Encouraging for kids: Powerful & Positive Things to Say to Kids • Mindfulmazing.com

Powerful & Positive Things to Say to Kids • Mindfulmazing.com

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Inside: 101 encouraging words for kids! Words can build kids up, and just as easily tear them down. Use this list to foster confidence and support! This post includes a FREE poster!

If you’ve seen The Help, you’ll likely remember the inspiring words the maid said over and over to the sweet little girl, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

These loving words of encouragement by the maid/nanny were an attempt to reverse and prevent the psychological damage caused by being constantly berated by her socialite mother.

Your kids are an empty bucket. You choose what you fill them up with.

Words can pump kids up, and they can just as easily deflate them, which is why finding positive things to say to your child matters.

What do you
want to fill their bucket with?

Tell a child they are bad, and they will be bad. Tell a child they are good and they will be good.

By brainstorming some encouraging words for kids or positive phrases to say to your child, you can start to fill that bucket with love, kindness, positivity, and confidence.

The evidence is crystal clear that when kids feel warmth and affection from their parents, this has a life-long impact on them.

They develop healthy self-esteem, end up emotionally happier and even less anxious as adults.

Show your child you believe in them by using words of encouragement every day. Kids will feel supported, loved, empowered, confident, and resilient.

So to help you fill that bucket, we’ve listed below 101 positive things to say to kids.

where should we send this free poster?

Snag this FREE poster of 101 positive things to say to kids to help your children feel confident and loved! This is positive parenting or teaching at its best! Get it right here!

send it to me!

Did you get your free printable above? Awesome! If you missed the link, it’s right here.

So let’s get right to it, let’s shower our kids with love, use positive phrases, increase family communication, and empower our kids with a bucket of support and love!

101 (yes, you read that right, 101) positive things to say to kids

101 Encouraging Words for Kids

Encouraging Words for Kids: Empowering Kids With Love

1. You are loved

2. You make me smile

3. I think about you ALL the time

4. Your choices matter

5. I believe in you

6. You mean the world to me

7. You are gifted!

8. You are unique!

9. Your laugh is one of the best things about you

10. You can be a great leader

11. You are SO intelligent

12. Wow, what a thoughtful kid you are

13. I love spending time with you

14. You can tell me anything

15. I will love you no matter what

16. I am so proud of you

17. I am proud of the person you are becoming

18. You are kind

19. You are special

20. Tell me about what you are doing

You might love these 80 Positive Affirmation Cards For Kids – print them out, hang them on the washroom mirror each morning, say them before bed, or use them in the classroom.

Also, be sure to check out this insane toolbox of resources for teachers, parents, or practitioners. It includes the printable positive affirmations shown above and SO much more.

I WANT THIS!

21. My world is better with you in it

22. It’s fun to do things with you

23. I’m glad you’re here

24. You are beautiful!

25. Your honesty makes me so proud

26. I know you will do GREAT things

27. Follow your heart

28. I’m grateful for you

29. I will always be here

30. The world needs you

31. I love you!

32. I need you!

33. You are amazing!

Positive Things to Say to Kids to Encourage Effort (And Before Tests)

34. Just keep going and keep trying

35. Not giving up is one of your best traits

36. Participation and effort are more important than winning

37. Don’t give up, and start what you finish

38. The view from the top is spectacular

39. You can ask for help

40. If you believe it, you can achieve it

41. Your mistakes are chances to learn

42. Reach for the stars

43. You are unstoppable

44. Challenges make you stronger

45. Make an effort, NOT an excuse

46. Follow your dreams

47. Take a break and come back to it

48. I love seeing you work together

49. You can always try again

50. You don’t always need to win

51. Think before you act

I want this!

Positive Phrases for Kids Battling Anxiety

52. This feeling will pass

53. It’s okay to feel scared, it’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to feel angry too

54. Everyone worries sometimes

55. Everyone feels upset sometimes

56. Trust your instincts

57. Nobody is perfect, and that is ok

58. You are MORE than your emotions

59. What you are feeling is normal

60. Work towards solving problems

61. Don’t think too much

62. Go play!

63. Have fun!

64. Don’t be afraid

65. In time, you will feel better

66. Enjoy the moment!

67. Don’t worry, be happy

68. Let your mind settle, like the sand in the ocean

Pro Tip

If you just love the idea of filling your child’s buck with love and positivity, then you will also love our 101 compliments for kids, free acts of kindness poster for kids, or 60 positive affirmations for kids

Anxiety Kit for Kids

When you purchase this Anxiety Printable Kit, you’ll get a collection of worksheets, posters, activities, and coloring pages designed to help children squash anxiety and worry and bring fun and freedom back into their lives.

