extend physical and emotional support, depending on the client’s condition.
Next up, we have the companion profession to look over. This career brings along a lower average salary when compared to a baby sitter annual salary. In fact, companions salary difference is $1,726 lower than the salary of baby sitters per year.
A similarity between the two careers of baby sitters and companions are a few of the skills associated with both roles. We used resumes from both professions to find that both use skills like “nutritious meals,” “cpr,” and “meal prep. “
But both careers also use different skills, according to real baby sitter resumes. While baby sitter responsibilities can utilize skills like “child care,” “kids,” “homework assignments,” and “family friends,” some companions use skills like “companionship,” “patients,” “home health,” and “provide emotional support.”
It’s been discovered that companions earn lower salaries compared to baby sitters, but we wanted to find out where companions earned the most pay. The answer? The non profits industry. The average salary in the industry is $30,973. Additionally, baby sitters earn the highest paychecks in the finance with an average salary of $48,994.
When it comes to the differences in education between the two professions, companions tend to reach similar levels of education than baby sitters. In fact, they’re 0.6% more likely to graduate with a Master’s Degree and 0.2% less likely to earn a Doctoral Degree.
How a Nanny Compares
Nannies are family employees who are primarily responsible for taking care of children in the family’s house. They are usually tapped to take care of the kids while the parents are at work or away on vacation. Their responsibilities include preparing food for the children, feeding the children, bathing them, dressing them up, ensuring that they take a nap, playing with them, and tucking them to bed at night. They also ensure that the schedule set by the parents is being followed. They may also do other household chores such as cleaning, watering the plants, washing the dishes, among others.
The third profession we take a look at is nanny. On an average scale, these workers bring in higher salaries than baby sitters. In fact, they make a $9,290 higher salary per year.
By looking over several baby sitters and nannies resumes, we found that both roles utilize similar skills, such as “child care,” “kids,” and “nutritious meals.” But beyond that the careers look very different.
Some important key differences between the two careers are a few of the skills necessary to fulfill responsibilities. Some examples from baby sitter resumes include skills like “homework assignments,” “family friends,” “babysat,” and “babysit,” whereas a nanny might be skilled in “household chores,” “first aid aed,” “transport children,” and “medical appointments. “
Interestingly enough, nannies earn the most pay in the non profits industry, where they command an average salary of $41,844. As mentioned previously, baby sitters highest annual salary comes from the finance industry with an average salary of $48,994.
Nannies are known to earn similar educational levels when compared to baby sitters. Additionally, they’re 0.9% more likely to graduate with a Master’s Degree, and 0.1% more likely to earn a Doctoral Degree.
Description Of a Vocational Childcare Teacher
A vocational childcare teacher teaches vocational subjects at a secondary school level, in either public or private schools. Their duties include preparing materials for classroom activities, assigning and grading classwork, and designing assignments. They are also expected to instruct students, making use of different teaching methods like discussions, lectures, or demonstrations. They generally have to instruct students in the specific knowledge and skills needed for a specific occupation.
Vocational childcare teachers tend to earn a lower pay than baby sitters by about $794 per year.
According to resumes from both baby sitters and vocational childcare teachers, some of the skills necessary to complete the responsibilities of each role are similar. These skills include “child care,” “nutritious meals,” and “cpr. “
Even though a few skill sets overlap, there are some differences that are important to note. For one, a baby sitter might have more use for skills like “kids,” “homework assignments,” “meal prep,” and “family friends.” Meanwhile, some vocational childcare teachers might include skills like “customer service,” “child development,” “classroom environment,” and “continuous supervision” on their resume.
The average resume of vocational childcare teachers showed that they earn similar levels of education to baby sitters. So much so that the likelihood of them earning a Master’s Degree is 0.1% more. Additionally, they’re less likely to earn a Doctoral Degree by 0.2%.
