Daycare for 3 month olds: Infant’s Sample Schedule | KinderCare

Reducing a baby’s stress when they start daycare — Curious Neuron

Written by Cindy Hovington, Ph.D. Founder & Host of the Curious Neuron Podcast

Montreal, Canada

Starting daycare can be a stressful time, for both babies and parents alike. Some babies will adapt quickly, while others will cry every morning for many weeks. Does starting daycare have any impact on a child’s brain? It can. This is especially true in children younger than 36 months (3 years of age). This is why research recommends that the best time for a child to begin daycare or preschool is 3 years of age. Elevated cortisol levels in children that occur frequently can alter the brain’s architecture. However, the reality is that most parents must place their children in daycare much earlier than at 3 years of age. For this reason, I have included 3 important tips to help make your child’s daycare integration a smooth one.  

First, a little science on stress and the brain.

Researchers measure stress in children by collecting samples of saliva since the stress hormone named cortisol (a glucocorticoid hormone) is found in saliva. When it comes to stress in children, we can’t rely on behaviour alone since some children will internalize stress.

“THE IMPORTANCE OF BONDING: Building a strong attachment with your child BEFORE they start daycare can help reduce their stress when they begin. You can bond by doing skin-to-skin, holding them or giving baby massages. ”

Levels of cortisol naturally fluctuate throughout a 24-hour day. Cortisol levels are highest in the morning when we wake up and are the lowest in the evening (the spike helps you wake up and the decrease allows you to fall asleep). This is the rhythm our body develops as of childhood. If a child is introduced to high levels of stress throughout the day, it will influence the fluctuation of their natural cortisol levels. This is what can be damaging in the long run. Internal or external stresses will cause a child’s brain to activate the HPA axis (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenocortical), which is involved in regulating stress and emotions. When there is a stressful event, the HPA increases levels of cortisol. The HPA axis is closely linked to the hippocampus, which is the part of the brain involved in learning and memory. Chronic and severe (due to emotional neglect, abuse, witnessing violence) levels of stress can actually alter the hippocampus, thus causing memory issues. 

In daycare settings, studies have repeatedly shown that cortisol levels are higher in children who spend the day in daycare compared to being at home. Not only because they are separated from their parents for such long periods of time (if possible try to reduce the number of hours a child under 3 spends at daycare), but because being in peer groups at such a young age is actually very demanding on them due to frequent emotional arousal in their environment (other kids yelling, lots of movement and noise etc). The key to reducing stress in daycare is the bond your child will create with their caregiver. The stronger this attachment or bond is with their caregiver, the more it will help your child reduce their levels of stress.

3 tips that will help your child during their transition into daycare and lower their stress levels. 

1. Implement a

very slow integration.

Researchers split the “start” of daycare into “adaptation phase” and “separation phase”. The adaptation phase is when an infant starts daycare with the presence of their parent. Bringing on a new environment and a new caregiver causes elevated levels of stress for the infant. They learned that 1) the stronger the bond between mother and child (i.e. the more secure they are with their mother) before the start of daycare, the lower the levels of cortisol when they begin daycare and 2) the longer the mother stayed in the adaptation phase for integration into daycare, the better the attachment become with their mother (Ahnert et al. 2004).  

2. Choose a high-quality daycare. 

• Low child/caregiver ratio. According to research, the best child to caregiver ratio is 4:1 (For every adult there are 4 children). Also, the number of children in a group should be no more than 8. The more children there are the higher the noise level and this can be overstimulating for children. Also, a higher the chord to caregiver ratio means that the child will have a greater difficulty building an attachment to them. If possible, try to select a daycare that minimizes the number of children in a group (Geoffrey et al. 2006).

• Low staff turnover. Your child should develop a strong bond (secure attachment) with their caregiver. When a child is younger than 3, it is important for them not to have multiple caregivers as this means they might have difficulty creating an attachment with them. If your daycare has a high staff turnover or multiple caregivers for your child, this may increase their stress. High quality home daycares can be great since your child will one caregiver for many years.

• A sensitive and caring caregiver. Research has shown that if a child establishes a secure attachment to their caregiver (other than their parent), then this caregiver can help the child effectively diminish stress levels in a time of stress. In order for this to happen, caregivers must provide sensitive, responsive caregiving.

