Father not involved: 5 Ways Kids Are Impacted When Dad’s Not Involved

5 Ways Kids Are Impacted When Dad’s Not Involved

Child Custody • Research

November 11, 2021

Dads’ Resource Center takes a look at how children suffer when Dad’s not in the picture

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, around 22 million children have a parent who does not live in the household. That equals 26.5% of all children. Most often, it’s the father who is absent from the home, and may even be absent from the child’s life. People underestimate the impact that not having Dad around has on the well-being of children, and ultimately on society as a whole.

“More than any other project or cause that society needs to work on, we must work with passion and urgency to eliminate the systemic barriers to single-father involvement in the lives of our children,” said Dr. Joel N. Myers, founder of Dads’ Resource Center. “We must make the time to educate our neighbors about the overwhelming evidence – backed up by thousands of years of anecdotal evidence and numerous studies over recent decades that shows children develop much better when both of their parents are actively involved in their lives. ”

Dr. Myers is on a mission to help shed light on the fact that there is a serious problem when it comes to child custody. The default of most courts is to simply give primary custody of the child to the mother, leaving the father pushed to the side and receiving very little time with his children. They often go from being a large part of the child’s life to seeing them on a limited basis as the court allows.

Children who do not get much involvement with their father are impacted in numerous ways, including in these 5:

1. Being less physically healthy. Fewer children who are raised in nuclear families are considered to be in poor health. Research published in The Linacre Quarterly showed that 12% of children raised in a nuclear family were considered in poor health, compared to 22% of children of a single parent.
2. Having less social-emotional development. Research published in the Annual Review of Sociology finds that there is strong evidence that father absence negatively impacts a child’s social-emotional development.
3. Having less of a relationship with extended family. Divorce tends to lead to children having less of a relationship with the extended family of the noncustodial parent (i.e., grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). The child also loses many family traditions and celebrations.
4. Experiencing more financial instability. According to research published in the journal The Linacre Quarterly, custodial mothers lose up to 50% of their household income and are more likely to receive public assistance. The median income of divorced mothers is only 47% of married-couple households. Children living with just their mother are more likely to be in poverty.
5. Learning how to be a father. Children who grow up with an absent father tend to repeat the pattern, according to research published in the journal Parenting Science and Practice. The quality of the relationship and involvement a child has with their father tends to be passed down across generations.

“Mothers and fathers give different but equally important things to their children,” added Jeff Steiner, executive director of the Dads’ Resource Center. “Children need both their parents to be fully engaged as they are growing up to have the best chance of being successful in life. But, far too often the system unnecessarily prevents fathers from being able to do so.”

Dads’ Resource Center issued a report on the impact of dads not being involved in their children’s lives. The report, titled DRC NLSY97 Analysis Executive Summary, warned that children who do not grow up with their father in their household:

• Are less likely to graduate from high school or graduate from college.
• Are less likely to vote, donate to a charity or volunteer their time.
• Are more likely to have been convicted of a crime, use hard drugs, and smoke.
• Are more likely to have intercourse before the age of 17and to need mental health treatment.
• Make less money per year as an adult and more much likely to use government welfare programs.

Dads’ Resource Center was started by Dr. Myers, a father of eight and the founder and CEO of AccuWeather. The mission is to help combat the issues associated with children growing up without their fathers in the home.At its heart, the center is a child advocacy organization that aims to ensure that each child has the appropriate involvement and contributions from both parents.

Dads’ Resource Center has been established to benefit children of separated or divorced parents by advocating the importance of fathers having adequate opportunities to fulfill their role of fatherhood. The group helps get information regarding the issues out to the public and works with fathers to help make improvements. To get more information, visit the site at:  https://dadsrc.org.

Sources:

Annual Review of Sociology.The Casual Effects of Father Absence.

Parent Science and Practice.Father involvement and Father-Child Relationship Quality.

The Linacre Quarterly.The impact of family structure on health of children

U.S. Census Bureau.Custodial mothers and fathers and their child support 2017. 

Dads’ Resource Center NLSY97 Analysis

What to tell your kid when their dad is not involved

Dear Emma,

When my daughter was six months old, her dad left and more or less never showed up again. There were a few visits for a few years, and a couple of visits to family court for child support, but since then we have not heard or seen from him. My daughter is now 8 years old.