What a Baby Sitter Does FAQs
How To Be A Good Babysitter
To be a good babysitter, you need to openly communicate with your parent clients, be prepared, and stay organized. Here are some details on these strategies you can employ to be a good babysitter:
Have more questions? See all answers to common personal care and attendants questions.
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What’s the difference between a nanny and a babysitter?
If you’re looking to hire a caregiver for your child, you might be asking yourself one of the most common questions we get around here: What’s the difference between a nanny and a babysitter?
The thing is, it’s not always clear cut. Every child care job description varies slightly, and the line between nanny vs. babysitter can really be more like a huge gray area. The key lies in the job description you create for your child’s caregiver, which is then agreed upon by the caregiver you hire.
“I think any child care provider you have in your home should fill the description that you want them to,” says Rachel Charlupski, founder of The Babysitting Company.
So it’s most important to be clear from the start on what the job will entail and less so on the actual difference between nanny and babysitter.
There are, however, some general guidelines that can help you decide which term to use — nanny vs. babysitter — to create a job description that will attract a caregiver with your desired qualifications and that will perform the duties your family needs. Using these commonly accepted babysitter and nanny definitions is a good starting point to understanding whom you should hire and how much you should pay them.
Nanny vs. babysitter: a general guide*
Babysitters |
Nannies |
|
Hourly rate |
$17. 40/hour** |
$17.35/hour** |
Weekly rate |
$261/week** (based on 15 hour/week) |
$694/week** (based on 40 hours/week) |
Payment schedule |
By the hour |
By the week or or month, with taxes taken out |
Employment status |
Usually temporary, but sometimes regular |
Regular |
Schedule |
As needed, often for date nights or other short stints |
Part-time or full-time, usually while parents work |
Vacation time |
No |
Yes |
Certification |
CPR and first aid, basic child care training and/or experience |
CPR and first aid, advanced child care training and/or years of experience |
Duties besides child care |
As agreed upon |
Often includes meal prep, housework, sometimes driving and errands |
* Caregivers on the Care. com platform may not follow this terminology breakdown.
What is a babysitter?
Average hourly rate: $17.40**
Average weekly rate: $261** (based on 15 hours/week)
A babysitter is typically someone who temporarily cares for children on behalf of the children’s parents or guardians. A babysitter may also be referred to as a “sitter,” and the most basic job description is that they take care of children of all ages who are in need of supervision on an as-needed basis.
“Babysitters provide for the safety of children for several hours, often with the family members nearby and available by phone,” says Elizabeth Malson, founder of the U.S. Nanny Institute in Sarasota, Florida. “[They’re] usually working for a few hours in the evening or during the weekend.”
“Babysitters provide for the safety of children for several hours, often with the family members nearby and available by phone.”
ELIZABETH MALSON, FOUNDER, U. S. NANNY INSTITUTE
Most babysitting jobs are considered part-time jobs that are paid by the hour and are either scheduled regularly (e.g., every day after school from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. or every Saturday night) or for special occasions (e.g., New Year’s Eve).
Babysitters are generally responsible for planning activities for your children (like games, sports, arts and crafts), supervising playdates and/or helping get kids ready for bed. They may do some light housekeeping, such as washing dishes or emptying the diaper bin, says Malson. Some sitters may be willing to take on additional responsibilities for extra pay; those could include cooking, vacuuming, driving children to and from scheduled activities and helping with homework. Ensure that your expectations are clear to any babysitter candidates you interview.
Above all else, a babysitter is responsible for the safety and well-being of your children while in their care.
What is a nanny?
Average hourly rate: $17. 35**
Average weekly rate: $694** (based on 40 hours/week)
As for a nanny definition, this is usually someone who is fully invested in a child’s development and well-being. Perhaps the regular gig is the biggest difference between nanny and babysitter. Generally, a nanny will care for children full-time while both parents work. That usually means regular hours and a long-term contract.
“Nannies [tend to] have contracted, consistent work for at least three months, but usually a year or more,” says Malson.
