Kid to kid cumming ga: Atlanta Stores – Kid to Kid

Опубликовано: October 15, 2022 в 9:36 pm

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Категории: Kid

Apache2 Debian Default Page: It works

Apache2 Debian Default Page

This is the default welcome page used to test the correct
operation of the Apache2 server after installation on Debian systems.
If you can read this page, it means that the Apache HTTP server installed at
this site is working properly. You should replace this file (located at
/var/www/html/index.html) before continuing to operate your HTTP server.

If you are a normal user of this web site and don’t know what this page is
about, this probably means that the site is currently unavailable due to
maintenance.
If the problem persists, please contact the site’s administrator.

Debian’s Apache2 default configuration is different from the
upstream default configuration, and split into several files optimized for
interaction with Debian tools. The configuration system is
fully documented in
/usr/share/doc/apache2/README.Debian.gz. Refer to this for the full
documentation. Documentation for the web server itself can be
found by accessing the manual if the apache2-doc
package was installed on this server.

The configuration layout for an Apache2 web server installation on Debian systems is as follows: 

/etc/apache2/
|-- apache2.conf
|       `--  ports.conf
|-- mods-enabled
|       |-- *.load
|       `-- *.conf
|-- conf-enabled
|       `-- *.conf
|-- sites-enabled
|       `-- *.conf
  • apache2.conf is the main configuration
    file. It puts the pieces together by including all remaining configuration
    files when starting up the web server.
  • ports. conf is always included from the
    main configuration file. It is used to determine the listening ports for
    incoming connections, and this file can be customized anytime.
  • Configuration files in the mods-enabled/,
    conf-enabled/ and sites-enabled/ directories contain
    particular configuration snippets which manage modules, global configuration
    fragments, or virtual host configurations, respectively.
  • They are activated by symlinking available
    configuration files from their respective
    *-available/ counterparts. These should be managed
    by using our helpers

    a2enmod,
    a2dismod,

    a2ensite,
    a2dissite,

    and

    a2enconf,
    a2disconf
    . See their respective man pages for detailed information.

  • The binary is called apache2. Due to the use of
    environment variables, in the default configuration, apache2 needs to be
    started/stopped with /etc/init.d/apache2 or apache2ctl.
    Calling /usr/bin/apache2 directly will not work with the
    default configuration.

By default, Debian does not allow access through the web browser to
any file apart of those located in /var/www,
public_html
directories (when enabled) and /usr/share (for web
applications). If your site is using a web document root
located elsewhere (such as in /srv) you may need to whitelist your
document root directory in /etc/apache2/apache2. conf.

The default Debian document root is /var/www/html. You
can make your own virtual hosts under /var/www. This is different
to previous releases which provides better security out of the box.

Please use the reportbug tool to report bugs in the
Apache2 package with Debian. However, check existing bug reports before reporting a new bug.

Please report bugs specific to modules (such as PHP and others)
to respective packages, not to the web server itself.

Kid To Kid, Buford GA (678) 541-0222

  • The Perfect Piece Consignment & Estate Liquidators, Inc.

    4908 Golden Parkway, Suite 700, Buford, GA

    7706141411

    We specialize in mid-high end furniture consignment as well as estate liquidation!

    Located 3 miles from Buford

  • Kid To Kid

    1600 Mall Of Georgia Blvd, Buford, GA

    (678) 541-0222

    Kid to Kid buys and sells the best things kids outgrow. Our stores are packed with name brand kids clothes, shoes, toys, baby gear, and even maternity fashions.

    Located 4 miles from Buford

  • Eclectics Consign & Design

    7433 Spout Springs Road, Suite 106, Flowery Branch, GA

    (770) 965-2400

    Eclectics Consign & Design is a home decor & furniture consignment shop in the Flowery Branch/Braselton, GA area. We receive quality consignments on a daily basis.

    Located 8 miles from Buford

  • My Secret Closet, Inc.

    4910 Browns Bridge Rd, Cumming, GA

    (678) 648-6777

    Serving the needs of the stylish yet budget conscious women of North Forsyth county since 2006.

    Located 10 miles from Buford

  • Aardvark Antiques & Estate Liquidations

    4316 Mundy Mill Road, Oakwood, GA

    (770) 534-6611

    Aardvark Antiques is Hall County’s #1 antique store. We offer a large range of values and services. Whether you are looking for an appraisal on a piece of antique furniture, or are interested in hiring an estate liquidation specialist, we have the experience and expertise you can depend on!

    Located 11 miles from Buford

  • Monica’s Boutique & Consignment

    10475 Medlock Bridge Road, Georgia, Johns Creek, GA

    (770) 623-0062

    We carry new and gently worn high-end and current designer clothing, handbags, shoes, furs, fine jewelry, handcrafted and costume jewelry, and other fine accessories.

    Located 12 miles from Buford

  • Alexis’ Suitcase

    5805 State Bridge Street, Suite I, Duluth, GA

    (770) 813-1883

    Our unique shop is part-boutique and part-consignment store. Not only do we have the tasteful upbeat feel of a boutique but we have the selection and low prices found in consignment shops. It’s the best of both worlds!

