Baby only wants to sleep on my chest: I’m going insane, newborn will only sleep on my chest : NewParents

How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held

Wondering how to get your newborn to fall asleep on their own? Get real-life tips on how to get your baby to sleep without being held.

My baby couldn’t sleep at all without being held.

It didn’t matter how deeply he seemed to be asleep in my arms, or how long I waited until I thought it was safe to put him down. Nor did it matter how or even where I put him down. He would wake up the minute he wasn’t held, look around, and fuss to get picked up once again.

And so, I ended up getting stuck with a sleeping baby in my arms, immobile for the duration of his sleep. I knew newborn babies liked to be held, but this much? I wished I could put him down, if not for nap time, then at least for the first stretch of sleep at night.

Because nothing is worse than when your newborn won’t sleep in the crib and only in your arms.

Table of Contents

How to get your baby to sleep without being held

Don’t worry, friend—nearly every mom can relate to this struggle.

Maybe your baby insists on being held all the time, leaving your arms tired from the weight. You have to nurse or rock him to sleep, only for him to wake up immediately when you put him down. It doesn’t help that you’re home alone with other kids who need you as well.

Now, we all know the newborn stage isn’t going to be perfect. But, if you’re like me, you’re desperate to see if there’s something you can at least try and do differently to make the situation easier.

But like many first-time moms, I had no clue what I was doing. I spent many sleep-deprived nights researching and reading what worked and didn’t work for other moms, hoping I could find my answers.

I tried several strategies, some that failed miserably, and others that actually worked. My son was still too young for sleep training, much less sleep through the night, but these strategies were helping him sleep longer stretches. Most importantly, I had my arms back, in some form or another.

So, what do you do when your newborn won’t sleep anywhere but your arms? Take a look at these strategies, and hopefully they can work for you as well:

1. Don’t keep your baby awake too long

I figured babies simply sleep when they’re tired, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. In fact, the times when I kept my baby awake for far too long were some of the most challenging times. Being overtired meant he had a difficult time falling asleep.

I later learned that babies can’t stay awake for too long. That once the window is up, then you really need to do whatever it takes to get them to sleep and reset their bodies.

One of the best ways to make sure your baby isn’t awake too long is to pay attention to his baby tired signs. For instance, any more than three yawns are cues that he’s overtired, so put him to sleep once he yawns.

The other way to ensure he’s not overtired is to simply watch the clock. Note when he woke up, and don’t let him be awake after a certain time period.

How long exactly is too long? Well, it depends on your baby’s age. You can grab this free resource where I share the age and sleep guidelines, as well as share more tips about your baby’s awake time. You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:

“You have no idea how much your emails help me. Not many people are open and real about the newborn phase. All other women around me either don’t want to talk about it or have selective amnesia. Your openness is refreshing. I would announce to my husband when I received another Nina Garcia email and then eagerly read it, sometimes aloud. I appreciate the candidness, honesty, and purpose of your newsletters. -From an appreciative new parent, Jill Weathington”

2. Put your baby down drowsy but awake

We’re all creatures of habits and rituals, getting used to what we’ve always done or experienced. If your baby has always fallen asleep in your arms, then it’s no wonder he cries when he sleeps any other way.

The first place to start breaking those habits and sleep associations is by putting him down drowsy but awake. That way, he’ll get to experience falling asleep away from your arms, in the sleep environment he’ll eventually wake up.

After all, few of us can fall asleep in one place, get moved to another, and not wake up in the process. The same is true for your baby.

He’ll also learn that you don’t have to hold him to fall asleep. Again, he’s gotten so used to one way of falling asleep—in your arms—that any other way feels strange. By consistently putting him down drowsy but awake, he learns that it’s okay to fall asleep that way, too.

Sure, hold him in your arms, but once he starts looking drowsy, set him down where you want him to sleep so he can experience the transition for himself.

Learn what to do when your baby won’t nap unless held.

3. Let your baby sleep in a snug place

Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links, which means I will earn a commission—at no extra cost to you—if you make a purchase.

Babies find comfort in snug places, having spent so much time in the womb. While the crib is the ideal place to set your baby down, many parents have found more luck in other, snugger places. These offer the secure feeling of being “cupped” and held, just like in your arms.

Here are a few ideas:

• Infant bouncer
• Infant cushion
• Baby wrap
• Sleep suit
• Swaddle

4. Keep the crib mattress warm

To go from your warm, cozy arms to a cold, hard crib can be a difficult transition for your baby.

To make the bed just as inviting, you can try placing a heating pad or a warm water bottle on the crib a few minutes before you plan to set him down. Of course, make sure to check that the bed isn’t too hot. Another option is to turn up the temperature in the room before you set him down so that it’s not too cold.

By keeping his crib warm, easing him out of your arms can still feel cozy.

Learn how to get your baby to nap in the crib instead of your arms.

5. Stroke your baby’s face

Worried that your baby will startle and throw a fit the minute you put him down awake?

Try this simple trick to help him relax: After putting him down awake, stroke his cheek and forehead until his eyes close. Maybe you caress his eyebrows or run your finger from the bridge of his nose to the top of his head. Gently stroke his cheeks, moving from nose to ear.