“Nannies [tend to] have contracted, consistent work for at least three months, but usually a year or more.”
ELIZABETH MALSON, FOUNDER, U.S. NANNY INSTITUTE
It’s a nanny’s responsibility to create daily schedules and engage in activities to ensure healthy mental, physical and emotional growth in the children for which they care. Typically, nannies have more responsibilities and duties than a babysitter does.
“Care [by a nanny] includes providing meals and activities for the children and may also include taking the children on outings and providing additional support, such as transporting children to and from school, from school to clubs, sports practices, playdates and other activities,” says Malson. “Nannies work autonomously and may have full responsibility to care for the children when families are out of town.”
Most nannies also will be tasked with preparing meals, helping with household work (e.g., dishes, laundry, etc.) and assisting with homework.
In addition to basic safety classes, a nanny may have had advanced child care training or many years of child care experience. Often, nannies earn a weekly salary (based on hourly expectations), have taxes deducted from their paychecks and work year-round for a family. It’s expected that nannies receive benefits, including at least two weeks of paid vacation and earn holiday pay, as well.
Nannies often become part of the family, bonding with the children in a different way than parents do. Some families consider their nannies co-parents or partners in parenting, getting information from their nannies on their child’s development and interests or asking their nannies to help their kids cope with losses and stress.
Because the job of a nanny is much like that of a parent, most families and nannies work together to create a nanny contract that lays out all terms and conditions of the job, including vacation time, sick days and more.
There are many different types of nannies, depending on whether you’re looking for part-time, full-time, live-in or live-out care. Here are the differences.
Full-time live-out nanny:
- Works “full-time” (i.e., five days a week, usually 45 to 50 hours).
- Focuses exclusively on child care (e.g., play, bath time, meals, activities, homework, transportation, etc.).
- May have extensive training or education in childhood development, which makes them a valuable asset.
- May work extra hours or use their own car to help with nanny duties (such as picking up kids from school), both of which will affect their rates.
- Gets paid a weekly or salaried rate, which you can negotiate during the initial interview.
- Does not reside in the family’s home or perform any non-child-related cleaning or housekeeping.
Full-time live-in nanny:
- Shares the same responsibilities as live-out nannies, but they reside in the family’s home.
- Receives access to a furnished room, private bath and sometimes a cell phone and a car, in exchange for reduced care costs.
- Maintains specific boundaries around work and non-work hours.
Nanny housekeeper:
- Handles the same child care duties as a live-in or live-out nanny, but also performs housekeeping duties during nap or quiet time, or while the children are at school.
- May charge more (whether hourly or salary) than other nannies because she’s providing additional services.
Part-time nanny:
- Cares for kids regularly but for shorter time periods — could be a few hours a week only Monday through Wednesday or only after school.
- More involved than a babysitter.
What’s most important is that your child’s caregiver is providing the type and quality of care that’s right for your family. So now when you’re ready to hire, you can know the difference between a nanny and a babysitter and reach out to the right candidates for the job.
**All rate data is based on 2021 national averages from Care.com’s 2022 Cost of Care Survey.
Five ways to make your nanny your ally
48208
No one says that
babysitter should be
your girlfriend. Subordination has not been canceled, and it is important for building normal and convenient working relationships for everyone. But every mother who has ever had experience of interacting with a nanny knows that a nanny is not just an employee, a nanny is much more than an employee (after all, you do not entrust any of your employees with caring for your baby!). Too much is entrusted to the nanny, and therefore the relationship with her must be very special. Friendship, familiarity are inappropriate here, but style is also inappropriate: an order is the execution of an order.
-
Talk to her.