    Located 13 miles from Buford

  • My Best Friends Closet

    2339 Lawrenceville Hwy, Lawrenceville, GA

    (770) 674-5943

    Featuring the widest selection of stylish, fashionable clothing, My Best Friend’s Closet will help you look your best for any occasion.

    Located 14 miles from Buford

  • Designer Consigner Boutique

    670 North Main Street, Suite 101, Alpharetta, GA

    (770) 777-0032

    Designer Consigner is an upscale consignment boutique serving ladies sized 0 – 20.

    Located 16 miles from Buford

  • The Couture Consigner

    488 North Main Street, Suite 105, Alpharetta, GA

    (678) 242-0000

    Upscale couture consignment shop featuring gently owned women’s clothing, shoes, handbags, accessories, and jewelry in Alpharetta – Designer brands at great prices.

    Located 17 miles from Buford

  • Closet Exchange

    3005 Old Alabama Road #40, Suite 410, Johns Creek, GA

    (770) 645-0657

    At Closet Exchange our goal is to make consigning and consignment shopping a pleasurable, simple and upbeat experience.

    Located 17 miles from Buford

  • Back by Popular Demand

    4915 Lawrenceville Highway, Georgia, Lilburn, GA

    (770) 923-2968

    With more than 350 new pieces arriving daily filing almost 5000 square feet, you’ll find a wide array of brands, styles, and sizes sure to fit your needs and budget.

    Located 18 miles from Buford

  • Serendipity Antiques & Interiors

    6500 Dawson Blvd., Georgia, Norcross, GA

    (678) 298-7800

    Consignments and Estate Liquidation. We buy houses, entire estates and offer estate sale and real estate services to our clients. Serendipity offers a variety of merchandise including home decor, interiors, antiques, vintage, mid-century modern, consignments, and artwork.

    Located 19 miles from Buford

  • Southern Comforts

    2510-C Mt. Vernon Road, Dunwoody, GA

    (770) 901-5001

    Quality home furnishings. Antiques, furniture, home accessories and gifts. Fabulous new bargains arriving daily!

    Located 20 miles from Buford

  • Consigning Women

    2508 Mt. Vernon Road, Dunwoody, GA

    (770) 394-1600

    Great upscale consignment store in North Atlanta. Follow us for events and promotions.

    Located 20 miles from Buford

  • Board of Trade Fine Consignments

    1078 Alpharetta Street, Georgia, Roswell, GA

    (770) 640-7615

    This consignment store is one of Atlanta’s finest. They take only the best, they price it well and they display it beautifully. It’s a big shop – 7000 square feet — so definitely worth the trip. Voted Best of Atlanta.

    Located 21 miles from Buford

  • Consignment Furniture Depot

    5461 Peachtree Road, Georgia, Chamblee, GA

    (770) 452-1545

    Over 12,500 square feet of showroom space! Consignment furniture and accessories, original art and fine rugs. We offer designer treasures at sensible prices.

    Located 23 miles from Buford

  • Biggar Antiques

    2135 American Industrial Way, Georgia, Chamblee, GA

    (770) 451-2541

    Large inventory of Original Country Store, 1950s Kicthenware, fishing, hunting, sports, furniture, signs, architectural, ephemera. Retail refinishing, prop rentals, resturaunt decoration.

    Located 23 miles from Buford

  • Simple Finds Interiors & Antiques

    3614 Chamblee Dunwoody Road, Georgia, Chamblee, GA

    (678) 691-4241

    Not only do we showcase a myriad of antique and vintage items, we also have a wide variety of everyday items from beautiful accessories to more current-styled furniture items.

    Located 23 miles from Buford

  • Great Gatsby’s Antiques and Auctions

    5180 Peachtree Industrial Blvd., Georgia, Atlanta, GA

    (770) 457-1903

    For over 20 years, Great Gatsby’s has been offering rare antiques, investment quality artwork, architectural elements, garden accents and fine collectibles to buyers and collectors around the world.

    Located 24 miles from Buford

Cumming Kids & Family News

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By forcing children to commit suicide, the administrators of death groups compensate for their inferiority

An expanded meeting of the Collegium of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia took place. It was attended by Russian President Vladimir Putin. A separate topic was teenage suicide. With the development of the Internet, children sometimes face insurmountable challenges. The topic is very sensitive.

Author: Dmitry Kiselev

An extended meeting of the Collegium of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia took place. It was attended by Russian President Vladimir Putin. A separate topic was teenage suicide. With the development of the Internet, children sometimes face insurmountable challenges. The topic is very sensitive.

“Another threat has appeared in the information sphere, which I would like to speak about separately – the spread of websites promoting suicide. Criminals target teenage and youth audiences, children with a fragile psyche or those in a difficult life situation. In this I support the initiative of the deputies of the State Duma to supplement the legislation with a norm that expands the list of actions in which criminal liability for incitement to suicide sets in. This will make it possible to prosecute the owners, creators and administrators of such sites, to stop their destructive, I want to emphasize once again, criminal activity” – said Vladimir Putin.