These simple touches can be all it takes to keep him in a drowsy state until he eventually falls asleep. Sure, he still needs your help to sleep, but at least you’re not holding him the whole time.

6. Keep your hands on your baby after putting him down

One of the sensations of being held is that contact with your body, the warmth on her chest as it presses against yours. But after you put her down, this warmth goes away, leaving her exposed.

To mimic that feeling, try a little trick to make that transition easier:

Put her down just as she’s about to sleep, but keep your cradling arm wrapped around her body and your other hand on her chest. If you can, you might even want to lightly keep your chest touching hers, as if you’re still hugging and holding her lying down.

Then, as she drifts off to sleep, slowly remove and slide your cradling arm from underneath while still keeping your other hand on her tummy. And finally, remove the other hand so she can sleep alone.

Learn 5 things you can do when your newborn wants to be held all night.

7. Use a pacifier if your baby fusses

As you set your baby down drowsy, you might notice fussiness. If he takes to a pacifier, this would be a good time to put one in his mouth to encourage sucking. Don’t wait until he’s crying hysterically—instead, insert the pacifier if you see him starting to squirm or get upset.

Then, keep your hand on him so he still feels you as you hold the pacifier in his mouth. This will remind him that you’re still there, while encouraging him to suck on the pacifier and fall asleep.

After you’ve left, keep the pacifier in his mouth. But if you notice him squirming once more (or you think he’s about to wake up), use the pacifier again:

• If the pacifier fell out, re-insert it into his mouth.
• If the pacifier is still in his mouth, give it a gentle “tug.” This will encourage him to suck harder and hopefully keep sleeping.

8. Use white noise or music

Keeping the room completely silent will only invite sudden noises to startle your baby awake. Instead, use white noise to muffle those sounds. Not only will they block those sounds, they’ll also remind him of the constant hum he heard when he was in your womb.

You might use an app or buy a white noise machine. Maybe you download and loop a static music file on your phone, or simply turn on a regular fan or heater. The white noise will add a constant hum to encourage continuous sleep after you put him down.

Some parents have also found success with teaching their babies to tie soothing music to sleeping.

Play music while you nurse at night so he associates it with comfort and drowsiness. Then, keep the music on as you put him down and let him sleep. Hopefully, he’ll stay asleep with the music still playing nearby.

Bonus tip: Add darkening curtains to his room to keep the room really dark.

9. Let your baby lie down awake

I mistakenly assumed that the minute my baby’s eyes flew wide open after putting him down, that I’d have to scoop him back up and re-do our bedtime routine. Only later with my twins did I realize that those were opportunities for him to fall asleep on his own.

Don’t feel compelled to pick your baby back up if he goes from sleepy to awake when you put him down. He just might be able to put himself to sleep, especially if you give him a chance to. And given that he’s not crying, you have even less reason to get him out of the crib or bassinet.

Instead, let him lie down, even if he’s awake. He might fuss a little, at which point you can try a pacifier or simply let him try to soothe himself. He just might surprise you—as my twins did—by falling asleep on his own.

Speaking of which…

When can babies fall asleep on their own?

Your pediatrician is your best resource to know exactly when your baby can fall asleep on his own. But in general, babies in the newborn stage—the fourth trimester, as they say—still need help falling asleep.

That said, you can still set good sleep habits even now that encourage him to sleep independently. Make every first attempt an opportunity for him to fall asleep on his own (for instance, by putting him down drowsy but awake each time).

And if he cries hysterically? Then yes, scoop him up and try something else. Maybe this time you’ll put him in the swing, carry him in a wrap, or try an infant cushion. And if he truly isn’t having any of it, then hold him in your arms to help him sleep.

He might still need help falling asleep a lot of times, but at least you’re consistently giving him a chance to do it on his own, too.

Can you spoil a baby by holding him too much?

“Spoiling a baby” is relative.

After all, someone who enjoys holding her baby to sleep every time would certainly not object to doing so. In fact, she might even feel guilty for holding her baby, assuming she’s doing a bad job by doing it so often.

So no, you can’t “spoil” a baby by holding him too much.

Instead, the better question to ask is this: What expectations are you willing to set?

If you’re okay with holding your baby, then by all means, continue doing so. But if you feel an imbalance between his needs and those of yours, your family, your work, and your home, then something needs to change.

It can be as simple as putting him down more throughout the day—when he is awake—so he knows it’s also okay to be away from your arms. And of course, applying the tips you learned here to get him used to sleeping without being held.

Conclusion

So, how do you get your baby to fall asleep on his own? We’ve learned that a lot of it is trial and error, but that it’s totally possible to make your baby sleep on his own.

Make sure you’re not keeping him awake too long, and that you put him down drowsy but awake. Let him sleep in a snug place, or warm his bed before you place him in it. Stroke his face and keep your hands and arms around him as you set him down.

Use a pacifier if he starts to fuss or wakes up earlier than you’d want him to. White noise and music can help muffle startling sounds and soothe him to sleep. And finally, let him lie down even if he’s awake—you just might find him having fallen asleep soon after.

Hopefully you’ve found that you can get your baby to sleep without being held, after all.

