How to explain thanksgiving to a child: Bright Horizons | Why is Thanksgiving Important? Teaching Children about Thanksgiving
Talking to Kids About the Real Story of Thanksgiving
- Le Scoop
- Parenting
- Parenting Styles
Thanksgiving is a time for celebrating with family (even if virtually!), eating good food and practicing gratitude with your children. But it can also be a time to consider what you were taught about Thanksgiving as a child, what you hope to pass on to your own children and how the prevailing narrative may be damaging to American Indians, many of whom consider the day one of mourning. If this is something you have been thinking about, or you are looking for ways to make Thanksgiving even more inclusive, here, experts and moms share ideas on how to celebrate respectfully and how to talk to your kids about the holiday in a meaningful way.
- Written By
- Marnie Schwartz
When Corinne Rice, a Lakota and Mohawk educator and mom of two, came across a book about Thanksgiving on a trip to the library with her kids—a neatly-tied narrative about Pilgrims and Native Americans cooperating and coming together to celebrate the harvest—she named it what it was: “a nice little fiction story. ”
While Thanksgiving can mean many things to different families, the story that most of us grew up learning is not the whole truth. The Pilgrims and the Wampanoag did feast together, for example, but the relationship was complex, and resulted in unimaginable suffering and death for Native people. In fact, many Native Americans treat Thanksgiving as a day of mourning, since it marks the start of hundreds of years of oppression.
Here are a few tips to guide you through a difficult conversation, should you choose to have it:
Don’t Oversimplify
The most basic tales often obscure a truth that is simply not necessary to hide from kids, says psychologist Kira Banks, Ph.D., co-founder of Raising Equity. “They are capable of hearing complex stories,” she says. She adds that when kids get older, they often feel betrayed when they learn that the adults in their lives misled them.
Meanwhile, the stereotypes baked into many celebrations can be harmful to the Wampanoag people today, as well as other American Indians.
Imagery of unnamed American Indians “renders the Wampanoag people invisible” and “minimizes and trivializes their history,” says Renée Gokey, the teacher services coordinator at the National Museum of the American Indian and an Eastern Shawnee mom of two. Dressing children up in paper bag vests and construction paper headdresses teaches them that culture as a costume is okay—and reinforces a misconception that American Indians are a monolithic culture. “A superficial approach doesn’t show the diversity of the hundreds of Native nations today, and it puts us in the past,” says Gokey. “Stereotypes of Native people limit children’s abilities to see themselves in different ways and their own understanding of who they are.”
Have an Age-Appropriate Discussion
Conversations about equity and justice are never a one-time thing, and this one is no exception, says Banks. The focus will change based on your kids’ ages and evolve as they grow. The goal: “You want them to ultimately understand the true history of the holiday, and the broader dynamics of how Indigenous people were treated by colonizers.
” Toddlers can read picture books that show Indigenous people more accurately, and in all types of situations. Make sure they know that these cultures aren’t a thing of the past—and “reinforce the humanity, rights, and dignity of Indigenous people.” As kids enter elementary school, you can talk about colonization and how the Wampanoag were treated poorly and violently. At that age, they understand concepts of fairness and justice. And as kids get older, you can talk more about colonization, the idea of Manifest Destiny, and how the true story of Thanksgiving fits into historical patterns. “I think they can have the full truth of Thanksgiving before they are in sixth grade,” says Banks.
She offers her “N.E.R.D.S.” framework as a way for parents to start the conversation.
N: Name the problem. Explain what a false narrative is and why that’s true for the oversimplified version of Thanksgiving.
E: Educate yourself. Read with your child about Thanksgiving, but also about the relationships between Indigenous people and settlers in general, about American Indians past and present, and about the Wampanoags specifically.
R: Reframe it. Talk about how this is bigger than just the holiday, and a historical pattern.
D: Dream up solutions. What would it look like to tell fuller stories that honor Indigenous people?
S: Start to act. Moving towards a more equitable future can start with asking, “Whose land are we on now, and how can we make sure we’re not perpetuating injustices?”
The good news is that more and more schools and teachers are sharing fuller narratives with students. But if your child comes home with a paper bag vest, don’t be shy about pointing educators toward resources like those from the National Museum of the American Indian, or their program Native Knowledge 360. You can also supplement at home.
Ground Your Own Celebrations
Rice, the Lakota and Mohawk mom and educator, grew up “just like any other colonized kid” celebrating Thanksgiving at home and in school. It wasn’t until she became a young adult that she learned more, and felt betrayed by the educational system—and angry.