We don’t talk about it much and I feel like it isn’t such a huge deal. She is a great kid — does well in school, has lots of friends and is polite. We are close with my parents and siblings, who live nearby. I am glad that I get her all to myself and don’t have to share custody like some of my divorced friends. Sometimes people say things to me like, “I feel so bad for her that she doesn’t know her father.” She never mentions her dad, and I feel like she doesn’t care. She doesn’t know any different. What should I tell all these rude people who judge our situation?

— Shannon

Dear Shannon,

I’m not worried about your rude neighbors. I am worried about you and your daughter.

Absentee fatherhood is a huge, complicated problem in this country. Incarceration, a culture and family court system that presumes fathers are incompetent, and other lack of support for shared parenting are among the causes for the fact that just 22 percent of fathers who don’t live with their kids see them once per week or more, according to Pew Research, and nearly a third never see their kids.

This, of course, is heart-breaking for your child, and stressful for you as a single mom.  If your child’s dad is not, or marginally involved, there are a few guiding principles for addressing your child’s concerns and questions.

Father not involved in child’s life? What do you do?

Every family is different, but here are some things to consider:

1. If there is some communication, take the opportunity to improve co-parenting. Men are typically marginalized as secondary parents, and statistically likely to duck out of their kids’ lives if they have limited visits and a high-conflict relationship. Here is how to co-parent, even with a toxic ex.
2. You may be angry that he gets to check out and expects you to take on the extra responsibility. That is a legit complaint! You may consider taking him to family court and demanding an equal parenting schedule. 
3. Accept life as it is, and move forward with your own wonderful family — no matter what it looks like.
4. But don’t pretend there is no issue. You, your child, and together as a family you may benefit from individual therapy or group therapy.

What to say to your child when his dad is not involved:

1. Be honest. Don’t say he died if he didn’t. Never say “He’s working far away.” Your child deserves the truth, even if it is painful for both of you to address.

2. Be kind, and keep your feelings out of it. “Being a parent is really hard for some people, and your dad wasn’t ready to be a parent yet.”

3. As you will do in your relationship with your child’s father, as well as in your own heart, you will keep the door open to future, improved relationships. At the same time, be very careful not to nurture false hope in your child. It’s a tough balance, but an important one. Note in the “yet” in the sample script above.

4. Answer all their questions. “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” or “We don’t talk about that in our family.” These create the notion of secrets, and secrets foster shame, self-hatred, and lack of trust.

5. Highlight the fact that there are all kinds of families, and every family is whole. Even if it feels silly, as you go through your day, or are watching movies or TV, point out gay families, interracial families, kids being raised by grandparents, multigenerational households, friends who live together, foster and adoptive families, how some groups of friends create families, and on and on. Then, name the people in your family — blood relatives, friends, your neighborhood network. Do this enough and nuclear, married, straight families start to seem like the weirdoes!

6. That said, do not dismiss or minimize pain that a child experiences by his father being absent from his life. It might be really, really hard to hear, but listen. It sucks to feel like you’re the only kid at school whose dad isn’t around. It hurts like hell when your birthday comes around and your father doesn’t call. You worry you did something wrong, or you’re unlovable, or deeply flawed — no matter how great your mom and life are.

My father was mostly not part of my life after age 8, and there was no space for me to talk about it. Growing up with my mom, I heard no positive stories about my father, and no space for any of us to ask questions, or to share hurt feelings about the matter. The few times I remember asking about my dad, I was just reminded of how good our life was, which only made me feel stupid and selfish for feeling so horrible for not having an involved father.

I think my mom felt really bad about the situation, and didn’t know how to deal with her own feelings, much less her kids’. Fast-forward to today, after plenty of therapy and other ways of processing my daddy issues, I now find myself answering my children’s questions about why they don’t know their paternal grandfather. While your son or daughter is not your bartender, talking with your child openly can be a wonderful way to heal your own heart, too.

7. Do not always wait for your child to ask. For many reasons, your child may not bring up the fact that her father isn’t part of her life. It is up to you to talk about it very early, even earlier than you may think reasonable. One day, when my daughter came home from school and said, “Today Sofia talked about how both our parents are divorced.” She was 3! Even as a toddler your child sees her friends with two parents. Movies and TV shows and books are powerful messages, consisting almost always of a mother and father. It is your responsibility to address this, even if she doesn’t initiate the discussion.

