Cry it out method how long is too long: What really happens when babies are left to cry it out?

Опубликовано: March 5, 2023 в 10:22 pm

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Категории: Miscellaneous

Age, How Long Is Too Long, Possible Harm

For some families, implementing this sleep training method can help baby learn to sleep through the night.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps,” they say. But what if yours doesn’t seem too keen on sleeping at all?

Well, you’re not alone. There are a multitude of parenting books written specifically about sleep training methods, some of which involve letting your baby cry for periods of time.

While it can sound harsh, the idea behind crying it out, as it’s called, is that a baby can learn to soothe themselves to sleep versus relying on a caregiver to soothe them. And self-soothing may lead to solid and more independent sleep skills over time.

Let’s take a closer look at the cry-it-out method so you can determine if it’s something you want to try.

“Cry it out” (CIO) — or sometimes “controlled crying” — is an umbrella term used to describe several different methods that involve letting a baby cry as they learn to fall asleep on their own.

You may be familiar with the Ferber Method, for example, which has parents set specific time increments to check on baby if they’re crying — but there are several other sleep training programs that involve varying degrees of CIO.

Weissbluth’s method

In this method, Marc Weissbluth, MD, explains that babies may still wake up to two times a night at 8 months old. However, he says parents should start predictable bedtime routines — letting babies cry 10 to 20 minutes to sleep —- with infants as young as 5 to 6 weeks of age.

Then, when baby is 4 months old, Weissbluth recommends doing what’s called “full extinction,” which means allowing them to cry until they stop/fall asleep without parent interaction/checks.

Murkoff’s method

Heidi Murkoff explains that by 4 months of age (11 pounds), babies no longer need night feeds. This also means they can sleep through the night — and that night waking after 5 months old is a habit.

Sleep training — graduated extinction, scheduled awakening, reinforcement of sleep rhythms — begins after 4 months old as chosen by the parents. At 6 months, Murkoff says that “cold turkey” CIO is appropriate.

Bucknam and Ezzo’s method

Robert Bucknam, MD, and Gary Ezzo — who gave their book “On Becoming Babywise” the subtitle “Giving your infant the gift of nighttime sleep” — feel that teaching your little one to self-soothe is truly a gift that will help baby in the long run. Ezzo and Bucknam say that babies between 7 and 9 weeks of age are capable of sleeping up to 8 hours a night. By 12 weeks, this increases up to 11 hours.

The CIO method here involves allowing 15 to 20 minutes of crying before sleep. It’s also important to note that this method prescribes a specific rhythm of daytime sleep as well (eat-wake-sleep).

Hogg and Blau’s method

“Baby whisperer” Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau say that by the time a baby weighs 10 pounds, they’re ready to sleep through the night. That said, they recommend cluster feeding in the evenings and doing a dream feed.

With regard to CIO, the authors say that babies will do three “crescendos” of crying before sleep. Parents tend to give in during that second peak. In this method, parents are permitted to respond — but encouraged to leave again immediately after baby settles.

Ferber’s method

Likely the best known CIO method, Richard Ferber, MD, uses the graduated extinction model starting when baby is 6 months old. “Graduated” basically means that parents are encouraged to put baby to bed when they’re drowsy but still awake.

Then, you’re to let your baby cry for 5 minutes before responding the first time. After that, you may extend the time between responses by 5- (or fewer) minute increments.

Giordano and Abidin’s method

Suzy Giordano and Lisa Abidin believe babies are capable of sleeping 12 hours at a time without a night feed by 12 weeks of age. Once a baby reaches 8 weeks old, this method allows crying at night for 3 to 5 minutes before you respond. Instead of night feeds, the authors encourage parents to feed babies every 3 hours during the day.

For more information

Shop online for books about these CIO methods:

  • Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth
  • What to Expect: The First Year by Murkoff
  • On Becoming Babywise by Bucknam and Ezzo
  • Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Hogg and Blau
  • Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Ferber
  • Twelve Hours’ Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old by Giordano and Abidin

How you go about CIO depends on your baby’s age, the philosophy you follow, and your sleep expectations. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and what works for one baby or family may very well not work for another.

Before sleep training using CIO, you may want to speak with your child’s pediatrician to get clarification on how much your baby should be sleeping at night for their age, whether or not they need a night feed, and any other concerns you might have.

