Toddlers and daycare: What Day Care Providers Wish They Could Tell You About Your Toddler
What Day Care Providers Wish They Could Tell You About Your Toddler
By Riley Morris on August 18, 2020 — Fact checked by Jennifer Chesak
Working with 2-year-olds has increased my understanding of babbling and toddler gibberish. It has also exponentially grown my patience — with toddlers and their parents.
I’m both a parent and a child care worker, so I’ve seen two sides of the day care equation.
As a parent whose child regularly attends day care, I understand the concerns of the parents who drop their kids off in my care every day.
When my son was an infant, his father and I grew frustrated with his teachers because he was only drinking 1 to 2 ounces of each bottle while he drank 3 to 4 ounces at home. I didn’t think about the differences in environment or varying levels of comfort for my son. Instead, I was quick to create assumptions about the teachers.
Yet, as a child care worker for the past 8 years, I’ve realized that there’s more than a handful of parenting styles. Each adds something to the classroom.
I’m fortunate to understand some things that my son’s teachers do in the classroom because of my own experience in the industry. However, I realize many parents don’t have the same child care background. As a result, misunderstandings may lead to confusion and conflict between parents and day care providers.
Almost certainly, there are a few things your day care provider wants you to know about how your kid handles the day when you’re not there. If you’ve wondered why your child care provider does something seemingly unnecessarily, let me share.
Don’t get me wrong — pacifiers are not the enemy.
Most experts agree that there is little harm done by giving children a pacifier before they are 2 years old. After that, the risks outweigh the benefits. Pacifier use past the age of 4 is of concern regarding speech development and dental problems. Still, lots of parents have a hard time weaning their kids off the paci.
There are a handful of reasons why a toddler wants a pacifier, but there’s also a number of reasons why a parent wants their toddler to have a pacifier.
Sometimes these reasons don’t align, and sometimes they oppose each other.
A pacifier is a beneficial self-soothing tool for toddlers. Eventually, children grow out of their pacifier use as they learn other tools to aid in self-soothing and emotional regulation.
Parents develop a habit of using the pacifier, too, which they may not outgrow on the same timeline as their child. For parents, pacifiers are used to quickly calm (and quiet) a child when emotions run high. Parents may have also convinced themselves that the pacifier is just “easier” when it comes to nap times and bedtimes.
As a parent myself, I completely understand these tendencies to hastily calm a crying child and find the easiest route to achieve a snoring child. I’m sure my son’s teachers have some choice words to say to me about my parenting choices.
But we must acknowledge the child’s needs over the parent’s.
I teach 2-year-olds, and most of my class is younger than 2 1/2. Going off of my own experience, once the pacifier is in a backpack or their cubby, the toddler doesn’t give it a second thought.
They don’t mention their pacifier until mom or dad comes for pick up and immediately hands it to them.
The phrases “children need structure” or “children need routine” are thrown around often in the world of parenting. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) labels structure as an essential for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. They list three elements for building structure: consistency, predictability, and follow-through.
In order to build structure that is essential for toddlers, you must first set rules to follow. Without the rules, there is nothing to be consistent about. Your children can’t predict what will happen. And you cannot follow through with a consequence for breaking the rules.
Children need boundaries as much as they need routine.
Routine helps children know what to expect. Boundaries teach children what they can and cannot do. The two together are basically a roadmap for daily life.
Our toddlers are learning the environment around them.
They’re learning how to function in their small pocket of society. It’s necessary that we provide that roadmap and set those boundaries in order to help them succeed.
As a day care provider, I can typically tell the leeway parents from the strict parents. And there’s nothing wrong with either of those parenting styles! But each does come with its own set of challenges.
Allowing your child to sleep in is a small example of the reality behind not setting a routine. Regularly letting them sleep in causes different drop-in times for them. They never know what their peers will be doing when they enter the room, whether that be eating, playing, or lining up. This will cause unneeded stress for them, even if it’s a little amount.
Similarly, they need boundaries in how to act. A painless they’ll learn when they’re older approach to discipline doesn’t work with toddlers and causes additional problems in the classroom. For instance, if they’re not being told that physically pushing against their parents is wrong, they’ll think pushing their friends at day care is allowed, too.
Without a doubt, I understand this desire.
When your kid has a low fever, you may think: “If I give them Tylenol, they’ll get by just enough at school that I won’t have to call out of work.” Or maybe your thought process is more like: “I have so much work to do today. I can’t stay home and fall behind.”
Either way, I understand! There’s only 8 hours in a work day and it feels as though it’s never enough.
That being said, it’s important to remember how your sick child might be spending those 8 hours you leave them in our care.