8. Remember: Life is long. The questions will continue throughout your life, and each conversation at each age will lend new perspective and healing for both you, your child, as well as your relationship with each other.

What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Often, articles and even academic studies cite that 1-in-4 kids grow up fatherless, even though that figure is based on U.S. Census data that a quarter of children in the United States are raised in a home led by a single mother. However, most of those kids have a relationship with their dads, including in 50-50 time-sharing families.  

However, a lack of meaningful involvement with either parent is often devastating to a child—especially if that parent is alive, and ostentibally able to be involved if he chooses. 

Based on an analysis of dozens of studies, the federally funded Fatherhood Initiative reports that a child who grows up without meaningful time with his or her father, that child is more likely to struggle with:

• Poor academic performance 
• Emotional struggles 
• Drop out 
• Early sexual activity and teen pregnancy 
• Incarceration 
• Employment, long-term 
• Mental and physical health issues 

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Alternatively, adults with a fear of abandonment may lack boundaries and be overly needy and dependent in an attempt to protect themselves.

When a parent is absent from a child’s life — no matter by choice, imprisonment or death — it is a loss. It is a loss for that child and a loss for those who love her.

Your child may ask you:

“Who is my dad?”

“How is my dad?”

“How old is my dad?”

“Where is my dad?”

“Where can I find my dad?” [learn more about using background checks in this post].

“Why is my dad so mean?”

“Is my dad dead?”

We are all socially conditioned and predisposed with a deep need to know both our mother and our father. Socially, it is easy to understand that the majority of people grow up living with both a mother and a father — and nearly everyone else knows both parents. That is the norm. Your daughter is very aware that her family does not look like other families. She understands deeply that most of her friends have relationships with their dads and she does not.

We are biologically half our mothers and half our fathers. Humans have an intrinsic need for family. We yearn to know our relatives so that we can better know ourselves. When we are raised apart from our families, homelands and extended cultures, there is a sense of loss that transcends our daily experience.

This explains why people who are adopted are compelled to find their birth parents — no matter how wonderful their adoptive families. This also explains why humans are driven to visit their ancestral homelands, even when they are removed from the place by generations. This is why companies like DNA mapping companies 23andMe.com and Ancestry.com are so successful, and genealogy is among the most popular hobbies in the United States — and world.

Not every person will know both their parents. This is a fact. This does not mean that your daughter does not have a fantastic life, or that she is a wonderful child who will grow up to be a happy, productive and lovely adult.

But that does not mean that the process will be easy.

Before you can support your child, you must address your own loss and grief.

When your ex-husband left and abandoned your daughter, he also abandoned you — both as a husband but more to the point here, as a co-parent. You also suffered a loss in that you do not have someone to help raise your daughter — even if it means separately, as divorced parents. You do not have anyone to enjoy their sweet habits, or commiserate on the daily challenges of parenthood. You do not enjoy a happy co-parenting arrangement that gives you a break. Most of all, you suffer because deep down you know that your daughter is hurt. That, for any mother, is devastating.

This situation can be changed. But you must take action.

First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. It is not your fault. It is life. But it is your responsibility as a parent to address it. First, acknowledge how this has affected you personally. Lean into that pain. Right now you are avoiding that pain, which is why you are dismissing it in your daughter. Just sit with it. Cry, scream, punch the refrigerator or write him an angry letter you never send. Whatever is your way, go there.

Then, recognize that he is human. When a parent abandons a child, that parent is deeply wounded. There is a reason they cannot fulfill their responsibility. They do not recognize they are worthy of being needed, or can bring value to another person’s life. Your ex misses out — in a very major way — of the joy of raising and loving his child. He also suffers knowing that he deeply hurts her. Every day.

Recognizing this is part of the process of forgiveness. It involves empathy and grace. It will take time. But you must get there — for your sake, and that of your daughter.

While you work through that, you must now face your daughter.

Talk with her. Say: “I’ve been thinking a lot about your dad. I imagine you do, too. How do you feel about the fact you don’t know him?”

Ask her how she feels when she visits friends who live with their dads — or have visitation schedules with both their divorced parents. Tell her about her father, how you met him, what you liked and loved about him. Tell her stories about your time with him, and stories he told you about his life. Tell her about his family and jokes he told. Ask her what she’d like to know about him. Answer honestly — including about the part where he left. And why he doesn’t call. If you don’t know how to answer some questions, say so. “I wish I knew, but I don’t.”