Words of Encouragement for Kids Going Through Difficult Times

69. You will get through this

70. You have a kind heart, so always be kind, no matter what.

71. Not all days are bad

72. Stay positive, keep dreaming

73. Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get

74. Nothing call dull your shine: you are beautiful inside and out.

75. Get back up!

76. You are strong

77. Pause, breathe, everything will be okay.

78. I believe in you.

79. This is not the end, but the beginning

80. You got this!

81. You can’t always make everyone happy

82. You will feel better after you get some rest

83. Tell me something that made you smile today

84. The sun will come out tomorrow

85. Always help those who need it

86. Be honest, even if you mess up!

A calm down corner, room, or binder is a space for angry, overstimulated, or upset kids to go to calm down. It’s free from blame, shame, and pain. This GIANT calming bundle includes OVER 20 worksheets, posters, and interactive charts, which will help you set up an inviting calming space or binder for kids, whether at home or in the classroom.

Positive Things to Say to Kids to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

87. I see you working really hard

88. Thanks for being a great helper

90. You are one smart cookie

91. There is only one you, so be yourself

92. You can say no!

93. You are learning

94. You are growing

95. I’m proud of you

96. I believe you, I believe in you

97. Your ideas matter

98. I am curious. What do you think?

99. Let’s try it your way.

100. You are a good boy/girl

101. You don’t always need to follow the crowd

…I just can’t stop; here’s a bonus 102…

Treat others the way you want to be treated

Don’t forget this gorgeous inspirational poster to sum up all these sayings! Yours FREE for a limited time. High-resolution PDF copy (8.5×11)

The benefit of using encouraging words for kids

Just think, instead of barking, “Come help empty the dishwater— now!” you could say, “You are a super helpful person; thank you for helping me empty the dishwasher!”

See the
shift in tone?

You can sprinkle these positive things to say to kids in many ways throughout your day.

Research proves that the kind of praise we give our children motivates, empowers, and influences them later in life.

Benefits of Encouraging Words for Kids:

• It helps kids develop a positive mindset
• Builds a safe and supportive home life
• Boosts self-esteem
• Helps kids believe in themselves
• Develops imagination and fosters creativity
• Motivates kids to try harder (have you thought about creating a chore chart for kids?)
• Improves kid’s belief in themselves
• Effects perseverance, self-confidence, and determination

Tips on using positive phrases for kids

Don’t generalize:

Don’t just say, “great job, pal” instead, try saying, “the way you shared that toy with Tommy was very kind. ”

Being too general does nothing to help a child identify how their efforts led to doing a good job.

Don’t focus on ability but rather the effort

When we say positive things to kids that focus on effort, we teach kids a growth mindset.

They can then piece together how their effort is compounded to their success, and if they didn’t succeed, how they can improve without feeling like a failure.

And lastly, don’t give too much praise

Giving kids undeserved praise can also result in negative effects down the road.

Don’t give undeserved flattery, which is counterproductive.  Research shows that overpraising decreases motivation and can result in the development of narcissistic kids.

Quick tips for using positive phrases with kids

Experts agree when saying positive words to your child, do the following:

• Say their name, this gets their attention
• Don’t speak over the child
• Use eye contact
• Get down on their level
• Be sincere and be honest

Bonus points if you
say encouraging words for kids in the following situations:

• Pick one phrase to say at bedtime each night. (And get even more bonus points if you combine it with one of these 15 mindfulness activities.)
• If you’ve had a moment of disagreement, deliver an encouraging word out of the blue.
• Use lunch box notes to connect with your kiddo throughout the day (when you aren’t there). (Lunch box notes are one of my favorite discoveries.)
• Play mindfulness games.
• Get down on your kid’s eye level and tell them point-blank something special you love about them.