Here’s a sample way to start CIO:

1. Establish a predictable nighttime routine

Many parenting experts agree that before CIO, you should get your child into a bedtime rhythm. That way, your baby is able to start relaxing and gets cues that it’s time to sleep. This might involve things like:

  • dimming the lights in your home
  • playing soft music or white noise
  • taking a bath
  • reading a bedtime story (here are some of our faves!)

2. Place your child in their crib

But before you leave the room, make sure to practice safe sleep practices:

  • Don’t practice CIO with a baby who is still swaddled.
  • Make sure the crib is clear of any stuffed animals or pillows.
  • Place your baby on their back to sleep.

3. Watch and wait

If you have a video or audio baby monitor, tune in to see what your child is up to. In some cases, they may go to sleep. In others, there could be some fussing. This is where your specific method comes in as to how you respond:

  • If you’re following full extinction, you should still keep an eye on your child to make sure they’re safe.
  • If you’re following a graduated approach, be sure to keep track of the different intervals as you go to briefly soothe your child.

4. Soothe, but don’t linger

For example, if you’re following the Ferber Method:

  • The first night, you would go in after 3 minutes, then again after 5 minutes, and then again after 10 minutes.
  • The second night, the intervals might be more like 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 12 minutes.
  • And the third night, 12 minutes, 15 minutes, 17 minutes.

Each time you go in, simply pick your baby up (or not — it’s up to you), assure them, and then leave. Your visit should be 1 to 2 minutes, tops.

5. Consider other situations

Sometimes, cries are your baby’s signals for help.So, there are times when your baby is more likely to cry and actually needs you. If your little one is really having a hard time, take a step back and evaluate the bigger picture:

  • Are they sick? Teething?
  • Is the room too hot or too cold?
  • Is their diaper dirty?
  • Are they hungry?

There are a number of reasons your baby may cry and actually need your help.

6. Be consistent

It may be hard to keep up CIO night after night if you feel your efforts aren’t immediately working. Eventually, your baby should get the idea.

However, to get there, it’s very important to try to stay consistent and follow the plan. Responding at certain times and not others can be confusing to your baby.

Related: Should you let your child cry it out at naps?

Whether you follow a full extinction or graduated extinction CIO plan, there gets to be a point where you might wonder: How long should I let my baby cry? Unfortunately, there’s really no single answer to this question.

Nicole Johnson, sleep expert and author of popular blog the Baby Sleep Site, says that parents should have a clear plan before starting.

The goal of CIO is to have a baby fall asleep without sleep associations, like being rocked by mom or dad. So, it’s tricky, since going in to check on baby might involve rocking or other sleep associations.

Johnson says that parents need to decide together what’s “too long.” Instead of waiting for what feels “too long” in the moment, try to work out the details ahead of time.

And she also says to be aware of situations where a baby’s long spells of crying may actually signal that the baby needs help (illness, teething, etc.).

Related: Your baby’s sleep schedule in the first year

Experts share that while various methods state you can start CIO as early as 3 to 4 months old (sometimes younger), it may be more developmentally appropriate to wait until your baby is over 4 months old.

Some CIO methods go by a child’s weight as a recommendation on when to start. Others go purely by age.

Whatever the case, it has to do with development and different ideas about when a baby needs night feedings versus when they’re ready to go without them. (Also, how you define “going without a night feeding” matters. There’s a big difference between going 6 to 8 hours without a feeding and going 12 hours without.)

The following table displays the age that different methods say parents can start things like “cold turkey”, “extinction”, or “graduated extinction” CIO with babies.

Method Starting age / weight
Weissbluth 4 months old
Murkoff 6 months old
Ezzo and Bucknam 1 month old
Hogg and Blau 6 weeks / 10 pounds
Ferber 6 months
Giordano and Abirdin 8 weeks

It’s a good idea to speak with your pediatrician before starting any CIO program, as your baby may have specific health or feeding needs not addressed by parenting books.

As with all things parenting, try your best to not go too much by the book and to look at your individual child’s needs.

Related: 5 tips to help your baby sleep through the night

You probably have a friend or family member who absolutely swears that CIO was their ticket to nighttime sleep success. Well, if you’re still a bit leery of this method, there’s some good news: A 2016 study focused on the emotional effects of letting babies cry. The results didn’t show any long-lasting trauma.

