2 year old talking back: Talking back: Why it happens and what to do about it (ages 3 to 4)

Talking back: Why it happens and what to do about it (ages 3 to 4)

Why preschoolers talk back

Ask your preschooler to clear his train set off the kitchen table so you can serve dinner and he retorts, “No way!” Does this display of attitude mean you’re in for years of sassing?

Not necessarily. “When a child talks back, what he’s really expressing is anger, frustration, fear, or hurt,” says Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers.

Of course, it’s hard not to respond angrily to such back talk. But a wiser course of action is to try to find out what’s bothering your preschooler, then teach him to express his difficult emotions in a more acceptable way. Think of it this way: Your child’s feelings aren’t the problem – it’s how he expresses them that’s the issue.

What to do about back talk

Is it preventable? If certain situations almost always cause your child to talk back, see if you can help him problem solve ahead of time. For example, if he gets angry about having to clean up when he feels like he’s in the middle of something, offer to give him a five-minute warning the next time you need him to pick up his toys.

Or maybe he gets out of bed every night not because “it’s a stupid bed,” but because he’s really afraid of the shadows moving across the wall. In that case, give him a flashlight to keep nearby, or put up shades to block the spooky shadows.

Choose your battles wisely. If you set out your child’s clothes for the day and he balks at your choice, is that important enough to argue over? Another solution might be to say calmly, “If you don’t like that shirt, you can choose another one, but it’s important that you talk to me nicely.”

Do some sleuthing. Ask yourself if he could be imitating an attitude he sees in movies or on TV. Kids on comedy shows may get a big laugh when they talk back. Monitor the shows your child watches to make sure he’s not picking up the wrong message.

Also watch for a pattern to your child’s back talk. Does it usually happen when he’s tired or overstimulated? Maybe he’s involved in too many activities or needs a little quiet time after preschool to rest or calm down.

Set limits ahead of time. Make sure your child understands what is – and isn’t – okay to say. So if it’s a family rule not to use the word “yuck” at the dinner table, make that clear. Or if you don’t appreciate his huffy response to an earnest explanation remind him, “We don’t talk that way. Please speak to me nicely.”

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Also teach your child that he doesn’t have to speak every thought that runs through his head. Grandma doesn’t need to be told, however innocently, that her pie is runny, and the bagger at the grocery store doesn’t need a preschooler’s advice to lose a little weight.

Keep your composure. Don’t overreact to your child’s mouthing off or get into a power struggle over his choice of words or his tone.

And, of course, never answer in kind. The best way to teach your preschooler to speak respectfully is to do so yourself. Tell him, “I think you can find a much better way to say that.”

A knee-jerk response (“Don’t you talk to me that way, you bad boy!” won’t set a very good example and will only add to his frustration.

Get behind the back talk. When your preschooler verbally lashes out, let him know that you care about his feelings, even if you don’t approve of the way he’s expressing them. Parents sometimes skip this step and go right to scolding or disciplining a child, but it’s important to let your child know you understand that he’s mad or frustrated – and even help him label those feelings.

If your child thinks you don’t get it, he may amp up his reaction to show you just how upset he is. On the other hand, acknowledging his emotions (“Wow, you sound really angry about this”) often removes you from the adversarial role. If you can get past his tone, you can focus on the message he’s trying to convey.

If he can talk about it calmly, try to come up with a compromise you both can live with. Perhaps he can finish his drawing, then put his socks in the laundry basket, for instance.

Offer choices. If your preschooler has some control over the course of his day, he’s less likely to feel the need to assert himself in offensive ways. So give him appropriate opportunities to make choices for himself.

But don’t overwhelm him (or yourself!) by letting him decide everything. Instead, focus on letting him make the decisions most important to him. Try asking, “Would you like to wear your green sweater or your red sweatshirt today?” or “Would you rather go to the park or the library this afternoon?”

Be sure to offer acceptable choices, and respect the ones he makes. Don’t give your child a choice between ice cream and fresh fruit for dessert if you really want him to eat the fruit.

Choices aren’t the same as bribes, though. So if you tell him, “Put on your shoes without a fuss and you can have ice cream later,” you’re only rewarding him for not acting out.

Also beware of the “okay” trap. It may feel natural to say, “Let’s get ready for bed now, okay?” or “Time to get your shoes on, okay?” But this can confuse young kids and make them think they have a choice to say no.