In fact, we are talking about remote killing technology. What is the scale of the problem?

Author: Pavel Zarubin

In several countries of the post-Soviet space, the topic of teenage suicide is one of the main ones.

In Russia, messages began to spread on the WhatsApp messenger that the Ministry of Internal Affairs allegedly warned schools about an allegedly planned mass teenage suicide. Everything has been refuted. Organizers are looking for. But law enforcement agencies confirm that some of the Russian teenagers who committed suicide in the past two years did so, among other things, because of suicide propaganda on the Internet.

“She was my best, most beautiful princess in the world, I still can’t believe what happened, for me she is always alive,” says Elena Davydova, the mother of the deceased Angelina.

Elena Davydova keeps all those dolls that she and her daughter Angelina made together. Talented and creative child. Unusual slang in the 7th grade, mother considered small oddities in behavior to be quite normal phenomena for adolescence.

On December 25, 2015, she was informed that her daughter had thrown herself out of a window. Over the past year and a half, Elena Davydova has been conducting her own investigations, meeting other parents whose children have died. Sergei Pestov’s daughter Diana committed suicide. It turned out that they all belonged to certain groups in social networks, in which ideas about the worthlessness of life were imposed.

“When a child forms himself as a person, he is instilled with depressive, destructive things, when he is crushed as a person and made out of him, excuse me, a bag of bones. That is, there is a completely reformatted consciousness,” Sergey Pestov believes.

It all starts, however, in reverse: some Internet friends offer help. Almost every teenager has a stage when it seems to him that his parents do not understand, his classmates despise him, he has acne on his face, his body is ugly and fat, there are terrible exams ahead, everyone demands something and wants something from you.

“An orphan with living parents. That is, dad is in business, mom is also busy somewhere, and the child is actually abandoned, he is left to himself. Everyone buys him, he is well dressed, he has modern phones, and so on, but he does not gets the main thing. And the child feels it perfectly, he does not receive care, love, “explained Boris Polozhy, professor, head of the department of the V. P. Serbsky Federal Medical Research Center for Psychiatry and Narcology.

“What does a parent usually do? He begins to scold, shame, thereby lowering self-esteem even more, increasing the feeling of loneliness, thereby alienating this teenager from himself and his family. Where should he go? Where his name is. And his name is some uncles who say: “You are lonely, I understand you, your parents do not understand you, but I will help you,” explains Maria Kiseleva, psychologist, psychotherapist, candidate of psychological sciences.0003

The so-called curators, puppeteers, who imagined themselves to be the arbiters of destinies, gave their answers to teenage questions, step by step raising the stakes. At first, the child was instructed to draw something on his hand and put the photo on the Internet. The teenager did it, because it seems to be both a game and an opportunity to assert oneself. Then there are the cuts. The last step was calls for suicide as supposedly the only way to solve problems.

“Administrators and curators are also selected for a reason. These people are very often flawed, who in this way try to raise their authority at least for themselves,” said Vadim Gilod, head of the crisis department of the Yeramishantsev City Clinical Hospital.

One young man, who is now under investigation, clearly belongs to this type of person. On the Web, in his community, he seems to be omnipotent and omnipotent, in reality he cannot connect two words.

“We can preliminarily say that his motivation lies in the events of his childhood, when he was offended by his peers. From this a hostile attitude towards children arose, which, taking into account the peculiarities of his psyche, led to such actions,” said Svetlana Petrenko, Acting Head of the Department interaction with the media of the Investigative Committee of the Russian Federation.

But did he act on his own or was there someone else behind him? Psychologists are sure that only well-prepared people can trample on the child’s psyche so subtly. Detention of this young man clearly required a special will, because suicidal groups are such a new phenomenon that there was simply no law to combat them. But parliamentarians are planning a quick and tough response – a bill under which the organizer of such communities faces 12 years in prison.

“There is no doubt that those persons who offer a child tests confirming that he is ready to commit suicide, setting tasks for him, are like an explosive device clockwork, where the child goes step by step and inevitably those who are at the other end wires understand that death will follow. Therefore, these are the people who act absolutely intentionally, “said Irina Yarovaya, Deputy Chairman of the State Duma.

The appearance of the document is welcomed in the Internet community, because without the criminal liability of provocateurs and perpetrators of suicide, the fight against such groups is largely enthusiasm.

Office of the largest Russian social network VKontakte. New special measures have been developed here to prevent the spread of such groups. In just two months – 600 thousand blocked accounts. Such a huge number, of course, is due to the increased hype – new communities are massively trying to create someone just like that, someone for advertising purposes, someone out of a desire to become famous. But every VKontakte user can now complain to the moderators if he believes that any of the pages have signs of suicide propaganda. And it’s almost impossible to create such a page now – instant blocking.

