My 10 month old hits me: Why is My Baby Hitting?

Why is My Baby Hitting?

Behaviour

Highlights

• Why Do Babies Hit?
• What Can I Do About It?
• What Should I Do If My Baby Hits Me?
• If Your Baby Hits Other Babies.

Why Do Babies Hit?

In babies up to 12 months of age, hitting isn’t a sign of aggression towards the person they hit. Aggressive hitting is normally only present in children aged 18 months upwards, when they often vocalise frustrations and anger by hitting. Babies under one explore with their hands and mouth and hit as a way of exploring their world. They enjoy seeing what happens when they hit things and people; cause and effect is fascinating to babies! Hitting things, people in particular makes a slapping sound, so that gives babies a bonus of hearing the effects of their actions!

What Can You Do About It?

Although babies initially hit as a method of exploration, if the person they’ve hit laughs or looks surprised, the baby might find this amusing and think its a fun game to play. Your baby isn’t trying to hurt you, but play a game with you.

However, even if not meant in an aggressive way, flailing fists can hurt (babies are stronger than they look!) and they could hit other children too. What is innocent exploration in a baby can turn into aggressive hitting behaviour in a toddler. If you teach your baby from an early age that hitting is wrong, they’re less likely to grow into a child who habitually hits adults and other children.

What Should I Do If My Baby Hits Me?

Don’t laugh or put on your funny ‘shocked’ expression. Be firm with your baby that hitting is wrong. Be consistent with your response; sometimes being firm and sometimes laughing will make your baby very confused! Tell your baby ‘no don’t hit Mummy, hug Mummy instead’, and then give your baby a cuddle. For older babies nearing their first birthday, you can explain that hitting hurts ‘ouch! that hurt Mummy’, and say ‘hitting makes me sad’. You can also try to direct flailing arms and hands by playing clapping games, asking your baby to do a high five, or giving him a drum to bang. If you don’t react to your baby’s playful slaps, they’ll soon grow bored of doing them.

If Your Baby Hits Other Babies

If your baby hits other babies with an object, such as the wooden brick he is holding, take the toy away from him immediately. If he’s hitting other children with his hand, redirect his energies elsewhere by telling him to pat the baby’s arm instead, while saying ‘gently’, so he understands that he must touch other babies and children gently.

Occasionally, a baby who hits might be doing it out of pain and frustration. If a baby has an infection, he might hit because is in pain and can’t vocalise this to you. If your baby’s hitting habits coincides with a change in behaviour, such as crying more and becoming irritable, take him to see a doctor.

Don’t ever be tempted to gently hit your baby back, as a way of teaching him that hitting is wrong (or as a way of reprimanding him). This will make him think that hitting is right, if Mummy or Daddy do it too.

Dealing with a slap-happy one year old – The Irish Times

Q

I have a 14-month-old baby boy who has recently started slapping and hitting. This happens to everyone
who gets at all close to him or within reach. He doesn’t seem to
slap
aggressively. It’s
more in a playful way but, having said that, he can slap quite hard.

We tell him ‘Don’t slap’, and say he is being naughty,
but he
just laughs and
hits out again.

My question is what should we do when he hits out and what level of discipline can you apply to a one year old? Would you recommend using a time out or naughty chair with him or is he too young?

A
In many ways, one year olds are at the most challenging of all ages to manage as a parent.

READ MORE

At this age they are mobile and active, yet still cannot fully understand your instructions or communicate.

As a result, one year olds can be “in to everything” and need lots of supervision and monitoring which can be exhausting for parents.

Whereas you might be able to leave a younger baby contained and safe for a moment, a mobile toddler is likely to get up and move and you have to be there to watch and supervise.

At one years of age they don’t yet have the understanding of an older preschooler who is likely to be more regulated, with a greater developed sense of safety which means that you can trust them for a little bit longer.

Your question particularly raises the challenges of responding to “naughty” or difficult behaviour from a one year old. How can you help them behave if they don’t fully understand what you are saying?

What discipline is appropriate if they don’t respond in the same way as an older child?

Tuning into the world of a 14 month old


Generally, 14 month olds are at the start of the road of asserting themselves and making their own choices (which are frequently different than what their parents want).

