Cornerstone n: Walthers Cornerstone N 933-3890 Lancaster Farmhouse Kit

Опубликовано: November 22, 2022 в 11:48 pm

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Walthers Cornerstone

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Walthers Cornerstone^® Series line of structure kits and accessories provides you with the largest assortment of realistic, easy-to-assemble North American structures in both HO and N scales, plus bridges, turntables, and other accessories that will bring your layout to life. Whether you’re looking to add a classic trackside building, create an entire community, or improve your operations with an industry, Cornerstone^® has what you need.

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Walthers Cornerstone – USA Outline Model Railway Accessories

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Hailing from Milwaukee, Wisconsin – Walthers are a dominant force in American model railroading and this vast range of well regarded plastic kits in both HO and N Scales enables modellers to create many different scenes.

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North Street, Middletown, NY 10940

North Street, Middletown, NY 10940 | Cornerstone Family Healthcare

North Street (Middletown)

Address: 27 North Street, Middletown DIRECTIONS

Wheelchair Accessibility: Yes

Hours Of Operation:

Dental Hours

Monday & Tuesday 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.
Wednesday 9 a. m. – 7 p.m.
Thursday 11 a.m. – 7 p.m.
Friday 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.
First, Second & Third Saturday of the Month 9 a.m. – 1 p.m.

WIC Hours (Virtual Visits Only)

Monday – Wednesday 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. (Every other week Monday & Tuesday only)

Kaplan Family Pavilion

147 Lake Street, Newburgh, NY 12550

41.495561
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Binghamton

607-201-1200

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42. 097501
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Cornerstone at Jawonio

845-999-3060

260 N Little Tor Rd, New City, NY

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New Windsor

91 Blooming Grove Turnpike, New Windsor, NY 12553

41. 465644
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Lipman Family Dental

147 Lake Street, Newburgh, NY 12550

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Lipman Family Dental

100 Broadway, Newburgh, NY 12550

41.500305
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Harper Health for Individuals & Families in Transition

290 Broadway, Suite 2 and Suite 3, Newburgh, NY 12550

41. 512372
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Urgent Care

147 Lake Street, Newburgh, NY 12550

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Pine Bush

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Port Jervis

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Middletown – Grove Street

14 Grove Street, Middletown, NY 10940

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Middletown – North Street

27 North Street, Middletown, NY 10940

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Middletown – Benton Avenue

10 Benton Avenue, Middletown, NY 10940

41. 444192
-74.414835
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Plattekill

24 Old Firehouse Road, Plattekill, NY 12589

41.617719
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WIC – Harriman

33 NY-17M, Harriman, NY 10926

41.30513676681711
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The cornerstone of raising children is the wife’s obedience to her husband

We bring to your attention a letter from our subscriber, which touches on one of the most acute and discussed topics in the Orthodox environment, namely, the wife’s obedience to her husband. Modern Orthodox women are very fond of speculating on this topic. This issue has already been raised in our group.

Often women are ready to obey their husbands only in words. But in reality – sheer excuses: “a husband should be an image of Christ, only then you need to obey him”, “my husband doesn’t need anything, he doesn’t take any responsibility himself, he dumped everything on me”, “my husband cannot be trusted with anything, he knows nothing and does not understand” and similar arguments. Below is the line of a woman who has passed her main path as a wife – the path of obedience to her husband.

“I would like to touch on one important detail in the art of raising children.
I would call this detail the cornerstone, unfortunately, almost lost its significance in our time.

In order for children to obey their mother, she must obey her husband. All efforts for mental and spiritual well-being will be Sisyphean labor if a woman does not know how to humble herself to the will of her husband. One has to observe with bitterness how in the vast majority of families it has become impossible to fulfill this divine decree. Elder Paisius the Holy Mountaineer remembered one wonderful example that the saint himself cites, an example of a pious woman who was married to a petty tyrant, not very smart, besides. The monk admired the amazing obedience of this woman, who was much smarter than her husband, but chose the path of fulfilling the commandment of God and folded her will to the will of her husband. This example takes away the apology from women who blame their couch husbands for not wanting to do anything.

Didn’t she, so beautiful, smart, strong, purposeful, see whom she was marrying? Or is he messed up? Who ruined it then? I do not want sarcasm at all, because it is bitter, in fact. There are hundreds of examples around when a poor woman, like a beast of burden, works, brings up children, carries heavy bags after work, then cooks, muttering her discontent under her breath, cleans, washes, erases, irons, solves endless external problems, and he . .. He watching the news. And he doesn’t need anything.

Before voicing my attitude to this problem, I would like to share my experience. I myself grew up in a matriarchal family. Where the wife and mother ruled. We always had perfect order at home, my father was sometimes submissive, sometimes he drank. Sometimes he freaked out, showed character. Now such a view of a man seems absurd, because a man should not show character for periods, but he should live at the head, realizing his will and building the life of his family, having an assistant in his wife, not a leader.