This is really important. It is not necessary to talk about the meaning of life and the search for truth. You can exchange a couple of phrases about the weather, about discounts in the nearest supermarket, about the euro exchange rate. Share the recipe for vegetable muffins, give some not vital, but pleasant and useful advice, and even better – ask the nanny for advice. This is how you demonstrate your attitude – she is not a robot for you, not just a person who, if necessary, you will fire and replace with another exactly the same. Show that her opinion is important to you (Do you think, Lyubov Andreevna, should Antosha go to the pool tomorrow, or is he still coughing a little? Lyubov Andreevna, advise, otherwise I have already broken my head … What is better to cook for the weekend: cabbage soup or borscht? ) -
Make time for your babysitter.
Serve with tea or coffee with buns. Show pictures from your vacation. And learn to listen to it. Without interrupting, without rushing to express your own opinions, you will gradually begin to recognize and understand it. Do you really care what kind of person spends several hours a day in your house with your child? -
Praise the nanny.
Even if she doesn’t do some things perfectly, her pies are not the same as your grandmother’s, and she never learned to masterfully sculpt from plasticine … Find something that makes you especially happy about her, and do not forget to thank her and praise her more often dignity and skill. You will see, her mood will improve, and with it the quality of work. And the result will favorably affect the life of your entire family. -
Build an image of a wonderful nanny and constantly reinforce this image in the eyes of the child.
Say how beautiful, kind, skillful, etc. she is with a child. The kid must understand that you are satisfied with the nanny, that she is a respected person in your family, that you trust her. Then positive emotions in relation to the nanny will be transmitted to the child. -
Find out what
babysitter
lacks.
Care from the employer always gives a sense of self-worth and is a great motivator. Perhaps a separate shelf, a special place in one of the cabinets, or something similar would noticeably improve her life at the workplace. Perhaps she has some special needs or problems that are easier to solve if you just know about it … Let’s say you leave her coffee all the time, but she can’t stand coffee and only drinks tea. Or you are trying to treat her with buns, but she absolutely cannot have flour (and she is embarrassed to tell you about it herself).
Maria Ivannikova
- Five things that are difficult to talk about with a nanny
- Five things we are willing to forgive our nannies
- Check connection
- Hostel rules: when children in the family quarrel
- Leader or performer: which nanny is better?
- When the nanny asks for a raise
- How not to quarrel with loved ones on vacation?
- How to grow a star?
- Boundaries in communication with a nanny
- Attention: the nanny is speaking
How to put a nanny in his place: an excerpt from a new book by Marina Melia
How to put a nanny in his place
It seems that we found a suitable person, discussed the conditions, and the nanny went to work. Can you finally relax? Unfortunately no. Now we have to solve not just an important, but an extremely important task – to introduce a nanny into our “family system”. If this is not done in time, communication with the nanny can turn into a real test for everyone, especially for mom.
Today it is difficult to find a mother who would be pleased with her nanny. Talk to friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and you will surely hear a lot of stories about nannies-pests – this topic always causes a flurry of emotions. What moms say:
— I’ve explained to her a hundred times what the daily routine should be, — she doesn’t follow it…
— When it’s not necessary, she carries the child in her arms, and when he screams, she won’t even come up.
– As soon as I enter the nursery, she immediately pretends to be insanely tired. And from what? She does nothing but a child!
— You can’t drive a stroller out into the street — the weather is always wrong…0003
But let’s try talking to nannies and we’ll hear stories about capricious tormenting mothers. What the nannies complain about:
— The landlady doesn’t respect me at all, treats me like an ordinary servant, screams, humiliates, insults me…
— She doesn’t explain anything herself, and then it suddenly turns out that everything is wrong. Today requires one thing, tomorrow another!
– Yesterday she said that I don’t love the baby, she is too cold with him, but today, on the contrary, that she spoiled him completely – as if she is jealous of me for the child.
– Either controls my every step, or doesn’t notice me at all…
– Suddenly starts asking me for something I’m not obliged to do – for a dirty floor, for unwashed dishes, and just about anything – threatens with dismissal.
