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How to tell from the behavior of a baby what kind of person he will grow up to be

• Christian Jarrett
• BBC Future

October 13, 2016

Subscribe to our newsletter ”Context ”: she will help you sort out the events.

Image copyright Glenn/Flickr/CC BY -SA 2.0

Signs of the temperament that an adult will have begin to show even before he can speak. But how can we use this knowledge?

A person’s personality is formed under the influence of many factors. Who you are now has been influenced by your genes, your friends, the school you attended, and more.

But when exactly did your personality begin to take shape? If you are shy now, does that mean you were that way as a child?

Most likely, yes. Research shows that the behavioral tendencies that a child exhibits a few months after birth are closely related to his future personality.

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This does not mean that a person’s character is formed at such an early age and does not change with time. Nevertheless, the main features of his personality can be discerned and tracked already in the very first days of a child’s life.

Psychologists who study children usually use the term temperament rather than personality. One of the first scientific works in this area was a long-term study called the New York Longitudinal Study, which began in 1950 in New York.

Within its framework, a married couple of psychologists, Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas, observed 133 children from birth to the age of 30, and also interviewed their parents.

Based on the findings, the researchers proposed nine key aspects of infant temperament, including activity levels, mood, and distractibility.

They also noticed certain patterns in the assessment of some parameters, and based on them, three groups of children were identified.

It should be noted that at that time political correctness was not as important as it is now, so these groups were given the following names: children with a difficult temperament, children with a light temperament, and “slowly warming up” children.

Photo credit, Celeste Lindell/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

Photo caption,

A 1950 study showed that children can be divided into three categories: difficult temperament children, mild temperament children, and “slow warm up” children

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Do these types of temperaments determine a person’s future personality type? The New York study found that children who had an easy or difficult temperament at age three tended to fall into the same groups in their older adolescence.

However, researchers have not explored the actual relationship between childhood temperament and adult personality.

In fact, psychologists who study infant temperament and psychologists who study adult personality types have had no common ground for a long time.

The situation began to change only during the last decade. Despite the fact that it is impossible to accurately determine the type of personality in the future by the temperament of an infant, these categories are undoubtedly interconnected.

It is also worth noting that systems for assessing infant temperament have changed over time.

Today, the original nine aspects of temperament have evolved into three broad categories (unfortunately, sometimes scientists from different psychological laboratories call them differently).

These are: “control requiring effort”, describing the infant’s ability to control himself and pay attention (for example, resist the temptation of an interesting toy), “negative affectivity”, related to the level of negative emotions such as fear and frustration, and ” extraversion” or “dynamism”, referring to the level of activity, arousal and sociability.

This year, the online version of the Personality and Individual Differences journal published a study by Russian scientists in which 45 parents took part.

They were asked to rate their children’s temperament at a few months of age (seven months on average) and then reassess the child’s personality at about eight years of age based on core adult personality traits such as extraversion and neuroticism.

Image copyright Chris Carter/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

Photo caption,

Children with a higher level of extraversion are less prone to neurosis in adulthood

Comparing these indicators, scientists have identified a number of patterns: a lower result on the adult scale of neuroticism (that is, they showed greater emotional stability).

At the same time, infants who scored higher on a scale equivalent to the effort-requiring control scored higher in childhood on the “adult” characteristic of neatness.

So if your child has a high degree of attention span, that’s good, as he’ll likely keep his room tidy when he’s a little older.

However, some results from this study were inconsistent. For example, smiling and more outgoing infants did not show high levels of extraversion as adults.

This reminds us yet again that the temperament we have in infancy does not always stay with us as we grow older.

Be that as it may, the obtained results reinforce the increasingly unanimous opinion of scientists that “characteristics of temperament, manifested in the first years of life, become the foundation for the formation of a person’s personality.”

Surprisingly, some connections can span as much as four decades.

In another study published in 2007, researchers in the Czech Republic assessed the temperament of infants at slightly older ages, between 12 and 30 months, and found a rather interesting relationship between the personality traits of the same individual when retested 40 years later. .

These are disinhibition in infants (this parameter is similar to the more commonly used scale of extraversion or dynamism) and extraversion in adults.

This means that if participants were active and independent in infancy, they are more likely to exhibit high levels of extraversion and self-efficacy as adults.

And if the child is the father of a person (so wrote the poet William Wordsworth), then, as the researchers stated, it is worth adding to this quote: “… the baby is his close relative.”

When reading these studies, it is important to remember that a person’s personality is constantly developing, albeit according to certain laws, and it is impossible to determine the specific moment when a person’s personality, formed in youth, became an adult person’s personality (among other things, this will depend on At what age is a person considered an adult?