While they are on the cusp of learning language and communication, frequently they can’t find the words to express what they want and are still struggling to manage their overwhelming feelings.

This can lead to lots of full blown tantrums and meltdowns, and they need their parents to soothe them and help manage their feelings.

They are also at an exploratory phase and with increased mobility are keen to try, taste and experience everything in their reach.

Frequently, as you have discovered, one year olds can display behaviours such as slapping, hitting and even biting and these are perfectly normal at this age.

While these can sometimes be due to frustration, often they are driven by sensory exploration. Some children like the feel of slapping and the sensory feedback they get.

In addition, some children like the attention these behaviours gain from their parents (which might explain your son’s laughter) and this can cause them to do it again.

Focusing on do’s rather than don’ts


As you have discovered, saying “don’t” or “no” to a one year old can be counter-productive. Saying “Don’t slap” gives attention to the behaviour you don’t want and does not show him what you want him to do instead.

As a result, try always to show him the behaviour you want to see. For example, if he slaps, you can say “let’s give Dad a gentle rub/a hug”.

If he goes along with this, gently take his hand and guide him in the behaviour you want, giving him lots of reinforcing smiles and encouragement.

If he does not go along with this or continually wants to slap, it might be better to divert or distract him from the activity all together.

Simply move and say, “Let’s now play with the blocks” or “Look at that lovely book we can read.”

Discipline and one year olds


Given their developmental stage of understanding, discipline strategies that focus on consequences and choices such as time out generally do not work with one year olds.

Instead, it is best to use effective strategies such as positive guidance, distraction and soothing them when you encounter challenging behaviours.

If they reach the stage of having a meltdown or tantrum that you cannot soothe, then it is best to take a break and put them nearby – “Let’s sit down for a minute and calm down” – before re-engaging them shortly.

In this situation, try to remain calm and warm, and make sure to return to positive attention as soon as possible.

Help your son get his needs met without slapping


If you feel your son is quite a physical boy and likes the sensory feedback in slapping, explore with him other ways he can get these needs met in a fun way.

For example, maybe introduce him to some play dough and show him how to squeeze, slap and prod it.

Or make sure to set aside a regular “wrestle time” with him when you can play physically in a safe way and have lots of fun together.

It can be helpful to do this as part of a routine with him (eg when you come in from work) so he knows when it is okay to have “rough” or physical play.

It can also be helpful to develop a “keyword” for the activity so he knows when it starts and when it is over: “Now it is ‘wrestle time'” or “‘Wrestle time is over now. Next is calm time/reading time”, and so on.

Dr John Sharry is a social worker and founder of the Parents Plus Charity.

His book

,

Parenting Preschoolers and Young Children

, €8

.99, is available from Veritas.

See

solutiontalk.ie

Why does the child hit himself?

• Tags:
• Parent lecture hall
• 3-7 years
• 7-12 years
• small children

When a child hits himself, it always causes great anxiety in the parents. Externally, self-punishment manifests itself as a whim: the child is irritable, he can tensely pull his hair, or he can violently beat his head against the wall or floor. And although such behavior can be considered a childish prank, its main reason is improper upbringing.

nine0015

What is the reason for this behaviour?

Self-punishment refers to aggressive behavior, its only difference is that this aggression is suppressed due to incorrect parental upbringing. As a result, aggressiveness has become passive.

And until this behavior is recognized and restructured, the child will retain the power of unspoken pain. As he gets older, he will look for solace in food, stealing, and other forms of “calming”.

nine0015

The reasons for allowing a child to react in this way are varied and depend in part on his temperament. Let’s consider each of them.

A child may hit himself in protest

If babies are completely subject to the will of their parents, then children from the age of 2 years begin to seriously resist submission. Protest itself is the quality of a leader, so the trait of such children is exactingness. It is difficult for such a child to refuse something to which, as it seems to him, he has an innate right.
nine0015

Such a violent reaction is formed in response to the excessive severity of parents, the abundance of prohibitions and rules in education.
If our will were repeatedly suppressed, then the direct expression of aggression towards the offender, as well as the desire for intimacy (for example, to ask for what is forbidden to him), would give rise to great fear in us.

Thus, the child struggles with his own humiliation and restriction of freedom by using force against himself.

Wrong punishment in this case: shout at the child, hit the child.
nine0015

Result of punishment: the child cries even louder.