Get more tips:

• How to Get an Overtired Newborn to Sleep
• Newborn Not Sleeping? 9 Tricks to Help Your Baby (Finally!) Sleep
• How to Burp a Sleeping Baby
• What to Do When Your Overtired Baby Keeps Waking Up
• How to Establish a Baby Nighttime Routine

Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and get One Mistake You’re Making with Your Baby’s Awake Time—at no cost to you:

How to Get Baby to Sleep in Crib • Kids Activities Blog

How to get your baby to sleep in the crib was something that many of us have struggled with over the years. If you have ever muttered the words through tired lips “My baby will only sleep in my arms  “…  you can breath a sigh of relief today.  We have some time-tested baby sleep solutions that actually work.

Baby, why don’t you sleep?

Newborn Baby Won’t Sleep in Bassinet or Crib!

When your baby won’t fall asleep  without you, it can be hard and then on top of that it might be in completely the wrong place!

I have been there, too, and  it DOES stop.  

Eventually, they do just fall asleep, without needing you right there to pat them, rock them, nurse them, feed them…  

All four of mine are now falling asleep all by themselves and yours will, too.

Baby Only Sleeps When Held

It may start by accident.  You nurse or  bottle feed your baby, just to get a few extra minutes of sleep yourself, and then it becomes a habit.  

You bring your baby into your bed so you can get the sleep that your body is craving and you both sleep well, so you do it again.   When you try to stop, your baby cries and cries.  

What do you do now?  

Take the advice from these real moms… who have been where you are right now.

How to Get Your Baby to Sleep without Being Held

The truth is that this happens more often than you might think.  Even babies who are considered “good sleepers” have occasional off-days and nights where they only want to sleep in someone’s arms.

1. Continue Sleeping in Arms with a Twist

Remember that this is very normal and natural for your baby to want you.  You may be in “survival” mode right not- trying to get sleep where you can.  

“Just do what feels right to you, feed to sleep, cosleep, do what you can to get the most sleep and least crying… They are only babies for 365 days which will pass in the blink of an eye. Do what you can to enjoy it while it lasts” ~Rebecca

If you aren’t comfortable co-sleeping, remember that it only takes three days to break a habit.

Three days!

One thing that helped me was to put my baby down in the crib and then time how long he cried.  I know this sounds nuts and a little cruel, but what I found was that it was always less than a minute.  It seemed like an hour!  But when I actually timed it, he cried for less than a minute and then would sleep longer and more soundly than if he was in my arms.  

2. Prepare the Crib for Baby to Sleep

Try making the crib warm by placing an electric blanket on his sheets for 10-20 minutes BEFORE you put your baby into his crib.   Remove the blanket right before bedtime (you never want to leave it in the crib).   It will warm the sheets, which will make sleep come easier.  (Think of it like this:  you are a warm body, so if he is resting on you and moving to cold sheets, a drastic change in temperature can be startling)

Try putting a crib beside your bed and hold your hand in on your baby’s belly until he/she falls asleep.

Try a co-sleeping bed or crib (many stores sell these)

3.

Positioning Baby for Success

If you want your baby to sleep on his back, hold him on his back when you are snuggling him.  It will make the transition easier to the crib or bassinet.

4. How to End Co-Sleeping

If you have been co-sleeping and need to make a change for some reason, here is Sherry’s story that is encouraging and real:

“I couldn’t even get out of bed to brush my teeth and he’d start moving & crying! At four months it was becoming challenging because he would wake up every 30 minutes all night and all day I also have a three-year-old and it  was very hard to co-sleep and also get her to bed! My husband and I decided it was time to get him out of our bed at 4 1/2 months… a few rough nights of crying and going in to comfort him to show  him that his crib is where he sleeps and he’s been doing wonderful!!   He’s now almost six months old and sleeps 11 hours in his crib!!! You have to do what works for you and not worry about it!! I thoroughly enjoyed cosleeping but it was definitely our time to end it. ”~Sherry McQuay

Try placing the baby in their crib while you are awake, to avoid them temptation to co-sleep due to YOUR sleepiness.   A good way to do this is by starting at nap time.

5. Baby Will Only Sleep in Swing

I had one of these kids too…that went through a phase where he only wanted to sleep in the swing as it was swinging. It was easier for me to let him fall asleep in the swing than endure the screaming as I took him out to his bed.

For awhile I justified that the swing would stop and he would stay asleep.

But sleeping in a swing is not a very good longterm solution! All I can think of is how I am going to need a larger and larger swing {Giggle}.

First, look at what is going on and if the problem of your child sleeping only in the swing is minor compared to other stressful things that might be happening, then giving it another day or two is fine.

I always said there is a season for everything.

Once you are ready to start weaning baby from sleeping in the swing, then start to distance falling asleep from the swing. Place your baby in the swing until eyelids get heavy. Then start removing him earlier and earlier in that process to eliminate the association of sitting up and swinging with sleep.

It took less than a week to make the transition this way…so hang in there.

6. When Baby Will Only Sleep in the Car

Like the swing, some babies will only sleep in the car…and some only when it is moving! This is more common than you might think and it requires a similar, but more abrupt ending since driving your car every time your child needs sleep is certainly a short term solution!

Find other ways to mimic that motion whether it be pushing the stroller or placing the carseat in a wagon, etc. And then pre-empt the actual falling asleep with a move to the crib or bassinet.

