Different child: Understanding Your 4 Different Types of Children

Understanding Your 4 Different Types of Children

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It’s funny that as a full-time, around-the-clock parent, I don’t read many parenting books. I dunno, maybe it’s because I’m too busy living it than making time to read about it. But after getting this parenting book as a gift, I was intrigued enough to crack the spine.

We’ve all marveled at how profoundly different each one of our children is; how they come to us with their own uniquely engineered personalities.

In “The Child Whisperer,” author Carol Tuttle acknowledges this fact and calls it an “energy profile your child was born with.” As a mom of four totally different kiddos, I can go along with that. Then Tuttle goes further to boldly claim that kids fall into four basic categories.

My initial instinct was to scream, “ONLY FOUR TYPES…ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU CAN’T STUFF A PERSON INTO ONE NEAT LITTLE BOX!” And still, after reading, I passionately oppose the idea that we all fall into a “type” or category. The human essence is just too beautifully complex for that. But Tuttle’s four types of energy profiles are intriguing enough to consider. Here are four types of children (and adults)—see if they carry any stock for your family.

Although children can exhibit all four types of personality traits, one is usually more dominant.

Type 1: The Fun-Loving Child

The fun-loving child is bubbly, bright, and social. They are full of ideas and are playful and animated. Sometimes their energy can be seen as a fault when they don’t want to sit still or when they interrupt you to share their ideas. But parents who recognize their pizzazz as a gift and not a flaw can help them develop into creative, happy adults.

The fun-loving child’s mantra is: I have a new idea and we can do it!

Some clues that you might have a fun-loving child:

• They are curious and love to touch and explore.
• They love to make noise, laugh, and play.
• Creative/imaginative
• Eager to please others–likes when others are happy and especially needs you to be happy.
• May have many friends or change friends often.

The best way to connect with a fun-loving child:

• Praise their good ideas and encourage them to share those ideas with others.
• Learn to be okay when they start one thing and then change their minds. They are exploring what works for them.
• Have fun with them! Get down on their level, toss a ball around with them, or join in their creative play.
• Be grateful for the positive energy they bring to the family.
• A ride on toy is always a great gift for fun loving children.
• Give them the freedom to explore and test out their creativity and ideas.

Type 2: The Sensitive Child

The sensitive child has a naturally calm and easy-going personality. They are often called the “peacemaker” of the family because they don’t like conflict. The type 2 child is tender with emotions very close to the surface. They are generally quieter and are often asked to “talk louder” or “hurry up.” They do things on their own time.

A parent may get frustrated when they ask their type 2 child to clean his room and come back 15 minutes later to find it still not done. When you recognize your child’s innate “sensitive” personality, it helps you understand why they do the things they do.

The type 2 child’s mantra is: I will watch, observe, and then make a plan.

Some clues you might have a sensitive child:

• They have built-in calm demeanor.
• They like to plan and that planning can sometimes take a long time.
• Type two children are worriers; they like to know what to expect in every situation so they can prepare for it.
• Contention in the house greatly upsets them.

The best way to connect with a sensitive child:

• Make them feel safe. Let them know you are there for them in any given situation.
• Fill them in on the details. If you’re going into an unfamiliar situation, prepare them beforehand with what to expect.
• Provide a peaceful place for them. Obviously, your house can’t be peaceful all the time, but have a room your sensitive child can go in when things get crazy.
• Don’t push them to be more outgoing. They will try things at their own pace.

Type 3: The Determined Child

Oh boy, you know when you have a determined child on your hands because the type 3 child is the most noticeable. The determined child is naturally more physical, active, and…stubborn. He or she was born with a drive to get things done, usually in their own specific way. Type 3s are usually told to “calm down” or “stop being so demanding.”

The determined child’s mantra is: Let’s get results!

Some clues you might have a determined child: 

• They have a strong will.
• They will pursue several big goals at once.
• Determined types are naturally active and adventurous—they are ready to go, do, and explore!
• Want to try leadership positions in school, home, or work.
• Self-motivated rather than motivated by others.
• Can be loud, forceful, or straight to the point (also seen as bluntly honest.)