— Every day she discusses me on the phone with her friends — she tells me how stupid I am and how tired she is of putting up with me…
The list of mutual claims can be continued indefinitely: both sides feel injured, and each can be understood. But we will take the side of mothers and try to figure out how to make the nanny help us solve our problems, and not turn into another big problem, how to find a common language with her and build constructive interaction.
One of the most important aspects of this interaction is the positioning of the nanny in relation to the mother. Positioning options can be many – both successful and not very good. We will focus on deliberately unsuccessful options – a kind of trap that even the most attentive, caring mothers and experienced nannies can fall into.
The traps we fall into
I would single out four potentially conflicting positions that nannies can take. Let’s call them like this: “nanny-boss” (top), “nanny-maid” (bottom), “nanny-girlfriend” (too close) and “nanny-robot” (too far). Let’s see what happens if mom and nanny fall into one of these traps.
Nanny-head
An insecure mother does not know what to do with her child, she is afraid of everything, she tries to relieve herself of responsibility and shift it to the nanny: “Oh, you know better, you have been working for more than a year, but for me the child is the first … “This is the behavior of” mother-child “.
When we push a person, whose task is only to take care of a child, with all our might “forwards and upwards”, put us on a pedestal, look into his mouth and ourselves offer to become the eldest in the house, few will resist and will not take advantage of this. Even professionals who have been working in families for a long time find it difficult to overcome such a temptation.
Feeling like a significant figure, the nanny spreads her wings, expands her sphere of influence and gradually begins to manage – first her mother, then other family members. She teaches life, dictates how to do it and how not to do it, establishes her own rules in the house, suppresses her mother with her authority, experience and gradually displaces her mother from her rightful place, and she, like a little girl, obeys her in everything.
It seems that there is nothing to worry about: the child is healthy, well-groomed, fed, the nursery is in order. But this is how the mother gives up her legitimate leading role, and the nanny takes this role upon herself and becomes the mother’s boss.
Gradually, mother begins to understand that she has been imperceptibly relegated to the background, behind the nanny’s broad back. She is no longer in charge of the process, but this is not so bad. Much more serious is the fact that she has a feeling of isolation from the baby: she feels that she is losing contact with him, cannot do for him what she considers necessary.
And now the more the nanny takes on, the more it strains the mother: dissatisfaction, irritation grow day by day, and gradually the idealization of the nanny turns into absolute depreciation. Inevitably, there will come a time when the nanny will do something wrong, make a mistake, and since all responsibility is on her, she will become a scapegoat “in all respects” and she will most likely have to quit. Mom, pushing the nanny to such behavior, did a disservice to her, and herself, and the child, and the family as a whole.
The “nanny from above” position is unnatural and unproductive. How to avoid it? Everyone must take their place. Mom is an employer, hostess, she is the mother of her child, and the nanny is her assistant, assistant, and nothing more. Even if the nanny is experienced and authoritative, even if she has two higher educations – medical and pedagogical – and six of her children, she is obliged to follow the mother’s instructions regarding the care and upbringing of the child. And it is not necessary for the nanny to act at her own discretion, so that she teaches her mother – the nanny must do what the parents say.
Under no circumstances should mothers give the initiative to the nanny from the very beginning. Of course, a mother can be understood: she gets tired, nervous, she wants to share responsibility for the baby with someone, and even better – to shift it onto someone’s shoulders, “at least for the first time.” It seems to her mother that now she will let the nanny “steer”, see how and what she does, learn from her, and then she will “sit at the helm” herself. Some moms do this because they think the controls are still in their hands. But if we have given away power, then we will not return it peacefully. Even if our nanny is a loyal and manageable person, we must always remember that it is we who are responsible for everything, lead the process and must clearly adhere to our leadership role.
But it happens that my mother was not going to “give up her positions” – she was simply dismissed, perhaps taking advantage of her inexperience, gentleness, delicacy. There are people – active, powerful, confident in their own infallibility, not ready to listen, obey – with whom we will not be able to work under any conditions, we will not be able to build relationships with them as with an employee, we will not be able to manage them. And if even at the selection stage, in a preliminary conversation, we feel that the future nanny is too tough for us, it is better to immediately refuse it.