VKontakte created a powerful neural network – a fast-running computer program that tracks attempts to regenerate such groups and pages when they try to change the name, but leave the essence of the former.

“We signaled to our moderators that, most likely, in the new modified posts we are talking about calls for suicide or any other problems,” said Evgeny Krasnikov, head of the VKontakte press service.

After blocking, the user will have to answer the question, why is he writing this at all? And if it turns out that a person is writing about suicide seriously, VKontakte redirects him to a special psychological center.

The charity foundation’s strong point is that conversations with psychologists also take the form of correspondence via the Internet, because many teenagers are afraid to call and talk about their problems. In February alone, the Your Territory Online Center received 8,000 requests.

All major Internet companies have adopted a zero-tolerance attitude towards deadly content. Together with Roskomnadzor – total blocking. According to the head of Roskomnadzor Alexander Zharov, 10,000 communities and websites that encourage teenagers to commit suicide have been closed. But blocking leads to only temporary success, dangerous groups can migrate to even more closed digital environments, for example, instant messengers. To solve the problem, an integrated approach is clearly needed – it is important to act proactively, to work in the family, in society.

A terrible story when Pskov teenagers shot police officers, committed suicide and broadcast everything live on the Periscope Internet application. Yes, the technologies are new, but the problem is as old as the world: bad relations with parents, the desire to prove their case, their importance, to attract attention by any means.

“There are no difficult children in the world. They appear as a result of the influence of adults. It is necessary to work with teachers, with school psychologists to identify such children, to develop a non-individual program for them, an individual approach of the teacher in the classroom. The child ceases to be a bully. there is no need to kick him out of the class, because if he became a jester in the class, they met him somewhere behind the school and said, yes, brother, you are normal, they are fools there, let’s teach you this and that, run across here , show how cool you are, ride on the roof of the train and feel how cool it is,” said Vadim Gilod.

Or another challenge to society – to have time to slip in front of the car. Didn’t make it – he died.

Creators of online groups that promote such extreme entertainment will also be subject to the new criminal law. But no law will keep track of a teenager if he is not really watched in the family.

“A teenager is deprived of even simple hugs and kisses, because he is no longer a little boy or girl, and it is somehow embarrassing for an adult to be in this contact with them. And teenagers really need this,” says Maria Kiseleva.

“Now I work with children in a children’s center and spend endless holidays, although this is not easy for me. But I love them very much so that they never think about suicide,” Elena Davydova, the mother of the deceased girl, admitted.

save yourself, who can! – Orthodox magazine “Foma”

Approximate reading time: 18 min.

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Many of the parents shrug their shoulders when faced with adolescents in transition. How lazy! How much aggression! How much rudeness! And they don’t want to study at all! Everything is true, but any of these behaviors has its own explanation. Teenagers are not always to blame for being “like that…”. They still cannot analyze many of their reactions and actions, they do not understand what is happening to them. And the most reliable helpers in passing this difficult age should be those whom children rashly write down as enemies number one, that is, we parents. We are talking about how to survive a time of crisis and maintain friendship with your own children with psychologist Olga Isaeva, a senior lecturer in the Department of Clinical Psychology at the Moscow Medical and Dental University.

And let them hit the cymbals!

— Olga, I don’t want to grumble about the fact that water used to be wetter, sugar sweeter, and children more obedient, that you and I weren’t like today’s teenagers, but…

— You will be surprised, but grumbling is justified. After all, not only we are changing, the time itself, the cultural environment is changing, and adolescence, or transitional age, as psychologists believe, is a cultural phenomenon. Some time ago it was not. For example, under Ivan the Terrible…

– So how? Difficult teenagers were flogged with rods, and therefore they preferred not to show character?

– Not really. The meaning of adolescence is the transition from childhood to adulthood. In a traditional society where there is a hierarchy, where life is clearly regulated, there is a ritual that takes a person from the world of childhood to the world of adults, so there are no problems with teenagers. But in the conditions of our civilization, everything is much more complicated. Try to answer the question, what does it mean to you to be an adult?

– I don’t know. Probably be able to hold back. But in general it is difficult to articulate.

– This is how millions of parents find it difficult to answer. And what to ask from children? The teenager looks at himself in the mirror, at his long arms and legs, at his almost narrow mustache, and sees “not a boy, but a husband.” But everyone else looks at the same thing, but for some reason they see a child and address accordingly: “Put on a scarf, it’s cold!” He snaps in response, because he does not understand what needs to be done so that others recognize his adulthood.

The simplest answer is that an adult is one who can do things that children cannot, namely: drink, smoke, swear and stay out late. And if you allow yourself all this, then, supposedly, everyone will understand that you have grown.

I must say right away: those parents who from childhood bring up adulthood and a sense of responsibility in their child have the least problems. But some children, of course, do not grow up from a good life – for example, when there is no father in the family and the eldest son plays his role. Teenage foolishness in such cases is usually a rare occurrence, because a child is counted on as a big one from childhood. So why does he have to prove anything to anyone?

— And in ten years, he will present his mother with a bill: you deprived me of my childhood!