A conversation with an elder helped her realize that she could control how she experienced the holiday. “There are a lot of good things surrounding Thanksgiving,” she says. “It’s a celebration of harvest and time with family. I make it about the survival of our people, and being thankful for the elders in my community who teach me my culture.”
Similarly, Banks advises decentering the focus on the narrative of Pilgrims and Indians and centering gratitude and family connection in its place. “Be clear about what, as a family, you’re gathering for and why.” And, Gokey adds, when you come across stereotypes in any celebrations you participate in, question it and call it out.
Continue the Conversation
It’s important to surround your kids with diverse books, and that includes those by and about Native people. “Give faces to Native people in the past and more importantly, in the present. Make us visible and show our diversity,” says Gokey. She recommends socialjusticebooks.
org and American Indians in Children’s Literature as two good places to start, as well as the books 1621: A New Look at Thanksgiving and Fry Bread: A Native American Family Story.
With these recommendations in mind, it’s possible to enjoy Thanksgiving without being hurtful or dismissive to anyone else. And that is something to be grateful for.
How to talk to little kids about Thanksgiving, explained by a Native American children’s author
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November 16, 2022
- Deepa Fernandes
- Ashley Locke
Traci Sorell with a class of third graders at the Cherokee Nation Immersion School on the tribe’s reservation in Tahlequah, Oklahoma.
The school is a Cherokee language immersion school for K-6th grade students. (Courtesy)
Traci Sorell thinks now is as good a time as any to reframe how we talk with young children about Thanksgiving.
She wrote the children’s book “We Are Grateful: Otsaliheliga” and is a citizen of the Cherokee nation.
Being a children’s book author — and a Native American woman — who writes about gratitude, this is a busy time of year for her going out to schools to talk with groups of children
On what Americans get generally right and wrong
“Certainly people are thinking about abundance, sharing meals with family, celebrating time together and being grateful for those things. And I think that comes through in many people’s thoughts around the holiday.
“What is less positive is that a myth created in the 1800s during the time of the Civil War with wanting to unite the country — which is in battle — is still being shared with young children today. Often through the schools, sometimes through popular culture, cartoons, etc … And that myth is that, in essence, the Wampanoag people were there providing food, and there’s this wonderful celebratory meal between them and the Pilgrims, and then they exit stage left — when the Wampanoag people are very much still here.
There are several Wampanoag nations within what is now the state of Massachusetts and by perpetuating that myth, we just reinforce the erasure and invisibility of not just the Wampanoag nations, but Native nations in general.
“And stories are what connect us. So as an author, I am always focused on: How do we choose connection, in addition to facts and visibility, to help our kids become informed community members? Especially when we have books for young people that do share the reality with them, and children are able to take that in and understand that.”
On talking to little kids ages 3 to 7
“I would certainly put an emphasis on what Wampanoag people use as the stories. And we have a contemporary book that just came out “Keepunumuk: Weeâchumun’s Thanksgiving Story” (by Danielle Greendeer) that shares about the Wampanoag storytelling tradition, their harvest feast, how they give things, and even has a recipe (for Nasamp, which is made from corn meal, nuts, berries and maple syrup) that families can incorporate into their Thanksgiving that is a traditional dish made by Wampanoag people that they have a the end of their harvest.
”
On talking to older kids ages 7 to 10
“Again, we’re in a time where we have wonderful books. And I always recommend that they read ‘If You Lived During the Plimoth Thanksgiving’ by Chris Newell. Or ‘History Smashers: The Mayflower’ by Kate Messner. Both of those books really break down what actually happened and bring the facts to them so that they can enjoy the holiday from an informed perspective and not from perpetuating the myth.”
On advice for parents who have lived with the Thanksgiving story they learned as children
“I was raised with the same story. And even my son, who’s now in middle school, has come through and had that same story shared in school. But ultimately, kids want to know the truth and they’re not happy when they don’t know it. It’s not like a made up character, [such as] let’s say Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, or something like that. This is erasure and invisibility of your fellow humans, people that are also citizens of the United States, but they’re citizens of their native nations first.
And so think about that connection and how when we don’t take action, we are contributing to the erasure and invisibility. And that’s not, I don’t think, what most parents want to do in terms of modeling behavior for their children.”