I have been married for almost ten years and oh, how hard it was with my childhood experience in a new family. The Lord led me to marriage as a churchly, believing person, for whom there was only a choice between two life paths – monasticism and marriage. The second happened.

Entering family life already with the knowledge of the Gospel and spiritual laws, I decided to put aside my will and raise my family according to the will of my husband. It was all the more difficult that the husband also grew up in a matriarchal family, where they were used to obeying an intelligent, strong-willed, strong mother. And I myself, in addition to the image of the family, by virtue of my work was far from tender and fragile, I had to see a lot, drag it on myself and endure. It was work in an emergency operating room, which I was proud of, and I was also proud of the respect, love of my colleagues, and I was able and knew everything.

In the first year of life, to my horror, my husband confessed that he was afraid of me and saw that he was weaker. All the feelings from such frankness can be described in one word – bitterness. Then pregnancy came and a galaxy of continuous decrees began.

It makes no sense to describe our entire family life, I will only say that it was very difficult. Both. I broke myself, creating constant problems for my spouse. I asked his permission for absolutely everything, firmly setting the goal of creating a normal Christian family. This is where all my will comes in handy. I want to put the furniture in this way, and, due to artistic taste, it would really be better this way; the husband says: “I would like this.” I don’t like it, the wave of protest is choking, but I agree and we put the furniture the way he likes it. I want a sofa and he wants a bed – we buy a bed. I want curtains of one color, he of another. Further it is clear. And so an infinite number of times. It is very difficult. Behind simple words are years of bloody labor. A non-Orthodox person cannot understand why this is all. And patience grows with age. And it’s not so hard to do things differently.

I studied law before marriage. My husband doesn’t want me to drive. I really wanted. I desperately wanted to drive. He said no. It was probably one of the hardest decisions. But everything has changed. No, I didn’t drive. But it doesn’t hurt me anymore to make my husband’s decisions, it has become a way of life, I can’t do otherwise.

Now and only now I am happy and free, because, having learned to make decisions without facing opposition from his wife, my husband has learned to make the best decisions, to bear responsibility for everything. He blossomed, and his mind and soul blossomed. This is a completely different person. There were a lot of stupid decisions. Clueless shopping, trips, a lot of things. It’s all in the past.

And it is impossible not to notice how our children changed in the process of changing the body of our family. Seeing a living example of obedience, they know how to obey. Making decisions and bearing responsibility involves sacrifice and courage. And I see it in my children. The authority of their father is indisputable for them, and the more carefully they treat me.

It is impossible to bring up spiritually healthy children in a family with broken hierarchy. And when a woman says that if she does not do it, the whole world will be covered with mold, she is disingenuous. The modern worldview of mankind encourages feminism and female self-sufficiency, which in fact is humiliation, because it disfigures the Creator’s plan in a person and family and causes deep misfortune. Ask such a woman about happiness – only complaints. First to the children, then to the husband. Even here he is not in the first place.

All this prompted me to write the grief that is nearby. Outwardly, a prosperous family, but the children are already lost and everything that the mother has is an ashes in her heart scorched by resentment against her husband. He says he doesn’t need anything. Yes, he needs it, but not your way. And you don’t give him what he needs.

A good man, in the view of most modern women, is responsible, strong, strong-willed, to act, yes. But only to act exactly as a woman needs. To make decisions in accordance with her plans, otherwise he will be destroyed by manipulation. Tears, shouting, blackmail – all the disgusting composition of the devil’s ammunition. And, when he, destroyed, lies on the sofa and watches the news, the wife, like a masochist, amuses herself for years with her suffering, knowing nothing about her children who grew up in this swamp, who for some reason left the Church and she cannot cope with them. .

I wrote my one-sided view of the problem, perhaps in the foolish hope of offending someone with my example. Of course, the woman is not always to blame, there are enough copies among both sexes, but I, as a woman who has such experience, have a little right to my opinion. I am very sorry for the sisters deceived by feminism and my soul grows cold from the percentage of divorces and lost children’s souls… and act, because she knows! Kingdoms of comfort on earth? Self-satisfaction? Or, after all, the Kingdom of Heaven, what is inside you? Kingdoms of grace? And they have different fruits and different ways to achieve. If: “He is still a fool, but he always does everything wrong,” then what can we talk about? Such a woman thinks about God with her heart that He does not do it that way. Say, maybe afraid, thinking that he believes. And the heart grumbles. Do not find such peace and peace of mind. Not with my husband, not one.

