Too old for security blanket: When Is A Child Too Old For A Lovey? A Pediatrician Breaks It Down
When Is A Child Too Old For A Lovey? A Pediatrician Breaks It Down
by Shannon Evans
Each one of my children has a special blanket given to them at birth by my mother-in-law. While they obviously don’t have a particular preference for their specific “lovey” at first, they have each come to grow incredibly attached to them over time. My toddler has just started latching on to his in the past few months, while my second grader still sleeps with his every single night. This wide age range of interest has me wondering, “When is a child too old for a lovey?” I took my question to a pediatrician to find out.
Dr. Jarret Patton laughed when he got my email, admitting that it was a topic of discussion in his own home as well. Why is the singling out of a special object such a universal experience for small children? Patton suggests that a lovey represents something the child cherishes and has a strong affinity towards, whether that be a relationship with the person who gave them the object, their perceived value, or even for no explainable reason.
As parents, we might begin to feel self-conscious of our child’s seemingly infantile attachment to an object once we personally come to see them as “too old” to need it. But Patton believes there really is no single answer for everyone. “There is not a ‘right’ time for a child to be too old for a lovey,” he tells Romper in an interview.
That being said, there is a time and a place for everything, and as they age, our children will surely encounter scenarios where it is not appropriate for them to be bringing in a blankie or teddy bear. It’s our job as parents to help them gradually prepare themselves for new stages of development, and often that means a gradual weaning from things like loveys.
For children who demand to bring their special item with them at all times, Patton suggests that parents create a star chart to reward desirable behavior. The concept is simple, he explains. “To curtail the usage in public places, create a chart that rewards them for the desired behavior, which might be not taking the lovey to the store today. When the child gets five stars, they get a small reward.”
Sounds simple enough, does it not? The idea is that eventually the child will come to realize that she can be successful at new endeavors on her own, without the help of a security item.
In his 15 years in pediatrics, Patton has observed that some children never completely grow out of their affection for a security blanket (or animal, or what have you.) Believe it or not, “I know many children that take their lovey off to college with them,” he says. “They find it a way to bring a piece of home with them.”
Now hopefully these college freshman aren’t showing up in Psych 101 with their trusty panda bear under their arms, but there is something sweet about imagining my boys stuffing their old beloved blankets in the bottom of their dorm room sock drawer.
At the end of the day, Patton says, “Loveys are harmless and children outgrow them at their own pace.” But what if you can’t wait that long? “If you make them stop cold turkey, they will survive,” he assures antsy parents, “But that lovey will always have a special place in their heart. “
If readiness to separate is indicated by desire, I don’t think any of my children are letting their blankies go anytime soon. And personally, I’m completely OK with that. They’ll only be little once, and I want it to be as warm and safe an experience as possible. Because just like all of parenting, I’m learning that it’s about their needs, not about how I feel it reflects on me.
Check out Romper’s new video series, Romper’s Doula Diaries:
Watch full episodes of Romper’s Doula Diaries on Facebook Watch.
Is 5 too old for a security blanket? My husband thinks so.
A husband who confiscated his 5-year-old’s blankie—and other quandaries for Father’s Day.
By Emily Yoffe
Photo by Teresa Castracane.
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My husband and I are at odds over our younger daughter and her “blankie.” My mother bought it for me when I was born and it’s been loved so much for so long that it’s completely see-through. I passed it to both of my girls, but only the younger has been attached to it. My daughter is almost 6 years old and my husband says she’s much too old to be carrying around a “rag.” He also has a problem with her referring to blankie as “him” because it’s an inanimate object. My youngest talks with blankie and when she has tea parties she will “feed” blankie. (I was a similarly imaginative child.) My husband wanted to burn blankie or throw it away, but I got him to agree not to by saying I would make a bear and use blankie as stuffing. Blankie has been hidden from her for two weeks. Our daughter cries sometimes at night because she wants to cuddle with blankie, or she will say “I’m afraid blankie is going to die.” I want her to have the blanket back, but my husband is adamant. Is there some way I can convince my husband that loving “blankie” is still OK no matter what our daughter’s age?