Effective mother’s reaction: gently hold the baby when he hits himself. Sit next to, calm, hug. In this situation, the most credible interpretation of the child’s feelings will be. “Mom didn’t let me eat candy now, and you got really mad at mom. You can eat two at once after dinner.”

Note: to revise unnecessary requirements for the child, to remove some of the prohibitions. Learn to compromise.

nine0015

The child may hit himself when he feels guilty

Another option is children who differ from the first ones in a weak nervous system. These are children who grew up surrounded by parents who verbally limit children’s opposition. Such parents often scold their children, hang labels, call offensive nicknames.

Consider the usual situation at home. The child broke the toy and is trying to fix it. He doesn’t succeed, he gets angry and hits his ear. If a child often hears offensive words for some kind of oversight, he, doing something that his mother does not like, mentally scolds himself. nine0015

Patting on the ear is an unconscious reaction that communicates that the baby is hurt by being called names. You can recognize children belonging to this type by their behavior. When struck, the child does not rebel, unlike the first type. Crying occurs as a reaction to pain.

Wrong punishment in this case: lock in a room, ignore.

Result of the punishment: the child continues to beat himself.

An effective mother’s reaction: ease the inner tension, offer something interesting. Mom’s comment: “Is the toy broken? Nothing, my sun, do not be upset, I still love you. Even if mom is angry, she will always love you. Let’s try to fix it together.”
nine0015

Note: Avoid excessive verbal criticism. Show love more often.

A child may hit himself to get what he wants and feel his influence

Children manipulate their parents for several reasons: to get a portion of love and attention, to hide their tricks, and also to make their parents feel guilty and sorry for themselves.

Children are very talented observers, and most often the reason for children’s manipulation lies precisely in the behavior of their parents. Parents of little manipulators are used to pleasing their beloved baby with might and main. Children’s tears cause a feeling of guilt, and now we are already strenuously patronizing them, appeasing, fawning, becoming overly lenient in cases where we need to show firmness and consistency.
nine0015

It is easy to figure out such a trickster: as a rule, in such cases, the child strikes himself and watches the mother’s reaction.

Wrong punishment: immediately change anger to mercy. The manifestation of attention and tenderness will only reinforce unwanted behavior in the child.

Effective mother response: teach new behavior. Distract the child, ask an unexpected question or leave the room.
Mom’s comment: “Did you want to say something?” Go about your business and comment further: “When you get angry, I want to know about it.” When your child responds, reinforce the new behavior with praise. “It’s good that you said you were angry. When you hit yourself, I don’t understand what you want to tell me.”
nine0015

Note: learn how to switch your child’s attention and keep him from unwanted behavior.

In conclusion, I would like to wish parents to learn the most important thing – educating themselves. Only then will we be able to correctly and positively correct the behavior of our children.

Elnara Agayeva, family psychologist

Why does a one year old child fight, bite, pinch and hit his mother in the face? What to do if a child fights for 1 year? nine0001

: Reading time:

Does a one-year-old beat her mother and keep the whole family in fear? Yes, and it happens! Why and what to do tells child psychologist Elena Lagunova.

A one-year-old child with an equally innocent look can beg to be held and beat relatives. Because they don’t really understand the difference.

At the reception, my young mother Katya complains:

“My one-year-old child fights, Sevushka beats everyone – me, dad, brother. The cat also gets it, although this is probably for everyone. What will happen next? Well, okay, when something is not for him, but more often it’s just, for no reason. Maybe with a cheerful face come up and knock. I almost roar from surprise (or even pain), I say: “My dear, sunshine, don’t be angry. You can’t do that, it hurts mommy. Do not do this anymore”. And he laughs. Doesn’t understand words. And on the playground as well. If you like someone else’s toy, he takes it away. And who is he so aggressive to, just a bandit! Is it because it’s a boy? Maybe it’s time to treat him? Or a belt, as papa suggests? So you tell me, is this generally normal, no?”. nine0015

At this time, her son Sevushka looks at me with angelic eyes, takes timid steps around the office, calmly plays with toys and, you know, doesn’t look like a bandit at all.

Ekaterina can be understood. Every parent wants to raise a child who can communicate in a friendly way. But how to do that? Where does such aggression come from at this age?