FREE LUNCH BOX NOTES

Little notes of love for your child’s lunchbox! Make your loved ones smile by sharing one of these inspirational lunch box notes each day. This printable set includes over 100 notes! Where should we send your free lunch box notes? You’ll get the link to download instantly.

i want these!

Try to sprinkle
these positive things to say to your child into everyday conversation. Positive
phrases can and will have powerful
effects on your kids.

Words have the power to lift your kiddo up, up high into the sky, so that they can dream big and accomplish ANYTHING!

Words matter, so which words will you use today?

where should we send this free poster?

Snag this FREE poster of 101 positive things to say to kids to help your children feel confident and loved! This is positive parenting or teaching at its best! Get it right here!

send it to me!

Other posts you might love:

• 73 Powerful Tips to Calm an Anxious Child
• How to Create a Stress-free Morning with Kids
• 45 Fun Family Night Ideas the Entire Family Will Love
• How to Create a Calm-Down Corner for Kids

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Words Of Encouragement For Kids (100+ Ideas)

The words of encouragement we use for our kids can help mold them. How they are as adults can partially depend upon what we say to them now. That’s why it’s important to choose the right encouraging words, praise them when it’s deserved, and use language that builds self-esteem.

Researchers looked at babies whose parents praised the effort the baby made when attempting a new task compared to those whose parents praised the child themselves. A parent who is praising the effort might say something like, “Wow, that was a good throw.” A parent praising a child would say something like, “Wow, you’re a fabulous ball thrower.”

The babies whose efforts were praised became children who were more likely to enjoy challenging themselves and trying something new, or something more difficult ⁽¹⁾.

So, to ensure you use the words and phrases that are most likely to have a positive effect, here’s our list of 100+ words of encouragement for kids.

Table of Contents

• Words of Encouragement for Kids Taking a Test
• Words of Encouragement for Kids Who are Sick
• Words of Encouragement for Kids In Sports
• Words of Encouragement to Thank Your Child
• Words of Encouragement to Inspire Your Child
• Words of Encouragement When Your Kid Has a Bad Day
• Words of Encouragement When Your Child is Struggling
• General Words of Encouragement for Kids
• The Benefits of Encouragement
• How to Encourage Kids with Words
• Choose Your Words Carefully

Words of Encouragement for Kids Taking a Test

png”>How hard you try is what’s important, not the grade you get at the end.

You’ve got this.

I am proud of you.

We are always proud of you, no matter what the result.

Don’t panic — you’ve prepared all you can.

Take your time and do your best, that’s all you can do.

I know you’ll try your hardest.

You’ve worked hard to get ready for this test.

Remember, the result of your test is not a reflection of you as a person.

Your test result feels important today. In the future, you won’t remember your grades but you will remember how hard you worked for them.

We will never be disappointed in you. We know how hard you work.

If you try your hardest, you’ll get an A+ from me, no matter what your test score is.

This test is important, but you being happy is more important than any test could ever be.

Do not worry about failing the test. You’ll be a winner as long as you try your best.

Words of Encouragement for Kids Who are Sick

I know it’s rough being sick, but you will get through this.

You are strong. This illness will pass and you will be stronger than ever.

Our love cannot make you better, but it can help you feel better. We give you all of our love so you can feel as well as possible.

There is no need to worry. Everyone gets sick. Just listen to the doctor and they will help your body get well again.

png”>Even when you are sick, you manage to smile. I am so proud of you.

Being sick feels terrible, but it gives us the chance to spend more time together, and that is always wonderful.

Resting today will make you stronger tomorrow.

Doctors can be scary, but they are here to help you get better.

I know you are worried about being sick right now. It’s natural. Just be sure to share your worries with me so I can help you.

Don’t feel you need to be strong right now to protect other people. It is our job to take care of you, so you don’t need to put on a brave face.

Words of Encouragement for Kids In Sports

You are ready for this.

Your team’s result is not your responsibility alone.

You have worked hard for this moment, go out there and show them what hard work looks like.

Helping your team members is as important as practicing yourself.

Congratulations, all of your training has paid off. Does that hard work feel worth it?

You have trained hard for this. No matter what the result, you can be proud of the effort you have made.

How much I love you can never change. You do not have to win for me to love you more than I could ever tell you.