Be clear about what is and isn’t a choice: “It’s time to get ready for bed. Do you want to wear your cowboy pajamas or your red pajamas?”

Know when to turn a deaf ear. If your preschooler has moved beyond a simple “no” and turned nasty or throws a tantrum, don’t negotiate, compromise, or even discuss his opinion with him. This will only reinforce the behavior.

For instance, if you’re playing a lively game of Twister and he spits out, “I did not fall down, you dummy!” tell him that you won’t play with him unless he talks nicely. If he continues to be rude, make good on your promise and end the game immediately (no more chances, and no more discussion). Leave the room, and tell him, “We’ll talk when you’re ready to be nice.”

Of course, you can’t exactly abandon your child in the checkout line if he tries to pressure you into buying a candy bar. When faced with back talk in public, don’t be intimidated into being a pushover (or a taskmaster, for that matter). Briefly and calmly let your preschooler know that being nasty – no matter where or when – doesn’t cut it.

Find a quiet spot and tell him that if he does it again, there will be a consequence, like missing his favorite TV show or skipping the post-shopping trip to the playground. Showing your child that you respect yourself too much to be treated this way will both model respect and earn it.

Toddler Talking Back? An Expert Shares Tips to Help

Parenting

written by MELISSA GUIDA-RICHARDS

June 7, 2022

Source: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels

After a particularly rough morning post-school drop-off, I fueled up on a fresh cup of coffee as my toddler roughed out his prison sentence (AKA a timeout in his room) amidst screams of anger and frustration. Halfway through my cup, my phone buzzed and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at my sister’s message: “My boys are really testing my patience—is this normal?!”

As a mom of a 6-year-old and 4-year-old, I have had a lot of experience with asking myself—and Googling—that same exact question. Is a toddler talking back normal? Is a toddler hitting normal? Is a toddler [fill in the blank]? 

But lately, it seemed like we both were going through a particularly tough period, where we were struggling with how to best address our toddlers talking back. My sister was a first-time mom learning the ropes and my experience as a mom was a little different because my eldest has autism and we had other parenting challenges and learning curves. 

When I reached out to Donna Whittaker, Big Blue Marble Academy Vice President of Curriculum and Education and an expert in early childhood education, she offered some helpful insight for parents who, like me and my sister, were trying to manage toddlers talking back.

Donna Whittaker

Early Childhood Education Expert

With over 40 years in early childhood education, Donna has most recently served as Big Blue Marble Academy Education Director and developed and improved the BBMA infant, toddler, twos, and preschool curriculum. She also led the development of the Mindfulness and Character program.

Here are a few expert-approved ways to address talking back (and sass, attitude, cursing, etc.) from toddlers who are still learning basic communication skills.

 

1. Recognize when it is a concern versus typical behavior for a toddler.

When my youngest started mouthing off to me, I was a little taken aback. One day, he was my sweet little baby who wanted snuggles all day long, and the next, he was throwing his shoes on the floor, yelling “no!” My two sons have very different personalities, and I automatically assumed that I must have done something wrong for him to act like this. Boy, was I wrong!

“The life of a toddler is a combination of joyful wonderment and unpredictable willfulness. Toddlers are in the precarious position of transitioning from babyhood to childhood, and they teeter between these roles throughout any given day. This is not only hard on the toddler but also on the parents. Typically, parents label a toddler who says ‘no’ as talking back, but in the mind of a toddler, they are just using a familiar word they hear quite often throughout the day,” Donna said.

 

The life of a toddler is a combination of joyful wonderment and unpredictable willfulness.

 

In short, it’s normal for toddlers to “talk back” to a certain extent as they learn boundaries and how to communicate.

 

Source: Hüsamettin Akgün | Pexels

 

2. Be mindful of your own vocabulary

“Damn it!” my son yelled after dropping his latest Lego creation on the floor. Inwardly, I yelled at myself for not watching my own language, and outwardly, I hid a cringe as I tried not to react to the bad word and smile my child had on his face. I’d observed that in some situations, he would say certain things to get a reaction. Other times, he was just doing it because it sounded funny to him. And while I know I need to clean up my language around my children, I had heard conflicting advice about whether or not parents should be able to use the bad words and simply teach the child not to use them. After all, some things are just OK for grown-ups, right?

“It is vital for parents to choose words carefully and understand that very young children learn language by hearing language. Children will learn words and tone from those close to them. Toddlers are prone to repeat curse words because they might overhear adults saying these types of words with great passion. In the mind of a toddler, if someone important to them says a curse word with such vigor, it must be a good word to say. If a parent does slip up and say a curse word, then simply say something like, ‘I should not have said that word. It is not a nice word to say’,” Donna said.  