Earlier, we published the second part of the report of the Analytical Center “Family Policy. RF” “The movement to ban corporal punishment in the family: origins, methods, results”, debunking the myth that corporal punishment of children is a humiliation of their human dignity.

Chapter 7 The second cornerstone: devotion. happy marriage

Chapter 7 The Second Cornerstone: Devotion

The second cornerstone in the foundation of an effective marital relationship closely merges with the first. If our hope is based on the grace of God, then even in moments of despair we must follow His instructions. We need to act persistently to use the smallest opportunity, even when we really want to succumb to the temptation and leave.

If we deeply believe that the Lord can help us in all circumstances, then no marital quarrel will make us seriously consider divorce.

If God really is as omnipotent as He claims, then our obedience will always lead to the fulfillment of His purposes. Hope (better to say, confidence) that everything that happens to us is part of His plan will never leave us, even in the most difficult family circumstances, if it is based on the almighty grace of God, (1 cornerstone).

If we believe not only in the fact that He works with us, but also in the truth of His intentions, then we will have an irresistible desire to follow His path. A Christian who is acutely aware of the reality of God’s grace will not perceive submission as a compulsion, he will freely choose this path, despite the fact that sometimes he has to give up his plans. Once the decision to obey has been made , it must be supported by the desire to obey. This is the second cornerstone: a deep desire to obey God, which is expressed in marital devotion – such a desire naturally grows out of the conviction that God is good. Obedience to biblical instructions, however, is very often viewed as an unacceptable and sometimes offensive duty, especially in marriage. If a man is married to a woman who constantly complains, does not want to be attractive, or deliberately humiliates him in the presence of strangers, then our advice to him to love his wife will be perceived by him in the same way as if he were offered to refresh himself with sharp nails instead of a good dinner. If a woman has an egotistical husband who forces her to submit, referring to the Bible, she is likely to perceive submission as a humiliating submission that can deprive her of individuality.

If we perceive God’s instructions as the cruel demands of an incarnate despot, then we are doing something wrong. Why do we sometimes follow scriptural instructions the same way recruits would command a sergeant to go to bed or do 50 push-ups? Why do we lack warmth and trust when we follow the Lord on a rocky and steep path?

We may be misunderstanding His instructions to love our wives and obey our husbands, and therefore we are trying to do something that He never required. Some of these problems may be rooted in our sin-stained consciousness, which distorts everything, forcing us to see the bad in the good and the bad in the good.

Whatever the reasons behind our deplorable attitude toward obedience, one thing is certain: if we claim to honor our duty to be husbands and wives, but do so with displeasure and grumbling reproaches, then we do not consider this duty for honor at all. Imagine a person responding to a missionary’s call in the following way: “Yes, yes, you explained everything well. I feel guilty. I have already heard a lot about the starving natives, the pagans going to hell. If it is necessary, then I will go. Where should I sign?” And what kind of missionary do you think this person will be?

Many husbands and wives treat their marital duties in exactly the same way. And they become terrible spouses. We will not be able to use the second cornerstone if we obey God’s will as an unpleasant duty. Undoubtedly, if we recognize the authority of God over ourselves, then we must follow His instructions – this is our duty. But submission is more than a simple duty, it is a privilege, a great opportunity to achieve a joy that is beyond any other pleasure.

Why, then, does the commandment to love our wives and obey our husbands remind us more of our father’s command to put away toys and do housework, our least favorite activity? In this chapter, we will talk about how we can sincerely fulfill our marital duties, even when it requires us to serve absolutely unbearable spouses.

To do this, you need to understand the following:

The necessary basis for obeying God with patience and joy is faith in His goodness.

The obedience that develops from the realization of the goodness of God will be experienced as one of the deepest desires, and not as a heavy duty.

If you perform marital duties without joy, it is not your spouse’s fault, no matter how unbearable he or she may be. The reason is that you have not yet realized the goodness of God enough.

1. Foundation for true devotion — the goodness of God.

Christian marriage counselors usually define love based on a person’s actions and decisions, not their feelings. We know God’s love because He did something, not because He felt something. We are very often persuaded to love our spouses regardless of our feelings. People who say they no longer love their neighbors are encouraged to perform a series of loving acts, with the implication that these loving acts will lead to feelings of love.

Of course, in our actions we must be guided by the truth of the Word of God. Actions must be done not on the intuition of feelings, but following biblical instructions, regardless of whether we like it or cause rebellion.

God revealed His love with unmistakable clarity in what He did, but also felt compassion for us. Not only did He do something for me, but He also sympathized with me. In Hosea, for example, God speaks of how His heart breaks when He is faced with the rebellion and unbelief of His people, whom He courts over and over again like His wife. God’s love includes both His feelings and His actions. In the same way, in fulfilling our obligation to love our wives, we should not just perform lifeless, automatic actions, our behavior should be colored by feeling. But how can this be achieved?