3. Increase bonding time with your child.    

If your child begins to exhibit different behaviour either at home (more crying during the time their are with you, wanting to be in your arms more often, changed eating habits, changed sleeping habits etc) or at daycare, then they might be feeling more stressed. Spend more time with them when you are at home. Increase cuddling time with them. Try doing some baby massages if they are young and increase skin to skin time through this activity (which in turn helps build a stronger attachment). Contrary to popular belief, holding your baby and spending time with your child is not “babying” your child. The stronger the attachment your child has with you the more comfortable they will feel when you are not around. (Stay tuned for an article on attachment, make sure you subscribe to our newsletter not to miss it!).  

Will your child start daycare soon? Take a breath. Everything will be ok. Adaptation to daycare takes time. Some research suggests as long as 6 months. Provide lots of emotional support for your child and your guidance will help them through this change. 

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New Parent, Child Development, ParentingCindy HovingtonAugust 20, 2018stress, mental health, brain development, bonding, cognitive development, developmental milestones, emotions, behaviour, popular6 Comments

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The Deal With Daycare: What Do the Data Denote?

Source: Wikimedia Commons

The U. S. family has undergone fundamental changes over the past two generations. In the mid-twentieth century, the male breadwinner/female homemaker family was both normative and aspirational. Since then, both norms and aspirations have shifted. Currently, in most two-parent families with children under six years old, both parents are gainfully employed outside the home. Two thirds of young children receive some nonparental care (daycare), compared with one fifth of children in the mid seventies. Consequently, daycare has grown to become an essential social institution. Along the way, it has stirred both hope and apprehension in almost equal measures.

The hope: Daycare would help accelerate children’s development, help level the playing field for children from disadvantaged home environments, and free all parents—and in particular women—to participate fully and productively in the economy, thus elevating their families’ fortunes.

The apprehension: Daycare would disorganize and weaken the family unit, interfere with parent-child bonds, erode parental authority, and hinder children’s development by exposing them for long stretches in their vulnerable years to crowded, impersonal environments.

Source: Pixabay

Since the 1970s, childcare research in the US (and elsewhere) has undertaken the difficult task of testing these contrasting predictions, with studies producing an equivocal mix of contradictory, conditional, and inconclusive answers of the kind that that tend to frustrate policy makers and parents alike, as well as the researchers themselves.

And yet, difficulties and ongoing controversies notwithstanding, the field has managed in the past several decades to settle with reasonable confidence on several insights and working conclusions. What follows is a brief summary of the pros, cons, and unknowns of daycare in the U.S., as suggested by the best available evidence.

Daycare Effects are Smaller than Home Effects

An over-arching finding in the literature is that daycare influences are less important than home influences, even for children who spend much time in daycare. In other words, home and family variables account for more of the variance in children’s developmental outcomes than daycare variables. For example, results from the large, longitudinal NICHD Study Of Early Child Care have shown that, for cognitive outcomes, the typical effect sizes for nonparental childcare were approximately a half to a third as large as home environment effects.

Daycare Does Not Damage Children, But May Contribute to Developmental Risks Under Certain Conditions

Nonparental care arrangements—and by proxy, maternal employment— are not inherently risky for children. In fact, daycare children are not systematically different than those raised exclusively at home in terms of their overall developmental trajectories. In other words, within-group differences are generally larger than between-group differences in these groups. Research has, however, found that some infants—particularly those who began daycare in the first year of life, who spent more than 10 hours a week in daycare, and whose mothers provided less sensitive care—had an increased risk of developing insecure infant-mother attachments.

Daycare is Linked to Externalizing Behaviors in Children, But Mostly in Low Quality Care

Research has converged on the conclusion that children’s time in daycare is associated with increased noncompliance. In particular, children who experience formal daycare center care for long periods of time in early childhood are more likely to manifest behavior problems later on, although these increases do not rise to the level of clinical diagnosis. These effects are stronger in low quality care arrangements and when group size is larger. These externalizing effects do not show up consistently, and are sometimes contradicted, in studies of high quality daycare.

Daycare is Linked to Increased Rates of Infections and Stress, Yet the Developmental Implications are Unclear

Research has shown that, compared to children raised at home, by and large young children in daycare (particularly those under 18-months-old) experience more common illnesses, such as respiratory and ear infections. At the same time, exposure to germs in day care may serve to improve the children’s immune system in the long run.