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Please tell me your husband has some other redeeming qualities because as a father he is not only a wet blanket but cruel, punitive, and bizarrely literal. Over the years people (or their loved ones) who were embarrassed or concerned about their security objects, from blankets to stuffed animals, have written in asking whether their continued attachment was abnormal. When I’ve run these I’ve always been flooded with lovely replies from people who continue to have a special place of affection for an article that helped get them through some hard times, including being in a bomb attack in Iraq. In the psychological parlance things like blankie are transitional objects, and their use is perfectly normal and healthy. Given the paucity of blankies at executive committee meetings, most people make the transition and let them go. But giving up blankie could be years down the road for your still 5-year-old daughter—and if she holds onto this shred of assurance over the long haul, that’s fine, too. Your husband’s objection that your daughter calls blankie “he” because it’s inanimate makes me wonder if you’ve married someone who lacks the capacity to understand the minds of others, particularly children. I’m disturbed that in response to his daughter’s tears, your husband wants to incinerate this little piece of cloth. As far as blankie is concerned, you should tell your husband point blank that blankie is yours, and he’s not to get rid of it. But this conflict is not really about a threadbare piece of cloth; instead it’s about your husband’s capacity to be a compassionate and loving father. To address that, start by telling your husband that this issue has made you realize you two need to go to parenting classes together. As a start, hearing from a neutral party that your daughter’s attachment is typical might mollify your husband on this subject. Whether your little girl eventually consigns blankie to a special private place (highly likely) or continues to keep him within reach (possible, but less so), ask your husband this question: What’s it to you?
Dear Prudence: 7-Year-Old Holy Terror
A few years ago I got into an office romance. We were both single and in our mid-20s. It was alcohol- soaked and sex-filled and a hell of a lot of fun. About six months into it I realized this woman and I had virtually nothing in common aside from our penchant for work, sex, and booze. Then we found out we were expecting. We’re still together (although no longer working in the same office), we have an amazing daughter, and are both loving and committed parents. The problem is that aside from our daughter, we still have next to nothing in common. I wasn’t as happy as I could be, but I accepted this. I never knew my own father and had a chaotic early childhood, so I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for my daughter’s well-being and stability. Then a couple of weeks ago I went to a conference for work. On the first morning, I was seated next to a beautiful young woman and we clicked. We got to know one another during the downtime, and although there was quite a bit of tension, nothing occurred but flirting. Since coming home, I’ve been struggling. I’m not hung up on the woman from the conference, but I had forgotten how exciting and mentally stimulating simple conversation with someone from the opposite sex can be when you actually share common interests, experiences, and values. I realize that every relationship has its low points and requires a lot of work from both partners, but am I wasting my time? Could my efforts to look out for my daughter’s best interests by staying potentially screw her up more than if I just ended things with her mother now?
—Bored and Confused
No, it is not going to screw up your daughter to have two committed parents devoted to making a stable, loving life for her, ideally in the same home. The way trends are going fewer and fewer children are growing up with a father in the house, and it’s admirable you want to keep your daughter from experiencing this, especially since you know the pain of lacking a father entirely. I assure you she doesn’t care that Daddy and Mommy aren’t soul mates. You may not be delirious, but you don’t sound miserable, either. The beautiful woman at the conference may have triggered your longing for all you’re missing, but keep in mind that an alluring and fascinating stranger can have a powerful effect on even the most happily married person. You should acknowledge what an accomplishment it is that you and the mother and your child have made things work thus far. It’s worth trying to make a conscious decision with your girlfriend to do things as a couple that will build connections and conversation. You could volunteer together for a cause you both care about, take up running, or, given your mutual past pleasures, join a wine-tasting club. You two have also avoided the big questions, and it’s time to face them. You certainly don’t want to find yourself having another child with your girlfriend without ever really deciding to commit. Just learning how to talk to each other about what you want out of life—before deciding to find it elsewhere—is a good place to start.
