Baby showers for single dads: 21 Best Baby Shower for DADS! ideas

7 Awesome Baby Shower Gifts for Dads

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Having a baby is an exciting time for couples. It’s also laced with uncertainty and can be a little terrifying. Moms tend to get all the attention, especially during the baby shower.

However, more couples today are opting for a coed baby shower, which means it’s an excellent time to get the new dad a few cool baby shower gifts. If the dad-to-be happens to be living that single dad life, you could even throw him his very own daddy baby shower!

What is a Daddy Baby Shower?

It’s not much different than a baby shower for mom, except minus the oohs and ahhs and mushy stuff. Think food, beer, baby gear and you’re on the right track.

What Should You Get an Expectant Dad?

There are lots of things a dad-to-be will need once the new baby arrives – and diapers are only the start of it. Gift getting really isn’t that different than what you would get for a new mom except dads gifts will probably look more manly depending on what it is. You can also get dad cool gifts that maybe aren’t specifically for the baby, but are just for him. Keep reading for some dad gift inspo!

A Dude Diaper Bag

There are a variety of styles to choose from. Many dads like backpack diaper bags because they tend to look sporty and allow them to keep their hands free for other things, like diaper changing. This is an essential item of baby gear for dads! Preppier dads might prefer a gender neutral diaper bag tote or messenger-style diaper bags they can loop over their shoulder. Dad’s diaper bag doesn’t need to be overly large because most men only want to carry around the essentials for diaper duty anyway.

A Functional Baby Carrier

Dads like to be able to move around freely. A backpack baby carrier or tactical baby carrier is a practical gift that will allow him to do exactly that, while still soothing and bonding with the baby. Baby carriers are great for hiking, quick jaunts to the store, and to get things done around the house—like additional baby proofing or tasks on the honey-do list.

A Dad Book—Or Three

Babies don’t come with instructions, unfortunately. However, there are several books out there that can help a new dad gain some valuable parenting insight, or even provide practical how-tos, such as how to burp a baby effectively, or how to change a diaper. You know your dad-to-be best, so get him books you think he will find helpful. If the baby hasn’t yet arrived, you could get him books that help him understand what to expect during labor, delivery, and beyond. If he doesn’t like to read, there are also pregnancy apps for dads that he can access right on his smartphone!

Funny Dad Gifts

Maybe it’s a funny t-shirt, or a coffee mug with a funny caption. You could even get him a “Daddy and Me” matching outfit that he and the newborn baby can wear home from the hospital together, or wear on their first night home. Or try getting him a set of custom scrubs to wear during labor and delivery so he’s comfy and can be the support system mom needs him to be.

Daddy-to-Be Survival Kit

You can get one ready-made or make your own, but daddy-to-be survival kits are chock full of things an expectant dad might need while in the hospital waiting for the baby to arrive, and things he may need the first few nights home. Some ideas to include are:

• Headache meds
• Snacks for a long night; nuts, beef jerky, trail mix
• A book to read and tunes to listen to
• Coffee or his favorite energy drink
• Vitamins—he’ll need them for strength
• Ear plugs for after the baby arrives
• Wet wipes to keep his hands clean
• A fresh t-shirt because it’s a given— the baby will pee on him
• A bottle or two of his favorite beer

Other essential kits you can get for dad are a child proofing kit, with everything necessary to childproof a home, and a tool kit, with the tools needed to put together all the new baby furniture.

A Daddy-Doodie Apron

You can make one of these yourself, have one made, or maybe even find one ready to rock. It’s an apron that dad can wear while performing his daddy “doodies,” like diaper changes and feedings. Get one with plenty of pockets and you can add in all the essentials, like spit rags, bibs, a clean onesie, spare diapers, diaper cream, wipes, and Hand Sanitizer.

Subscription or Gift Card for Movies and TV

Feeding and rocking the baby at night is a great time for dad to watch some good movies or get caught up on a few of his favorite shows. A 6 month subscription to services like Netflix or Hulu is a fun way to show some daddy love that’s just for him.

There are so many fun and unique baby shower gift ideas for expecting dads that are perfect for making him feel seen and included during the baby shower: checkout our collection of new dad gifts to find more!.

We aim to provide you with the most honest and credible information possible. This article was reviewed for accuracy by The Honest Team and was written based on trusted sources that are linked at the bottom of the article.