Your hard work and tenacity make you a winner, not your place on the podium.

You are an example to your friends and siblings. They all admire how you never give up.

The effort you put in is more important than winning.

What you just did made me so proud.

I admire your determination.

png”>I could never have done what you just did. Your spirit is so inspiring.

Words of Encouragement to Thank Your Child

It makes me smile when I see you being so kind.

Thank you for being you.

I am grateful that you are my child.

Thank you for sharing those thoughts with me.

It was very brave to do that, thank you.

Thank you for being so respectful. It means a lot to me.

png”>I appreciate what a kind and thoughtful child you are.

Thank you for being a good brother/sister.

We are all thankful for your generosity.

Your teacher says you worked very hard. Thank you for making such an effort.

Thank you for always helping others.

Words of Encouragement to Inspire Your Child

Keep coming up with those creative ideas of yours.

Look how much your hard work has paid off. You have done a fabulous job.

png”>Never be afraid to try something new.

Your reading is really improving. That’s because you didn’t give up when there were words you did not know.

The stories you tell are so imaginative. I love where your imagination wanders.

Nobody is great at a new activity when they first begin. But by working hard, you can become the best you can be.

Don’t give up when things get tough.

Be yourself and let the real you shine.

Being the same as everyone else is not important. Being a good person is.

You can make a difference.

Your artworks brighten up my day.

Words of Encouragement When Your Kid Has a Bad Day

Yes, today was a bad day. Let’s make tomorrow better.

Your day might have been bad, but that is not a reflection of you.

Know that whenever you have a bad day, I will still be here to love you.

png”>We are here to help you.

You are not alone in this.

We all have bad days sometimes. Tell me about yours.

I am so proud of how you handled such a difficult day.

You are strong enough to get through this.

You are not responsible for everything that happens.

The things that went wrong today were not your fault.

You cannot make everyone happy. Don’t feel bad about that.

You’re home now. Would you like a hug?

What exactly was bad about your day? If we can work that out, we can work out how to avoid the same thing happening again.

Words of Encouragement When Your Child is Struggling

This may seem difficult right now, but once you’ve worked through it, you’ll feel much better.

Stick with it, you’ll be glad you did.

I am proud of you for trying so hard.

Keep up the good work.

png”>This will be worth it.

There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes.

We make mistakes so we can learn from them.

Everyone feels overwhelmed at some point. It does not make you weak, or a failure.

You can always come to me if you are struggling.

If you are struggling, and it is making you unhappy, there is no shame in giving up.

No matter what happens, I love you.

General Words of Encouragement for Kids

png”>It’s OK to give up sometimes.

Life is not easy, but you are a loving person who is loved in return. That is the most important thing.

Being with you brightens my day.

You are a fabulous friend. _______ is lucky to have you there for them.

If I had to draw a picture of someone kind, I would draw a picture of you.

Do you know why animals like you so much? It’s because they can feel how kind you are.

There is nobody else in the world quite like you. I wish there were more of you.

You always know the right thing to do, and more importantly, you always do it.

Anyone can be the same as everyone else. It is courageous to be yourself.

Never feel embarrassed to stand out. Standing out is what makes you special.

Sometimes it is better to sit back and think, than to jump in and act.

You cannot control other people, but you can control how they make you feel.

It is not your job to fix everyone’s problems. Sometimes all you can do is be a good friend, and you are excellent at that.

When you feel lonely or scared, close your eyes and remember I am always there for you. You carry me in your heart so you never have to be alone.

Nothing you can do could ever stop me from loving you.

You cannot change the past, but you do have some control over the future.

How other people treat you says more about them than it does about you.

Whoever you love is very lucky to have you feel that way about them.

png”>I am grateful to have you as my child.

The Benefits of Encouragement

When we use words of encouragement for kids, we are doing so much more than just saying something nice.

Instead, we are:

• Teaching our children to believe in themselves.
• Helping them to develop their character.
• Laying the groundwork for a lifetime of more positive relationships.
• Motivating our children.
• Teaching our children that what you say can make a difference to other people.

However, it is not as simple as just saying, “You are fabulous,” or throwing out other random, compliments.

For your children to reap the benefits of words of encouragement, you need to use the right words, in the right way, at the right time.

So, how do you do that?