As their friends play, they may sit and stare off into space. I used to have a toddler in my class who would lie down the entire day and watch his peers run around him. Whether it be free play in the classroom, recess time outside, or the planned curriculum activity, he would simply lie down on the ground and watch.
I’ve also had kids fall asleep at the lunch table or plead to skip eating in order to nap.
Tylenol doesn’t change how they feel.
It simply takes away the fever, so that, by policy, we can’t call and tell you to bring them home.
They still feel awful, so keep them home for their sake, not ours.
To add onto that, please don’t try to hide that you’ve given them Tylenol. We typically know from the moment you enter the classroom and we see their behavior. We love your kids, we know your kids, and we can tell when something is off.
Trust me, it backfires.
Every parent, every teacher, and every how-to source claims a different method as the “best”and “most effective” method for successful potty training. In a world full of information, it leaves parents feeling overwhelmed and engulfed in how-to’s and what-to-do’s.
So how can so many “best”methods exist for toilet training? The answer is simple. Every toddler is different.
Each child has a unique personality of likes, dislikes, ways of persuasion, and feelings of reluctance. For example, your first child might have loved cucumbers while your fourth child lives on mac and cheese and jellybeans.
We, as parents, change the food we offer our kids based on their likes and dislikes. It’s important to recognize the need to change the method of potty training based on their likes and dislikes.
Having said that, toddlers can’t be rushed to start using the bathroom. Child-led interest is key when it comes to toilet training! It leads to fewer accidents, less stress on the child, and less frustration on the parent.
It doesn’t matter what your book or your mother-in-law says. If your child is not interested in using the potty, they will not learn how to and they will not want to continue.
Child-led interest and other readiness signs involve asking questions about the toilet or going longer with a dry diaper. To encourage a natural growth in interest, you can read books about using the toilet or discuss the exciting change of wearing underwear.
Think about your own actions first. Do you behave differently around your co-workers than around your partner? Your family? Your best friend from high school?
The same goes for toddlers except their co-workers are tiny 1-, 2-, or 3-year-olds and a taller child care provider.
They might act more ornery or more charming when you’re around. I used to have a student who spent the majority of the day provoking their peers by consistently taking toys, pushing, and hitting. The second their mom would show up for pickup, she was hugging her friends and trying to kiss their cheeks. All the while, mom praised the student for being a sweetheart.
Likewise, I know students who are the sweetest in the room all day long. Then mom or dad comes to pick up in the afternoon, and the child runs around and dumps out every toy bucket on the shelves.
Believe us when we report about your child’s day — whether it’s a positive or negative report. It’s common for children to behave differently at home than at school, and it’s also okay that these differences exist.
No, but most do.
Raising a child is hard! If it were easy, there wouldn’t be rows of books to help people tackle parenting. The phrase “it takes a village” describes raising children well, but we often neglect to seek help — or listen to it.
I’m definitely not the end-all-be-all source for day care providers, but I can provide a peek of insight. There’s a variety of child care workers, meaning our techniques, thoughts, and approach to raising children differ.
In the 6 months of having a son in day care, I’ve learned that his preschool teachers are a valuable source of information. They know the behavior of children his age more than I do. They see what he’s like when he is not in the comfort of his home.
That being said, I know my son, and I’ve known him his whole life.
When you’re wondering about how to handle the newest challenges parenting hurls at you, take in what your child care workers tell you, and then decide what’s best for you and your family. And then, fill us in.
When parents and child care providers work together as a team, we can provide the best possible environment for your kids — who we care about dearly.
Riley Morris is a mother and writer based in Wichita, Kansas.
She loves learning alongside her 2-year-old students, drinking homemade almond milk lattes, and snuggling up to her son. When she’s not leisurely scrolling through Zillow, you can find her spending hours on Pinterest or writing for her website Motherhood Is A Ministry.
What Day Care Providers Wish They Could Tell You About Your Toddler
By Riley Morris on August 18, 2020 — Fact checked by Jennifer Chesak
Working with 2-year-olds has increased my understanding of babbling and toddler gibberish. It has also exponentially grown my patience — with toddlers and their parents.
I’m both a parent and a child care worker, so I’ve seen two sides of the day care equation.
As a parent whose child regularly attends day care, I understand the concerns of the parents who drop their kids off in my care every day.
When my son was an infant, his father and I grew frustrated with his teachers because he was only drinking 1 to 2 ounces of each bottle while he drank 3 to 4 ounces at home.
I didn’t think about the differences in environment or varying levels of comfort for my son. Instead, I was quick to create assumptions about the teachers.