It is commonly said that feelings of love are the result of behavior that expresses love. If we behave in this way for a long time, then in the end, a feeling of love for this person will also appear. But, unfortunately, this statement does not take into account the main problem: many husbands and wives simply do not want to treat their half with love. A persistent pastor or counselor can force a person to do what is necessary, but marital relations will not improve from this.

This leaves us all with the same dilemma. If we must want to love our spouses and strive to do so, but the performance of actions that express love does not lead to the desired results, then what should we do? It seems that we are left with one of two things: either automatically fulfill our marital obligations, or abruptly withdraw from everything. Perhaps we should wait for the Holy Spirit to kindle us from within. But what should we do if we do not have warm feelings for our spouse? Let’s listen to the following typical consultation dialogue:

Husband: “I just can’t love this woman.”

Counselor: “If you know that love must come from sacrificial service to your wife, then you can love her. You can say kind words to her, express gratitude or show nobility.

Husband: “But that wouldn’t be so sincere. Of course, I can do it, but I will feel stupid, as if I was cheating. I don’t feel warmth towards her.”

Counselor: “So you can do it. But because you don’t feel the corresponding feelings, you don’t. Did I understand you correctly?”

Husband: “What you said doesn’t make sense, it’s unreal. I just don’t want to love this woman. Do you know what she did last week? She…” etc.

Pay attention to this man’s reasoning. In his opinion, the fulfillment of marital duties depends entirely on the attitude of his wife towards him. Let’s put it simply, if I like my wife, then I will also try to please her. Otherwise, I will stay away. I can do what is required of me, but I cannot want to do it. The most I can do is make the decision to obey God and continue our marriage journey through the dark ravine. Don’t ask me for more. It is impossible to want to love someone who treats me the way my wife treats me.

The counselor’s advice in this case will not bring any benefit to the marital relationship. There is much more to be done here. In order for this relationship to resemble the union of Christ and the Church, one must keenly feel the desire to serve one’s half with love. But how can we follow God’s purpose when our spouse continues to pour cold water on an already damp altar? Should we continue to follow His direction until love appears? Let me answer this question with an illustration.

A long time ago, as a child, I dropped a bench on my foot. The toe was swollen and bleeding. A few minutes later, which seemed like hours, I lay motionless in the office of our family doctor, to whom my mother had brought me. The patient doctor responded to my anguished cries by rubbing his chin. He examined the leg, then took out the needle. When I realized that he was going to prick me with a needle in a sore finger, I was horrified. I didn’t want to have my finger pierced with a needle!

I looked helplessly at my mother, but she smiled, not a happy smile, but quite reassuring. A woman smiling in such a situation could either be a heartless sadist or a loving mother who knows that this terrible moment is an indispensable part of a good plan. I knew my mother, I lived with her for 7 years and had every reason to believe that she was for me and not against me.

Realizing this and seeing her smile, I decided to submit to the difficult, painful procedure and lie still. I was not at all sure of the good intentions of the doctor, at that moment they still seemed dangerous, but I absolutely trusted the good intentions of the mother. I knew that her kindness is the key to the final successful outcome.

For many husbands and wives, their married life feels like they are being poked with a wounded finger every day. Why do they take it easy? Why don’t they get up and leave? After all, it would be very reasonable of them to leave in order to get immediate relief. God remembers this reasonable position, and yet requires the spouses to respect their duties, which only bring them pain.

This requirement can only be fulfilled if there is a firm conviction that God will never ask His children to do anything that will not improve their situation. You should not follow the instructions of the leader if you do not understand the meaning of these instructions.

And if we do not immediately show a willingness to follow His guidance, then this only indicates that we are not sure of His goodness. We begin to question whether He is really using us and wants to bless us. The problem in this case is not the lack of desire, but, most likely, the lack of faith. If we truly believed in His goodness, we would feel a deep desire to follow His instructions (just as I, seeing my mother’s encouraging smile, let the doctor pierce my finger).

It follows that the main thing is renewal of the faith, and not renewed efforts to restore marital relations. Calls to love a wife and obey a husband, regardless of our desire, cannot solve real problems. If confidence in the goodness of God is not a solid foundation for our obedience and submissiveness, such appeals, at best, neutralize the actions of anger and indifference. They will not find and destroy the root system hidden underground, the flowers of which appear as ugly growths on unfulfilled promises. Calls to obedience are certainly important and necessary, but we must see the fullness of God’s goodness if we want our words to be joyfully obeyed.

The wife of an alcoholic, a man absorbed in work, the husband of a completely cold woman will not benefit from such lectures, it is much more important for them to realize the goodness of God. These two things are interrelated: obedience to God’s commands deepens our awareness of His goodness, and our awareness of His goodness gives us reason to submit further. Submission without realizing His goodness robs us of joy. But the realization of His goodness can remain only a theory if we do not follow His instructions.