– Almost every child will have to take a sip of worries. And of course, the example of an incomplete family is an example of an extreme situation. Here, as they say, life itself solves the problem of transitional age. But after all, in any family there are duties that a child is able to fulfill. Already in three or four years, you can wash your plate. And children are usually willing to help – through this they feel like adults. Parents, of course, take risks: there is more fuss, and there is a danger to the dishes, and it is much easier to do everything yourself. But this is exactly how children are discouraged from helping. When a child does something, and a parent corrects him, the result for both is joy. Therefore, it’s better not to give him an expensive plate – let him break the one that he doesn’t feel sorry for, if only from early childhood he had at least some part of his responsibility.

If the child is already fifteen, and for the first time we think about why he is inactive in everyday life and try to involve him in housework, then we should not be surprised that he “sends” us. He is not accustomed to duties and is no longer at the age when he is willingly included in the life of the family. And it’s impossible to explain to a fifteen-year-old teenager why it is now that he gets help around the house. You can tell him that he is already an adult, and in response you will hear a reproach that a month ago he was considered small and allowed to do nothing, but now for some reason he has grown dramatically.

The only thing left for parents to do here is to use a trick. For example, refer to fatigue and ask for help with the dishes. Do not blame the child for being lazy, just ask, because you really get tired after work… Most likely, the reaction will be positive.

Photo by Pavel Gontar

“Put on a scarf immediately!”

– You mentioned the scarf that parents ask you to wear when it’s cold outside. How to make sure that the scarf really ends up on the neck, and not in the pocket – out of the spirit of contradiction?

— The spirit of contradiction is as natural for adolescents as it is for any person experiencing an age crisis. The principle is very simple: the stronger the action, the more powerful the reaction. But we admit that the child does not meet with hostility any of our requests, but rather the one that is expressed in a directive tone, from a position of power. A teenager will simply try to neutralize this power if he does not recognize its authority. So it turns out that you, taking care of the child, demand: “Put on a scarf immediately!” – and he answered: “Yes, you go … I’m already an adult, you will point me out here!”

Solve the problem in the same way as with dishes. Ask, explain your excitement and anxiety: “Well, please, it’s so cold there … Honestly, I will be calmer.” Your chances of being heard will immediately increase.

We sit down to do our homework…

— Another situation: we sit down to do our homework. Tomorrow is a test, the child’s head is empty, the desire to prepare is zero. Two is guaranteed. But he doesn’t care…

— The beginning is already good: we sit down to do our homework. Ask yourself the question: who needs it more, you or him? If you – then you got exactly what you were striving for, that is, you are studying instead of him, which means that the lessons are yours, and not his problem, until graduation. In psychology, this is called learned helplessness syndrome. If you sat down to do homework together from the first grade, then there is nothing to expect that the teenager will do it himself. Why? It’s you who are afraid to get an A, it’s you who want to “get him into an institute.” In addition, children cannot think and calculate in a long-term perspective to understand that a bad certificate is a real problem. But not talking to a friend in ICQ is really a disaster for them…

You may have noticed that even before school, children play role-playing games: shop, hairdresser, teacher… They want to become adults as soon as possible. Support this beginning in them! And when the child goes to the first grade, explain to him that he is already an adult and he has a job that needs to be done well. Usually children, albeit instinctively, gladly accept this new responsibility. The task of parents is simply not to spoil the matter.

— Well, what if the child has matured and cannot cope with difficult lessons? After all, it is with this that parental participation in algebra, physics, compositions begins . .. Otherwise, he will simply quit studying.

— That’s exactly what participation is, and nothing more. It is necessary to explain to the child that the deuce is his problem. Let him first try to understand what exactly his difficulties are, keeping in mind that he can always turn to you in case of difficulties. Well, you should be ready to help him deal with this particular problem so that he can work again on his own.

— And if, in response to an offer to help, I hear: “Leave me alone! Mind your own business!”

— So be it. And you go about your business: go to work, earn money for your family. You are doing your duty. Remind him, only in a very friendly tone, that he also has responsibilities, but, unlike you, he does not fulfill them. Then the question arises: why? Let him figure out what the difficulty is and come up to you with a specific question, without shifting homework onto your shoulders. As long as his bad grades are yours and not his problem, don’t expect anything to change in him.

In adolescence, the topic of studying is complicated by the fact that good grades cease to work as a self-sufficient incentive. Children are no longer afraid to be doubles. On the contrary, it is shameful to be excellent students. They are interested in walking, meeting, the school becomes a place of parties. And here parents need to make efforts to discipline the child. The starting point can be his interests. Someone likes history or geography, someone “swallows” books… Throw “fuel” into this cauldron.

— And if the child is not interested in anything? And he has only one desire – not to be pulled?

— If a teenager is not interested in anything, then the problem is in the family. This means that there is no priority of knowledge in the house, and parents work so much that they have no strength left for intellectual life. They don’t read anything themselves for a long time, except for newspapers, they don’t go anywhere … And why then should a child strain at school if all this knowledge was not useful to parents?