That is just the first conversation.

Have another the next week.

And the next.

You may not have weekly conversations about your daughter’s father for the rest of your lives. But get into a habit of talking about him. About her father. Give her permission to ask, and to feel. Do not sugar coat the information, or your own feelings. Especially as she gets older, tell her what really went down, and how absolutely infuriated you were — and maybe still are. By recognizing your feelings and sharing them honestly with her, you give her permission to recognize and honor her own, complex and human feelings.

Only then can both of you move forward with a full, wonderful — and complex — life you were meant to have.

A definitive list of 7 co-parenting boundaries you need to know

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness. These reasons include:

• Parental alienation, as this father explains
• He did not want to be a father in the first place
• Conflict with the mother was too much
• The father cannot afford child support, and pursuing more parenting time means increased risk of going to jail
• He doesn’t feel confident as a father — and with minimal parenting time each month, it is hard to grow as a dad

How co co-parent with a narcissistic or toxic ex

If a father doesn’t want to be involved, is this child abandonment or fatherlessness?

If a non-custodial parent — mother or father — is found to have willingly abandoned the child, they may lose parental rights depending on state law and a judge’s ruling. This can mean that the father is not allowed to have visitation or legal rights to his child. It can also mean that in the absence of other safe adults to care for the child, the child will be taken into the welfare system, including foster care.

There are Safe Haven laws in all 50 states and Puerto Rico, which decriminalize the leaving of unharmed infants at a police station, fire station or hospital so that the child becomes a ward of the state. 

Outside of safe haven laws, parents technically cannot voluntarily forfeit their parenting responsibilities without facing criminal consequences. 

While all states have child support policies and laws that force (in theory) parents to contribute financially to their children, there is no mandate for non-custodial parents to participate in the physical caring of children.

Child abandonment laws usually apply when a custodial parent or guardian fails to care for a child, leaves them with another adult for long periods without contact, and sometimes leaves a child alone at home, unattended.

The laws on these issues vary from state-to-state, and sometimes apply to non-custodial parents, but not typically.

Child abandonment may be an emotionally traumatic experience, though not a criminal one.

Proving child abandonment may be required to win full legal and/or physical custody of a child. Parents who wish to relocate with a child may want to prove abandonment or have the child adopted by a step-parent or other adult.

These are examples that a court may consider criminal child abandonment by a custodial parent or guardian, according to the U.S. Health and Human Services’s Children’s Bureau:

• Leaving a child with another person without making arrangements to care for or communicate with the child for three or more months
• Failing to maintain a regular visitation schedule for at least six months
• Abandoning an infant in an unsafe place — as most states have ‘safe haven laws’ that allow mothers to leave their newborns in designated places such as a hospital, police station or church without facing criminal charges.
• Leaving the child home alone in a situation deemed unsafe
• Otherwise failing to provide care, support or reasonable resources (food, clothing, heat) for a child you are responsible for

Fatherlessness, meanwhile, refers simply to kids who grow up without an involved dad, for whatever reason.

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

That means that even though a father is not involved with their kids today, there is an opportunity for them to be involved going forward.

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

Movies and books on absent fathers and shared parenting:

Recommended shared parenting documentary: Divorce Corp

Kickass Single Mom, Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children, By: Emma Johnson

Blend, The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family, By: Mashonda Tifrere

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You, By: by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD and Paul R Fine, LCSW

Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak

Is your child’s father not as involved as he should be? How do you deal with it? What mistakes have you made? What advice can you share with other parents? Share in the comments…

What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness: parental alienation, conflict with mother, can’t afford child support, and more.

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

The father does not participate in the life of the child in any way, but only pays alimony, and this alimony also goes to the current spouse, which is why I teach only half. Can I revoke parental rights? – Lawyer in Samara and Moscow – representation in court and legal services

HomeQuestions and answersFamily law
The father does not participate in the life of the child in any way, but only pays alimony, and this alimony also goes to the current spouse, which is why I teach only half. Can I revoke parental rights? nine0003

Hello. The father does not participate in the life of the child in any way, but only pays alimony, and this alimony also goes to the current spouse, which is why I receive only half. Can I revoke parental rights?

Lawyer Antonov A.P.

Good afternoon!