 

3. Help children label their emotions

As an adult, when I am upset, it can be difficult to explain to my spouse how I feel even though I have the vocabulary to do so. When thinking about my toddler’s behavior, I needed to remember that he needs the proper vocabulary broken down so he can communicate what he feels or needs in a certain moment.

“Young children differ from adults in that they are only able to feel one emotion at a time. However, they are able to feel many more emotions beyond mad and sad, so it is important to take time to label their emotions whenever possible,” Donna said. “A toddler may begin to cry or throw their shoes because they are not successful at putting them on by themselves. Use this type of opportunity to label the child’s emotion by saying something like, ‘I see and hear that you are crying. It looks like you are feeling frustrated because you are having trouble putting your shoes on all by yourself. Would you like me to help you or do you want to keep trying to do it by yourself?’ In many cases, just acknowledging a toddler’s emotions will help calm them down. They feel relieved to think that someone understands them,” she said.

 

Source: @catkieun via #sharetheeverymom

 

4. Identify positive intent behind a child’s behavior

While I often can get frustrated with my child’s behavior, my husband was having a particularly difficult time understanding how our child could be so smart and “forget” to follow a rule, like not pulling the cat’s tail. When I mentioned this struggle to Donna, she suggested attaching positive intent to a child’s behavior.

“Positive intent requires the parent to try to determine the ‘why’ behind their child’s behavior. If your child pulls your hair, instead of saying ‘don’t pull my hair,’ you could say something like, ‘You pulled my hair; did you want to feel my hair or did you want me to look at you? When you want to feel my hair, use gentle hands like this. If you want me to look at you, then say my name or tap me on the shoulder.’ This method allows you to teach your child a new skill, thereby eliminating your frustration and theirs,” she said.

When I shared this with my husband, we were able to get down on our son’s level and consider why he was pulling the cat’s tail, and we realized that he wanted to play with her. When we were able to see his positive intent, we were then able to teach him how to play with her toy in a safe and fun way for them both.

 

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Like so many frustrating behaviors in toddlers and young kids, talking back is often a normal part of learning to communicate—I’m going to try to remember that the next time my kid yells “damn it!”

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Speech development delay: how to help a child speak

Speech development delay is one of the most pressing problems in child neurology today, which, unfortunately, also affects absolutely healthy children. Often the parents themselves are the cause of the child’s speech difficulties. The chief pediatric neurologist of the Ministry of Health of the Tver Region, Galina Anatolyevna Zueva, tells what to do and what should not be done in any case so that the child speaks correctly and on time.

Hello dear parents!

Today our conversation is devoted to a very important and urgent problem – the speech development of children. In the last few years, we have increasingly heard that a child who does not speak at 2.5-3 years old is a variant of the norm, that there is nothing wrong with that, you need to wait a bit, and speech will appear. In fact, this approach is fundamentally wrong. There are physiological norms for proper speech and mental development, and it is very important to monitor their observance from the very birth of a child. Only in this case, he will be able to develop harmoniously and fully.

The main stages in the development of a child’s speech

You can start developing your baby’s speech from the first day of his birth.

The first thing to notice is how the baby cries. The crying of a child from birth is very different, it becomes especially expressive by the first month of life, from it you can understand what the baby needs: it is cold, it hurts, he wants to eat or go to the toilet, or maybe he just wants his mother to take it in her arms . If the child does everything right intonation, then the attentive mother quickly learns to understand the difference and respond to these “requests”. In this case, mental, and then speech development occurs harmoniously. If the baby cries monotonously, at the same level, and does not respond well to the voice, consult a doctor.

If the child is healthy and does not have hearing problems, then in response to positive emotions in the second month of life, he begins to “walk”. Together with the “cooing” the first laugh appears – squealing in response to emotional communication with an adult. The sounds of “humming” are already distinguished by a certain variety with a predominance of combinations of guttural and vowel sounds (“gu”, “ge”, “ha”, etc.) With these sounds, he tries to communicate, reacts to what is happening around him. If the baby does not start to “walk”, consult a doctor, he may have a problem with his ears.