Nanny-maid
Quiet, peaceful, helpful nanny… Mom constantly tells her what to do, criticizes, yells at her, even shouts, but she – not a word, not half a word. Not a nanny – a dream! Yes, the nanny does not try to answer us, silently endures reproaches, but this does not mean that she accepts everything and agrees with everything. Of course, there are women who will not even pay attention to the rudeness of the hostess, but there are those who are very worried, but simply cannot afford to openly express dissatisfaction, go to confrontation, fearing to lose their job.
Often behind the nanny’s irresponsibility, behind this smooth facade, behind the outward peacefulness, repressed aggression is hidden. The nanny cannot take it out on her parents, but she is able to recoup on the child. She is not going to beat the baby, which is what we are most afraid of. And from the outside, everything looks decorous and noble. But no video camera can trace the true feelings of the “victim”. Parents are touched: “Oh, what a patient nanny we have, the baby hit her on the cheek, and she would at least do something …” And deep down, the nanny, perhaps, is glad that the child is growing capricious, hysterical or aggressive. She suffers not just like that, she vindictively thinks: “Grow up, he will show you more, pay for my humiliation.” These are not speculations and not horror stories – the nannies themselves shared this with me.
Obsequious nannies who do not show their real feelings are dangerous for both mother and child. They don’t want to be fired, they don’t want to lose money, they are stressed all the time, in a state of anxiety, fear and tension. Meanwhile, any emotions, positive or negative, that a person who is next to the child emits, of course, affect the baby. The child perceives them even when the nearby adult is silent. If the nanny treats the baby with warmth, with love, he feels it and flourishes, and if hostile, with hatred, with carefully concealed irritation – as if he were a master’s son, whose mother constantly humiliates her – the child begins to get sick, fades, as if his immersed in an acidic, toxic environment.
Sometimes a quiet nanny behaves like a manipulator, openly fawning over her mistress. I remember how one mother, who had two nannies working on a rotational basis, asked me to talk to them. She liked one of the nannies better. This “best nanny” turned out to be a deceitful woman who did not have good feelings for the family. She was focused not on the child, but on the hostess, tried to please her in everything and said only what she wanted to hear. I expressed my opinion to my mother, but she did not agree with me. After a while, something bad happened. On the eve of a family vacation trip, the child had a fever, but the nanny did not say anything to her parents so that the trip, on which she was also taken and which she had been waiting for, would not fail. On the plane, the baby became ill. When they began to find out how he felt the day before, the nanny had to confess that she had concealed the true state of affairs from her parents. After all, the main thing for her was not the health of the child, but her own interests. There are many similar cases. Why?
On the one hand, there are young mothers who simply do not know how to manage employees, they have no experience, for them this is a test that not everyone can withstand. From self-doubt, they are unrestrained, inconsistent and unfair.
On the other hand, there are nannies, most of whom perceive this work as forced: they have to endure a lot, since fate has thrown them “into these galleys.” People who grew up in Soviet times are accustomed to working only for the state, and even today, after so many years, many are not internally ready to “labor” for another. For them, “being in the service” is already stressful, and if you add to this the disrespectful attitude of employers, who, on top of everything else, may be much younger, you get an explosive mixture.
Of course, we must treat everyone who works in our family with respect, no matter what they do. But it’s one thing when we throw out our discontent and irritation on a person who has nothing to do with our child, and a completely different thing is a nanny. She has a special role. True, we rarely think about what feelings she experiences during work and what she will broadcast to our baby. Often it is uncertainty, anxiety, aggression. What would we like? Care, sensitivity, warmth. Therefore, the solution to the problem is not to constantly criticize and scold the nanny if she does something wrong, but to clearly outline and explain to her her duties and calmly, in a respectful manner, demand their fulfillment.