Art. Art. 69-71 of the Family Code, parents (one of them) may be deprived of parental rights if they:
evade fulfilling the duties of parents, including in case of malicious evasion from paying alimony; nine0015 refuse without good reason to take their child from a maternity hospital (department) or from another medical organization, educational organization, social service organization or similar organizations;
abuse their parental rights;
ill-treat children, including physical or mental abuse of them, encroach on their sexual inviolability;
are patients with chronic alcoholism or drug addiction;
have committed an intentional crime against the life or health of their children, another parent of the children, a spouse, including a non-parent of the children, or against the life or health of another family member. nine0015 Deprivation of parental rights is carried out in court.
Cases on deprivation of parental rights are considered upon the application of one of the parents or persons replacing them, the application of the prosecutor, as well as on the applications of bodies or organizations that are responsible for protecting the rights of minor children (guardianship and guardianship authorities, commissions for minors, organizations for orphans and children left without parental care, and others).
Cases on deprivation of parental rights are considered with the participation of the prosecutor and the body of guardianship and guardianship. nine0015 When considering a case on deprivation of parental rights, the court decides on the recovery of child support from parents (one of them) deprived of parental rights.
If the court, when considering a case on deprivation of parental rights, finds signs of a criminally punishable act in the actions of the parents (one of them), it is obliged to notify the prosecutor about this.
The court is obliged, within three days from the date of entry into force of the court decision on the deprivation of parental rights, to send an extract from this court decision to the civil registry office at the place of state registration of the birth of the child, and in the case of state registration of the birth of the child, the multifunctional center for the provision of state and municipal services – to a multifunctional center for the provision of state and municipal services at the place of state registration of the child’s birth to inform the civil registry office, which stores the corresponding record of the birth certificate. nine0015 Parents deprived of parental rights lose all rights based on the fact of kinship with the child in respect of whom they were deprived of parental rights, including the right to receive maintenance from him (Article 87 of this Code), as well as the right to benefits and state allowances established for citizens with children.
Deprivation of parental rights does not release parents from the obligation to support their child.
The issue of further cohabitation of a child and parents (one of them) deprived of parental rights is decided by the court in the manner prescribed by housing legislation. nine0015 A child in respect of whom the parents (one of them) have been deprived of parental rights retains the right of ownership to the living quarters or the right to use the living quarters, and also retains property rights based on the fact of kinship with parents and other relatives, including the right to receive inheritance.
If it is impossible to transfer the child to another parent or in case of deprivation of parental rights of both parents, the child is transferred to the care of the guardianship and guardianship authority.
Adoption of a child in the event of deprivation of parents (one of them) of parental rights is allowed no earlier than six months from the date of the court decision on the deprivation of parents (one of them) of parental rights. nine0015 Thus, depriving the father of parental rights in this case is legal.

Sincerely, Attorney Anatoly Antonov, Managing Partner of Antonov & Partners Law Office.

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Relevance date of the material: 10/30/2019

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The father does not take part in the upbringing of children – 8 advice from a psychologist

Anna Sukhova

Psychologist, psychology educator, coach

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All medical content in Colady.ru is written and reviewed by a team of medically trained experts to ensure the accuracy of the information presented in the articles.

We refer only to academic research institutions, WHO, authoritative sources and public domain research. nine0003

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Date of writing: July 13, 2021

Reading time: 9 minutes

It is not uncommon for dad to come home from work after midnight, and the opportunity to fully communicate with the kids falls only on weekends. But what if the father does not have any desire to participate in the upbringing of the child? nine0003

COLADY tells what a wise mother should do to motivate her husband to take part in the life of their child.

Photo Pixabay

Contents of the article:

• Activating father’s participation – 10 tricky moves
• Are we depriving the father of parental rights?

Why does a man not take part in raising children?

There are many reasons for the non-participation of the father in the upbringing of children. The main ones:

• Dad works a lot and gets so tired that he simply doesn’t have the strength to take care of his children.
• Papa’s upbringing was the same as : his mother also raised him alone, while his father “brought money to the family.” Such an echo from the past is a very common reason, although it is fair to say that many men, on the contrary, try to make up for the lack of fatherly love in childhood in adulthood. Like, “it will be different for my child.”

nine0102 Dad thinks he does “too much for the family” . And in general, washing diapers and pumping a child at night is a woman’s job. And a man should lead, direct and nod approvingly at his wife’s reports on the success of children.