But there is something more or less definite. As the infant grows and becomes a child, his personality is gradually formed. Wait until he is, say, three years old, and then his behavior is more likely to tell you what he will be like when he grows up.

Photo copyright, Steve Greer/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

Photo caption,

Many parents try to figure out how their child will grow up from the smallest details of his behavior

This is evidenced by the results of a study published in 2003, in which scientists from the Institute of Psychiatry in London compared the behavioral parameters of a thousand three-year-old children, measured in 1975-1976, with the personality parameters of the same people when they reached the age of 26 years.

Based on the specified parameters, they divided the participants into several groups: “balanced”, “with insufficient control”, “confident”, “suppressed” and “restrained”.

This time – almost three decades later – many surprising patterns have been discovered. To take just one example, the confident kids became adults with the highest levels of extraversion, while the shy kids had the lowest.

Those who have children of their own and people who spend a lot of time with children know how tempting it is to look for signs of incipient personality traits in a baby’s smile or frown.

Recent research in psychology shows that there is some common sense in this.

Researchers are increasingly finding evidence that psychological problems in adults may be based on behavioral tendencies that first appeared in early childhood.

Perhaps by learning to recognize these signs, we can carefully intervene in these processes and help children grow up to be healthier people.

Read the original of this article in English at BBC Future .

5 punishments that will shatter the child’s psyche

Silence and ignoring

Parents who use ignoring as punishment do not answer the child’s questions or even notice the child’s presence. As 22-year-old Daria from Moscow admitted in a conversation with Gazeta.Ru, in childhood she was faced with this style of upbringing: “I was often punished in childhood with silence, which made me feel guilty. And once my dad didn’t talk to me for a whole week because I forgot about a lesson with a math tutor that he paid for in advance. My father did not even answer my messages and did not pick up the phone. All this week it seemed to me that the whole world was against me. And my mother was on his side.”

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Which parents tend to choose silence and neglect as punishment for their child? Family psychologist Olga Romaniv answers:
“As a rule, two types of parents resort to such tactics. First of all, authoritarians, who simultaneously demonstrate their power over the child along with the tactics of total ignore – it depends on them whether to talk or not, when to start talking = to forgive the child. The second type are children who have gone through a similar path of upbringing, with “success” applying it in their adult life: in relationships with a partner, with their own children and, you will laugh, with their parents who taught them this.

According to the expert, in such a family the child begins to be afraid not of being frankly told what he is wrong about, but of psychological pressure. Romaniv explains how such punishment affects the child’s psyche.

“This provokes global self-doubt, a constant fear of doing something wrong, not to please – all this will go with the child into adulthood and will definitely affect relations with others. A person brought up in “silence” will have difficulty establishing verbal communication and agreeing on something with people. Silence will be more comfortable for him than discussing problems,” explains Olga Romaniv.

The psychologist notes that one should not disregard the fact that such upbringing does not teach the child the most important thing – understanding what needs to be done to correct one’s own mistakes.

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Shout

Some families believe that talking in raised tones is more effective in conveying important information to the child. 35-year-old Natalya from Bryansk recalls her childhood: “My mother is a teacher, and she always had a habit of speaking loudly so that the whole class could hear. If only this… The walls of our house always cracked from her screaming when I did something wrong. One day a neighbor knocked on our door and asked what was going on. On that day, without asking, I put on my mother’s sandals with heels two or three sizes larger (I was ten), stumbled on the threshold and tore them a little. I will remember this scandal for the rest of my life.

I lived with my mother until I was 25, and we constantly shouted at each other for any reason. Once I asked her why she was yelling like that. The answer struck me: “So that you hear and remember!” Fortunately, my husband patiently taught me to do without crying, and I try to raise my sons differently. Honestly, it doesn’t always work out.

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A family psychologist explains which parents tend to choose punishment by shouting: “People who are unrestrained, emotional, who hardly manage to control themselves turn to shouting. In some ways, these people are not bad and often really want the best for their children, but they do not have the patience or opportunities to get their thoughts across in a calm manner. This can also include people who are experiencing some kind of negative emotions at this particular moment, are nervous – for such parents, a child’s mistake becomes a “start” button for the release of their own emotions. This is what we colloquially call breaking loose.

Olga Romaniv warns parents what such tactics in education can lead to:

“Screaming plunges a child into a state of stress, fear, increases the level of nervousness.

Emotionally unstable parents often do this, and, knowing about their problem, they use the “carrot and stick” tactics: they yelled, and then allowed something to the child beyond measure. When the child crossed the borders once again, they yelled again. And the child is constantly between two states – permissiveness, on the one hand, punishment by screaming, on the other. As a result, an emotionally unstable, spoiled child grows up, who adopts a way to get his way by screaming – in fact, an infantile neurotic.