This will work. It just will be a little noisy at first.

7. Try Swaddling If it is an Option

The AAP guidelines for swaddling is to stop swaddling at 2 months or when your baby starts to roll over intentionally. This is a bit controversial since many moms have swaddled for up to 4-5 months as did I. The concern is that your baby would become entangled in the swaddling and not be able to move to breathe. So look at what is happening and what supervision you can give to make your decision.

Swaddling works because the baby feels safe and secure tucked in. Think of how a baby could feel like it is falling when placed on their back after being tightly secured in the womb for such a long time.

8. Start as You Mean to Go

I probably repeated those words a million times when my kids were little. Start as you mean to go.  Start as you mean to go. Start as you mean to go. 

I read this is a book that I loved (The Baby Whisperer) and it holds true for every situation.  Don’t do something that you don’t intend to keep doing.  

You are training your children one way or another.

It helped me see how what may seem small and inconsequential on any given day actually builds up over time in baby steps to the bigger picture.

9. Routine! Routine! Routine!

Put him  down for naps and bed at the same time each day.  You may need to wake them in the morning to try to keep this schedule.

Keep a structured routine, so his body becomes used to sleep at the same time.

10. Tips for Getting Baby to Sleep

Try making a “sh, sh, shhhh… sh, sh, shhhh…” sound as you keep your hand on his chest.  This sound reminds them of being in the womb.

If he cries when you try to put him into his crib, pick him up until he is calm and then immediately place  him into his crib again.

OMG. This too shall pass, my friend.  I remember going through this with each of our four children.  I remember it like it was yesterday, but it does get better and easier.

You are tired now, but you will get sleep again.  

You can find more solutions and ideas here at Kids Activities Blog where we share real mom solutions every day…

Activities for the other kiddos

What have you found works to get your baby to sleep in the crib? What tips do you have that we missed? Have you found ways to help your child sleep when they get older, like toddler, 1 year old, 18 month old, or even preschooler?

Why Some Babies Want to be Held While Sleeping

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If your newborn wants to be held all night, you need these tips and tricks

By

Vin D’Eletto

July 18, 2022

Finding peace and quiet, or simply trying to take a shower, while caring for a newborn can be difficult. If your baby only sleeps when held, completing the smallest tasks can feel impossible.  What can a parent do when their newborn wants to be held all night? Newborns love being held for many reasons.

Contents

• Why babies want to be held while sleeping 
• Comfortable ways to hold babies while sleeping
• How and when to put your baby in their crib
• Tips for sleep training your baby

Learn more about why your baby wants to be held, the best way to hold your baby, and when to put them in their crib. Just because your newborn wants to be held all night, doesn’t mean you can’t get any sleep.

Why babies want to be held while sleeping 

Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

The relationship between a parent and their baby is complex and beautiful. While cuddling, your baby can actually hear your heartbeat, and your presence is soothing. Babies also smell your scent when you hold them, making them feel safer. 

When your baby is under four months old, they’re still getting used to life outside the womb. The new surroundings can be scary and unfamiliar. It’ll take time for them to become accustomed to this new environment, and when parents hold their babies, they feel warm and safe — just like in the womb. 

However, when your baby falls asleep in your arms too often, it can become a habit that’s hard to break. Your baby might associate sleeping with being in your arms and will consequently have trouble sleeping anywhere else, like their own crib. 

Comfortable ways to hold babies while sleeping

Holding a baby isn’t challenging, but sometimes it can be difficult to find an agreeable position while they’re sleeping. Here’s a breakdown of a few positions that are often very comfortable for babies to sleep in.

Cradling

Cradling a baby may just be the most common position for holding your baby. It tends to be a natural holding position and is quite simple. Your baby’s head will gently rest in the crook of one arm while your other arm is wrapped around them, securing your baby while they sleep. Cradling makes rocking your little one to sleep easy.

On your shoulder

Another classic baby-holding position is on your shoulder. Let your baby lean their cheek against your shoulder while you support their bottom, as well as their back and neck. This position may make it easier to gently bounce your baby to sleep. Your baby will be able to hear your rhythmic breathing and heartbeat, too, so it’s a relaxing and comforting sleeping position for them.

In a sling

Using a sling is also helpful for sleeping babies. It lets you hold your baby hands-free while giving your baby the comfort of being held. They’ll be able to stay close to you, but you’ll be able to do other things while your baby rests.

Remember, you shouldn’t hold the baby while you’re standing up, just in case they fall. Don’t hold your baby if you’re sick, and only carry one baby at a time if you have multiples.

How and when to put your baby in their crib

Although it entirely depends on when you, as a parent, feel ready to introduce your baby to their crib, a good time to do so is around six months old. 

Use the crib for naptime

You can start the transition into their crib by using it during naptime. When it’s time for your baby’s nap, star by placing them in their crib. Introducing your baby to their crib during naptime will help them get used to sleeping in it at night. 

Your baby’s behavior will let you know when they are ready to go to sleep. Common sleepy symptoms include becoming fussy, yawning frequently, rubbing their eyes, or looking away. If you notice one or more of these behaviors, they’re probably ready to go to sleep.  