The best way to connect with a determined child:

• Try not to let your stubborn personality butt heads with their stubborn personality.
• Instead of struggling to reign them in, try giving a determined child a bit more freedom to discover for herself.
• Cheer them on in their goals!
• Encourage their confidence and passion.
• Instead of questioning, “Do you think that’s a good idea?” try offering: “I’m excited for you and I’m here to help! But have you ever thought about…”

Type 4: The Serious Child

A more seriously inclined child is logical, independent, and focused. People often marvel at how “mature they are for their age.” They are the authority on many matters and relish in perfection.

A serious child’s mantra is: Let’s see what this is, let’s analyze it, and I know a way to make it better.

Some clues you might have a serious child:

• They are not as light and playful as other children.
• They can be pretty rigid and inflexible when it comes to doing things.
• He or she is an innate perfectionist.
• Their ideas for ways to make something better often come across as criticism.
• They like to arrange items (toy cars, crayons, etc.) in a specific row.

The best way to connect with a serious child:

• Try relating to them mentally before emotionally. Understand what they are thinking rather than feeling.
• Serious children crave adult respect; let them know you respect their thoughts and opinions.
• When communicating, speak in logical terms that they will understand. Some kids respond to: “It would make me so happy if you cleaned your room..” but a serious kid will respond better to: “I need you to clean your room because it poses a danger of me tripping or twisting an ankle.
• Ask for their opinions and solutions often.

So, what do you think? Are there only four types of kids and do any of your children fit these molds? I’m pretty sure I was a determined child and still am a determined adult. I’ll have to have a good chat with my parents on this one. Either way, it’s interesting to think about, isn’t it?

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Different Types of Kids and the Types of Parenting That Work for Them

We have three kids and sometimes you would never know they are siblings based on their personalities and the way they respond in different situations. With one child, all it takes is a stern look or word, while another child needs more significant consequences. With one child, there never seems to be silence while with the others, you wonder if they’re still in the room. Different kids need different types of parenting.

I’ve learned over the years that a one size fits all parenting style is not the most effective. Based on their personalities, I’ve needed to find the parenting style that works best for each child. Here are 4 types of kids and the types of parenting that work best for them.

1. Your strong-willed child needs an authoritative approach.

This is the adventurous, determined, and outspoken child. You can bet clashes will happen. A more authoritative approach will work better with this child. An authoritative approach means you are assertive, and not intrusive or restrictive. You need to balance your demands and authority by being more responsive to the child’s needs, especially the need for self-expression.

2. Your imaginative child needs a patient and positive approach.

This is the child who is playful, sociable, lively, and talkative. A permissive parenting style isn’t a good fit; it can lead to being the child’s buddy and allowing the child to live as freely as he or she desires. An uninvolved parenting style can lead to letting this child do his or her own thing because the child seems fine without a parent’s influence. But a parent of an imaginative child actually needs to use a lot of patience, especially if you aren’t the most talkative or social. Positive reinforcement with guidance is needed.

3. Your deep child needs a thoughtful and attentive parenting approach.

This is your detailed child—your child who is orderly, persistent, and very respectful. The words you say to this child will stick with the child, so choose them carefully. Our second child has this type of personality and we frequently find him in deep thought. We also find him deeply hurt when we don’t choose our words carefully. An authoritarian parenting style can cause major havoc with this child and his or her self-esteem. He or she will remember what you’ve said and when you didn’t honor your word. But this child may not say anything about it. Be thoughtful in the words you say and be attentive to his or her words and actions or even lack of action. It’s important to spend time alone with this child to allow him or her time to get the things in this child’s mind out so you can have meaningful and even fun conversations.

4. Your diplomatic child needs a selfless and encouraging parenting approach.

This is your child who is considerate of others, measured or controlled, adaptable, and attentive. You can bet he or she knows when you are happy, sad, or angry. This child pays attention to others and wants to adapt or help when he or she thinks others aren’t having the best experience. Sometimes, this child does this at his or her own expense. A parent who practices self-sacrifice as well will make a great connection with this type of personality. You’ll also need to encourage this child to step out and do some things outside his or her control or comfort zone as this child tends to play it safe all the time. Getting this child to step out will challenge him or her and allow for growth.