It’s important to point out that the study specifically looked at sleep training methods that involve graduated extinction, where parents do respond to cries in set intervals.

To perform the research, the scientists measured the babies’ cortisol (the “stress hormone”) levels using their saliva. Then, 1 year later, the babies were evaluated for things like emotional/behavioral problems and attachment issues. The researchers didn’t find a significant difference in these areas between babies in the test and the control groups.

The researchers also evaluated whether or not CIO methods actually lead to better sleep. Again, the answer was positive. The babies who cried actually fell asleep faster and had less stress than babies in the control group. The CIO babies were also more likely to sleep through the night than the control group.

While this is just one sample, a 2012 study evaluated long-term effects of sleep training. The results were similar. Five years after sleep training, researchers determined that such intervention had no negative effects — and there was no difference between the test and the control groups.

As you can imagine, the idea of letting a baby cry for periods of time without parental involvement does get some heat from critics. But is there research to support the idea that crying can be damaging to babies?

One study suggested that babies become more securely attached to their mothers when nighttime interactions are positive — that is, when mom (or dad, presumably, although the study looked at mothers) picks up and soothes baby if they wake up crying.

Psychologist Macall Gordon explains that popular sleep training methods seem to take a stance that the ability to sleep longer stretches is linear, meaning that the amount your child sleeps at night should increase with time.

However, she points out that sleep may actually be tied to things like:

  • brain growth
  • your individual child’s temperament or physiology
  • culture and developmental regressions in the first year

In other words: Sleep isn’t cut and dry, and there isn’t necessarily a specific plan — involving crying or not — that will get your baby reliably sleeping 12 hours each night.

Related: Does the pick up, put down method work to get your baby to sleep?

You can work on better sleep habits with your baby without subscribing to any specific method of sleep training. Some tips:

  • DO keep a consistent bedtime routine each night and place your baby in their crib drowsy but awake.
  • DO let your baby fuss a bit and consider using a pacifier to help them settle.
  • DO work to understand what’s developmentally appropriate to expect from your child when it comes to night wakings/feedings.
  • DON’T fret if the methods you’re trying aren’t working.

Some babies are born good sleepers. For others, it’s a process that can take some time. If you have concerns about your baby’s sleep habits, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with your pediatrician.

Will Crying It Out Work for Your Child?

Ferber Method: Will Crying It Out Work for Your Child?

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Medically reviewed by Monica Gross, MD, MPH — By Ruben J. Rucoba on August 20, 2015

There are plenty of books available to parents who need help getting their older infant or toddler to sleep through the night. One of the most well-known books is “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” by Richard Ferber.

Most parents have at least heard of the Ferber method, and mistakenly think his advice is to let your child “cry it out” all night until they exhaust themselves and finally fall asleep. But nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is, the Ferber method is greatly misunderstood.

If you are a parent struggling to get your child to sleep through the night, we suggest you first read the entire book. It’s full of great information. Ferber reviews the stages of sleep, so parents can better understand why his interventions work. He also addresses many common sleep issues from infancy to adolescence, including:

  • nighttime fears
  • nightmares
  • night terrors
  • sleepwalking
  • bedwetting
  • disruptions in sleep schedules
  • bedtime routines

But most parents only know him for his approach to getting young children to sleep through the night. To better understand that approach, you first need to know what the real problem is: sleep associations.

Sleep experts agree that one of the biggest problems in getting a child to sleep through the night is the child’s sleep associations. Sleep associations are items or behaviors that the child uses to fall asleep at the beginning of the night. For example, if you always rock your child at bedtime, and she falls asleep in your arms before you put her in the crib, then that is her sleep association.

The problem is that she has associated falling asleep with rocking and being in your arms. So when she wakes up at night and she can’t put herself to sleep, she needs to be rocked in your arms to fall back asleep.

So the problem of waking up in the middle of the night starts at the beginning of the night. You must allow your child to fall asleep on her own, so that when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she can put herself back to sleep. This is called “self-soothing. ” We all wake up in the nighttime, but adults know how to put themselves back to sleep. This vital skill is what Ferber is trying to get parents to teach their children.