Make sure you place your baby in their crib when they’re sleepy but not actually asleep. If they wake up during the night, comfort your baby by patting them, but don’t take them out of their crib because that will negatively affect their routine.

Use technology for support

For added comfort, you can try adding a white noise during your baby’s sleep routine. White noise machines can block out other sounds and disturbances. This can be especially helpful if your baby is sleeping in a crib in your room. 

Transitioning your baby to a crib can be more difficult for you than for your babies. Using a baby monitor can help ease your mind if you’re a parent anxious about your baby sleeping in their own crib in a room by themselves. There are even some mobile applications that can turn your tablet or phone into a baby monitor. 

It’s completely normal if your baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Once your baby is about five months old, they may be able to start sleeping around seven hours per night. As your baby starts to inch into infanthood you may no longer have a baby who wants to be held all night.

Tips for sleep training your baby

Try swaddling

During the first few weeks, your baby is adjusting to the “outside world” after dwelling in a snug, warm environment for the last nine months.  Naturally, re-creating that safe space can help if your baby only sleeps when held.

Swaddling is the best option when it comes to soothing your baby to sleep, especially during the first two weeks. In the womb, your baby was accustomed to having limbs tucked in and snug. When you swaddle your baby, you’re placing them in a similar position, particularly with what’s called the “burrito wrap,” which is the most common form of swaddling.

Incorporate white noise

Using white noise during sleep also works well with swaddling. The soft humming and swooshing closely resembles the sounds from the womb. Your baby is reminded of the secure and comfy environment from where they just arrived. Plus, it helps your baby adjust during the more difficult sleep cycles and helps them stay asleep longer. A device like the Letsfit White Noise Machine provides an effective option when your newborn won’t sleep unless held.

Although the process can be frustrating (and exhausting), remember that babies don’t learn to fall asleep on their own in a day. It takes time and repetition. The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to remain patient. There are parent support groups that you can seek out for reassurance.

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Separate sleep with mother threatens the child with mental disorder

Babies who sleep in their crib already in the first month of life suffer from rapid heartbeat – the heart muscle tenses three times more, which in the future can lead to a number of diseases. Nils Bergman, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Cape Town, came to this conclusion by tracing the relationship between the joint sleep of a newborn with his mother and his further physical development. The results of the study were published in Daily Mail .

In addition, the brain of a baby who sleeps separately from the mother before the age of four weeks develops more slowly, says Bergman. The reason for everything is the stress that a newborn experiences, being alone for a long time.

Nils Bergman conducted a study of 16 infants. Some of the children slept on their mother’s chest, and the other – in a separate bed nearby. It turned out that the children in the crib experienced stress, the level of which was three times higher than in children who slept with their mother. In addition, infants who slept separately were less likely to alternate between slow-wave and REM sleep, while the alternation plays a key role in brain development. Thus, Bergman encourages mothers to put their baby on their chest for the first three to four weeks and to sleep in the same bed until 3-4 years of age.

Newly made fathers may not like this news, and they will easily find refutation of Bergman’s conclusions, for example, in the theory of Sigmund Freud’s Oedipus Complex. The famous psychologist argued that in children aged 2-4 years, a sexual attraction to a parent of the opposite sex is formed, and close contact, which includes joint sleep, can increase this attraction. However, psychology, like medicine, does not stand still, and today Russian experts assure that the separate sleep of an infant under the age of four weeks threatens him not only with the development of physiological pathologies, but also with a mental disorder, told the correspondent of “MIR 24” psychologist Larisa Surkova.

“There are serious cases when parents, frightened by grandparents or doctors, at any cost begin to transfer the child not only to a separate bed, but also to a separate room. Today it is a very fashionable trend. Thus, parents separate very young children from themselves. Although the first four weeks of a child’s life are not accidentally called the tenth month of pregnancy, they are very important.

There is a theory of attachment which says that for the first four weeks the baby should be as close to the mother as possible. The mother must literally tie him, carry him in her arms, put him on her chest, in a word, do everything so that he wears, even if the child was born full-term. When parents begin to move their children to another room, because someone told them that they would later have serious pathological problems with their children, through the cry of a child, through sobbing, using some traumatic methods, then psychologists really will subsequently have to sort out children’s Problems. Such children at the age of four or five begin to have serious mental problems, because there is a violation of the basic attachment. It’s a lifelong trauma.

For a child, such actions of parents mean the loss of a mother. He does not understand at this moment that his mother has gone into the next room, he is losing her. And every time he loses her forever. Therefore, I would like to urge parents, first of all, to listen to their hearts. If you are a mother, sit under the door of the room where the child is crying, while you are crying yourself – spit on the advisers, hug the child to you and give him your best. Childhood will pass very quickly. You only need to listen to your mother’s heart, ”says the psychologist.

Experts believe that the best option today is a separate bed, which is attached to the parent’s bed on the mother’s side.