Respect for marital duties is necessary because God, who is by nature good, has commanded us to do so, and therefore He wants well for us. The path He has marked out for us leads to incomparable joy for us and glory for Him. The realization of His character causes a desire to follow His path.

2. The obedience that develops from the realization of the goodness of God will be experienced as one of the deepest desires, and not as a heavy duty.

If we ask a starving person to feed his hungry neighbor, it is unlikely that this person will want to obey. If any food fell into his hands, he would want to eat it himself. Giving to another what we ourselves so badly want is not at all easy, and the desire to do so seems ridiculous and impossible.

Sometimes we get the impression that we are being asked to give up all hope of personal happiness in marriage in order to give that happiness to another person. A husband recently said to me in front of his weeping wife, “I know she doesn’t want us to get divorced, but I also know that I can’t be happy with her. You are asking me to forget about my happiness so that my wife does not experience the pain of divorce. I’m sorry, but if I have to choose, then I will give up the role of a martyr.

I wonder how many of us (perhaps unconsciously) see marriage in this light? It seems that when we prioritize the happiness of our spouses over our own, we fail. Note that if we hold such views, our marriage promises are only true so long as they do not cause us loss. In other words, as long as our spouses give us what we want, we ourselves are happy to keep our promise. As soon as we face a choice: their happiness or ours, the marital obligation begins to look like a prison that deprives us of freedom and joy.

Let’s look at the following typical dialogue.

Counselor: “Don’t you see that your marriage gives you a unique opportunity to truly serve your husband’s needs?”

Wife: “Yes, I understand what you are talking about, I know that I should try to make him feel as good as possible. I tried for years to do this, but nothing came of it, although, of course, I will try to do it in the future.

Consultant: Why?

Wife: “What, why?”

Counselor: “Why are you going to continue serving him?”

Wife: “Because I know I should do it this way.”

Consultant: “If I understand you correctly, you are trying to serve him as your duty, but your heart is not involved in this. Do you really not want to do this?”

Wife: “I really don’t want to.”

Counselor: “Then I don’t see any reason to try.”

At this point, the bewildered wife begins to think what I’m after: either a divorce, or perhaps a simple suspension. In fact, I am not suggesting either. She must submit to her husband and give herself completely to his service, but if at a deep level she does not want to become a good wife, her attempts, no matter how persistent, will be just a mechanical repetition of what has already been written, and this will not make her a better wife.

Let me ask you this: How can a wife want to serve an irritable, cold, rejecting husband? A mere reference to the Bible is not enough. Consider again the case of two hungry neighbors. Suppose you assure one of them that a banquet has been prepared especially for him. In confirmation of these words, you give him a large portion of an aperitif and a piece of marvelously cooked beef and tell him that there is enough food for everyone. Now, when he sees his hungry neighbor through the hedge, he will be struck first of all by his need, and he will forget all previous quarrels and disagreements with him.

Let’s take our imagination even further. Suppose the organizer of the feast asked such a person to take a piece of meat to a neighbor and invite him to the feast. What will he hear in response? “Of course, I don’t want to, but I think it will be right. OK I will do it”. Or he will simply gladly go into the neighboring house with this good news and, having readily shared a piece of meat with his neighbor, will convince him to come to the banquet.

Christian marriage is very similar to the described story. All that I need, Christ gives me, the riches of heaven are mine, and I am called to believe in it. But the problem, unfortunately, is that very few Christians have really experienced and understood that the Lord is good. The joy of brotherhood with Christ and service in His name means much less to many Christians than the horrifying reality of their lives. But those who have finally chosen the lot of Christ know the joy and peace that He gives.

God has commanded me to share with others what He has given me. If I perceive myself as a person whose hunger has already been satisfied (partly now and partly in the future), I can penetrate much deeper into the essence of what is happening and, pushing aside in my mind what irritates me in my wife, recognize in her need for the same food that I enjoy. My heart is filled with compassion. I want to be God’s instrument to help my wife find hope to satisfy her hunger.

Let me sum it all up in one sentence. If I have received the satisfaction of my deepest desires in Christ, then, remembering my past state, I can understand the needs of my wife, and when I see her needs, then my feeling of satisfaction in Christ causes me a deep desire to help my wife got the same satisfaction.

Maybe it seems to us that this is just theorizing, that all this is far from the reality of everyday life? If we have such thoughts, then this indicates that we have not yet come close to a normal Christian life. It should be normal and habitual for a Christian to believe that God is good. Then, confident in His goodness and His good intentions, I should treat myself as an instrument of service. If we recognize marriage as a calling to high service, then we can see and understand the deepest needs of our fellowmen and properly appreciate the unique opportunity God has given us to meet those needs in a meaningful way.