When we are uninvolved with our kids, we lose connection, influence, and the relationship.

No matter what type of personality your child has or your primary parenting style, one of the most effective things you can do is be attentive to your children and how they function. When we are uninvolved, we lose connection, influence, and ultimately, the relationship. But our relationship with our kids is the most important. And at the end of the day, that is what they want most from us.

Earn some points: Share this iMOM article with the mother of your children: 9 Types of Moms: Which Are You?

Sound off: What types of parenting are most effective in growing your relationship with your kids?

What to do if other parents scold your child?

Playground is a whole world with its own rules and regulations. Here you can become best friends for a 1.5 hour walk, you can find a new toy to replace your old one, or you can quarrel to tears. In recent stories, however, parents usually intervene. Child psychologist and art therapist Elena Buryeva tells how to react if other adults start scolding your child.

Question. Hello. What should I do when other mothers start scolding my child on the playground?

Answer. For various reasons, sometimes some adults can afford to make incorrect remarks to other people’s children related to their behavior.

There can be many reasons. For example:

• If one mother has a very active child, then, most likely, they also make remarks to him, and she becomes a witness of this. And in a situation where some other child begins to behave “wrongly”, she also wants to take the position of an “expert” and make a remark to another child.
• Also, another adult may start chastising your child if his or his child’s boundaries have been violated (taking toys, getting very close, breaking bunnies, yelling nearby, pushing, biting, etc.).
• Sometimes, scolding someone else’s child, adults believe that they are teaching something at the moment (rules of conduct, safety).

But be that as it may, when an outside adult scolds a child, the parent has an instinctive desire not to join in the remarks, but to protect them from them. And it is right. To protect in such a situation is much better than to arrange a demonstrative spanking in front of strangers.

By allowing ourselves to scold and scold the child loudly in public places, we shame him, make him feel guilty, the child eventually becomes embarrassed, and by our behavior, as it were, we allow everyone present to behave the same way with our child. Therefore, it is very important to remember that you do not have to be a good mother for other children and in the eyes of other mothers, you need to be a good mother for your child.

Definitely not to do if your child is being reprimanded:

• no need to be ashamed of your child’s behavior;
• you don’t need to feel guilty about the fact that you somehow raised him in the wrong way;
• there is no need to get into fights and aggressively protect your child, bringing the situation to a conflict.

I think everyone has heard some story about how parents, after a children’s conflict on the playground, begin to figure it out themselves “in an adult way.” Do you think this is a good example for children? This is both stress for the child and a negative pattern of action (“If mom calls my aunt names, then I can do that too”).

What to do in such situations? I offer several options:

• Joking off: “He’s in such a mood today.”
• Apologize: “Sorry, he didn’t mean it.”
• Thank you. For example, if another adult calmly explained to you a good reason why he raised his voice at your child (your child threw stones at his baby, and the parents got scared).
• Take responsibility: “If you are unhappy with my child’s behavior, tell me!”, “I am the mother of a boy in a green jacket, tell me everything you want to tell him.”

The most important thing is to explain to your child: children talk to children, and adults talk to adults. Say that you only need to obey mom and dad (grandmother, uncle, aunt, nanny). And if a stranger will scold the child, teach him the following phrase: “Now I will call my mother, and you will talk to her.”

While the child is small, his interests should be defended by his parents, but as soon as the child enters the society of peers, he must know how to react to the actions of offenders. To do this, give the child possible action patterns – for example, tell a fairy tale with a similar plot and the behavior of the characters.

Is it even possible to make remarks to other people’s children?