“In an ideal scheme, when the child’s bed is in close proximity to the adult bed, certain boundaries are created, and at the same time, the mother is nearby, the child is calm, he hears her heart and breath. At the same time, it is convenient for the mother to feed the child, she does not have to get up for this a hundred times a night. Everyone gets sleep. If initially the mother slept with the baby in the same bed, then there will be no problems when switching to a new scheme. Over time, the child will begin to send signals to his mother about his readiness for independent sleep. The first time it happens usually at the age of 9-10 months. The child begins the phase of deep sleep, and joint sleep during this period can play a negative role, since the mother has already developed anxiety. For a child, this is the age at which he is already ready to sleep in his own bed, but not in a separate room. If you see that the baby has longer periods of deep sleep, when he does not wake up for a long time, when he eats less often, then you can already safely transfer him to a separate bed, ”Surkova comments.

The stages of separation of the child from the parents should be smooth and gradual, in this case the psyche will not suffer. First, you need to transfer the child to a separate bed, and only when he gets used to it, move this bed to a separate room. To form a child’s interest in their own sleeping place, it is necessary to use bed linen with children’s ornaments, children’s toys, therapeutic fairy tales and nightly rituals.

“Often, parents rudely push the child away from them. For example, a mother is waiting for the second, say, she will give birth tomorrow, and suddenly she decides that it is time for a two-year-old child to sleep separately. The child immediately moves to the next room through tears and stress. Sometimes it happens that the child slept in a side bed, but suddenly he is told that now he has grown up and this bed is no longer his, but a new brother, and now he needs to sleep on a bunk bed in the next room. In this case, the child has two stresses at once – the appearance of a new child and the selected position that is familiar to him. And sleep is very important. Sleep and food are basic human needs, so it is very important that in childhood they are carried out in a calm environment so that nothing injures the child. It is important to do everything very gradually, ”the psychologist shares his advice.

Reverse theories about the dangers of co-sleeping mother and child have no practical evidence. “Old Freud” at one time fantasized too much, modern psychologists are sure.

“During my practice, I have not seen any pathological cases due to the joint sleep of mother and child. Of course, there are setbacks. For example, a child from birth sleeps in his bed on his own, everything is fine with him, and at 9-10 months he begins to ask his mother at night, because his teeth are climbing or something else is bothering him. Then, at two or five years old, ask to go to bed with your parents, because, for example, you had a bad dream or fears appeared. There is no need to push the children away at these moments. No need to take the child back to his room and scare it even more there. It is quite possible to give the child an indulgence by laying him next to you, and in the morning to figure out what happened at night, ”advises Larisa Surkova.

Hunger, pain or the weather: what prevents children from sleeping?

Lace blankets in a snow-white bed, tiny booties on a changing table, an impeccably furnished children’s room… Every family awaits the birth of a baby with special reverence. But the expectation of a beautiful fairy tale of serene parenthood is very often replaced by a harsh reality with sleepless nights, children’s crying and the hope that the colic will soon pass and it will soon become easier. Colic passes, and restless children’s sleep with long bedtimes and frequent awakenings often remains the main problem of young parents. What prevents the child from sleeping at night and how to fix it? Authoritative experts answered this question.

Ekaterina Taran, psychologist, consultant at the BabySleep Center for Child Sleep and Development:

“From the moment of birth to the age of two or three, every child goes through tremendous emotional and physical changes – they learn to roll over, sit, stand up, walk. Growth spurts are replaced by development spurts, the daily routine also changes. And you need to understand that in a normal healthy child under three years old, one to three awakenings are acceptable, but perhaps not every night.

Talking about the causes of poor sleep and frequent nighttime awakenings, first of all, we can highlight physical discomfort: hunger, an overfilled diaper, pajamas that may be oversized or with chafing seams or tags made of fabric that irritates the skin. External factors – noise, light, humidity, heat or cold – can also interfere with the baby’s sleep. As soon as the cause of physical or external discomfort is eliminated, full sleep returns.

Developmental and growth spurts also affect children’s sleep. For example, a baby learns to sit down, and he trains this skill at any time convenient for him, including at night. Only training the skill during the active time of wakefulness will help here, bringing it to automatism.

A fairly common cause of poor night sleep is an incorrectly structured daily routine. This is too much, not enough, emotional overexcitation before going to bed, lack of rituals. Here it is necessary to adjust the daily regimen according to age, taking into account the individual time of wakefulness of the child.

Next: causes associated with sleep associations. If a child falls asleep during feeding, rocking, or sleeps only in a stroller, then, waking up between sleep cycles, he will not be able to fall asleep on his own and will require the restoration of familiar conditions. There is an opinion that breastfeeding or motion sickness is a harmful association for sleep, but here, first of all, you need to look at the age of the baby. For newborns, it is very physiological to fall asleep “on the chest” – the mother is developing lactation, frequent long applications are very important. Yes, and rocking in the first three months will soothe the baby. By six to eight months, such conditions for falling asleep become familiar to the child, and often mothers do not change anything and do not introduce other methods of relaxation. And now such associations for sleep begin to interfere, because, for example, pumping a one-year-old child is no longer so easy.

Of course, every case is different. But there are some general recommendations on how to make a child’s sleep sound and parents’ nights calm.

Analyze if your child’s daily routine is appropriate for their age (if they go to bed too late, stay awake for a long time, have too much or not enough daytime sleep, etc.). It is very important to keep track of your baby’s wake time. For each age, there is a sleep norm that parents need to know. The main criterion is the mood of the child. A smiling baby who falls asleep well, wakes up without tears, sleeps for an hour or more during the day, is actively awake, perfectly regulates his cycles. Mom should listen to her child and, if necessary, increase or decrease the time of wakefulness.