On helping preschool teachers have meaningful discussions beyond just talking about turkey:
“You can share foods that were eaten. And it wasn’t just turkey — duck, rabbit, deer, succotash, fish, lobster. I mean, you have to think about where the meal is taking place. So there [are] other things you can share that were eaten during that time. But ultimately, you do want to talk about: how did those foods come to be on the table? Who gathered those foods, who hunted those foods … which would be the Wampanoag people [who] helped those people from Europe that showed up to to survive. They were not familiar with the terrain. They were not familiar with the plants. So it is an opportunity for a history lesson. And at the same time, if you want to focus on foods, then [focus on] foods that didn’t exist across the ocean … in a celebration of those things that are on this continent.
”
On writing in her own book about the Cherokee worldview on gratitude
“As the book starts, it talks about being grateful not just for wonderful things, but also difficulties. And that plays out into our Cherokee worldview of dohi, which is the concept of keeping things in balance. So not all things are wonderful in our life, and not all things are fantastic. We have that balance of things. And so for me, on a daily basis, it starts with that expression of gratitude. First thing, when I wake up, I’ve got yet another day and I can make a series of choices throughout the day to work in balance, be a source of support for others, take care of myself. And that’s really what I try to do in terms of sharing books with young people, you know, giving them — whether it’s fiction or nonfiction — that sense of here [are] Native nations and their citizens in our full humanity. And that’s really what we need to do around the Thanksgiving holiday: Are Native nations presented in their full humanity? Not just from historical contributions, but also that they’re still here.
”
On how she personally observes Thanksgiving
“We have time off together as a family. My son has the week off of school. And so for us, we do use it as an opportunity to get together with extended family and have a meal. But it’s nothing framed in terms of the pilgrims. But we certainly do give thanks for the Wampanoag Nation and others who have contributed to us still being here. And very much our ancestors — as Cherokee people — and the fact that they existed and persisted so that we could be here today and that we need to do the same for those that come after us.”
Book list from Traci Sorell:
- “Keepunumuk: Weeâchumun’s Thanksgiving Story” by Danielle Greendeer
- “If You Lived During the Plimoth Thanksgiving” by Chris Newell
- “History Smashers: The Mayflower” by Kate Messner
- “We Are Grateful: Otsaliheliga” by Traci Sorell
Beyond just Thanksgiving, we would love to know what’s behind your favorite holiday traditions this season.
You can send us a voice memo and we might even use it on air! Whether you’re a kid or a kid at heart, please share your memories with us.
Ashley Locke produced and edited this interview for broadcast with Gabe Bullard. Locke adapted it for the web.
This segment aired on November 16, 2022.
Here & Now: Editors’ Picks
Parents often complain about their children that they try so hard for them, they buy everything so that the child is no worse than others, but in many ways they refuse themselves simple “thank you”. What should be done so that children do not grow up to be callous, soulless and ungrateful people? Here are some tips from a child psychologist. Explain what a feeling of gratitude is. When a child does not understand the need for such a feeling, he will not experience it. But this is also the case despite the fact that the child, at the prompt of adults, says the word “thank you”. In a confidential conversation, the baby must be explained that this is a very positive feeling, it brings people together. It is pleasant to show gratitude both to the one who does it and to the one who receives it. You can make a visual experiment: let a child treat two people with sweets (you need to agree with them in advance). One will take it, turn around and leave, and the second will sincerely thank you. Grandma’s old game “Magic Word” It works – proven by generations! Grandmother will not have pies on the table, she will not help put on shoes, she will not play hide and seek until her grandson says the magic word “please”. And in the fairy tale “please” always goes together with the words “thank you” and “thank you”. Examples from someone else’s life When a child has everything he wants, it is difficult for him to appreciate how it is not to have something. Words about how difficult and insulting it is to be poor or have stingy parents are almost empty words for him. Show your child a film that shows a difficult childhood, introduce them to low-income children, buy gifts and visit an orphanage. Only on personal experience the child will understand: you need to appreciate what he has and be grateful to his parents for it. Don’t follow the children’s wishes The situation when only a child thinks about something, and parents and grandparents are already running to buy, is the most direct way to bring up an ungrateful person. A vivid sign when a baby is asked what to give him for his birthday, but he does not have an answer. He already has everything, and if he wants something, it will be so. From an early age, children need not only to speak in words, but also to show in deed that everything costs money, your labors and efforts. And the fact that they have everything they need and even more is your will. But if the baby really wants something, then he must also make some effort. And not to throw tantrums, whims, but to do something useful. And then only the child will appreciate what he has received, will experience joy and gratitude for the fact that his dream has come true. Thank your child for services and actions yourself what will you do for him. Show your child how valuable what you do for him From an early age, the baby is used to having food, clean beautiful clothes, a clean room and much more. You, as parents, believe (and quite rightly) that the child should be grateful for this, appreciate your efforts. But that doesn’t happen – it goes without saying for him. You need to show him that everything does not happen by itself – to involve him in household chores, to force him to do something for you, and to show himself that you have other interests besides serving the house and family. Let him make sandwiches for everyone, and you can relax, read or watch a movie. And don’t forget to say “thank you” to your child! Pay attention to children Your attention and love is the most valuable thing that parents can give their children. Spend time with them, play, have fun, don’t brush off the 1001 why questions, have serious “adult” conversations, just hug and tell them how happy and grateful you are to have them. Source: Detkiguru |
And, indeed, the modern young generation does not appreciate the efforts of relatives, but for the most part this is not because they do not love their parents, but simply have not been taught to show gratitude. 