Otherwise, we look at our spouses only as a means of satisfying our needs, and when they fail to do this (and they inevitably fail), we distance ourselves from them in order to avoid emotional discomfort. Or, knowing that Christians must follow the directions of the Bible, we “worthily” bear the responsibilities of marriage in a spirit of obedient martyrdom, convinced that God admires our diligence in the performance of duties.

Christians must test God, become vulnerable to His will and try to understand the motives of their behavior, and then they will feel the goodness of God. This will enable them to take a different approach to their marital duties. Their marriage vows will no longer feel like hard work to be done.

3. If you perform marital duties without joy, then your spouse is not to blame. The reason is that you have not yet realized the goodness of God enough.

The third proposition follows naturally from the first two. We are least likely to blame ourselves for a fruitless spiritual life. Scripture makes it clear that joy is the fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives, but that fruit can only come when we submit to His authority. Unfortunately, anger and disappointment rob us of our joy, and in doing so, our mind immediately shifts the blame onto someone else.

Convinced that we are right, we bitterly tell ourselves or our advisors about everything we have to endure. By doing so, we are focusing our attention on a wrong and unbiblical position: we believe that it is our spouses who are to blame for our lack of joy; now, if he or she would change, then we could enjoy our role as a loving husband or submissive wife. Joy is seen as the fruit of our spouse’s attitude towards us and his behavior, and not as the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Indeed, my personal happiness largely depends on how my wife treats me. My wife loves and respects me and I enjoy the warmth and support she gives me. If she treats me this way, I can easily and joyfully fulfill my duty to love her. Otherwise, my promise to love her as Christ loves the Church would be severely tested. Even if I tried to rely on God and faithfully serve her as a loving husband, the joy with which I served her before would greatly diminish or disappear altogether.

Where is my joy then? Can I blame my wife when the joy is gone?

What happens when I stop enjoying the hugs of a sympathetic, affectionate wife? If my conjugal ministry no longer gives me joy, then I have ceased to believe in the goodness of God’s intentions. As long as I see the love of a wife, I have no doubts about His goodness. But when God calls me to love a woman who rejects me, it takes a lot of faith for me to properly respond to what is happening. If I can still keep my faith, then no matter what, I will enjoy the ministry.

A missionary whose efforts God has rewarded with many converts returns to his home church radiant with enthusiasm inspired by God’s blessing. A missionary who has made the same attempt, but has not achieved a visible result, certainly cannot experience such feelings. But he doesn’t need to come back with his head down. While the pain of disappointment is real and can lead to spiritual struggle and self-examination, the faithful servant of God has every reason to rejoice because everything happens according to His will and every step of obedience brings a smile to the lips of the Savior.

I confess that I would certainly prefer to be a missionary with a good fortune, just as I would prefer to be the husband of a loving wife. But regardless of whether I am placed in favorable circumstances or called to go through painful trials, the basis of Christian joy remains the same: the confidence that our faith is pleasing to Christ and used by Him in accordance with His sovereign plan. Because His plan is good, obedience brings joy to the true Christian.

Several couples who recently sat in my office shook their heads as I discussed these issues with them. Teaching was hard for them. It is very difficult to rebuild or rebuild a marriage relationship on the assurance that God’s grace is sufficient to remain submissive (the first cornerstone) and to remain faithful, relying on the assertion that God’s plan is always good (the second cornerstone).

Part of the difficulty lies in the inability to understand the possibilities of God, and when we become desperate from problems, we leave our ministry. The other part of the problem is that we do not have full and constant assurance of His goodness. We lose the true desire to follow His instructions.

In some cases, we are unable to continue to serve Him with joy and perseverance because we do not know how to deal with conflicts in our married life. And that brings us to the topic of the next chapter, acceptance (the third cornerstone).

CHAPTER X philosopher’s stone

CHAPTER X
philosopher’s Stone
O Sons of Wisdom1 Try to understand what the Stone says: Protect me and I will protect you; reward me to help you. GOLD TRACT

Personal Devotion in Love: Finding Your Ariadne

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I. Devotion? Attachment?

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The first thread I pulled has to do with the two words in the title, but still the question marks indicate that neither of them satisfies me. Let me follow the course of my thoughts on this subject. “I love you”, “We love

Chapter 4 Touchstone

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Forms of intervention using frames of reference
Say to those who complain of insomnia: “Insomnia is the inability to waste time … extra hours granted to you. Lying awake in bed, think of all the pleasant things that0003

Chapter 6 The First Cornerstone: Grace

Chapter 6 The First Cornerstone: Grace
A deacon sat in front of me and shook his head in anger and despair: “I taught Sunday school for twenty years. I even taught courses on Christian family issues. I don’t think YOU can tell me much about the Bible,

Chapter 8 Third Cornerstone: Acceptance

Chapter 8 The Third Cornerstone: Acceptance
Before inviting a construction expert to evaluate our structure, it is necessary to place another cornerstone in our foundation on top of the first two. A desperate husband I know is easy

Chapter 9. A stumbling block.