Another line of research has found elevated stress levels in daycare children, as measured by blood cortisol. These effects tend to appear mostly during transition to daycare, and in young children under three years old. The effects are generally small in size and are moderated by a host of contextual factors. The cortisol rise in daycare is more pronounced in lower quality environments, and in children who are insecurely attached to teachers and who spend more time in daycare. At the same time, daycare exposure may provide a protective factor in some instances. For example, research has shown that for children with more distressed home life, daycare attendance is associated with reductions in cortisol levels.

Daycare is Linked to Improved Cognitive, Language, and Academic Development, Yet Mostly in High Quality Center Care

Perhaps the most consistent and robust positive finding in the daycare research literature has been that nonparental childcare—particularly high quality daycare center care rich with stimulation and structured educational content—benefits children’s cognitive development and school readiness. This appears to be particularly true for children from disadvantaged home environments. In addition to predicting cognitive and linguistic advantages, the high quality daycare experience may provide a buffer for at-risk children against some of the negative effects of adverse home environments. Research has shown that high quality daycare is linked to cognitive development for disadvantaged children and may buffer against delayed language development when the quality of verbal interactions at home is low. In some cases, daycare may help narrow the achievement gap between privileged and under-privileged children. High quality nonparental childcare experience may also buffer children against home adversity such as maternal depression.

Some Early Daycare Effects may Last into Adolescence and Beyond

Research has provided evidence that early intervention, particularly high quality and intensive programs, can have demonstrable long-term effects. Such results, however, are not easy to achieve, and many efforts at changing children’s long-term trajectories through early intervention have proven ineffective. For short-term gains to be maintained requires sustained support and guidance beyond the original early childhood intervention period. For example, children who graduate from high quality daycare into low quality schools are less likely to maintain their gains than those who graduate into high quality schools.

High Quality of Care is Important, Yet Far from Normative

Research has shown that care quality is a robust predictor of any gains associated with nonparental care. Quality of care is generally assessed along two dimensions: structure and process. Structural elements are the more regulatable classroom conditions, such as group size, adult-child ratio, and caregiver education. Process elements are those pertaining to caregiver-child interactions, their emotional tone and instructional value. The research to date has shown that the quality of care—in particular, the process quality of the caregiver-child interaction—is a consistent predictor of children’s developmental trajectory and outcome. More specifically, responsive, sensitive, warm, and engaged caregivers constitute the most important positive factor in the child’s emerging developmental narrative.

Given the strong empirical case for the importance of care quality (not to mention the self-evident moral case), one would assume that high quality care is the norm in the US. Yet the available data contradict this assumption. For example, the NICHD Study of Early Child Care, which conducted observations of over 600 nonmaternal child care settings of all kinds (grandparents, in-home care, child care homes, and centers) in nine states, found child care to be most often merely fair in quality, with only 11 percent of the settings rated ‘excellent.’

Multiple Daycare Arrangements and High Caregiver Turnover Undermine Quality of Care

Another finding emerging from the care quality literature concerns the importance of care stability. Instability of care manifests in two main ways. First is the experience of multiple care arrangements by the child. Nationally, 15% of children younger than five years old regularly attend more than one child-care arrangement. Multiple arrangements predict increased behavior problems and decreased prosocial behavior. Moving from one arrangement to multiple arrangements may be particularly disruptive for children.

In addition, instability in daycare also manifests in caregiver turnover, which is generally high, due mainly to high job stress, low social status, and low pay. Child care workers are among the lowest-paid professionals in the US, and qualified workers are thus difficult to recruit and retain.

Daycare is in High Demand, Yet Often in Short Supply

Compounding the problem of low quality care is the problem of childcare availability. Currently in the U.S. multiple communities experience supply shortages of high quality, licensed childcare. These areas are sometimes referred to as, ‘child care deserts,’ a metaphor borrowed from research on food insecurity. Childcare deserts are found mostly in low-income rural communities, where the absence of childcare options is one more obstacle parents must negotiate along with myriad others, such as poor public transportation and irregular work hours and incomes.

The Cost of Daycare is High, Yet Caregiver Pay is Low

Currently in the U.S., daycare is expensive, and out of reach for many families. Daycare costs have increased at double the rate of inflation since the recession of 2008. A recent report found that in 33 states and the District of Columbia, infant care costs exceed the average cost of in-state college tuition at public 4-year institutions.