The period of onomatopoeia begins from two months: the baby carefully follows mother’s lips when she talks to him, and as if tries to repeat these movements, but so far silently. So, by 3.5-4 months, a true “coo” is formed, where the child focuses on the sound being pronounced, the syllable, as if listening to himself. During the period of true “humming” sounds become long, melodious and more diverse. Along with guttural and vowels, labial sounds and combinations of vowels with labials are increasingly appearing.

By the age of six months, the child begins to babble – he begins to pronounce some individual letters, syllables. During this period, it is important to track intonations – how he speaks, how he cries. At six months, a healthy child should already be chatting, pronouncing certain syllables, repeating specific sounds after his mother. During the period of babbling, imitation of the sounds of an adult becomes more distinct.

By the end of the pre-verbal period, the child’s non-verbal forms of communication with others become more complicated. Communication is carried out with the help of both hands, more differentiated facial expressions and sounds. The child stretches his hands to his mother, utters separate sounds, as if asking “take me.” Then the facial expressions become more complicated. It becomes more expressive, symbolic gestures appear. The child can communicate with one hand. Babble words of various intonations appear.

By the age of one, a child should speak 8 to 10 simple words: “mom”, “dad”, “baba”, “give”, “on”, that is, short simple words of several syllables. It is during this period that early speech development ends and motor speech begins to form as a way of communication between people.

After a year and a half, the child easily pronounces familiar and unfamiliar words by imitation, both addressed to him and accidentally heard from others. Intensive development of motor speech usually begins in the second half of the 2nd year of life. Up to one year and six months, a child pronounces about 30 words that are simple in sound composition. At two years old, the child already speaks more than 200 words, he has almost phrasal speech, he should already be able to formulate a simple thought or request: “Mom, let’s go to the store, you promised to buy me a toy. ” At the same time, he can still pronounce some sounds indistinctly. By the age of three, a child’s speech has up to 1200-1500 words, including almost all parts of speech.

This development is considered normal. But this happens only when the parents constantly talk to the child, tell him stories, sing lullabies. A very big problem today is that live speech is increasingly being replaced by gadgets. Because of this, many children who are initially born healthy from the point of view of neurology do not begin to speak on time.

If a healthy child at 2.5-3 years old does not speak phrasal speech at all and, at best, only speaks single simple words, he has a delay in speech development, and this, unfortunately, must be treated.

Speech develops gradually

It takes time for a child to learn to speak correctly and build logical, figurative phrases. When a child is just learning to walk, with his mother’s help he takes the first uncertain steps, and after six months or a year he already runs, jumps and dances on his own. The same thing happens with speech: it develops gradually. The child not only memorizes new words, but at the same time trains articulatory muscles, learns to control intonation. It takes more than one year. Therefore, if at 3-3.5 years old your child is just beginning to pronounce the first words and build simple phrases like “mom, give me,” then by the age of six, when it’s time to go to school, he will not form a full-fledged phrasal speech. It is important to engage in the development of speech gradually, but from a very early age.

Causes of delayed speech development

The first and most basic reason is brain damage due to ischemia, hemorrhage, infection. But such deviations are diagnosed immediately, doctors monitor the child and take all the necessary measures. These are the patients with whom the neurologist, psychologist and speech therapist are already working.

But there is a category of patients who are born absolutely healthy. But due to errors in learning, they also begin to delay in speech development. Most often, the reason is the excessive passion of parents for mechanical sound, that is, the sound from a TV, computer, tablet, phone. Children who watch a lot of cartoons or constantly play with singing-talking toys develop passive speech well, but their own active speech is not formed. This is due to the difference in the wavelength of live speech and mechanical speech. In order for the child to start talking, you need to talk with him as much as possible, read fairy tales yourself, sing lullabies.

Never let the TV or radio play in the background in the room where the baby spends time. Of course, if you want to show your child some kind of cartoon or program on a computer, this can and should be done, but after viewing the device must be turned off and put away.

Of course, all these devices and toys allow mom to relax a little or do some other business. But when they replace live communication, this leads to serious problems with the child’s psyche. It is better to prevent such things than to catch up for years later. To restore the correct stereotype of speech in a three-year-old child, to change his perception, it takes a lot of effort and time: the child cannot quickly catch up with such gaps, one has to resort to intensive drug treatment, to additional classes with speech therapists. It’s a long and difficult road. Why bring it to this when you can do everything right from the very beginning?