Yet, as a child care worker for the past 8 years, I’ve realized that there’s more than a handful of parenting styles. Each adds something to the classroom.
I’m fortunate to understand some things that my son’s teachers do in the classroom because of my own experience in the industry. However, I realize many parents don’t have the same child care background. As a result, misunderstandings may lead to confusion and conflict between parents and day care providers.
Almost certainly, there are a few things your day care provider wants you to know about how your kid handles the day when you’re not there. If you’ve wondered why your child care provider does something seemingly unnecessarily, let me share.
Don’t get me wrong — pacifiers are not the enemy.
Most experts agree that there is little harm done by giving children a pacifier before they are 2 years old.
After that, the risks outweigh the benefits. Pacifier use past the age of 4 is of concern regarding speech development and dental problems. Still, lots of parents have a hard time weaning their kids off the paci.
There are a handful of reasons why a toddler wants a pacifier, but there’s also a number of reasons why a parent wants their toddler to have a pacifier. Sometimes these reasons don’t align, and sometimes they oppose each other.
A pacifier is a beneficial self-soothing tool for toddlers. Eventually, children grow out of their pacifier use as they learn other tools to aid in self-soothing and emotional regulation.
Parents develop a habit of using the pacifier, too, which they may not outgrow on the same timeline as their child. For parents, pacifiers are used to quickly calm (and quiet) a child when emotions run high. Parents may have also convinced themselves that the pacifier is just “easier” when it comes to nap times and bedtimes.
As a parent myself, I completely understand these tendencies to hastily calm a crying child and find the easiest route to achieve a snoring child.
I’m sure my son’s teachers have some choice words to say to me about my parenting choices.
But we must acknowledge the child’s needs over the parent’s.
I teach 2-year-olds, and most of my class is younger than 2 1/2. Going off of my own experience, once the pacifier is in a backpack or their cubby, the toddler doesn’t give it a second thought.
They don’t mention their pacifier until mom or dad comes for pick up and immediately hands it to them.
The phrases “children need structure” or “children need routine” are thrown around often in the world of parenting. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) labels structure as an essential for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. They list three elements for building structure: consistency, predictability, and follow-through.
In order to build structure that is essential for toddlers, you must first set rules to follow. Without the rules, there is nothing to be consistent about. Your children can’t predict what will happen.
And you cannot follow through with a consequence for breaking the rules.
Children need boundaries as much as they need routine.
Routine helps children know what to expect. Boundaries teach children what they can and cannot do. The two together are basically a roadmap for daily life.
Our toddlers are learning the environment around them. They’re learning how to function in their small pocket of society. It’s necessary that we provide that roadmap and set those boundaries in order to help them succeed.
As a day care provider, I can typically tell the leeway parents from the strict parents. And there’s nothing wrong with either of those parenting styles! But each does come with its own set of challenges.
Allowing your child to sleep in is a small example of the reality behind not setting a routine. Regularly letting them sleep in causes different drop-in times for them. They never know what their peers will be doing when they enter the room, whether that be eating, playing, or lining up.
This will cause unneeded stress for them, even if it’s a little amount.
Similarly, they need boundaries in how to act. A painless they’ll learn when they’re older approach to discipline doesn’t work with toddlers and causes additional problems in the classroom. For instance, if they’re not being told that physically pushing against their parents is wrong, they’ll think pushing their friends at day care is allowed, too.
Without a doubt, I understand this desire.
When your kid has a low fever, you may think: “If I give them Tylenol, they’ll get by just enough at school that I won’t have to call out of work.” Or maybe your thought process is more like: “I have so much work to do today. I can’t stay home and fall behind.”
Either way, I understand! There’s only 8 hours in a work day and it feels as though it’s never enough.
That being said, it’s important to remember how your sick child might be spending those 8 hours you leave them in our care.
As their friends play, they may sit and stare off into space.
I used to have a toddler in my class who would lie down the entire day and watch his peers run around him. Whether it be free play in the classroom, recess time outside, or the planned curriculum activity, he would simply lie down on the ground and watch.
I’ve also had kids fall asleep at the lunch table or plead to skip eating in order to nap.
Tylenol doesn’t change how they feel. It simply takes away the fever, so that, by policy, we can’t call and tell you to bring them home.
They still feel awful, so keep them home for their sake, not ours.
To add onto that, please don’t try to hide that you’ve given them Tylenol. We typically know from the moment you enter the classroom and we see their behavior. We love your kids, we know your kids, and we can tell when something is off.
Trust me, it backfires.
Every parent, every teacher, and every how-to source claims a different method as the “best”and “most effective” method for successful potty training.
In a world full of information, it leaves parents feeling overwhelmed and engulfed in how-to’s and what-to-do’s.