Reasons. Why does a child fight at 1 year old

Almost all one year old children fight. It even happens that a 1-year-old child bites non-stop. And there are four main reasons for this. nine0015

The child asks for an item he likes. At this age, the baby discovers what to take away or hit – one of the ways to get what you want. And tries again and again.

Tries to say something. A one-year-old baby may not speak or speak poorly. How it hurts him sometimes that he cannot get his point across! And he understands the speech of others with difficulty, especially words that do not refer to specific objects:

“This is a spoon, this is a cat, but your “no”, where is it? Once I heard him next to my mother, another time next to the stove. Is it everywhere?” nine0015

Develop your baby’s speech, and by the age of two, in many cases, instead of a fight, he will begin to negotiate. In the meantime, a child bites at 1 year old, trying to get in touch, for example, he shows his displeasure or interest.

Does not control emotions. The feelings of a one-year-old quickly replace each other. Today it is raging, and tomorrow it will be calm. He has yet to learn how to control emotions and express them in acceptable ways. Often the kid is so captured by anger that he beats everyone who comes to hand. A one-year-old child hits his mother in the face, and, having calmed down, hugs and strokes again. A bite or a blow to the face does not differ in meaning for the child, he just fights, although it seems to his mother otherwise. nine0015

Draws attention. Only after three years the baby will learn to evaluate whether he is doing well or badly. In a year, he seeks to receive any emotions of an adult, not understanding the difference between positive and negative. Let’s say he climbed to the outlet and saw a whole performance: mom frowns, takes off and scolds verbosely. He will definitely ask her to speak again – he will crawl there again. A one-year-old child bites and pinches because he can perceive what is happening as a game. Believe me, this act has nothing to do with true cruelty. nine0015

In a year it is impossible to tell whether a child is aggressive or not. Too much depends on the mood, the situation. It will be possible to understand whether he is calm or cocky by the age of three or four.

Of course, this behavior can be a sign of a disorder. But the disease always has several signs, the parent should be stressed by something else. With autism, for example, a child not only fights, but also makes poor contact, does not look into the eyes. All warning signs can be discussed with a psychiatrist, who is recommended for all babies to undergo at the age of one year. nine0015

“If the love of fighting is an age thing, it turns out that it will go away on its own?”. True, but only in part. Competent actions of an adult will help the baby to master life without assault. And because of the illiterate, normal pugnacity can develop into genuine aggressiveness.

What to do. How to wean a one-year-old child to fight

So, a child of 1 year old fights, what should parents do? Here are some tips on how to wean a child to fight in a year.

1 Speak briefly and clearly. Repeat the same thought many times. Firmly and confidently, without turning to shouting. Not only forbid, but also teach what can be done. The best way for a child to learn a ban is if you combine words and actions, set an example. nine0015

2 Help to understand that fighting is not effective. And teach other ways to negotiate with a peer or an adult: change, wait, etc.

3 Offer an alternative. If a child in the game swung to hit, catch his hand and say: “No. Protect me. You can hit the ball.” And show how it’s done. If a child swings in a fit of anger that has seized him, it is better to step back and say: “You can’t. Protect me. You’re angry. Stomp and shout so that the anger goes away.

4 Do not punish. Even if the kid gets into a fight again and again, you should not spank him or shout loudly. The child will be completely confused: why does the parent forbid to beat with words, but does it himself? Children trust the example of an adult more than speech. If the baby is persistent, you can increase the distance with him, but no more.

5 Watch your feelings. Being angry at a kid for fighting is seriously stupid. Sooner or later, the child will begin to cope with his emotions. And parental incontinence can lead to the saddest consequences. nine0015

6 Give positive feedback. The child is sensitive to the parent’s words. If you say: “Greedy”, “bandit”, “fighter”, it will be so. Try to suggest that he is “generous” and “Friendly”.

What if the child hit back the offender? Here the opinions of psychologists differ, but the majority believes that giving change should be taught closer to seven years. Until this age, kids cannot correlate the strength of the impact on them and the strength of the response – because of this, they can give “surrender” much stronger than resentment.

Sometimes parents also need to work on themselves

Asking how to wean a child from biting at 1 year old, one should also analyze why the behavior of the baby causes such fear in the parent himself.