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How much time should be spent with a child to make him happy?
We are lying in bed with my six-year-old son, he put his head on my shoulder, We just finished reading the book.
He looks at me with his big brown eyes and says: “Mom, I miss you so much when I’m at school. And I dream about how I will come home and we will play.
My heart skips a beat: “I miss you too, baby. And I also really want us to spend more time together.”
We don’t really get to be together very often. Because there is a school, friends, circles, plus a younger brother. And my son misses me all the time, and I miss him.
And so, I finish with bedding, kiss him, sit on the sofa and open my diary. Where can I find time for a full-fledged game with my son. Yeah, for example, Saturday … I can on Saturday. Perhaps I’ll take him to the trampoline park, and then we’ll have lunch and buy some sweets. My husband has just agreed to take the youngest home for nap time, and I can spend time with the elder in peace. I run back to my son’s bedroom, crawl under his side and tell him about my plans.
He happily hugs me – of course, he is terribly pleased. nine0003
Oh, it’s “quality” time with the kids…
The kids are constantly asking their parents to play with them. My sons say the phrase “Mom, play with us” seems to be billions of times a day. And sometimes it’s terribly annoying. Especially when I have a mountain of work to do. But children will continue to demand our attention, because this is normal. Because we are the center of the universe and the main example for them. They need our attention just like plants need sunlight. This is their basic need. So it is very important to give full attention to children at least once during the day, but …
…but I have so much to do!
Moms now have three times more responsibilities than our grandmothers had to do. Society places unimaginable demands on mothers. Yes, we are spinning all day like squirrels in a wheel, only to have time to redo everything.
But even those mothers who do not need to go to the office will say: if you are at home all day and you have two or three children, it is very difficult to give full attention to each of them.
For example, it became much easier for me when I read one study that said: “The quality of time spent with a child does not depend on its quantity.”
I really felt better when I realized that how we spend time with our children is much more important than how much time we spend with them.
What your child will actually remember from their childhood (spoiler alert: no one knows)
Well, that’s comforting. But I would still like to have at least a few minutes every day alone with each of the children. But how to arrange it? nine0003
I know a family with several children where the parents tried very hard to figure out how to contrive to give time to each of the children on a regular basis.
And they came up with a great idea.
They set up a schedule that on a particular day one of the children goes to bed 15-20 minutes later than the brothers and sisters. And you could spend this time together with your parent.
Do whatever the child wants in these moments. In this family, for example, they sometimes read or played board games or just chatted, but in any case, each of the children received their personal 15 minutes each week. nine0003
And my friend, a mother from this family, says that it is these 15 minutes together that turn out to be decisive in her relationship with each of the children.
“Motherhood is a skill, not an instinct”: what I learned after becoming a mother for the second time , like “he opened the car door first!!!!”.
It’s amazing what miracles good contact with parents can do.
In general, I realized that we definitely need to spend time together with each of the children. But it is not necessary to go to the trampoline park or restaurant every time. Even a few minutes together at home also work! nine0003
Psychologist John Gottman studied the mechanisms of family relationships for years and eventually discovered the magic formula for combining positive and negative elements in communication between family members.
In general, in order for a relationship to remain healthy, this combination should be five to one.
That is, for every negative moment (yelling, ignoring, rolling eyes) there must be five joyful moments (hug, smile, nod of understanding, cheerful chatter) in order to neutralize this negative. nine0003
Dr. Gottman makes it clear that for all these joyful moments to work, it does not have to be something grandiose – just cute daily little things, signs of attention.
An exchange of smiles, a hug, or, for example, watching a game of Minecraft together works best. These little things are very important.
When time is running at a frightening speed, there are more and more things to do, and it seems to you that there is no time left for children at all, remember these small moments that really matter. Of course, it is sometimes important to go out with your child to the theater, cinema or trampoline park, but even five minutes of intimacy a day can play a significant role. nine0003
The text was first published on August 15, 2018.
Read more on the topic:
Mom, don’t go: what is separation and how to help your child survive it
French fries to your child and feel like a bad mother? No need!
How to teach a child to navigate in time.
Development XXI century
Are you annoyed by non-punctual and scattered people, and would you like your little one to grow up like that? The answer is obvious – of course, every parent wants to raise the best person in all respects. The sense of time does not come to us by itself, this abstract concept gradually appears in our lives along with experience – we compare, measure, plan and learn to feel time. nine0027 The earlier this skill is formed, the easier it will be for a person to live – he will have enough time for everything, and therefore it is the duty of each parent to introduce the baby to this important concept of “time”.
There are several ways to get acquainted with time, we will offer you the most interesting and simple ones, they can be easily used with children 5-6 years old, so these methods are actively used when preparing a child for school in kindergarten.
Timing
This activity is very exciting and similar to a game, tell your baby that each of your and his actions has a certain duration – how many minutes, hours and offer to write down the time that was on the clock (preferably electronic, with numbers) when you started each new business.
So you will clearly show that understanding the time is very important in order to be in time.
The speed of the flow of time
This exercise will help the child navigate the flow of time and its speed. Spot one minute with the baby, then two, then 5. Ask if he thinks it’s a long time or not. After you have repeated this several times, ask the child how much it or you can do this or that action, for example, undress or brush your teeth. Record the time on your watch. If the child makes a mistake, it’s okay, praise him and change places, let him now guess the duration of the action and note the time for which, for example, you will prepare breakfast. If you play like this every day, very soon your baby will be measure the complexity of an action with its duration .
Very often use the concepts “one more minute”, “in five minutes” and stick to the time limit that is stated – the child must clearly feel and understand how much it is.
You can suggest another option, for example, the game “speed up the action.
” Take a stopwatch and note how many minutes (seconds) it takes to do something at a calm, everyday pace, be sure to say how much it turned out, and now invite the child to do the same thing as quickly as possible and note the time. Compare the two results and ask how comfortable the baby was. nine0003
Continually ask your child to make sure you are on time, eg “It’s important for me to get to work on time, so I can’t spend more than 15 minutes doing my hair” – let your child keep track of time and help you stay on schedule. It would not be bad for him to say out loud “10 minutes left … 5 minutes left … a minute left”, but for this he must navigate by the clock.
Orienting by the clock
When the concept of the passage of time is already practically formed, you can begin to teach the child to navigate by the clock face. Of course, it’s easier when you have ready-made numbers in front of your eyes, but figuring out the arrows is a big deal. The dial can be anything – you can make it yourself from paper or cardboard, the main thing is that it is correct – with the designation of numbers and minute divisions.
Tell me how the clock runs, which hand is responsible for the minutes, and which for the hours. Start with even marks, for example, explain that when the long hand is at 12, and the short hand is at 6, it means that it is exactly 6 o’clock. nine0003
After your tomboy learns this, move on to more difficult tasks – familiarize yourself with the concept of “half an hour.” Where will the hands be if the clock should show the floor of the ninth. Go from the largest to the smallest , in the end, the last complication can be a dial without numbers or with Roman numerals.
Plan your day
This activity is very useful for both schoolchildren and preschoolers. The kid himself (under your strict guidance) must make a to-do list for the day and calculate what time he needs to get up and what time he can go to bed. Everything should be taken into account – and help mom, and play with a girlfriend and do homework and brush your teeth. If there are too many things to do, it is worth asking the child what he would donate from this list or what he would do faster.