The value of knowledge must be cultivated in the family. Go to museums together, take photographs, travel (not necessarily far, you can also go to a neighboring city, if only together), communicate. If these interests are awakened, then it will be easier for the child to learn. Knowledge gained outside of school gives a kind of trump card: for example, in geography, he will know something that no one knows, and he will shine with it in the lesson. And it is prestigious for him, and the teacher is pleased.

— Yes, but if the child is only interested in TV and computer games? And it is useless to ban them. There are friends who also have computers, he will just go to visit them …

– Any prohibition causes only additional interest in a teenager, therefore it is more correct to give an alternative. Instead of a stupid cartoon, watch a cool movie together. Yes, you will waste your time. But we have to fight for the children.

Computer is a separate topic. Of course, you must and have every right to limit the time your child spends at the monitor. (If there is only one computer in the family, say, for example, that you need to work on it). But be aware that as a rule, it is not at all easy for children to leave the virtual world. And sometimes, in order to get a teenager out of there, the parent needs to go down there himself. Play together, preferring more peaceful game options, gradually switch to other non-computer-related joint activities. If the game has become a drug for a child, call psychologists for help! This topic – addiction to the game, or gambling addiction – is now being taken very seriously.

However, it is often convenient for the parents themselves that the child is sitting at the computer and does not touch anyone. But this state of life in the virtual world is akin to homelessness. It just looks quite socially acceptable – the child doesn’t seem to be climbing in basements, not lying under the fence, but sitting at home and doing something. But this is a dangerous calm. In the virtual world, he has ten lives, and he is a hero, but here he has problems at school, quarrels with his parents. .. Why does he need to return to reality?

Sound the alarm if you notice that a child is becoming a fanatic. Look for an alternative activity for him that would be no less exciting. Maybe wrestling classes, hiking…

– Speaking of the virtual world. Many children draw with a pen in a notebook. And sometimes these drawings are terrifying, because there are iron monsters, gargoyles and other aggressive creatures incompatible with life. How to react to it? Is it all about computer games?

– Drawings are the embodiment of the child’s inner images. This means that all this is in his head, and most likely formed by the same TV and games. Horrors do not arise in the mind for no reason. I know a case when a teenager pulled his photograph out of a frame on the wall and put in its place a drawing with such an iron monster. Perhaps this is how he sees his real portrait. Can you imagine what he has inside?.. Such episodes should be a very serious signal for parents: act, knock on the child, do not leave him to the mercy of a virtual fate with ten lives! He will lose his only one, and you will lose with him.

Photo by Yulia Kuzenkova

There is such a term – laziness

– Many children go to art or music schools, but not all of them graduate. It would seem that the person has abilities, and there was some kind of interest … But the matter was abandoned halfway, the child was tired. Is it worth it to keep going?

— Everything needs motivation. If a child, for example, draws, then there must be exhibitions and competitions in which he participates. He must understand what result he is working for, and the competitive spirit here is the best engine. Just drawing or playing the violin, without a specific goal – this interest will not last long. If there are no exhibitions of children’s drawings and music festivals in your city, find them on the Internet! Introduce the child to artists, musicians who have their own blogs (again, first find them yourself, see what kind of people), let them communicate there. For teenagers, after all, it is not so much the classes that are important, but the social circle, the hangout that develops in the process of work. If your child goes to a music school, but his friends do not, and it is in their company that he realizes himself as a person, then he is unlikely to need this school. Rather, he will have the same question: why do I need it?

– Let’s say I start a group on a social network, I suggest that he post his works and drawings of art classmates there. The result is the same – first it makes body movements, then it deflates. How to be?

— What you describe is what psychologists call teenage laziness (yes, that’s the term!), which has its own physiological causes. In connection with the rapid growth in the body, there is a shortage of energy, which means that it must be saved. True, if a genuine interest wakes up in some business, this energy will overflow. But this means that in another case it will decrease. There is another important reason – adolescents have poorly developed volitional regulation. From the point of view of the will, this is generally a failed age, it is very difficult to force yourself to do something. They have a constant feeling of apathy, loss of strength. Parents need to wait out this period, endure it, while periodically “kicking” the teenager, returning to the issue of his personal responsibility. The main thing is that he still completes school assignments himself, and you would only provide constructive assistance and create conditions for the development of his interests. Give your child the opportunity to express themselves in life.

To drink or not to drink

— There is another threat: at the age of thirteen or fourteen, many people already try alcohol.

— You cannot insure your child against this. But it is in your power not to create a stir around the topic. The principle is still the same: if adults in a family can drink a little, but there is a strict taboo for a teenager (“You are still small, you cannot!”), Then alcohol becomes a tempting fruit. And the child will definitely get drunk, and you will be the last to know about it. Therefore, the task of the parent is to develop a calm attitude towards alcohol in the child. If you are sitting at a festive table with a glass of wine and a teenager asks you to try, do not say: “This is only for adults”, do not arouse interest. Explain that the wine does not taste so good. Offer juice. If the child insists, give a sip. Wine really seems tasteless to children, and if it is not banned, it is unlikely to arouse additional interest. If you do not drink at all and there is a certain philosophy behind this, it is very important to share your thoughts with your child.