Come up with a bedtime ritual – a set of the same actions repeated one after another in a strictly defined sequence before each bedtime. The ritual sets the baby to sleep and saturates with the attention of the mother. Very often there is a ritual for night sleep, but it is absent for daytime sleep – and this is a mistake.

Remove distractions and lights from the room while your baby is falling asleep. Many parents put a musical toy or their mobile phone in the crib. But toys with sound and light distract the child from sleep too much. At three to four months of age, the “sleep hormone” melatonin begins to be produced in the body. The level of this hormone in children increases in the evening, reaches a maximum around midnight and decreases in the early hours of the morning. The production of melatonin depends on the light – it stops in bright light. In the evening, shortly before putting the child to sleep, it is recommended to dim the lights, and in the process of the bedding ritual, turn off the light altogether. Thus, parents competently set up the child for sleep and reduce the time of bedtime.”

Evgeny Verbitsky, head of the Rostov branch of the Russian Somnological Society, professor of the Southern Scientific Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences:

“As a rule, after six months, the child’s nervous system makes a leap in development, which can also affect his sleep. From this age, the baby may wake up suddenly, with anxiety and crying. This is the so-called physiological crying, it is preceded by a shallow sleep. Often the child thus tries to call his parents, without whom he is uncomfortable and anxious. The baby needs to be made clear that the parents are nearby, they will come and calm him down, but without feeding, playing, without taking him out of the crib. Smooth stroking, repetition of ritual elements, soft humming in most cases return the child to sleep. Perhaps some thing in the crib that the baby saw at the parents and which smells of them will help him with this.

The child is growing, his bed is changing, his environment is changing, and you need to get used to it. If this habituation is successful, the level of children’s anxiety is reduced. The main cause of early childhood anxiety is associated with separation from parents, habitual habitat, environment, familiar elements of the children’s world. All this can lead to difficult falling asleep and a restless night’s sleep. “Intermediaries” in the form of night toys are effective here, as well as firm beliefs like “See you in the morning, baby.” Nightmares can also be the cause of awakenings. Parents should agree on what strategy to follow when the child wakes up and comes to bed with them.

Speaking of bad children’s sleep, it is worth considering the geographical features of the Rostov region. In our steppe region, the direction of the wind and its speed often change. This leads to changes in atmospheric pressure and sudden changes in the weather. A child is more sensitive to such changes than a healthy adult. Therefore, on rainy days, the baby’s sleep, with its still immature nervous system, must be treated with special attention.

The immature mechanisms of a child’s sleep are also vulnerable in the autumn-winter period – the production of the “sleep hormone” melatonin is affected by a short daylight hours. At this time, adults need to monitor the organization of the sleep and wakefulness of the child. This is a constant exam of parents for ingenuity and balance for the sake of deep sleep of the baby – the key to the production of somatotropic hormone, which is essential for the growth and harmonious development of the child’s body.

Natalia Tokmak, osteopath:

“In some cases, difficulty falling asleep can be an important sign for parents that there is some kind of problem. There are few such children in my practice. They have a normal competent regime, they go to bed on time, do not get overexcited, there are no vivid impressions before going to bed. The problem of heavy falling asleep may be associated with a violation of the positions of the cervical vertebrae. How does it affect nighttime sleep? Due to impaired blood flow and chronic spasm in large or small vessels of the brain, the regulation of brain structures is difficult. Poor sleep can be directly related to the “work” of the skull. Small, outwardly insignificant, but very important inside microdisplacements, microrestrictions in the mobility of the bones of the skull lead to a certain tension of its structures. It’s hard for these kids to relax. The transition from wakefulness to sleep is difficult for them. As a rule, they sleep restlessly, often waking up.

If we are talking about children under one year old, waking up screaming or crying is not a good sign. After all, a healthy child wakes up calmly, just gently lets you know that, for example, he is hungry. If the child immediately screams loudly (and the parent understands that this is a cry of pain) – most likely, he has a headache, it is difficult for him to relax, calm down, the baby has to be rocked. These kids need help. The osteopath can gently work with the cervical region, spine, sacrum. Although the sacrum is located far from the head, it is an important paired structure that “works” in sync with the skull.”

Tatyana Valkova, pediatrician:

“One of the main causes of children’s shallow sleep, which parents often neglect, is the lack of a normal microclimate in the room. The most comfortable air temperature for children of any age is 19-20 degrees. At this temperature, children’s sleep is most profound. If the mother is afraid that the baby will freeze, you can cover the baby with an extra diaper, but do not raise the temperature in the room. Humidity should be 50-70%. High temperature and low humidity of the room lead to the drying of the nasal mucosa, a decrease in immunological protection, the appearance of thirst, which provokes frequent nocturnal awakenings.

In conclusion, I want to say that you should not try to treat infantile sleep disorders with medication, since most of the drugs used in our country (nootropic, vascular and some others) are drugs with unproven effectiveness and are not used in developed countries.”

What is normal breastfeeding? | Interview with Dr. Jacqueline Kent

It can be difficult for new mothers to understand if breastfeeding is going well, so we decided to ask the expert if it is possible to talk about the norms when it comes to breastfeeding.