So how can so many “best”methods exist for toilet training? The answer is simple. Every toddler is different.
Each child has a unique personality of likes, dislikes, ways of persuasion, and feelings of reluctance. For example, your first child might have loved cucumbers while your fourth child lives on mac and cheese and jellybeans. We, as parents, change the food we offer our kids based on their likes and dislikes. It’s important to recognize the need to change the method of potty training based on their likes and dislikes.
Having said that, toddlers can’t be rushed to start using the bathroom. Child-led interest is key when it comes to toilet training! It leads to fewer accidents, less stress on the child, and less frustration on the parent.
It doesn’t matter what your book or your mother-in-law says. If your child is not interested in using the potty, they will not learn how to and they will not want to continue.
Child-led interest and other readiness signs involve asking questions about the toilet or going longer with a dry diaper. To encourage a natural growth in interest, you can read books about using the toilet or discuss the exciting change of wearing underwear.
Think about your own actions first. Do you behave differently around your co-workers than around your partner? Your family? Your best friend from high school?
The same goes for toddlers except their co-workers are tiny 1-, 2-, or 3-year-olds and a taller child care provider.
They might act more ornery or more charming when you’re around. I used to have a student who spent the majority of the day provoking their peers by consistently taking toys, pushing, and hitting. The second their mom would show up for pickup, she was hugging her friends and trying to kiss their cheeks. All the while, mom praised the student for being a sweetheart.
Likewise, I know students who are the sweetest in the room all day long.
Then mom or dad comes to pick up in the afternoon, and the child runs around and dumps out every toy bucket on the shelves.
Believe us when we report about your child’s day — whether it’s a positive or negative report. It’s common for children to behave differently at home than at school, and it’s also okay that these differences exist.
No, but most do.
Raising a child is hard! If it were easy, there wouldn’t be rows of books to help people tackle parenting. The phrase “it takes a village” describes raising children well, but we often neglect to seek help — or listen to it.
I’m definitely not the end-all-be-all source for day care providers, but I can provide a peek of insight. There’s a variety of child care workers, meaning our techniques, thoughts, and approach to raising children differ.
In the 6 months of having a son in day care, I’ve learned that his preschool teachers are a valuable source of information. They know the behavior of children his age more than I do.
They see what he’s like when he is not in the comfort of his home.
That being said, I know my son, and I’ve known him his whole life.
When you’re wondering about how to handle the newest challenges parenting hurls at you, take in what your child care workers tell you, and then decide what’s best for you and your family. And then, fill us in.
When parents and child care providers work together as a team, we can provide the best possible environment for your kids — who we care about dearly.
Riley Morris is a mother and writer based in Wichita, Kansas. She loves learning alongside her 2-year-old students, drinking homemade almond milk lattes, and snuggling up to her son. When she’s not leisurely scrolling through Zillow, you can find her spending hours on Pinterest or writing for her website Motherhood Is A Ministry.
Kindergarten: adaptation – Official website of the Administration of St. Petersburg There are a lot of children around, fun, noisy, and most importantly – mom is nearby.
Problems can begin when the baby is left alone in this new team. The child may be afraid that the mother will no longer come for him. On the second day, he can throw a tantrum, not let his mother go a step away from him. What to do in this case?
On the first day of visiting the kindergarten, it is better to come only for a walk with a group, as it will be easier for the child to find friends and meet the teacher in the game. You can take your favorite toy with you to the garden.
Quite often, parents forget to tell their children that they will be picking them up from kindergarten in the evening. For adults, this circumstance is so obvious that they do not consider it necessary to stipulate it. But for toddlers, this is not the case. Finding himself in new circumstances, the child believes that he will stay here forever, and this is a huge stress for him.
It is advisable that you do not leave your baby in kindergarten for the whole day during the first month. The first week of visits should last 3-4 hours, then you can leave the baby until lunch, and at the end of the first month (if the teacher recommends) you can start leaving the baby for the whole day.
Be sure to instruct the child what to do in case of difficulty. Tell him that if he wants to drink or go to the toilet, or something else, then he should go to the teacher and say so.
In the middle of the first week, it is worth taking a “day off” from the garden, giving the baby a break. At home, during the adaptation period, it is necessary to observe the daily routine, walk more on weekends, and reduce emotional stress.
The child must come to kindergarten only in good health. It is important at first to especially carefully monitor the emotional state of the child: is he afraid, is he offended? The child should feel that the mother will always help, will always be there in difficult times.
If the child is not ready
The adaptation period usually lasts 2-3 months. But there may also be such an option that getting used to the kindergarten is delayed for a long time. You observe signs of a deterioration in the situation: the child begins to get sick often, he has problems with sleep, appetite.