Chapter 9
After my parents died, I got an inheritance and a lot of insurance. This was more than enough for life. Therefore, I did not have the need to engage in such a meaningless and useless business as work. I was grateful to my parents0003

Chapter 1 Black Stone

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Black stone
Many years ago, when debtors were still thrown into the debtor’s prison, a London merchant had the misfortune to owe a large sum of money to a moneylender. The usurer, an ugly old man, fell in love with the young daughter of a merchant and offered him a deal: he would forgive the debt,

Selfless Devotion

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Chapter Five The stone from the soul

Chapter Five
Stone from the soul
We now proceed to the study of the second and third stages of the technique of therapeutic psychocatharsis, i.e., the discussion of the stage of concentration on the object of the neurosis and, if necessary, release from it (we will consider the first stage a little later).

Chapter 9 Confidence in fatherhood.

The crumbling cornerstone of conventional wisdom

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Fatherhood confidence. The crumbling cornerstone of conventional wisdom
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Belonging and devotion
The third kind of attachment also appears in early childhood – if everything goes right. Intimacy with someone means treating that person as if it were your own. For a small child to be attached to someone or something –

Devotion

Devotion
Those who have been united by the Lord, “ego” will not be able to separate.
“Course for Miracles”
According to A Course in Miracles, we must act with complete devotion in all dealings with people. Devotion in a relationship means total giving, maximum desire to achieve

Husband hardly goes to confession, children didn’t go to Easter. How to pray? – Orthodox magazine “Foma”

Approximate reading time: 8 min.

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Reader question:

Hello!

My husband is a church-going Christian but doesn’t like to go to church. Once every three months he goes to confession and communion. But the most important and terrible thing is that, without denying or rejecting Christ and His teachings, he supports and shares the communist ideas, the teachings of Lenin, and the activities of Stalin. Because of this, I have big disagreements with him. How to help him choose the only possible path – with Christ? What prayers to read? How to be? Clarification – he went to church when he met me, his parents baptized him, but he did not receive a Christian upbringing. At the beginning of marriage, it is much better, but now it is very bad. Only confession to the temple and lure.

Married 20 years, 5 children. After all, his behavior affects the children, the eldest son, the youngest son and the baby go to church, and the daughters in their teenage years have moved away from the church, although they attended Sunday school earlier, they don’t go to confession and, accordingly, to communion, the last once they were for Christmas, they refused to go to Easter. After all, the husband’s behavior, his lack of support in this direction, his denial of the Church and priests, which just comes from Lenin’s, so to speak, “priestry”. Everything is very connected, but I can’t pull it out myself. So please tell me how to pray? Thanks a lot.

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

Christ is risen!

You know, from time to time a certain number of women write to us about similar problems, and each time I say that the first thing to do here is to leave the position of “the husband needs to be churched”, “the husband needs to be helped ” and so on and especially “pull out”. Now let me explain why this is important. Maybe this is generally the cornerstone of your family situation and conflict situation. Let’s remove it and it will be better.

When a man and a woman marry, they are assumed to be two mature adults. They can be a different number of years, we are talking about internal maturity. You married not a child, but an adult man who can and wants to have a relationship with a woman who is ready to become a father, and at the moment is the head of the family and the father of as many as 5 children. I say all this to the fact that you are in union with a person equal to you, and if you look from a position more familiar to the Church, your husband is your head. What conclusions do we draw from this? Even at the level of simple common sense, it is clear that an adult cannot be re-educated, re-educated, something can not be proved to him. You can try to change something in your habits – and you will quickly see how difficult it is, even with your great desire. What to say about an adult man who does not want to change anything in life? Evaluate your strengths and capabilities soberly: re-educating your husband is beyond your strength. Relations with God are his personal business and his responsibility, and he is responsible for this, and not you. And the older your children get, the more they should take responsibility for their lives, both in the everyday sense, and in the spiritual, and in the spiritual. It is necessary to raise a small child, the older he gets, the more his area of responsibility should expand: now you clean up toys yourself, now you brush your teeth yourself, wash yourself, dress yourself, make your own sandwich, warm up food yourself, do your homework … And so on. When a child goes to confession for the first time, this means that his own responsibility for spiritual life begins. And he no longer sorts out his sins with his mother, but with his confessor. Mom or dad, yes, they can suggest something, but the vector should be in the direction of “you yourself, you are growing up”, understand?