How to Encourage Kids with Words

When you encourage your kids with words, it is important to focus on the efforts your child is making, and not on their level of talent or achievement.

Efforts Not Achievements

When you focus on talent or achievement, your child’s self-worth becomes attached to those talents or achievements. Then, when they experience a failure or a setback, they will see it as a personal failure. They will see themselves as failures.

Instead, by focusing on your child’s efforts, you will teach them that they have control and help them build resilience and determination.

Hold Back

Too much praise and encouragement can backfire and have the opposite effect of what was intended.

Constantly telling your child they are clever, talented, or beautiful can cause them to have an over-inflated sense of self-worth. This causes them to tie their value as a person to how fantastic you say they are.

By tying their value as a person to how fantastic they are, as soon as they do something that is not successful, they feel they are a failure as a person. That can be psychologically devastating ⁽²⁾.

They can also stop making an effort because they believe they do not have to — they’re already perfect in their own eyes because of the wrong inspirational words.

Choose Your Words Carefully

By using the correct words of encouragement, you can help build your child’s self-esteem and self-worth in a healthy way.

This can lay the foundations for a lifetime of determination and resilience.

That comment you make today, telling your child the important thing is that they always try, might be the thing that gets them through an important job interview or a critical negotiation at work.

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How to properly encourage children? – ABC of education

Actual

Table of contents

• How can you encourage a child?
• Parental mistakes when rewarding children
• How to reward a child for good behavior?
• Is it possible to encourage a child with money?
• Psychological advice
• Forms of encouragement at home for a teenager

We often scold children. At the same time, we forget that they deserve encouragement. After all, this is not just a good pedagogical technique, but also an incentive for good behavior. How to properly encourage children? How to find that golden mean that would help the child to perceive this encouragement correctly, and the parent to correctly praise him? This will help to understand the advice of a psychologist.

Parents, psychologists say, should be careful about rewards, since their excess can adversely affect the formation of a child’s personality. They clarify that praising children often leads to the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as capriciousness, selfishness, and infantilism.

Some mothers and fathers do not see the difference between encouragement and material reward, trying to secure childish obedience with the help of money. Therefore, praise can be both useful and harmful “tool” of education.

To master the art of encouragement, a few simple rules will help you, having learned which, you can avoid many educational mistakes.

How can you encourage a child?

In fact, there are many forms of toddler approval that work effectively depending on specific situations. What methods of encouragement are distinguished by psychologists?

• The widely used and most common method of encouragement is the usual praise, which involves verbal influence. Simply put, a child’s good behavior is praised, his actions are approved, supported by parents.
• Another effective method is caress, which includes kisses, hugs, gentle strokes on the back or head. Sometimes they are more important and much more effective than ordinary words. This form of encouragement is most often applied to young children.
• An interesting way of motivating encouragement is additional time for joint entertainment or games. It is often used in order to get the necessary act from children. For example: “We will go to the playground as soon as you clean the room.”
• If older children behave well and help adults, they can be encouraged by expanding their rights and removing prohibitions on any actions. For example, schoolchildren are allowed to go to bed half an hour or an hour later for good grades.
• Toys, sweets and other rewards motivate children to do the right things. However, this method should be treated with caution, since many children begin to demand material incentives for each of their actions.

The best effect can be achieved by using various methods of rewards depending on the age of the baby, his psychological characteristics.

Parental mistakes when encouraging children

We have already said that the thoughtless use of praise can harm both the child himself and your relationship with him. Check if you repeat the following mistakes when communicating with your baby.

Sometimes children behave well only in the presence of other people, wanting to receive a reward or impress. Often this is due to excessive praise from parents and grandmothers: “You are the smartest boy in the world!”

Little manipulators grow up in those families in which adults try to “bribe” children with various rewards for any good deed. Did the child share a car with his younger sister? Adults buy him a new toy, and so on.

Some parents praise their child while belittling other children. For example: “Your drawing is much more beautiful than Masha’s.” It is preferable to compare the child with himself, pointing out that with each achievement he becomes smarter, more economical.

How to reward a child for good behaviour?

In order for encouragement to be sincere, relevant and correctly understood by children, it is necessary to use them correctly.
We offer some recommendations of psychologists, which should be followed when raising a child.