Why you should sing lullabies

Singing lullabies is an important part of raising a child. The most famous lullabies, for example, “bayu-bayushki-bayu”, were invented back in the 5th-6th century, and it is not by chance that we still sing them to children. They are built specifically in the timbre and wave length fluctuations that are understandable to the child, soothe him, develop the brain. There are songs for every age to sing. Singing such lullabies to a small child and simultaneously rocking him in your arms creates the basis for proper mental development.

Now many couples approach pregnancy planning with full responsibility: they lead a healthy lifestyle, take all the tests, read books about the health and upbringing of the unborn child. Include in this preparation and learning at least a few lullabies to sing to your baby. No matter how simple they may seem to you, they contain folk wisdom worked out over the centuries for the proper development of a person, this is very important. Sing these lullabies for at least a year.

By the age of two, when the child already understands phrasal speech well, songs can be selected with more storylines, so that while the mother is singing, he can imagine this picture in his head.

Talk to your child as much as possible

Do not rush in conversations with the baby, calmly and measuredly tell him what is happening around, voice your actions. Then he will begin to perceive by ear the name of this or that object, this is how passive speech is formed. From six months, add details about the color and volume of objects: “small toy”, “red ball”. When you do this consistently, the child learns to hear and understand you.

This helps to explain to the baby after a year that the panties should be dry, that is, it is quite early to teach the child to the potty, and not to use diapers all the time. At a year and a half, the child is able to hold the bladder, control his pelvic functions. This is one of the important links in mental development. Of course, he will eventually learn to ask to use the toilet himself, but these skills will come much later and no longer in the form in which he would like.

Therefore, it is very important to accustom yourself to talk with the baby as much as possible and limit the mechanical sounds around him as much as possible – these are the most important links in the prevention of speech development delay. If we build this correctly, then at the age of 2.5 the child begins to speak in phrase speech, and parents have no problems with his behavior and learning. If your child at 2.5 years old does not speak, especially if there is no so-called gibberish of his own, he is silent and does not voice the game, asking you for something, then this is not a variant of the norm, this is a problem that needs to be dealt with.

How to talk to a child

1. You need to talk to your child in an ordinary timbre, it is this tone and timbre that the child knows from his prenatal state.
2. Try to speak in simple phrases, but do not lisp, do not distort words.
3. If a child has a problem with vision or hearing, then mom needs to start brightly painting her lips as soon as possible so that he can follow her lips and understand exactly how she pronounces sounds.
4. If a child in the first year of life had problems with swallowing, then, unfortunately, problems with sound pronunciation cannot be avoided. You can start studying with a special speech therapist already in the first months of a baby’s life, even in the pre-speech period.
5. Solve all problems as soon as they appear, do not delay and do not wait for it to pass by itself. It won’t pass.

Ordinary or speech therapy garden?

So, the child has grown up, and it’s time to decide which preschool institution to take him to. At this point, it is important to figure out if your baby has mental and speech problems, and which ones.

When your baby does not have any serious medical problems, start with a regular garden. If in the first year speech does not level off and does not develop to the desired level, then it is worth applying for the medical and pedagogical commission. It runs from February to June. You can get a referral from the day care center or call them and make an appointment. To pass the medical and pedagogical commission, you must have the conclusion of a neurologist, speech therapist, psychiatrist about the state of health of your child.

If a child has begun to speak in phrasal speech, but does not pronounce certain sounds, then you can take him to a regular kindergarten, which has speech therapy groups. They work with children with normal psycho-speech development, but with incorrect settings for the sounds themselves. Usually a speech therapist starts working with such children from the age of five in order to even out speech and correct all weak sounds by school. On average, it takes three months to set up and fix one sound.

One of the most common disorders in children aged 3-3.5 years is the so-called porridge in the mouth, when, due to a violation of the innervation of the speech muscles, the child cannot pronounce some of the sounds clearly and understandably. In this case, one cannot do without the help of a specialist, it is better to contact a neurologist to establish the exact cause of dysarthria and carry out the necessary treatment, if necessary, it is also necessary to visit a special speech therapy garden. It requires an integrated approach: simultaneous coordinated work of a speech therapist, neurologist and psychologist.

The Medical and Pedagogical Commission is in charge of assigning children to specialized groups or kindergartens.

And I repeat again, it is much easier to deal with the prevention of speech development delay, so that those children who could speak, but due to insufficient attention from their parents, did not start, did not fall into special groups. To do this, it is important not just to talk with the child, but to hear what he is talking about, try to understand him and respond to his words. I assure you, if you establish this contact from childhood, it will last for a lifetime, help the baby become a good member of the family, society, reliable support and support for you.