I have a half brother from my father’s first marriage. Recently my father’s first wife revealed to my mother that my father is actually not the biological father of my half brother. It turns out my “brother,” who’s almost 40, has known for 10 years. He even has his biological father listed on Facebook. So everyone knows this big secret, except my father. It’s starting to cause problems between my mother and me because I feel my father needs to know, and she thinks it’s best to keep it quiet because it will devastate him. My father always raised me to do the right thing no matter how difficult it is, but I don’t think this is something I can handle. I can’t stand keeping this from my dad, but how could I possibly tell him?
—No More Lies
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Dear No More,
Slate recently ran a story by my colleague Daniel Engber on genomic testing, which has been revealing that many men who think they’ve sired their children actually haven’t. But no one has to spend money getting their saliva analyzed to confirm that—just read this column. So your father is another one of the cuckolded men who’ve devoted their love and resources to raising the genetic offspring of someone else. But fatherhood is not just about DNA, and nothing will change the fact that your half brother is your father’s son. It’s unfortunate that your father’s first wife has loose lips as well as loose morals. I don’t understand the purpose of blabbing this news to everyone, apparently, except her ex. But once your father’s first wife decided to come clean with her son, one or both of them should have informed your father. I hope you have a good relationship with your half brother because it would be helpful for you to talk to him about this knowledge, why you think your father deserves to be told, and that he should be the one to do it. It could be he agrees with your mother that telling your father will only cause pain. You don’t want to tell, and I don’t think it’s your obligation. But it’s true that if the gossip mill is churning your father might find out. If he does and comes to you, you can let him know he’s always been a great father to all his children, and no paternity test will change that. I also urge you to see Sarah Polley’s extraordinary new documentary, The Stories We Tell.
My wife and I are in our early 50s and my mother-in-law died almost two years ago. My wife’s parents were married for 55 years, and as an only child she was close to both of them. The death was devastating for everyone. My father-in-law is a healthy and energetic 84-year-old with a comfortable retirement portfolio. Eventually he decided to try to find a companion and turned to the Internet. On his first try he found a woman with similar interests and they started dating. We met her and she has a nebulous life story. She’s not sure of the status of her previous husband (her fourth) because his family took him from her care and put him in a nursing home. Her grown children are constantly asking her for money, so she has very little. We did our best to be accepting of her, but our alarms were going off. Things progressed quickly and my father-in-law is now at the beck and call of his girlfriend’s children, but started to fall out of contact with my wife. He refused to let us take him out for his birthday—we invited his girlfriend—and instead went alone with her. Now her father called to say that he’s been feeling ill lately, with dangerously low blood pressure, and he thinks the cause is the diet pills his girlfriend convinced him he needed and purchased for him as a gift! Now this has become a health and safety issue in our minds, and we feel we need to speak up and voice our concerns to him. He says he intends to have her move in with him permanently by Christmas, but that neither of them want to marry again. We’re becoming increasingly worried, but are we meddling or being justifiably protective of my father-in-law?
—What Do We Do About Dad?
You are not meddling by wanting to disentangle your father-in-law from the web of this black widow who is in the process of emptying his bank account and alienating him from his loved ones. Elder abuse can be insidious, especially if the victim apparently has all his marbles. But at this point your father-in-law’s relationship may be causing him to be roiled by a combination of attraction, fear, embarrassment, and powerlessness. I agree with you that it’s alarming this woman who’s not quite sure if her last husband is among the living, is now drugging a vulnerable old man. Read up on elder abuse at this government website, then find a specialist in elder-abuse law at the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. Your father-in-law may resist, but you two have to try to protect Dad.
Discuss this column with Emily Yoffe on her Facebook page.
More Dear Prudence Columns
“Skin Deep: Should a husband tell his wife how he feels about her physical flaws?” Posted March 22, 2012.
“My Gay Husband: He’s closeted, but I don’t mind. Should I set him free anyway?” Posted March 15, 2012.
“Gastric Warfare: I fear my mother-in-law is poisoning me, but my husband doesn’t believe it.” Posted March 8, 2012.
“Smell Ya Later!: Should I break up with my fiance because he thinks I have horrible body odor?.” Posted March 1, 2012.
More Dear Prudence Chat Transcripts
“The Wrong Touch: In a live chat, Dear Prudence offers advice on a frisky roommate, felonious family members, and friends who become lovers.” Posted April 2, 2012.