Acceptable. But it is important to remember that we have the right to protect the boundaries of our child, but we do not have the right to violate the boundaries of someone else’s. Therefore, comments should be made very politely and correctly. For example:

• If someone else’s child is playing with sand too actively, you can say in a completely calm and friendly voice that this is not necessary, because sand can get into your eyes if the wind blows. Remember that the child does not always do something out of spite, sometimes he simply does not know why this should not be done.
• If your child is being beaten by another child, then you can tell the offender: “I don’t allow you to beat my daughter,” or you can turn to the offender’s mother (depending on age).
• If a toy was taken away from your child, then you can say to someone else’s child: “Sasha does not give this toy to anyone”, or “Ask Sasha if you can take this toy”, or “Now Sasha will play and, perhaps, give it to you.” You can also turn to the mother of someone else’s child: “Please, help me return my daughter’s toy, it was taken without asking.”

Of course, seriously scolding, chastising, ordering, pointing out, teaching someone else’s child is unacceptable.

Respect other parents and their parenting style and methods. There is no need to humiliate, insult or label – both your children and strangers. If something categorically does not suit you in the behavior of someone else’s child, then approach his parents with a request for help. Remember that you need to be correct, speak in a calm tone, without reproaches.

And if they want to reprimand your child, then it is important to be on his side. You can take responsibility and show your child an example of conflict resolution.

Ask your question to Mel, and the editors will find someone who can answer it. Write to our social networks – we read all messages on the pages on Facebook, VKontakte and Odnoklassniki. You can also write to us on Instagram. By the way, we do not disclose names, so questions can be anything (feel free!).

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“My child was beaten by another”: how to react to children’s fights?

Our reader shared her story:

“On the playground, one child broke another’s eyebrow. The offender’s mother did nothing, she didn’t even move her ear. How to react to the situation? What to do?”

Expert Ekaterina Ishtar’s answer

We asked expert Ekaterina Ishtar to answer this question. She was in charge of a network of children’s centers and worked with children aged 1 to 7 for 10 years:

It often happens that parents cannot cope with their children, do not know how to talk to them, and try to look in front of other parents ” normal” (and not flashy or hysterical, which they do not want to be in the eyes of others), they simply remain silent. If you understand that this is exactly such a parent in front of you, take the situation into your own hands:

1. The first thing to do is assess the damage and help your child. Reassure and hug the child, inspect the consequences of the skirmish, take the napkins that are needed to treat the wounds.
2. Second – define the main goal: you need to make sure that the offender apologizes and does not do it again.

Connect with the offender

Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com

Without being too aggressive, without raising your voice, contact the offender directly. Not to his mother, but to the child.

Important! Do not touch someone else’s child with your hands – by doing this you can cause a reaction to protect the mother of this child, and then nothing will work.

Your appeal should come from a feeling of help, and not from a desire for punishment, because we do not know the real cause of the conflict, and we do not know who is to blame or “first started”.

“What are you doing here?”

First try to understand and ask the question: “What are you doing here?” At the same time, hug your child so that he feels parental protection. Remember, the tone of voice should not betray your fear or concern.

This is usually where the kids start complaining, nothing specific. We pass by the ears.

– Ask further: “How could you hit him so hard? You must be very strong?” With this question, you can restore the offender’s loss of control.

If there is blood, of course, it will frighten any child. You slowly treat the wound and continue to communicate.

– Continue to say: “Since you have so much power, you must be very big already?”

– Further statement of fact: “You hurt Petya/Vova very much. Do you understand this? Look at the wound.”

– We also show concern for someone else’s child: “Didn’t it hurt you to beat like that? Who do you think is hurting the most right now?

Resolve the conflict

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Further on the situation:

1. If the child has realized, you can easily agree on new friendship rules.
2. If the child does not understand or does not show that he understands, try again.

Make it clear that you are not the enemy of the child and offer him a solution to the problem:

– “You have so much power, look how big your fists are! Show me your fist. Why do you have so much power?”

– “You could probably be a good protector or rescuer? This is a very difficult job!”

– “Let’s look around – you would be the best defender! What do you think?”

– “You could, for example, protect animals or stand up for your mother. Or even protect other children! Let’s use your super power for defense, shall we? After all, not everyone has such power as yours!”

After that, if the child adequately agrees with your game, he will apologize and you will set new rules.

If it was not possible to get through to the offender

If someone else’s child remained indifferent to your words and does not show understanding, perhaps your pedagogical skill is not enough to help this child realize the whole picture and draw the right conclusions.