Moreover, while the cost of daycare has increased, workers’ salaries have not. Child care workers earn a median hourly wage of $10.31, which is almost forty percent below the $17.00 median hourly wage of workers in other occupations. Many childcare workers do not receive health benefits or pensions. Consequently, nearly half of daycare workers receive some form of public assistance, compared to about one quarter of US workforce as a whole, and many daycare workers cannot afford daycare for their own children.

Summary

Daycare is by now a normative part of family life in the US, as it is in most developed countries. For good or ill, the effects of daycare on children’s development are on the whole smaller than family influences. Daycare is not inherently harmful to children, and may in fact help accelerate their development, as well as provide a buffer against, and compensation for, the ill-effects of disadvantaged home environments. The positive and protective effects of daycare are associated mainly with educationally stimulating, high quality care of the kind that is most often provided in licensed, regulated daycare centers.

At the end of the day, home and daycare are not competitors but collaborators, and should not be conceptualized as being at odds or in conflict with each other. What U.S. parents and children need their childcare system to provide is high quality, affordable, and accessible care. As with healthcare, the childcare system in the U.S. has struggled mightily, and thus far unsuccessfully, to provide consumers with services that combine these three essential qualities. In the U. S. today, affordable and accessible care is often of low quality; high quality and affordable care is inaccessible to most, and care that is accessible and high quality is often prohibitively expensive. This state of affairs is not satisfactory, and should be unacceptable in a nation that aspires to prize and protect its children, families, and future.

*An earlier, full version of this article has appeared in The Encyclopedia of Child and Adolescent Development. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119171492.wecad254

How to prepare a child for admission to kindergarten? – Kindergarten “Polyanka”

Admission of a child to a kindergarten is associated with certain psychological difficulties. In order for the adaptation of the child to be less painful, it is very important in advance, 3-4 months in advance, to engage in independent preparation of the child for kindergarten.

Tips on how to prepare your child for visiting preschool

The child must be ready to be separated from you.

Find out how difficult it is for your child to be without you. In order for a child to painlessly endure separation from his parents, he must grow up in a friendly, hospitable family, in the house there are guests, relatives, the baby “goes out” – communicates with other children in the presence of his mother. A family that leads a closed lifestyle does not teach the child to contact strangers – the baby will be very worried about separation from his parents. It’s good when a mother has the opportunity to leave the baby for a short time with someone from the family (dad, grandmother). Signs of readiness for a short-term separation: the baby can remain without parents with familiar adults, easily makes acquaintances, shows interest in children whom he sees for the first time.

Adjust to the kindergarten routine

Tell your child in detail about the kindergarten routine: what, how and in what sequence he will do there. The more detailed your story is, the calmer and more confident your baby will feel when he goes to kindergarten. Ask your baby if he remembers what he will do in the garden after a walk, where he will put his things, who will help him undress, and what he will do after dinner. By asking these questions, you can check whether the child remembers the sequence of actions well. Ask in advance what time breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea will take place, when the daytime sleep should be. It would not be superfluous to ask about the composition of the kindergarten menu. Include most of the dishes that the child will try in the diet at home.

In kindergarten, the unknown usually scares the little ones. When a child sees that the expected event is happening as it was “promised” in advance, he feels more confident.

Start talking to your child early about kindergarten, focusing on the positives.

Tell your child what kindergarten is, why children go there, why you want your child to go to kindergarten. For example: “Kindergarten is such a big house with a beautiful garden where moms and dads bring their children. You will really like it there: there are many other kids who do everything together – eat, play, walk. Instead of me, your aunt-teacher will be there with you, who will take care of you, as well as other kids. There are a lot of toys in the kindergarten, there is a wonderful playground, you can play different games with other children, etc.”!

Another option: “In kindergarten, children play with each other and eat together. I really want to go to work because it’s interesting for me. And I really want you to go to kindergarten – because you will like it there. In the morning I will take you to the kindergarten, and in the evening I will pick you up. You will tell me what you had interesting in kindergarten, and I will tell you what happened to me during the day at work. Many parents would like to send their children to this kindergarten, but not all of them are taken there. You’re lucky – in the fall I’ll start taking you there.”