When adolescence comes, a person’s task is to find his foothold in life. This search usually occurs through the rejection of most of the behaviors that were before: those models are seen as “parental”, and the person needs to find his own. What does it express? In changing the style of clothing, manner of speaking, in the fact that a person communicates more with friends, that the main authority for him is not his parents and, in general, the most important thing is his place in the peer group (this will later help him establish contacts in society in adulthood), it is also can be expressed in the search for new hobbies and companies. The Church, especially if it was imposed, is seen as one of those things and practices of life that must be abandoned, because it, especially with strong parental care, is thought of as something very “parental”. And you need your own, do you understand the logic of a teenager?

The wisest thing here is to just pray for the children, tell them: “You are growing up, let’s decide on your own here” and in no case put pressure on spiritual life. Most teenagers, even from very ecclesiastical families, are moving away from the Church. Time passes – and the person returns, rethinking his faith in his own way, anew, not in a parental way. And this will be a conscious choice of faith, and not by inertia. So just pray for the children.

About teenagers we have an answer to the question A teenager denied Christ. What to do? Inside the material you will find links to other materials about teenagers, check them out.

If the elders don’t want to go to Easter, let them not go.

But if they ask, be ready to answer their questions about faith not in the sense of education (“But I said that you need to pray in the temple too!”), But in the order of information and a story about your own spiritual experience. Perhaps by listening to why the Church is important to you (but without moralizing!), your children will eventually understand why it is important to them. And you don’t have to control everything: rely on God, He keeps your children and arranges. Especially if you brought them up correctly, revealing the beauty of the Church and spiritual life, the beauty of God’s love.

As for the husband, remember that the Church does not divide people according to political views. Paradoxical as it may seem, but in the Church there is a place for representatives of different ideologies, as long as they believe in Christ. And if there is no such confrontation in the Church (if a person does not openly persecute the Church, of course), then all the more there is no place for it within the family! A marital union is not about the unity of political views, it’s about something else. I think, when getting married, you roughly understood what kind of person your fiancé is, and the secret is that they get married not with the intention to remake a spouse or spouse, for example, “to church”, but with the intention to accept a person as he is at the moment, and that’s how to live with him.

There can be no place in the family for the idea that children do not go to Church because of their father. Dad’s relationship with God is his responsibility, mom’s relationship with God is her responsibility, teenagers are their responsibility. And God forbid you to blame your husband for the fact that because of him the children did not go to the temple, what are you! In general, this topic should not be. It’s more correct otherwise, for example: “My dad and I are different, but we love and respect each other very much. And we love you, our children. Dad treats the temple like this, it’s better to ask him what’s what. And for me, my relationship with God, the Church, the opportunity to be a particle of the Church of Christ are dear. And then tell about your experience, about yourself. If at this moment the child listens to you, if your experience resonates with him, then thank God. If not, take it easy. I think you don’t immediately accept all reasonable ideas either, do you? Pray for your family simply for health, you can ask the Lord to help you not turn anyone away from the temple, so that He will support both your husband and children.

And, what is very important, remove this intention to “pull out” your husband from within. This is very felt! Live the church life yourself, that’s the most important thing. Maybe, having finally felt “freedom”, the husband or children will become interested in the temple. You know that a slave is not a pilgrim. There is no need to “lure” anyone anywhere. Forgive me, I will say, maybe harshly, but this is necessary: do not overestimate your strength and do not fall into the sin of pride! How many marriages have been destroyed, how many marriages have cracked because the wife or husband decided that they have the right to drag a person to the temple. Well, is missionary work in this – in tricks, how to lure? In accusations that children are because of you? God does not captivate a person and waits patiently, with love, snowiness, when a person wants to come to Him. But are you going to forcefully push? God bless!

As for missionary work, remember the words of the Serbian Patriarch Pavle: “Live in such a way that you will be asked. ” O Church, I see. So you will lead a calm, normal, deep spiritual life, concentrate on this, on what you need to figure out in yourself, where does your distrust in God, disbelief in your husband come from, read about teenagers, about relationships in the family, about faith – and see how the atmosphere changes. It will become easier for you yourself when you simply begin to pray in the sieve of your capabilities, understand their limitations, put your trust in God and go about your own business. And it will become easier, because everything will line up correctly and there will be an atmosphere of true freedom in Christ at home.

And don’t be shy to say, “I don’t know that. Help me help?” Or simply: “This is how I believe, but there is no knowledge yet to justify it.” The more direct, the more truthful, the better.

And if there is a dispute, shut up and read “Lord, have mercy.” Only not with the feeling “her husband is wrong again, but I have to regulate”, but with the feeling “Lord, help me! It’s hard without You, be with us. ”

God bless you!

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