— Wouldn’t it be better to stick to protective tactics so that the child does not know anything about alcoholic beverages at all?

— This tactic is common in our Orthodox families, Orthodox schools. It seems that it is better to hide the child from the temptations of the world, and then he will grow up to be a pious person. But temptations cannot be removed from the world, and a teenager will not be ready to meet them. There are so many examples when, after leaving the walls of an Orthodox lyceum, students stand around the corner and smoke like steam locomotives. This is how children learn to be hypocrites.

It is important not so much to protect the child from temptations as to be there when he starts to get to know them. Talk to him about your concerns in a friendly way. If someone you know drinks heavily, do not hide that this is a real illness, let the teenager be clear about the causal relationship between alcohol and alcoholism.

When I worked at the drug center, some of my colleagues brought children to work and showed what drug addicts are, what withdrawal is, what it looks like and how it is treated, they let the children talk to the sick … They talked about the buzz, but they themselves were in that moment is so not high! One visit to the child was quite enough to form a lasting impression and attitude.

Authorities

— Many of your tips, it seems to me, can be put into practice, provided that parents maintain authority in the eyes of the child. But while he is in his transitional age, will he listen, are his parents an authority?

— Parents can and should be an authority for their children. But, unfortunately, this is not always possible. The fact is that in adolescence, a child makes an important discovery for him – it turns out that he has his own inner world, and this world is extremely interesting. And if parents don’t care about this (and often this is exactly what happens: we strive to dress, shoe, feed, etc., and talk, for example, heart to heart – well, if there is time), then they have extremely little chance of maintaining their authority, and the teenager has nothing to do with it. Children often do not forgive such inattention to themselves, and precisely because they acutely begin to understand that the inner is more important than the outer. They see themselves from the inside, their essence, thoughts, character traits … They want to share this. And not with anyone. Parents have one thing on their minds: “Have you done your homework? Why aren’t the boots removed? Did you take out the trash? Well done!”

To maintain parental authority, you need to maintain a trusting relationship with a teenager and live an interesting life yourself.

– A relationship of trust? At a transitional age?

— If you have not had confidential communication for thirteen to fifteen years, and one fine evening you decide to ask what the child writes in the diary, then the reaction will be sharp and rude. But you still need to make contact, and there is a win-win trick that manipulators love to use: people will open up to you if you start opening up to them. You have a life behind you, you were also at a transitional age, somehow you were weird: you tried your first cigarette, wrote on the fence or cursed obscenely… Everything was there, and one should not assume that our children are not clear who they are. Remember what you felt, what you were worried about, and share with your child. Of course, you should not tell the details of how you got drunk, but your experience of living in crisis situations is indispensable for him and much more interesting than stories from books. A child often does not see a parent as a person, because we hide him intensely, leaving on the surface only what can be called a life support machine. And when mom or dad begins to gradually open up, when it turns out that they also had youth, disappointments and loves, then the child becomes clear that his parents are normal people, you can deal with them.

For example, Bishop Anthony of Surozh began all his stories with the words: “You know, there was such a case with me…”. He never said directly what to do and what not to do. He talked about his personal experience, about his experience of God. I think we should take an example from him.

Are you interested in life?

– You say that parents should be interesting people and then there will be respect for them. What is meant?

— Often, when we become parents, we stop living our own lives. In the first years after birth, the child takes so much attention that the mother does not have the strength for any books other than children’s books, and the father does not have time to be interested in anything other than work and providing for the family. Children grow up, as do their requests, and we, adults, get used to a purely technical function – “to feed, clothe, provide . ..”. And nothing more than what we should be doing as parents. So we partly cease to be ourselves. But when a parent turns into a round-the-clock educator and loses his personality, he ceases to be interesting to the child. Especially a teenager. After all, the first question he asks in response to our claims is: “Well, what about you? You demand that I read books, but do you read them yourself? Are you interested in anything?” And this is serious.

– But how can a parent who comes home from work with a squeezed lemon, until dinner, cleaning, while checking the lessons, take time for hobbies?

– And this is a matter of priorities. Among my acquaintances there are several professorial families. You come to their house: there are many, many books that do not fit in cupboards and lie everywhere – on shelves, chairs, window sills… What order is there. In these families, there is often no lunch, almost never dinner, and in the refrigerator is what the teenage son managed to buy on the way from school. After all, in the end, the child himself begins to do what he lacks. He knows: there is no food at home, mom will come after the lecture at ten in the evening, she also needs to be fed, because she can’t cook anything for herself, and she doesn’t have the strength. Therefore, he himself will buy food, cook, help around the house, and he and his mother, can you imagine, will have time to talk in the evening.