“Whoa, Momma: During a live chat, Dear Prudence offers advice on having children after tragedy, elective surrogacy, and the demands of parenting twins. ” Posted March 26, 2012.
“Should I Leave My Infertile Partner?: In a live chat, Dear Prudence advises a man who wants to bolt after learning his girlfriend can’t have kids.” Posted March 19, 2012.
“Sex Education: In a live chat, Prudie advises a student whose pregnant friend doesn’t know where babies come from.” Posted March 12, 2012.
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‘Send us your browser and operating system information.’,
what it is, how to use it
What is a rescue blanket
How to use a rescue blanket and how to use it
What is a rescue blanket?
Other ways to use the rescue blanket
Domestic hikers, tourists and extreme sportsmen have not yet had time to appreciate such a little thing as a rescue blanket, it is also an emergency blanket, a space blanket, an isothermal blanket, and so on. For foreign comrades, it took root much earlier and is successfully used in various fields. It is used by doctors, rescuers, firefighters, runners, cavers, climbers and everyone else whose activities are related to extreme sports and emergencies.
This is a rectangular sheet made of durable foil film, designed to protect against low and high temperatures in emergency situations. The main purpose of a thermal blanket is to prevent or stop the heat loss of the human body, to avoid hypothermia. It should be remembered that the use of a rescue blanket is temporary, that is, until the rescuers arrive or the person is taken to a safe environment. The maximum usage time is 2 hours. Let’s say a person fell through the ice, got caught in a cold downpour, or was injured in the winter. It needs to be warmed up before help arrives, and this is where a thermal blanket comes in handy. Works great in the opposite situation as well. If you want to protect yourself from the scorching rays of the sun, its reflective surface perfectly saves from heat or sunstroke.
The material that makes up the thermal blanket was developed back in the 1960s for NASA. The goal was space exploration. At that time, spacecraft were protected with a thermal blanket to stabilize the temperature inside, and even under such conditions, the material demonstrated high reliability and efficiency. A little later, isothermal blankets came to the attention of the Association of International Marathons and Runs. Runners at the finish line were given individual packages with “space” blankets to prevent hypothermia. And very soon, metallized bedspreads became an obligatory attribute of marathon runners.
But other than the name, there is nothing cosmic or high-tech about space blankets. In fact, this is an ordinary lavsan film or PET polyethylene, from which the familiar plastic bottles are made. Yes, everything is so prosaic. And aluminum sputtering is applied on the surface of this film. As a rule, one side has a silver coating, the other is golden. It is generally accepted that the silver side effectively reflects infrared radiation, that is, thermal radiation. if you cover a warm object with such a blanket – for example, a pot of soup – then it will remain hot much longer, since the film will reflect back 80-90% of the heat it radiates. And to keep warm, it is enough to wrap yourself in a film with the silver side inward. However, as practice shows, there is no difference between the efficiency of the golden and silver sides, they work the same way.
Remember that the blanket itself does not warm and does not accumulate heat in itself, it only plays a shielding role, that is, it prevents heat loss. Isofolium, the scientific name for a thermal blanket, is in itself not capable of serving as a heat insulator for a long time, and that is why you should not count on it for a long time. It is not worth trusting everything that the manufacturer writes on the packaging, because it is you who may find yourself in an extreme situation, and it is sometimes wiser to play it safe. For long-term warming, use woolen things, and leave a metallic blanket for emergencies.
Let’s imagine that you are climbing a mountain or a pass, and when you reach the top, you are going to take a break. While you were climbing, you were hot, but at the top you were met by an unfriendly and piercing wind. And in order not to let the heated muscles cool down, you wrap yourself in an isothermal blanket with the silvery (shielding) side inward, while leaving an air gap between the body and the film. What happens next?
Your body continues to release heat, which will warm the air under the covers. The film does not release warm air outside, creating a greenhouse effect. However, the body releases not only heat, but also moisture, which the blanket also retains inside. The outer surface of the blanket cools, causing condensation to form on the inside, including on your clothes. Clothing absorbs moisture and you start to feel cold. That is why it is impossible to stay under a thermal blanket in clothes that absorb moisture for a long time. You should periodically open the blanket so that the moisture evaporates. However, high-quality thermal underwear does not absorb moisture, so the feeling of warmth and comfort under thermal film will last a little longer.