• Any praise must be fair and consistent with children’s behavior. So, you should not praise, give gifts for behavior that is natural at his age: the baby once again put on a blouse, laced up his shoes, etc. And vice versa, be sure to celebrate important achievements and significant actions: the child helped his mother carry the bag, drew a beautiful drawing.
• It is preferable to praise not the baby himself, but his good deed. If the child has removed the toys in the nursery, you should not say: “You are my smart girl.” Say it better: “After cleaning your room is so clean. It’s a pleasure to go into it.” And do not get off with praise with general phrases, like: “Beautiful drawing.” Mark those elements of the image that you especially liked: bright flowers, a tree that looks very alive, funny hares.
• Often, children do not need praise or reward, it is important for them to enjoy the creativity itself or a new achievement. In this case, parents can voice the feelings of the child and thereby support the desire for knowledge. “I am very glad that you have learned to ride a bicycle. You look happy and satisfied with your success! Now we will ride with you together in the park.”

Of course, every family has its own rules of encouragement and praise. The main thing is that they help to establish good relationships between households and do not interfere with the upbringing of the baby.

Is it possible to encourage a child with money?

The monetary reward method has both supporters and ardent opponents. Followers of this method note that weekly payments for good grades or small amounts for washing dishes discipline children. Opponents, on the other hand, believe that a child who receives money for household chores focuses only on external results. How to properly encourage children?

Psychologist’s advice

Many psychologists also have a negative attitude towards monetary rewards. Experts are sure that children should do homework disinterestedly. If you want your child to learn how to manage money, wait until he grows up. It is already possible to give pocket money to a younger student for small expenses.
Experienced parents offer alternative ways to reward good behavior. If you don’t like the idea of ​​cash rewards, find an alternative to money.
For example, multi-colored beads, bright buttons will be an excellent replacement for coins. Develop a payment system with your child, according to which washing dishes will correspond, for example, to two buttons.
In this case, the children should be able to “earn” something valuable in a week so that they have the motivation to move on. Encouragement can be a joint trip to the cinema, a circus, a visit to a children’s entertainment center.
It is up to the parents to decide whether to use the cash reward method. Do not forget that when choosing a method of encouragement, you should take into account the personal qualities of your child. And even if you choose the best way, use it very carefully, because the excessive use of praise and rewards can easily turn into parental responsibility.

Pre-adolescent children learn to be good, not only to do what they like, but also to understand that good behavior depends on their efforts – this happens when parents use rewards as a reward for good behavior.
In today’s world, when most parents are constantly at work, children desperately need the attention of mom and dad, so for many, the greater reward will not be buying a new toy or phone, but simply having their beloved parents nearby.
You can combine encouragement and spending time together, which is so necessary for the child, for example, all together go to the water park, cafe or for a walk.

Young children will enjoy listening to one more story than usual as a reward for good behavior during the day. Also, the child can be allowed to take longer walks in the yard with peers.…

To do this, there are a few simple rules that parents should follow. Any encouragement should correspond to the behavior and actions of children, that is, be fair. It does not make sense to praise, give gifts or lift bans for all good deeds or the use of skills already familiar to the child.

For example, a toddler has learned to tie his shoelaces on his own, which can be rewarded, but it is not necessary to do this every time he repeats this action. And vice versa, you can not ignore more significant actions. For example, a child helped his mother wash the dishes, clean up.
Do not encourage a child out of pity. If, for example, he was offended on the playground, you should not reassure him with candy or chocolate, it is better to help him by teaching him how to act in a similar situation.
You can’t buy a child’s affection for yourself with praise and gifts. It is better to try to establish a trusting relationship with him through communication. Gradually, you need to strive to wean the child from constant material rewards for some of his actions, since every time he will begin to demand gifts. It is necessary to explain to him that actions are committed disinterestedly.
If parents praise a child, then you should always focus on the action that they support, so that the baby knows what can and should be done.…