His Progressive-Waiting Approach starts by having you put your child in the crib sleepy, but awake, and then leave the room. If she cries, you can check on her, but in increasing intervals of time. First wait three minutes, then five minutes, and then 10 minutes. Each time you check on her, the goal is to reassure her (and you) that she’s fine and you have not left her. Don’t spend more than a minute or two with her. You may console her, but the goal is not to get her to stop crying.

Gradually lengthen the time between these checks each night. The first night, the intervals are three, five, and 10 minutes. The next night, they are five, 10, and 12 minutes. The next night, the intervals are 12, 15, and 17 minutes. The plan is simple in concept, and Ferber outlines exactly what to do each night. He states that after about four days, most children are sleeping through the night.

As you can see, this is not a “cry it out” plan. The Ferber method does not insist that you let your child cry all night, but gradually allow your child to learn to put herself to sleep.

So does it really work? There are certainly parents who swear by this approach. And there are parents who swear at Ferber, because they were not successful. But the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that 19 different studies of this type of approach all showed a decrease in the number of night wakings. The Academy’s conclusion was that it is highly effective.

While the Ferber approach has been shown to be effective, remember that it may not be effective for everyone. There are other methods to getting your child to sleep through the night, and those others can also be helpful.

The point is, don’t dismiss Ferber just because you think he wants you to let your child cry all night. To give his method a fair shake, be sure to read the whole book, and if you decide to try the Ferber method, stick to it as closely as possible.

Last medically reviewed on August 20, 2015

  • Parenthood
  • Life

How we reviewed this article:

Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We avoid using tertiary references. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

  • Ferber, R. (2006, May 23). Solve your child’s sleep problems: new, revised, and expanded edition
    amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0743201639
  • Kuhn, B., Lewin, D., Mindell, J., Meltzer, L., & Sadeh, A. (2006). Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children
    aasmnet.org/resources/practiceparameters/review_nightwakingschildren.pdf

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Medically reviewed by Monica Gross, MD, MPH — By Ruben J. Rucoba on August 20, 2015

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Cry well – is it good for health?

  • Jason Goldman
  • BBC Future

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Image Credit, iStock

There is a common belief that tears are a good way to relieve stress. BBC Future columnist wondered: Is this scientifically true?

Until recently, scientists and writers disagreed sharply about the benefits of crying.

In his play “Henry VI” Shakespeare wrote: “Weeping weakens the bitterness of anguish”, and the American writer Lemony Snicket noted that “if you cry well and for a long time, you will feel better, even if the situation has not changed at all.”

  • Why people learned to cry
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  • Blood, sweat and tears: the secrets of our secrets

On the other hand, Charles Darwin believed that the production of tears (regardless of the process of crying) was just a useless side effect of the muscles located around the eye.

In his opinion, these muscles must contract from time to time so as not to overflow with blood, and the release of tears is simply an accidental consequence of this physiological process that appeared in the process of evolution.

(However, Darwin admitted that crying helps babies get the attention of their parents).

Today we know that crying (at least in adults) is a complex physiological response to certain emotional stimuli.

The main distinguishing feature of crying is the appearance of tears, but it is also accompanied by a change in facial expression and breathing rate.

For example, when we cry, we often sob, that is, we inhale and exhale sharply.

Scientifically, this means that crying and producing tears in response to a chemical stimulus (eg, if you rub your eyes after eating something spicy) are two different things.

Even the tears themselves are different. In 1981, Minnesota psychiatrist William H. Frey II discovered that tears elicited by watching a sad movie contained more protein than those produced by a reaction to a freshly chopped onion.

Image copyright, iStock

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The exact reasons why we cry are still a mystery

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At the same time, tears that well up in the eyes from an excess of emotions can be caused not only by sadness.

Anyone who has ever attended a hilarious comedy show or listened to the bride and groom read wedding vows to each other during the wedding will confirm this.

Many of us are familiar with a variety of reasons that can cause tears – both sad and joyful.

However, the reasons why we do this as adults are still not completely clear. Scientists have many hypotheses about this.

One of them is that the crying of adults is not really that different from that of a child, at least as far as its social aspect is concerned.

In other words, crying is a way to get attention, get support and help from friends when we need it most.

With the help of crying, we can tell our loved ones about our feelings when words are not enough for this.

This may explain some types of crying, but scientists have repeatedly found that adults often cry when left alone.