But if you wrap yourself in such a blanket tightly, without leaving an air gap, then body heat will go directly into the film and be immediately transferred outside, as a result of which you will freeze even faster. If it rains, then it will not work to warm up either – moisture, falling on the outer layer of the blanket, begins to evaporate, taking heat from the body. In this case, you will cool down very quickly.
A thermal blanket cannot and should not serve as a substitute for foam and a sleeping bag! It has completely different functions.
If you wrap yourself in a blanket and move around, it will be impossible to maintain the greenhouse effect, and with it heat. For more effective warming under a thermal blanket, it is better to first warm up the body with squats or any other exercises, and only after that wrap yourself in a film over thermal underwear or a fleece suit. Remember to periodically remove the blanket to allow moisture to evaporate.
When falling through the ice or falling into the cold rain, you should wrap yourself in a full-length blanket as soon as possible, without taking off your clothes. You will start to warm up only when the wet clothes warm up from your body, the blanket will speed up this process. And to protect against heatstroke or overheating, cover the person with a blanket with the silver side outward, leaving an air gap between the body and the film.
Lightweight and compact. A 210×150 thermal blanket weighs only 50 grams and can easily fit even in a medium-sized pocket. Folded in the field, it is no longer so neat and compact, but it still fits in the same pocket.
Durable. Despite the fact that the blanket is relatively easy to pierce and cut with a knife or scissors, it has an impressive tensile strength. It is able to withstand a load weighing up to one hundred kilograms. And yet such a blanket can be used repeatedly, although manufacturers position it as a one-time thing.
Moisture and air tightness. Like any synthetic film, the blanket does not let water and air through, therefore, it is not blown through.
Frost resistance. In the cold, unlike polyethylene and other materials, the thermal cover does not tan and does not become brittle, in a word, it retains all its working qualities.
Does not stick to damaged skin. And some manufacturers can be found marking “antibacterial”.
Transparency. If you wrap yourself in a blanket with your head, then you will be able to see everything that happens outside. However, you should not do this, as there is a possibility of suffocation.
Poorly tolerates mechanical damage. Even a small puncture or micro-tear in the blanket can lead to a detachment of an impressive piece of material.
Although the blanket does not catch fire from a spark, it will melt at the point of impact.
The rescue blanket rustles loudly. Therefore, it is not worth hiding with them even over a sleeping bag – a sleepless night, accompanied by rustling accompaniment, is guaranteed. And even in the corner of the tent, it will rustle offendedly as it straightens out. it is best to fold it at night and pack it in a case or bag.
There are many tips that are not applicable in practice, since they have one big BUT – this is the intolerance of the rescue blanket to punctures and damage. For example, many offer to cover their backpack from the rain. Yes, this will help save things from water, but this method can only be used when moving in open areas. The first sticking branch will make the blanket unusable. Or recommendations to use a blanket as a foam pad. This is acceptable if you are lying on a perfectly clean floor, where there are no sharp stones and twigs.
And here are some ways that perfectly help tourists in everyday life in the field:
Water heating. Of course, not for brewing tea, boiling water will not help you, but heating water for taking a shower and water procedures is completely. For faster heating, increase the area covered by water. Spread the duvet on the backing and secure with the sides.
In a thermal blanket, you can bring water, in fact, as in any waterproof thing, for example, in a hermetic bag.
A thermal blanket will help keep food warm if you are waiting for the rest of the hike and have prepared lunch. You can also do with products that require storage in a cool place – cool them, for example, in water, wrap them in any fabric and then wrap them with a thermal blanket.
Rescue film rescues not only tourists. When parking in the sun, cover the windows of the car with foil film, then the interior will not turn into a bathhouse.
Isofolia can even save the lives of lost tourists if you use it to give signals – it reflects the sun’s rays great, such a sunbeam is hard not to notice the rescue services.