Forms of encouragement at home for a child of adolescence

Of course, one must understand that the rash use of all ways to encourage a child causes great harm to education. Children who are rewarded for every correct step do not see the boundaries of what is permitted, it is difficult for them to determine where what is possible ends and what is impossible begins. Such a child develops perfectionism, when, striving for a better result, he is not able to accept obstacles in his path, he is very worried about failures. This is especially difficult in adulthood, which is full of obstacles and difficult tasks.
Resorting to the excessive use of praise, parents form in their children an overestimation of self-esteem, selfishness, selfishness. In this case, the child lacks respect for parents, other adults, and peers.
When a child reaches adolescence, a chocolate bar is not enough for him as a reward, he also will not go on a swing, that is, a teenager has other needs and parents have to adapt to them. How can you encourage a teenage child? Children at this age need money and help. You should not offer money to a child too often, if you follow the measure, this type of encouragement is quite effective.
If a teenager, for example, does not want to comply with the requests of his parents or spend time on this or that activity, parents can simply offer him to increase the amount of pocket money or give him a small amount if he saves up for something. If the family does not have extra money, then the parents can offer the child to take him where he needs to, or help him perform some of his household duties.
Some parents reward their children with money for good grades in school. This approach is quite productive. You can encourage the progress of a teenager not only with money, but also allow him, for example, to take a longer walk or go to the movies. Freedom is usually given to a child after he has won the appropriate trust of his parents. High academic performance can be just one way to gain trust. After all, if a teenager studies well, thereby he demonstrates that he is quite responsible, which means that he can be trusted.

It is quite difficult to unambiguously state about the harm or positive nature of one-time incentives, since it is impossible to trace their effectiveness. We can only say unequivocally that the whole system of education as a whole gives a positive or negative impact on the character of the child.

To index

Types of rewards and their importance in the development of the child

“What a pain it is to educate [these children]!” Freken Bock suffered in the cartoon “The Kid and Carlson”. And scolding is constantly wrong, and it’s scary to overpraise! Expert “Oh!” and child psychologist Anna Skavitina will tell you what types of rewards can be, as well as how and why to praise a child.

Anna Skavitina, psychologist, analyst, member of the IAAP (International Association of Analytical Psychology), supervisor of the ROAP and the Jung Institute (Zurich), expert of the journal “Psychologies”

Imagine that your boss offers you a few extra vacation days or a bonus if you do an urgent project quickly and efficiently. Will you work more efficiently from this? More likely. And if the boss says that he will fire you if the project is not ready on time? Most likely, you will also try to work efficiently, but you will be driven by fear, not the expectation of pleasure, which is why your efficiency will be lower than in the first case. If the fear is too strong, then the brain may be paralyzed by the expectation of punishment and will begin to think not about how to do the project, but about how to avoid the consequences. The result will be unpredictable, and this is taking into account the fact that we are adults and seem to be able to control ourselves.

For children under 10 years of age, negative regulation does not work in the way that many parents and teachers assume. “If you don’t do it, I won’t give it, I won’t let it in, I’ll take it, I’ll put a deuce” – all this causes stress and anxiety in the child, as a result, the brain turns off the “fuse” so as not to overheat, and cares about survival, and not about what would it be interesting to learn.

You must have heard that the red pen method, or permanent fix, does not work, but the green pen method of supporting the right actions works?

What to do? Offer permanent bonuses, praise and always support in everything? Yes and no. Alas, not everything is so simple. Parents who constantly tell their children that they are amazing, gorgeous, unique, the most beautiful in the world, the smartest and most dexterous, believe that they support the child’s self-esteem and give him a ticket to a happy life. In this way, they demonstrate unconditional love for the child and for any manifestation of it.

Constant, excessive praise for every action can lead to the fact that the child will perceive it as a background, and if one day the approving text does not sound, he will begin to listen anxiously and look around: “Where is my reinforcement? Did I do the right thing? Mom, do you even love me?”

Children who are constantly praised often feel valued and at the same time devalued. How come? “If all my results are noticed, then I am constantly evaluated, I am under constant control. If I am always praised, then it doesn’t matter what I do.” By the way, exactly the same thing happens if the child is almost constantly scolded and made comments.

“If I am the best, most beautiful and unique, then what about the rest? They are worse than me, and therefore they are worthy to communicate with me only in the positions of vassals. And if these children claim leadership positions, or at least equality, it is dangerous, because they will want to throw me off the symbolic throne and tear off the crown, so I will not be friends with them. And as a result, difficulties in relationships with peers.