Teach your child to communicate with peers

Be sure to point out the importance of teaching him to communicate with peers in the recommendations on how to prepare a child for kindergarten. This question is not very relevant for children under 3 years old. But already at a later age, you should show the baby how to get to know each other, communicate with other guys. Teach him to share toys, to resolve some conflict situations.
Very useful before your child starts attending kindergarten, to go with him to the activities of the children’s club or circle. Visit your friends often who also have children of similar age. Visit the playgrounds in the playrooms.

Be honest about possible difficulties.

Talk to your child about difficulties they may have in kindergarten. Discuss who in this case he can turn to for help, and how he will do it. For example: “If you are thirsty, go to the teacher and say:“ I am thirsty, ”and the teacher will pour you water. If you want to go to the toilet, tell the teacher about it.

Do not give your child the illusion that everything will be done at his first request and in the way he wants. Explain that there will be many children in the group and sometimes he will have to wait his turn. You can tell your baby, “The teacher can’t help all the kids get dressed at once, so you’ll have to wait a bit.”

Prepare yourself for the fact that you will have to part with your child

There are different opinions about whether it is worth it for a mother to be with her baby during the initial period of adaptation to kindergarten. It would seem that what’s wrong with a mother attending a kindergarten with a child? Everyone is happy, the baby does not cry, mom is calm. But in doing so, the inevitable parting only drags on. Yes, and other children, looking at someone else’s mother, cannot understand – but where is mine in this case? Therefore, it will be better for everyone if from the very first day the child tries to stay in the group alone, without the care of the mother. And experienced caregivers will take care of the baby into their own hands.

Take care of your health

Quite often you can hear parents complain that as soon as a child starts attending kindergarten, he is constantly sick. Unfortunately, in most cases, this is indeed the case. It is worth considering in advance how to prepare the child’s immunity for kindergarten.

• Include foods containing vitamins and minerals in your baby’s diet. If necessary, give special nutritional complexes, after consulting with a qualified specialist.

• It is not recommended to do any vaccinations immediately before entering kindergarten. Approximately 1.5 months should elapse between these events

• It is also advised not to register the baby in the garden during periods of increased epidemiological danger.

What is important for a child to know and be able to do before kindergarten

As a rule, the decision that a child will go to kindergarten is not taken spontaneously by parents. This has been known for at least a few months. Therefore, responsible parents have 2-3 months left to slowly prepare the baby for kindergarten.

Of course, a kindergarten is not a school, and the child does not need any special knowledge. But parents should take care to facilitate his first experience of communication in a team. To make it easier for the baby to adapt, in advance: accustom the child to the daily routine that is set in the kindergarten of your choice; instill in him elementary self-service skills; learn how to communicate with other children and caregivers.

Why mode is so important

Even if your family does not accept or fail to adhere to a certain regimen, its observance should be one of the stages in preparing a child for kindergarten.

It is important that the baby knows how to fall asleep without a mother, especially during the day. In kindergarten, no one will lull him to sleep. If the child begins to wake up, fall asleep, walk, play and study at a certain time, this will greatly facilitate his period of getting used to new conditions. Compliance with the regime will help to adjust the baby’s biological clock, he will be less tired, it will be much easier for him to learn and acquire new knowledge and skills.

Of course, it is better if the parents immediately accustom the child to the daily routine that is set in the kindergarten where he will go. Therefore, find out the daily routine in the group and adapt the crumbs to it in advance. So he will get the first idea about the discipline, the observance of which is necessary already starting from kindergarten.

It would be useful if your baby knows the words “not”, “need” and “possible”. This will make it easier for him to interact with caregivers and help avoid conflicts with other children. The ability to comply with generally established requirements will ultimately reduce the period of adaptation, make attending a kindergarten a pleasure for a child, and not a heavy duty or punishment.

What self-service skills will be required for kindergarten

By the age of three, when the majority of children are ready to attend kindergarten, parents themselves try to ensure that the baby has the necessary skills: to put on and take off clothes without adult help; use cutlery; wash your face, comb your hair, brush your teeth.

From an early age, children already enjoy being independent. Starting to walk, they are already trying to do without the help of adults, including taking off or putting on their clothes, socks and shoes. Encourage this effort by making it easy for your child to wear comfortable clothing and shoes with a minimum of buttons, zippers, Velcro and elastic bands that can be easily removed and put on.