Image copyright, iStock

Image caption,

Crying alone can be one way to assess your emotional state

Then they suggested that crying could serve as a means of “secondary assessment”, that is, it helps a person realize how upset he is and understand his own feelings.

This is a rather controversial theory, suitable only for certain cases, although there are still some arguments in its favor.

One cannot ignore the concept of catharsis: crying helps us cope with situations that carry a great emotional burden.

This idea is consonant not only with the words of Shakespeare, but also with the opinion of the Roman poet Ovid, who believed that “crying comforts, and grief dissolves in tears. ”

The Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote that crying “purifies the mind.”

In a 1986 study of popular American magazines and newspapers, a psychologist found that 94% of articles about crying claimed that crying helped relieve emotional stress.

In 2008, a study was published in which 4,300 young people from 30 countries took part. Most of them said that after crying, they felt better both physically and emotionally.

At the same time, some participants did not notice any changes, while others felt even worse.

Apparently it’s all about the social context: if a person is embarrassed to cry in public, he will feel less relieved than if he cried alone or in the presence of one close friend.

Scientists also found that when people tried to hold back or hide their tears, their emotional state also did not improve significantly.

Therefore, a good cry can indeed be good for health, but for this it is necessary that the crying person be supported.

Ultimately, this means that adults may cry for much the same reason as babies: to call on friends and family members for help.

Read the original of this article in English at BBC Future .

How to quickly calm a baby so that he stops crying

According to British scientists, children’s crying is included in the rating of sounds that are especially hard to bear. When a child cries, but due to age cannot explain the reasons, parents often panic and do not know what to do. Lyubov Nekrasova, a pediatric neurologist at the Semeynaya clinic network, told Gazeta.Ru how to help a child in such a situation.

How to properly respond to a child’s crying

According to a neurologist, crying is the only way of communication available to young children. “With the help of crying, the child maintains contact with his mother or father, reports physical discomfort (wet diaper, hot or uncomfortable clothes) desires, pain, boredom and just a bad mood,” the doctor explained.

In addition, crying is also a test of the world for safety, which, as a rule, a mother embodies for a small child.

“Crying is an important evolutionary way of survival for an infant. That is why the cry of a child, especially his own, cannot be ignored, it is the strongest possible irritant for his mother, ”said Nekrasova.

She added that in a difficult situation for him, the child expects help, support, reassurance from his mother, so it is very important that the mother can remain calm, not scream, get angry or nervous.

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Is it possible to pick up a child when he is crying

After the mother demonstrates that she is there, turns affectionately, talks to the baby, she should try to help him, Nekrasova said.

She noted that, first of all, it is important to eliminate the causes of physical discomfort: change a wet diaper, straighten clothes, make sure that the child does not sweat or freeze (hands and feet can be warm or slightly cool, but not cold), offer to drink and try to feed the baby.

“If this does not help, the mother can take the baby in her arms and carry it, gently and rhythmically rocking and singing. You can turn on the so-called “white noise”, such sounds are easy to find on the Internet – this is a good reassurance for the child. Other background sounds would also work, such as the sound of running water or a running washing machine,” the expert advised.

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According to Nekrasova, swaddling or a cocoon covering arms and legs often soothes young children. But it is important to remember that a mother is not able to determine all the causes of crying, because it can be associated, for example, with health problems. “If a child cries for a long time, strongly, for no reason, you should not look for reasons, but consult a pediatrician,” the neurologist said.

She also talked about dangerous ways to quickly calm a child, which should never be practiced. For example, a popular way to let a child “cry” alone.

“It is strictly forbidden to leave a child to cry alone for a long time. It is dangerous to throw the baby into the crib or shake it violently. Under no circumstances should a child under two years of age be shaken. As a result of sudden shaking, children can develop the so-called “shaken baby syndrome” (SBS, or shaken baby syndrome). With such shaking, hemorrhages under the membranes of the brain can occur, which leads to serious consequences, even death, ”the doctor warned.

Symptoms of SBS may take several days to appear. These include lethargy, drowsiness, which is unusual for the behavior of the baby, or, conversely, excitability and convulsions. If the syndrome is suspected, emergency hospitalization in the intensive care unit is necessary.

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How to soothe a child when mother is not around monotonous quiet sounds.