Tears and suffering “for the departed mother” continue throughout the day. Your baby does not communicate with other children or this communication comes down to conflicts, the child does not participate in collective games, sometimes he avoids the teacher. As a result, he feels lonely, abandoned and unhappy by everyone.
Such behavior is in no way indicative of a mental disorder in your child. He’s just not ready for kindergarten until he’s ready. Most likely, some individual features of his character, for example, shyness, fearfulness, in the absence of sufficient psychological support from adults, prevented him from adapting. The position of “kindergarten at any cost”, which is sometimes taken by parents, is erroneous. It will not bring benefits to the child.
The best thing you can do right now is to take your baby out of daycare altogether. He will have to stay at home for a while. And mom should consult with a pediatrician and a psychologist about how she should proceed.
And finally…
Kindergarten is an integral part of most children’s lives. And it depends only on the parents how to go through this difficult path of adaptation to the garden.
Remember: everything takes time, and it can take up to six months for a child to get used to kindergarten, so be patient, carefully work through every detail, learn new things together with the baby, open the door to a new world for him gradually, calculate your strengths , opportunities, plans. Prepare your child for kindergarten and go there with pleasure!
Ways to prepare a child for attending a kindergarten – Development Academy
When a child begins to grow up, parents begin to think about sending him to a kindergarten. Regardless of whether the mother will work or not, many experts recommend attending a preschool. As you know, it is kindergarten that helps children develop the necessary skills, learn about the world around them faster and establish a culture of communication with children.
First of all, the baby should be prepared for visiting a group with peers. More about this is described in this article.
What is this training for?
And so, let’s see what preparation is needed before visiting the garden. As a rule, children go to kindergarten at the age of 2-3 years. They are still very small and cannot imagine their existence without their beloved mother. The child is already used to the fact that all his problems are solved by his mother, she is always there and ready to help at any moment. Giving away your beloved child without prior preparation, you act very cruelly. During these 2-3 years, the baby is strongly attached to the house, parents, toys and daily routine, so a sudden arrival in the kindergarten is fraught with the development of stress in the child, which can later lead to unforeseen consequences. In the future, the baby may develop a negative idea of the kindergarten and resentment towards the parents. That is why it is worth preparing the child in advance for visiting the garden.
There are cases of frequent illnesses in children who start going to kindergarten – sometimes it is a reaction to stress or weak immunity. In order to avoid such troubles, doctors recommend tempering babies before going to preschool. More detailed information on this subject can be obtained from pediatricians (district), who know your child from the cradle and can give good advice. It’s worth starting with a vitamin that is useful for raising overall immunity. Believe me, it will be better for you and for the child.
Psychological preparation for visiting the garden.
Remember the first rule: in no case should you threaten the baby and put pressure on him in various ways (especially with the help of blackmail). The main thing is to explain to the child that in the garden it will be interesting and fun for him, he will meet the same children, they will play with new, funny toys. And the time will be rapidly approaching the arrival of mom. If parents are not able to do this on their own, you can resort to the qualified help of psychologists.
Every time you pass by the kindergarten, tell your child about everything that the child may encounter. In order to avoid various unpleasant situations, it is worth explaining to the baby that he will not be there alone, and that the teachers are forced to play with all the children without exception. Therefore, you should not throw tantrums and fight for a toy that the child liked. In kindergarten, all children are equal and have the same rights to everything that happens around.
In addition, the baby should not only feel, but also know that he will never be left here forever, but only for a while, while his mother is at work. And in the evening they will take him home, where the child will play with his favorite toys and the parents will read a fairy tale for the night.
Absolutely all kindergartens practice short visits to kindergarten for children. The time spent in the group (nursery) increases every week. Thus, the child gradually gets used to the new environment and atmosphere.
Such a mini kindergarten continues until the child begins to react more calmly to the departure of his mother. When the baby stops crying, he will be left for an afternoon nap – this will be the next step to being in the garden throughout the day.
Parents should personally get to know the caregivers, tell about the child’s characteristics, character, habits, etc.
Some features are important factors. Firstly, the first time of adaptation of the child should be brought and taken away exclusively by the parents. Secondly, you can not leave secretly from the baby. Be sure to let him know that you will be back for him soon. Then together go home, where you will always be there. During this period, surround the baby with care and do not demand much from him. Gradually, the child will get used to kindergarten and will go there with joy.
There are times when a child cries incessantly and nothing can calm him down. Think about it, maybe you should not rush to the kindergarten, and for now the baby needs to be at home with his mother.