Next, you need to ask the baby – what feelings he had, whom he wants to treat again. 
A personal example is a great power, as you teach, so you will receive. 
And everything will come back. Seven ways to teach your child to be grateful
Komsomolskaya Pravda
Dom. FamilyMom and babyMom and baby: Education and development
Anna GERASIMENKO
August 22, 2021 23:57
I try, I do everything for him, I buy everything for him, and he won’t even say thank you!” Moms and dads often complain. And children simply do not always know how to appreciate what they do for them, and if they do, they do not know how to express their gratitude. You can help them learn to be grateful by following these 7 tips:
1. Describe this feeling
The child doesn’t know what it’s like to be grateful. The task of parents is to teach the child to recognize emotions. Tell me how to respond if you want to say “thank you”. Catch the moment when the baby can feel it and pay his attention. In addition, the usual rule of “saying thank you” has not been canceled either.
Don’t expect your child to learn everything the first time. Be patient and keep practicing.
2. Explain with an example
Our children do not understand how lucky they are. That their childhood is filled with toys, gadgets, opportunities, interesting pastimes. Annoyed to say “you don’t appreciate your happiness! I didn’t have anything at all in my childhood” – it’s like saying nothing. The child does not believe in the word. He does not understand how it is when there is NOTHING. But if you and your child collect a bag of toys or buy a pack of notebooks and pencils for children in an orphanage, because they don’t have it, it will be much clearer. Do not scare with scary stories about orphans and beggars, no, just show (using books, films, stories as an example) that not all people have so many opportunities, and many children dream of such a train, or such a doll, or a trip to the sea with parents. That is why we are glad that we have this train! We appreciate it, we are grateful for it.
3. Don’t buy everything
This is probably one of the most important points. If a child has everything, if he even has no time to dream, if the child cannot answer the question “what do you want for your birthday”, then he “does not have time” to evaluate. He gets everything and is used to taking it for granted. So stop bombarding your child with toys! Show that any thing costs money. And money should be spent wisely and on what is really really needed. How do you know if a child really needs something? He will talk about this thing every day, dream and remember. And if he does, he will feel joy and gratitude! And that’s exactly what we were after!
4. Don’t forget to say “thank you” yourself
Children do what their parents do. Moreover, children learn to feel what their parents feel. Grandma brought you a pie or apples – thank you from the bottom of your heart, and don’t just bring it to the kitchen. The kid himself prepared a soup of sand and mud for you – say “thank you, it’s very tasty!” They gave you a seat in the subway – thank you with a smile.
The child will “absorb” and do the same.
5. Show the value of life
You cooked soup, took your child to kindergarten or school, helped with homework, ironed uniforms, bought warm boots… From our adult point of view, all this is very valuable! And the child does not see anything interesting in this. Show your heirs the side of life that is interesting for them – amusement parks, animals in the zoo, play pirates in the yard, flood the hill in winter, buy a hamster, go to the station and just look at the trains, count the wagons, take the child to your job, tell us about the incredible animals, take with you on a trip! When a child knows that there are so many interesting things in life, he understands how valuable it is. You point to moments to be grateful for, things that make us happy.
6. Magic word
This “technique” has been working great since the time of our great-grandmothers. Until Vanya says the “magic word”, kefir will not appear on his table.
Sometimes only the rules in the game work.
7. It’s nice to give thanks
Don’t force your child to be grateful, don’t get annoyed when he doesn’t say “thank you” or doesn’t notice your efforts. So you will only awaken in him a feeling of guilt, the child will feel bad, because he does not feel gratitude. And for this, he certainly won’t say “thank you” to you, and in the future he will do it “under duress”. Why do you have such false joy? Rather, tell your child that when you feel gratitude, it makes you happy. It’s nice to be thankful! Who wants to deprive themselves of the opportunity to be a little happier?
Try it! And thanks for reading our article!
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