How to prevent stuttering

There are cases when a child doesn’t start talking for a long time, while he is being taught, he accumulates a large passive vocabulary, he can compose phrases in his head. If you start his speech process excessively actively, then he will not cope with the flow of speech and will begin to stutter. Most often this happens at 2.5-3 years. Children with tics are especially prone to stuttering (obsessive blinking, blinking, sniffing, and the like). If you notice that at the beginning of speech the child begins to stutter, this is a signal that you need to contact a neurologist to solve the problem. Of all the obsessive-compulsive disorders, stuttering is the most complex and can take years to cure.

The nipple and speech development of the child

Another important aspect of the prevention of delayed speech development is prolonged use of nipples and prolonged breastfeeding. I mean the situation when a pacifier or mother’s breast is in the child’s mouth not for calming or feeding, but just like that, in a state of wakefulness. In this case, the problem arises purely mechanical: in order to speak, the mouth must be free, and if the mouth is occupied, then it is impossible to speak – the nipple or chest interferes.

The pacifier can be used when the baby falls asleep, when sick, when hit, but must be removed when awake. After two years, the pacifier should be discarded completely. This will help to avoid speech problems and maintain the correct bite, which will significantly reduce your financial costs in the future when treating your beloved child’s ugly teeth by an orthodontist.

The same applies to the mother’s breast. It should be a source of food or a means of sedation, nothing more. Of course, breast milk contains a lot of good substances, but it is needed exactly until the child begins to eat normal human food. Breast sucking is very important for the formation of psychological communication between mother and child. But by the age of two, the child already understands the addressed speech well, he can speak himself, so this connection only strengthens and will not be interrupted after weaning the child from the breast.

It is important to wean your baby from thumb sucking from the very beginning. By the age of 2.5-3 years, the child should be able to safely do without a pacifier, mother’s breast or sucking fingers. Why? During sucking, rocking-translational movements give a feeling of calm, sedation. With age, the child’s need for such movements weakens, now he needs to learn about the world around him, to be active. And if the child continues to suck a finger or a dummy, then he automatically transfers himself to the infant period, behaves like a baby and does not give himself the opportunity to fully develop.

Gadgets: harm or benefit

Modern devices, on the one hand, are very useful, but when it comes to children, you need to be extremely careful and careful. Nobody says that you don’t need to use TV and gadgets at all. This is an important part of modern life, children should be able to master them. But a small child still does not have the skills of speech, movements, motor skills, proper mental development, criticism, self-criticism, and the ability to control oneself are incorrectly formed. Therefore, it is very dangerous to uncontrollably give him something that can provoke improper development.

In Russia, little is said about this, and today in most families gadgets are used beyond the permissible limits, for each family member, including a baby, there are two to three gadgets. At the same time, in the same high-tech Japan, children are allowed to use a telephone or computer only from the age of five, when the nervous system has matured. And I agree with their approach. Yes, you can include some educational games or cartoons for your child, but no more than 30-40 minutes a day on a good screen with good sound. Tablets and smartphones are best avoided because young children quickly form color and tactile addictions.

Into the wilderness, to the village

Finally, I would like to advise all parents to spend more time outdoors with their children. This will be especially useful for kids who have problems with psycho-speech development. The best thing is to leave for a few weeks or even months in the countryside, where there are only living sounds of nature from a running stream, the rustle of leaves on trees, the buzzing of a bee and other sounds, where there is no urban, mechanical sound from the buzzing of wires. This will not only help normalize sleep, give peace of mind, but also enable the child’s brain overloaded with information to rest and gain strength to overcome all difficulties in speech development.

Be healthy! Good luck to you and your children!

What if the child disagrees with something?

“To any question, to any proposal or order, he answers one thing: NO! It’s driving me crazy, I don’t know how to deal with him anymore!” As a rule, such a problem first appears at the same blessed age – in the third year of a child’s life. In some children, negativism is less pronounced, in others it is more pronounced. For some, this difficult stage for parents passes quite quickly, for others, the word “no” remains a favorite for many years.

At the beginning of the third year of life, all children’s “I don’t want” and “I won’t!” usually represent a protest against changes in the environment. This is not yet the negativism that is a classic symptom of the crisis of three years, but rather conservatism, the desire to leave one’s life unchanged. After all, the world of a two-year-old child is constantly expanding, he sees, hears and learns more and more new things. And he is changing very quickly.