The psychologist also noticed that children always copy the behavior of their parents or other significant adults. Therefore, it is not surprising that the cry will be perceived by the son or daughter as the norm, and as a result, after some time, the child will begin to demonstrate similar hysteria, agitation and emotionality in response, Romaniv assures.

Insults

Some parents scold children for mistakes without choosing expressions. 18-year-old Marusya from Moscow admits that rude words have long become the norm in her family: “We have an interesting relationship. For example, in the morning dad can tell me: “Why are you wearing so much makeup, African monkey!” And in the evening to give out to the younger sister, who does not want to do homework: “You would have a gram of brain, dumb sheep, maybe you would have learned to think!” If we didn’t clean the room, it means that we are “pigs” for mom. At the same time, our parents say that they love us very much.”

Olga Romaniv described the psychological portrait of an adult who can afford insults when communicating with children: “When we talk about insults, this, of course, immediately indicates several human problems – intemperance, the complete absence of psychological “brakes” and empathy, bad manners , rudeness, low intelligence. Among other things, a person who resorts to insulting his own child is frankly not smart and does not understand that any action has consequences.

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The expert is sure that even a small child understands that insults are humiliating and explains how it affects the child’s psyche.

“It is not necessary to be surprised that a child learns the language of insults very quickly and begins to use it in relation to those who are weaker. At the same time, insults will very soon fly in the direction of the parents, who themselves showed him an example of how to behave (unless, of course, physical violence is added to the insults, and the child does not begin to fear his parents even more).

How do children grow up who were abused by their parents? Different – clamped, with low self-esteem and a bunch of internal experiences driven inside themselves, or, conversely, those who realized quite early: whoever is stronger, albeit verbally so far, is right. That is, in response, we get the same emotional incontinence, multiplied by aggressiveness and even cruelty, ”said Romaniv.

Public humiliation

Sometimes parents deliberately publicly shame a child for a misconduct, voicing his mistakes in front of third parties. 30-year-old Alexey from the Moscow region recalls:

“My parents often went on business trips, and I was mostly raised by my grandmother. She constantly repeated: “While the mother is gone, let other people listen to what you are doing!”. The fact that I stole cigarettes from my grandfather at the age of ten was known to the whole district, and each of the neighbors made their own verdict on how best to punish me. And once we were on the train to Moscow and my grandmother loudly scolded me for putting on a dirty T-shirt and looking around, probably in search of sympathetic looks. As my mother said, my grandmother does this because she loves and cares for me.

According to Olga Romaniv, all parents who consciously practice this tactic have something in common.

“This is what insecure people do who constantly need the approval and support of someone else from the outside. Such people do not take responsibility, preferring to shift it onto someone else’s shoulders, ”says the psychologist.

The expert also emphasizes that unrestrained, emotional people who do not notice others, as they are too carried away by the situation, can publicly punish their child. It is quite possible for these parents to say “be quiet”, and they (unlike parents who deliberately punish children in public) are able to realize that they did something wrong.

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A family psychologist comments on how such upbringing affects the child’s psyche:

“For a child, such behavior is comparable to betrayal. This leads to a loss of trust between children and parents, because the child first of all expects protection from close adults. It can be assumed that a son or daughter will close and is unlikely to come to their parents with their problems. Plus, this can instill distrust in the child of those who are nearby – he will constantly wait for a dirty trick from a partner already in adulthood.

Deprivation of something for an indefinite period

In some families, it is customary to deprive a child of something important for him as a punishment, but at the same time, the period for returning the taken is not announced. A high school student from Moscow, who asked not to be identified his age and name, shared his story: “Mom and dad are divorced. We communicate with my father every week, and sometimes he makes gifts. And then he confiscates them with the words “You are punished. I’ll return later.” I ask: “When will you return?” Answer: “We’ll see when.” The last time I took my smartphone away because I shot videos for one social network that he doesn’t like. The smartphone has not been returned so far. I go with an old phone. I’m offended by my father.”

15-year-old Veronika from Moscow recalls: “When I was little, I was deprived of watching cartoons for my faults. It is especially disappointing when you are waiting for a new series, and they tell you that the punishment is still ongoing! And when it will end – do not specify. It felt like an eternity to me.”

Olga Romaniv describes the psychological portrait of such parents: “Here we can talk about authoritarianism and at the same time about ill-conceived actions, this is typical of infantile people, for whom education is not a life-long process, but a momentary reaction: I’ll take something from you , and you will understand, and then I will give it back when I see fit, or I won’t give it back at all. By and large, a responsible parent cannot behave so irresponsibly.”

An expert explains how such upbringing tactics affect the child’s psyche:

“Such behavior knocks the ground out from under the child’s feet, deprives him of confidence in the future, and he feels defenseless, in some ways even lost.