“If I am the best and smartest, then I don’t need to strive anywhere and learn anything: I got brains from nature! And if suddenly someone becomes socially more successful than me?..” This can cause envy, but will not give an understanding of what needs to be done to achieve what you want.

Of course, the intentions of parents who praise their children are the most positive! They probably even remember how they themselves painfully experienced situations in childhood when they were scolded and not supported, and they are ready to compensate for this through their child. Moreover, if there are many mothers, fathers and grandmothers in the environment, constantly praising their children, one can feel social pressure: “Why am I and my child worse than others? Why don’t I praise him all the time?”

Let’s discuss ways to encourage children that will definitely help them trust themselves and the world more and will promote independence, initiative and social success of children.

What types of incentives can there be?

• Supporting words.
• A smile and an attentive look when you approve of the child’s actions.
• Hugs and kisses if your child doesn’t mind.
• The time you spend the way your child wants.
  Try to create a wishlist: a list of wishes, different things, events that he wanted to do someday himself or participate with his family, arrange it in the form of cards, attach it, for example, to a refrigerator, and choose “prizes”. When parents have the opportunity and desire to encourage their child, they can choose from this list.
• Surprise showing that you noticed the child’s efforts and now want to show it to him. It is important that the surprise is in accordance with his desires, and not what seems useful to parents. For some, it will be a trip to a video club with new games, for others it will be a trip to friends with an overnight stay.

Any encouragement is a manifestation of your love and creating an atmosphere of trust and development for your child.

“From the point of view of behavioral neurophysiology, the environment of development and education can be described as follows: support for attachment, understanding of personal meaning (why me), creating a habit and trust <…> and I already wrote about love,” notes Peter Whybrow in the book “The Brain: Fine Tuning”.

Not only the amount of praise and encouragement is important, but their quality and the meanings that adults lay down. Girls run the risk of attaching too much importance to their beauty if others praise it: they begin to think that they should be beautiful, and not study and work, and this is the main path to happiness and success.

For boys, such a bias can happen when they are praised for their strength: “If you eat a lot of porridge, you will become strong and defeat everyone!” And they understand that the main thing is to eat porridge, defeat everyone, and not work with your head.

Encouragement and praise are ways to convey family and cultural values ​​to a child that you share.

How and why to praise a child?

Notice and recognize the efforts of your children

If your child is far from being the first in his sports team or in school mathematics, but he persistently goes to training and studies, tries to solve problems on his own or asks for help and does not stop, overcomes difficulties, then these efforts need to be noticed and supported. For example : “It’s so great that you spend a lot of time learning this!”

If the action is given to him without difficulty and effort, you can rejoice with him: “I see that you like it,” but it’s not worth saying that he’s done well: the child may feel like an impostor.

Reward for the process, not only or not so much for the result

For example : “You seriously prepared for this test, solved many problems, more than last time, and the result was worthy.”

Name the specific action that led to the desired result

For example , instead of: “You are a good, obedient boy” it is better to say: “You were so busy playing Lego, you played by yourself in your room, and I was able to cook a delicious dinner “.

It is better to motivate with the joy of the result than with money or buying sweets result.

It’s a good idea to celebrate a major achievement or the end of a long process of work: performing at a concert, winning a sports team, better scorecards than in the last quarter/trimester in the way the child would like, for example, by buying what they want or having a family dinner. Thus, you celebrate his invested efforts and perseverance.

Encourage trying new things

Experiments are alive! Even if nothing worked out right away, trying something new is not only interesting, but also overcoming oneself and a new experience.

Reward sincerely

Children feel false, and if you regularly praise them with pretense, they stop understanding where they are really great and you need to continue to act in the same spirit, and where “parents always say that, but it doesn’t mean anything” .

Support all independent attempts, even if they are not very successful

They will not try, they will not learn. For example : “You baked cookies, so cool! Yes, it got burnt today, but this is the first attempt. What do you think, what can be done next time so as not to miss him?.. Can we have tea with him?”

Encourage children as they work, not just when they’re done

For example : “Wow, you keep doing this project, you put so much effort into it. You can be proud of yourself, you were so stubborn!”

Focus on the children’s feelings

It’s important to hear not “I’m proud of you!” but “You can be proud of yourself!” And then you can add about the joy of parents.