If we are ready to leave a child with a nanny who does not inspire confidence and respect in us, with whom we do not take into account, the baby will feel this and will also treat her with disdain.
Nanny-girlfriend
It often happens that mother and nanny are almost the same age. Mom likes it, and now she and the nanny are already like two girlfriends. It would seem that this is bad? There is so much to discuss with a nanny, so much to share…
However, in such “friendly” relations there are more minuses than pluses. When we have become friends, become close, it is difficult for us to behave with the nanny as with a hired worker: to demand, give instructions, control, make comments, express dissatisfaction. For example, the nanny is late every now and then: her working day starts at eight in the morning, and she does not appear until half past eight. And every time – a good reason: “Oh, these traffic jams again …”, or: “Well, you know, I gave the car to a friend, but I myself have to get on the overhead …”, or: “You forgot, I have yesterday there was a date … ”But we do not dare to make claims to her: we are friends, we are aware of all her adventures and must now and then enter into her position. And it is no longer clear who solves whose problems.
Gradually, the nanny begins to perform her duties worse – she is already trying to delegate something to us, constantly asking for time off on her own business, showing guests a close relationship with the hostess, making remarks to other housekeepers as a “close person”. I had to hear from mothers: “What should I do, she already knows so much about me …” The invasion of personal space begins, a discussion of the actions of her husband, eldest child, girlfriends.
The distance inevitably shortens, and this starts to irritate both the mother and other family members. Tension builds, and after a natural “explosion” the nanny, in the end, will have to leave. Unfortunately, the most defenseless – the child – will suffer first. He sees, feels our closeness with the nanny – she sits at the same table with other family members, her mother is always glad to see her, she smiles, they are always together, whispering, hugging. He perceives the nanny as a native person, and when she suddenly disappears, it becomes a real tragedy for him.
Relationships with a nanny should be first and foremost business-like: from the very beginning, we need to designate the optimal distance for us and try to maintain it. All family members should perceive the nanny not as a mother’s girlfriend, but as an employee with their own tasks, functions and their own professional position, invited to the house for a certain period, after which the nanny will leave.
If you have the best relationship, you should not tell your nanny about your problems, discuss purchases, consult on issues that do not concern the child, complain about your husband, mother-in-law. Excessive intimacy and frankness, in the end, lead to conflicts, resentment, to a showdown – and then everyone is no longer up to the child.
Nanny-robot
Sometimes a mother sets too much distance, behaves purely formally with the nanny and does not allow emotional contact between the nanny and the baby.
I know families where nannies don’t have the right to kiss a child, hug him or mess around with him – the mother strictly monitors this: the nanny has to perform specific work to care for the baby – and nothing more. Some mothers sincerely believe that a nanny is something like a robot for servicing a baby. She must be obedient, manageable, controlled, not having her own opinion, feelings, impressions, emotions. Often in wealthy families where nannies work on a rotational basis and are constantly changing, mothers do not even remember their names.
The main task of such a nanny is to observe the regimen: feed, take a walk, put to bed on time. As for games, communication, stories, joint activities, the exchange of emotions (hugs, fun fuss) – this is not part of her duties.
Often such distant relationships are established by anxious and suspicious mothers: a well-established, structured process is important for them – they build the child into this system, thought out to the smallest detail, which works like clockwork, and only then do they feel calm and confident. There are mothers who are very afraid that the baby will love the nanny more than her, and therefore forbid her to express any emotions towards the child. The nanny should leave all her feelings outside the threshold and clearly, without sentimentality, perform her functions, and the child will love only her mother, all his feelings will be only for her. At the same time, the nanny and the child are physically close, but remain completely strangers to each other. In such a situation, as a rule, nannies of a certain type survive – unemotional, cold and indifferent.
If conflict was inevitable in the three previous positions, then distant relationships can continue for a very long time: there is practically no contact between mother and nanny, which means there is no conflict.