A woman often sees her mother’s purpose in providing a life, but after that, not only does everything else disappear, often this life is not needed to such an extent. And resentment begins that the husband refused to have dinner (he ate at work), although she tried, she did not spare her strength. As soon as you decide for yourself: what is more important for you – everyday life or something more, then there will be time for personal interests.

— I think the self-examination should begin with the question: Does my own life bring me joy?

– A very useful question. If your answer is “yes”, then in general everything is fine with you. If no terrible events have happened, and you are angry and discouraged, then it’s time to change something. Often the cause of despondency is driven out, tragic fatigue. If so, it’s time to stop. We won’t earn all the money, and what we have, we won’t be able to take to the next world, and there may not be tomorrow! Remember, as Bulgakov says: a person is mortal, and what is even worse, suddenly mortal. Even if you are sure that you are trying not for yourself, but for the children, stop and think. Is the money you make worth the time you didn’t spend with it?

If it’s a matter of being irritated with life, that it “is arranged that way”, then remember that this is your life, and no one but yourself can change anything in it. Look for an outlet, remember what interests you had in your youth… And it is also important to understand that it is those parents who perceive life as a joy, or rather, will become a real authority for children. For one simple reason – you really want to grow behind such people.

Photo in the announcement – Larisa Podistova

Children are leaving life / News of the Society of Krasnoyarsk and the Krasnoyarsk Territory / Newslab.Ru

10/24/2012

The Investigative Committee of Russia started talking about a bad trend. According to the law enforcement agency, the number of child suicides has been steadily growing in recent years. Experts, speaking about the causes of an unhealthy trend, name the main problem – the lack of a system and responsible people. According to the law, everyone must prevent suicides – both the police, and officials from education, and parents. And that means no one.

The numbers issued by the Investigative Committee are shocking. In 2010, 798 cases of juvenile suicide were registered in Russia, in 2011 – 896. In the first half of 2012 – already 532 cases. Judging by the growth rate, we can draw an unpleasant conclusion: by the end of the year, the number of child suicides will exceed one thousand.

It follows from the statistics – children have their own way of leaving life . This is hanging. Only then comes a fall from a height, poisoning with drugs, piercing and cutting objects. Dealing with the consequences is stupid and inefficient. We need to look for reasons. According to the experts of the Investigative Committee of the Russian Federation, the suicides of most minors could have been prevented if at least someone had paid attention to the children.

“The analysis showed that a significant part of children who committed suicide already needed not only the help of a social pedagogue or psychotherapist, but also intervention in their lives by police agencies for the prevention of juvenile crime,” said Vladimir Markin, official representative of the Investigative Committee.

Albina Komovich, Commissioner for Children’s Rights in the region, spoke about the sad regional statistics with examples on October 11 at a session of the Legislative Assembly of the region. According to her, in the region in 2011 there were 33 cases of suicide of minors . The main age of juvenile suicides is 15-16 years. It is curious that in 80% of cases these are children from prosperous families, where there are both parents and a good income.

— Let me give you one example: a mother did not allow her child to help her with repairs. He did something wrong, and she sent him to the next room. Two hours later, he looks – he is hanging on a belt … – Komovich said at the session. – Parents get divorced, the child either lives with his mother, then lives with his father. As a result, the girl writes a note and commits suicide,” Komovich told MPs. Moreover, she named the lack of attention to children from parents as one of the main reasons for such cases.

In a comment to the online newspaper Newslab.ru, the commissioner drew attention to the need to work with parents. “The most important thing is that the child must feel that he will find protection and help from his parents” .

— Parenthood is for life. And it’s very hard. But our parents are not ready to be parents. Many are not ready. Fed, watered, dressed beautifully and that’s it. And what is in the soul of a child is trifles. Just think, the son quarreled with the girl… – says Komovich. – The parent should always be nearby, talking with the child. There must be an internal connection.

Krasnoyarsk psychologist Vadim Kozhevnikov also talks about these reasons. In his opinion, the reason for the increase in child suicides is a consequence of unfavorable trends that are observed in society. Moreover, not only in our Russian. This is an increase in the level of general depression due to the economic recession and all crisis conditions.

– All this affects a person. Including on a child who receives less warmth and care. Finally, the child simply becomes isolated from the parents. Any tension in society leads to the fact that, no matter how scary it may sound, children are the last ones. They receive less love, affection, care. Suicide is depression . And if a child dies, then this is a consequence of the depression of an adult who is next to him or who affects his condition, the psychologist is sure.

Kozhevnikov believes that the upward trend in the number of child suicides is natural. Despite the fact that it runs counter to the improvement of the well-being of society. Including financial. – Well-being is growing, while spirituality and morality are deteriorating. This leads to the fact that people begin to degenerate. Suicide is the degeneration of people.

Komovich believes that it is necessary to correct the pedagogical incompetence of parents. And he recalls the “universal education” that were still in the Soviet Union.

— There are no problems that cannot be solved. With the help of adults, you can solve everything, fix everything and find a way out of any situation. Except for death,” she sums up. It only turns out that it is adults who most often push children to a terrible step by their unintentional actions.