Typically, thermal blankets are produced in a standard size – 210-215 cm long and 130-160 cm wide. Only a very slender person can wrap himself in it entirely. But a broad-shouldered athlete will not be able to do this. But you can enlarge the blanket yourself. To do this, take a good double-sided tape and two thermal blankets. We lay out one on the floor, stick adhesive tape on its edge. We remove the protective coating from it, but not completely, but at the very beginning, and glue the edge of the second blanket on it. Voila! You have a superblanket that has become wider (or longer – as you like) twice! Of course, it is necessary to handle one with care, in fact, as with any thermal blanket. You can buy this useful thing in a pharmacy, a sports store, a fishing and hunting store, as well as in military stores.
Travel smart and don’t get in trouble!
Baby Starters Monkey Printed Blanket reviews and…
Very good 🛌 Baby bedding, 👧🏻 Nursery
|Product Dimensions||40″L x 30″W|
|Color||Sock Monkey Star|
|Fabric Type||100% Polyester|
Description Baby Starters Monkey Printed Blanket
100% polyester. SUPERIOR DESIGN – Baby Starters plush velor blankets are made from super soft fabric with the iconic sock monkey print. Made with high quality workmanship and large size 30″ x 40″ suitable for newborns and toddlers. GREAT FOR USE AT HOME AND ON THE TRAVEL – Ideal for cuddles and hugs at home or on the go. The blanket can also be used for bonding and for tummy rest. Perfect for traveling in a stroller, baby car seat, etc. GREAT GIFT FOR NEWBORN AND NEW MOMMS – Great baby shower, newborn gift and gift idea for new mom. It will surely delight you for years to come. EASY CARE HIGH QUALITY – Baby Starters blankets are very easy to care for and machine washable for long lasting use. Durable fabric won’t shrink or fade.
Lushly Soft goes well with bedding.
Pete D. Deutsch
I bought this blanket for an unusual purpose. I made birdhouses for my parrots. I cut it into strips and collected it in a brush to put it in a bird’s nest in a cage. They love to snuggle up to the softness that makes them a cozy buddy that keeps them warm.
Not like before.
Jerry E. Eintertainment
Unfortunately the ceiling has been changed and it is very disappointing. Used White Dot, Pink Fot, etc. were on sale. Now the description says “New white dot”, “New pink dot”, etc., and they are not the same thing. The silk border is thinner and much coarser. Not as soft and silky as the “original”. Very resistant! Had to go back and look elsewhere now
Everything seems to be ready
This is not a substance.
Terry N. Napoleon
as gifts for children. Parents and children have always loved the softness on one side and the silky satin on the other. This time I bought 12 more and was very disappointed that the satin on the duvet is no longer silky, it’s more of a polyester with a matte finish, not as shiny. I will look for another manufacturer, because the quality is not the same.
I had to top up my girlfriend so loves it
Rich F. Ferguson
My daughter has had this blanket since birth. He goes everywhere with her and serves as a source of security. It washes well and has withstood inclement weather and repeated trips. After two and a half years of washing, it has not frayed or curled, but is just as soft – satin and minky. You can see the difference in two years of love, but she loves them both equally! (We left it at the family home over Thanksgiving and had to shave it off with a returned snail, so I jumped on forever…
Makes me angry
9031 1 Posted on October 10, 2022
Perfect for my 16 month old baby
I was looking for a blanket to give my daughter in her crib at night. She is 16 months old and has only slept with her baby so far. She loves her favorite Swaddle Designs satin cape, so I thought she’d love this plus size cape too. She loves to cuddle with him. She does not hide behind him, but embraces him. I like that it’s not too heavy and feels like it should be breathable enough for toddlers. I wasn’t sure if she would like the full satin on the opposite…
Hand wash this duvet!
James H. Hova
South Korea, Seoul
my son. I bought a white duvet thinking I could wash it with bleach to get rid of baby stains. He originally used this blanket for sleeping, but prefers to use it not for hiding, but as a protective blanket at night and for sleeping. It is too light and small to use as a blanket to really cover a child (he is 9months). My toddler loves to stroke the soft, fluffy side with…
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