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Dr Jacqueline Kent , Research Fellow , Hartmann Human Lactation Research Group:
Jacqueline joined the University of Western Australia research group in 1986 and received her PhD in 1999. She is currently researching the biochemical and physiological aspects of breast milk synthesis and release in search of scientific information to help mothers breastfeed longer.

Dr. Jacqueline Kent and her colleagues have been studying breastfeeding for many years. As it turned out, for all mothers and babies, this process occurs in its own way.

What were the most unexpected results of your research for you?

Variety. It turns out that the limits of the norm are extremely wide.
We are used to textbooks that say that an infant should eat 8-12 times a day and gain 150 grams per week. But babies don’t read textbooks and do things their own way! Some gain weight more slowly, others very quickly.

We looked at infants aged one to six months who were exclusively breastfed. As our studies have shown, on average, a child is breastfed 4 to 13 times a day, and the duration of one feeding varies from 12 minutes to 1 hour. ¹

How much milk do breastfed babies usually consume?

According to our research, the volume of milk consumed by baby
ranges from 54 to 234 ml per feeding. ¹

Sometimes it seems to the mother that the baby has eaten well, but when weighed, it turns out that he ate very little milk. And it happens the other way around: the child is distracted, breastfeeds for only a few minutes and still eats 100 ml of milk. Even if the baby is restless, this does not mean at all that he is malnourished.

All babies are different, but they all get the amount of milk they need in one way or another. One needs 500 ml of milk per day, while others eat up to 1356 ml!

By the way, boys on average eat 76 ml more milk per day than girls. The main thing is that you have enough milk, and the baby will decide when and how much he will eat.

Should I offer my baby a second breast?

I advise offering the second breast to the baby after the first has been completely emptied. If he accepts it, then he hasn’t finished eating. If not, don’t worry. Let the baby decide for himself – only he knows when he is full. According to our research, 30% of babies get enough milk from one breast, 13% eat from two breasts at each feed, and 57% from time to time. ¹

How do you know if a baby is getting enough milk?

In my experience, mothers often blame themselves for not producing enough milk. Ask yourself: Is my child growing? Is he putting on weight? Is he cheerful? Is his skin healthy? How often does he get diapers dirty? If the answer is “yes”, then the baby is getting enough milk, no matter if he eats a lot or a little.

What is the most common misconception about breastfeeding?

Mothers usually think that the older the child gets, the
more often you need to feed him and the more milk he will eat. They are often surprised to learn that between the 4th and 26th weeks, total milk production normally does not change. ²

In the first few months, the baby grows very quickly and his metabolism is accelerated. The milk that the child consumes during this period is almost completely used for growth and maintenance of metabolism.

Between the ages of three and six months, metabolism slows down and growth slows, so the same amount of milk is sufficient for the baby. In other words, the baby does not have to consume more and more milk as they grow older. On the contrary, feedings become shorter and less frequent, but at the same time the child receives the same amount of milk, because he suckles better.

Do studies say anything about the age at which breastfed babies start sleeping through the night?

Most babies need to be fed at night.
A baby’s stomach is not big enough to go all night without a feed, and breast milk is digested very quickly. Therefore, it is natural for the baby to wake up at night – and this usually continues for at least the first six months. Feeding at night is normal. When you feed your baby at night, do not even hesitate – all over the world at this moment other mothers of babies of the same age are doing the same. Be patient – it usually only lasts a few months. ¹

What worries new mothers the most during the first few weeks of breastfeeding?

The most common concern is whether the baby latch on correctly, sucks well, and is full during feeding. Often mothers also worry about sore nipples. The main thing is to find the right position for feeding from the very beginning and ensure that the baby is latching on correctly. Practice shows that this significantly affects the flow of milk and the convenience of feeding.

What breastfeeding symptoms should be of concern?

Milk production usually returns to normal levels two weeks after birth. If the child does not begin to gain weight on the fifth or sixth day of life, it’s time to sound the alarm. You should contact your doctor to make sure that milk is being produced and that its composition is changing from colostrum to mature breast milk.

What advice would you give to a new breastfeeding mother?

Try to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby as soon as possible after delivery. If possible, feed your baby within the first hour of life, or at least breastfeed. As soon as possible, contact a specialist to correct the position and grip of the breast during feeding and thus avoid damage to the nipples.

Feed frequently. Young mothers do not immediately succeed in correctly recognizing the signals that the child gives. Be sure to feed your baby on demand, and not at set intervals. Offer the breast as soon as you notice any signs of hunger – as a rule, the baby suckles better when he is calm. If he cries, it is more difficult for him to take the breast. If you are not sure what the child wants, offer him the breast. He decides whether he wants to eat or not.

To learn more about Dr. Kent’s research, download infographic “How to determine the limits of the norm when it comes to breastfeeding” or see it below.

Literature

1 Kent JC et al. Volume and frequency of breastfeedings and fat content of breast milk throughout the day. Pediatrics . 2006;117(3): e 387-395. – Kent J.S. et al., “Amount and frequency of breastfeeding and fat content of breast milk during the day.” Pediatrix (Pediatrics).