A wary and even sharply negative attitude towards everything new is a defensive reaction by which the baby limits the flow of new sensations and impressions. And this reaction is extremely important for him. After all, there are really a lot of new things, in fact – the whole world! Protesting against change, the child tries to somehow control the flow of the new, which otherwise would have overwhelmed him. In addition, the baby can be truly afraid of the new, because he still does not know his own capabilities well, he feels a sense of insecurity in his abilities.

How can you help the baby? He needs to be encouraged, that is, supported, increased his self-confidence. And in no case should you act from a position of strength – press, insist, force. If he flatly refuses to get into the car, there is no point in shaming him, explaining that all children love to ride in a car, demand that he immediately stop being stubborn, etc. The only thing you will achieve by such methods is the discontent of the baby, developing into a real hysteria, which may not be easy to stop. In addition, the heartbreaking scene is likely to be repeated whenever the need arises to get into the car.

If a child encounters something new with hostility, then you will not be able to explain and prove to him that there is nothing to be afraid of, because he is already afraid. If you know in advance about the upcoming “meeting with the unknown”, you can do prevention. Tell your child about your plans (for example, that tomorrow you will drive out of town by car). On a walk, carefully examine cars with him: draw his attention to the fact that children also get into them. You can buy a small car, saying: “We’ll go for a ride on the same one tomorrow.”

Let him play with her today and take her with him tomorrow when it’s time to get into a real big car. The toy will remind him of the safety and pleasure that he experienced the day before, playing with his mother. You can not buy a typewriter, but draw it, come up with some kind of fairy tale. In short, the possibilities for creativity here are endless. Your main task is to make an unfamiliar object at least a little familiar to the baby, to reduce the level of his anxiety.

At the same time, there is no need to say: “No one is afraid, except you!”. Such reproaches will only further increase anxiety and reduce self-confidence, that is, they will lead to the most undesirable result. On the contrary, it is very important for a child to know that other people experience the same feelings from time to time – everything is normal and everything can be overcome. Be sure to remind the kid about past victories: about how he was already afraid of something else just as much, and then stopped.

And be prepared for the fact that all preliminary measures do not guarantee success the first time. Overcoming the first “No!” usually takes time, sometimes a lot. This period of adaptation will pass much faster if you act with the child, and not against him. Well, by the age of three, the flowering of negativism proper begins.

Now that shrill, maddening “No!” addressed not to changes in the outside world, but … to you personally. The child now and then refuses what you have proposed, even against his own will. He himself really wants what you offer him, but he answers “No!” just to disagree with you. Moreover, quite often it turns out that he can willingly fulfill the same request if it is repeated by another person – anyone but you. Dont be upset. This does not mean that he fell out of love with you. By the way, it is not too easy for him and himself to argue and protest with you all the time (especially since, as we have already said, he often has to do this to the detriment of himself). There are just major changes happening.

Infant symbiosis is long gone, independence is increasing. The fear of separation from my mother has weakened, his voice is almost inaudible. The main task of the three-year plan is to affirm your “I”. This is where the classic, known to all parents, the holiday of disobedience begins. He tells you “no” in order to make sure once again: he is himself, he can make decisions on his own, disagree with his mother. It is tiring for you, but necessary for its development.

You do not need any parental deeds, special measures and approaches. Just try to relax and understand your stubborn. Don’t worry about your parental authority. Conduct the next review of the rules and prohibitions you have established and leave in place the most necessary ones. Decide for yourself what you can painlessly give up. If you need the child to do something, and he does not want to listen to you, but is ready to fulfill the same request if the grandmother expresses it, so be it. And there is nothing terrible or offensive here that hurts your pride.

Keep in mind the task to be done, and how the result will be achieved is irrelevant in this case. If it is easier for a child to obey his grandmother, let him do just that. Do not put pressure on him, demanding that he follow exactly your instructions. He loves you as before, he really needs your love, your care and understanding. The more calmly you treat his protests, the faster they will become a thing of the past.

Another good way to deal with the “rebel” is to play the game “Reversed” with him. “You won’t have time to wash before me!”, “Probably, it’s not worth walking now. Let’s sit at home.” And now, as if by magic, a clean, washed child jumps at the door and rushes into the street. Of course, it is impossible and, probably, not very useful to constantly “take on weakly” a child. But as long as negativism flourishes, such tactics are fully justified and avoid many unnecessary quarrels, conflicts and punishments.