Teach him how to recognize your things and how to keep them neat and clean. Explain that outer clothing should be hung in a special closet or on a hanger, and lower clothes should be neatly folded on a chair or hung on its back. Even a three-year-old kid can be taught how to clean shoes, wipe them with a special cloth from dust and dirt. Of course, in most cases, his shoes will have to be washed, but the sooner you start teaching your child about neatness, the easier it will be for him in kindergarten.

Children begin to use cutlery, a spoon and a fork, drink from a cup on their own after a year. During this period, you need to gradually abandon the use of bottles with nipples, special mugs with lids for babies. By the time your child enters kindergarten, these skills to use “adult” cutlery, although smaller, should already be well developed if you do not want your baby to remain hungry. Buy him a special children’s service, a spoon and a fork, teach him to immediately hold them correctly while eating.

When teaching him to eat on his own, stop trying to turn the process into a game. You should not entertain him by trying to feed him “to satiety”, kindergarten teachers will not encourage this approach. Teach your baby to eat carefully, trying not to spill anything either on clothes or on the table. Teach him how to use napkins.

Parents should also take care of their baby’s diet. He will not have the opportunity to choose dishes in the garden. Therefore, teach him to eat what is offered. Explain that for games and activities he will need a lot of strength, and for this he needs to eat well.

Hygiene skills are also taught to the child before kindergarten. One particularly important habit is hand washing. This should be done not only before each meal, but also after walking and playing. Teach him to roll up his sleeves so that in kindergarten he does not walk around with wet sleeves after every wash. Brushing your teeth will be more difficult – not all young children enjoy this process. Therefore, provide your child with a soft toothbrush and toothpaste that tastes good.

One of the most essential skills is the ability to go to the toilet on your own. Diapers, of course, are a convenient thing, but after two years the child should be accustomed to a potty or a toilet with a special seat. In kindergarten, he will be able to use the potty that he is used to at home, the teachers will not mind. Teach him to use toilet paper carefully, to remove and put on panties and tights on his own.

The child must be able to communicate

The first communication skills the baby receives in the family. The more relatives and friends you have, the easier it will be for him to socialize in kindergarten. But a child can also learn to communicate during joint walks with his mother, meetings with other children on the playground. The more open the parents are to contact, the easier it will be for the baby.

Set an example for your child, communicate actively with strangers in front of him, get to know other parents and children. Encourage the initiative of your child, if he shows interest in the people around him and other children, he should not be shy himself and close up when strangers turn to him. Go with him to visit, spend children’s holidays in your family. Leave him for some time alone at a party, with friends or relatives who do not live with you. The child should not be afraid that parents, mother are not always there.

Instill in your child a sense of empathy, empathy, the ability to put yourself in the place of another person. Even a three-year-old person is able to realize that not all of his whims and desires should be fulfilled, especially to the detriment of other children. Set him up to be friends with other boys and girls and not offend them, share treats and toys with them.

Accustom the child in the family to group forms of interaction: joint games, cleaning the apartment, evening gatherings, reading books, watching movies. The kid should enjoy communicating with both relatives and strangers, whether they are adults or children.

At the same time, your child should be able to play and study independently by the age of three. Leave him alone with toys more often, because even at home, mom does not always have the opportunity to spend with the child all the time. Find him things that he can do for some time on his own: for example, drawing, coloring, modeling, assembling a designer, folding and moving objects, toys.

Prepare your child for the fact that the teacher is responsible for all children and cannot pay attention only to your child. Maintain the authority of educators in the family, do not allow them to speak badly about them in the presence of the child. And, importantly, teach him to formulate and express his desires. This is necessary so that the baby can ask for the toilet in time, inform the teacher about his other needs.

Intellectual development of the child before kindergarten

The level of development of your child must also meet certain requirements. Of course, all children are different, but by the age of three, the child should already take part in thematic games, memorize the proposed plot and follow it during the game. He must know and be able to show parts of the body, distinguish between gender and age of people, distinguish and draw various geometric shapes – vertical and horizontal lines, circles.

Babies at this age are open to everything new. Tell your child stories, read books, he should be able to listen carefully to what he is told. Pick up for him to listen to audio performances and productions intended for the smallest. Develop his memory, learn poems and songs with him.