• Dad is simply not allowed to take care of the child. This reason, alas, is also very popular. Mom is so worried that “this clumsy parasite will do everything wrong again,” which simply does not give her husband the opportunity to become a good father. The frustrated father eventually gives up trying to break through the “armor” of his wife and … removes himself. Over time, the habit of watching from the side turns into a normal state, and when the spouse suddenly angrily exclaims “you don’t help me at all!”, The man simply cannot understand why he is being scolded. nine0103
• Dad is waiting for the child to grow up. Well, how can you communicate with this creature, which still cannot kick a ball, or watch football together, or even express its desires. When he grows up, then … wow! And fishing, and hiking, and driving a car. In the meantime … In the meantime, it’s not even clear how to hold it in your hands so as not to break it.
• Dad is still a child himself. Moreover, regardless of how old he is. Some remain capricious children until old age. Well, he has not yet matured to raise a child. Perhaps, in 5-10 years, this dad will look at his child with completely different eyes. nine0103

What to do if the husband does not take part in the upbringing of the child – 8 advice from a psychologist

Photo by Pexels

Dad should be involved in raising the baby even during pregnancy. Then, after the birth of the baby, the mother will not have to complain to her friends about her fatigue, and growl at her husband about his non-participation in the life of the child.

How to involve dad in this responsible process?

1. It is strongly not recommended to remove the father from his duties immediately after the maternity hospital . Yes, the baby is still too small, and daddy is clumsy. Yes, mom is prompted by maternal instinct, but dad does not have it. Yes, he does not know how to wash diapers, and what jar from the shelf is needed to sprinkle the baby with talc. But! Dad has a paternal instinct, dad will learn anything if given the opportunity, and dad, though clumsy, is a man old enough not to harm his child.
2. Do not ask your husband to take part in the upbringing of the baby in an orderly tone. nine0099 Involve your husband in this process gently, unobtrusively and with the wisdom and cunning inherent in a woman. “Honey, we have a problem here that only men can solve” or “Darling, help us with this game, we definitely need a 3rd player here.” Opportunities – a wagon and a small cart. The main thing is to want.
3. Be smarter. Do not try to put yourself in the family above your spouse. This is dad, the head of the family. This means that dad decides which school to go to, what to eat for dinner and in which jacket the son will look the most courageous. Let your spouse make their own decisions. You will not lose, and dad will be closer and closer to the child. Axiom: the more a man invests in his child (in every sense), the more he values ​​him. Moreover, no one bothers you to slip your husband those options for schools, dinners and jackets that you like. Compromise is a great power. nine0103
4. Trust your spouse. Let him accidentally tear the Velcro on diapers, splatter the kitchen with mashed vegetables, sing “wrong” songs to the child, put him to bed an hour later and draw not the most correct pictures with him. The main thing is that he participates in the life of the child, and the child enjoys it.
5. Praise your spouse more often. It is clear that this is his duty (as well as yours), but your kiss on the unshaven cheek and “thank you, darling” are his wings for new successes in communicating with the child. Tell your husband more often – “you are the best father in the world. ” nine0103
6. Ask your husband for help more often. Do not take everything on yourself, otherwise you will have to carry it all on yourself later. Initially, involve your husband in the process. He bathes the child – you cook dinner. He plays with the baby, you clean the apartment. Do not forget about yourself: a woman still needs time and put herself in order. Constantly come up with urgent matters (not too long, do not abuse the kindness of your spouse) in order to leave your husband and child alone as often as possible – “oh, the milk is running away”, “Honey, the bread is over, I’ll run away quickly, at the same time I’ll buy your favorite gingerbread cookies”, “ oh, I urgently need to go to the bathroom”, “I’ll just put on makeup, and immediately to you.” nine0103
7. Does dad stubbornly dodge the process of upbringing? Only without tantrums! First, calmly explain how important father’s upbringing is for the development of the child’s character and personality. And then gently and unobtrusively “slip” the child to dad for 5 minutes, for 10, for half a day. The longer the father spends with the child, the faster he will understand how hard it is for you, and the stronger he will become attached to the child.
8. Start a good family tradition of going to bed with your dad. nine0099 Under daddy’s fairy tales and with daddy’s kiss. Over time, not only the child, but also the father will not be able to do without this ritual.