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42 Fun Baby Shower Games That Everyone Will Love

If you love a baby shower and celebrating your favorite moms-to-be, but the thought of playing a baby shower game makes you cringe, you’re not alone. Even the happiest of guests might look for the door when the game prompts come out.

While trying to think of shower games for guests, keep in mind the length of the party, and be sure to leave time for eating and presents.

Choosing the right baby shower games and choosing when to fold those games is all about knowing your guests, said Jeannette Tavares, Creative Director at Evoke Design & Creative. 

“Knowing your group will help you decide which games to pick, but don’t over-program the event,” she said. “When the host realizes the game isn’t sticking, the best way to get out of it is to make a joke and call it quits. Just like parenthood, go with the flow.”

With that in mind, it’s time to scrap the old games we’ve all played too many times — measure the pregnant woman’s belly, we’re looking at you — and try out a few new baby shower games.

42 baby shower games

These 42 baby shower games and activities will have the parent-to-be and the guests excited for game time by moving, thinking and guessing.

Diaper Relay

Divide guests into teams with an even amount of participants on each team. Assign each team a baby doll. Each team member will go down the line wiping, diapering and clothing the baby doll before the next team member starts. The first team to have each member finish, wins!

Dad Jokes

A classic dad joke is always good for a giggle or an eye roll. Plus, it makes a great baby shower game. Start by listing a few dad jokes and have everyone try to guess the corny punchlines. 

Emoji Nursery Rhyme

Replace the titles of popular nursery rhymes with emojis and see if guests can crack the code. For a few bonus points, turn popular children’s books into emojis.  

Name That Tune

Create the ultimate baby shower playlist with songs that contain the word “baby.” As the music plays in the background, have guests jot down the titles. At the end of the party, the person who has the most titles is the winner. From Baby Love to Hit Me Baby One More Time, you’ll have plenty of tunes to choose from. 

Are You My Mother?

From cats and kittens, cows and calves, to platypuses and puggles, create a list of animals and their baby’s names for a fun and sweet matching game.

Pacifier Hunt

Before the party starts, hide a few pacifiers throughout the party venue. Tell guests to be on the lookout because if they find a hidden pacifier, they’ll win a prize.

Blindfolded Diaper Change

Divide guests into teams and hand over a baby doll, diapers, and a blindfold. In a relay style, have the teams diaper the doll while blindfolded. 

Late Night Diaper Notes

Late night diaper blowouts are inevitable, but you can help the new parents laugh it off by having party guests write funny notes on the outside of diapers with permanent markers. “Houston, we have a problem” or “To pee or not to pee” are a few of our favorites.  

Baby Sock Sort 

Fill a small basket with different colored baby socks. Time guests as they race to match the tiny socks. 

Diaper Stacker

This one works just like Jenga but with diapers. Set up a stack of diapers and see how many diapers guests can pull from the stack before it falls.

Build a Library

Ask everyone to bring a copy of their favorite children’s book. During the shower, give each guest a note card to write why they love that book or a special memory they have of reading that book to their own children. Tape the messages inside the books for a sweet keepsake for the baby.

Bow Building

Let guests get crafty at a hair bow or bow tie building station. Line up different sized elastic headbands, bows, or fake flowers and have guests use fabric glue to make adorable accessories for the baby. 

What’s On Your Phone?

Give the old party game What’s in Your Bag? a fun upgrade with cell phones. From apps, photos, alarms, and even battery power, give each item a point value to find a winner.  

Mom Brain

Place an assortment of baby items on a tray and have the mom-to-be carry it to each table at the party. Guests have 30 seconds to jot down everything they see. Next remove or swap out the items and see if eagle eyed guests notice. 

Baby Bucket List

Give everyone a notecard and have them write down a bucket list item for the new parents to do during the first year of their baby’s life. Places to go, things to do, and experiences to take advantage of during that precious first year. 

Guess Who

Share a few funny stories about the parents-to-be and let guests vote on who they think the story is about. Guests get two signs, one for each parent, and will use the signs when they vote.  

Baby Face

Before the party, collect baby photos of family members and put them on display. Ask guests to figure out who each adorable baby is in the photos.

Old Wives Tales: Boy or Girl

Create a list of Old Wives Tales that predict gender and have everyone guess if it’s for a boy or a girl.

Ice Ice Baby

Fill ice trays with water and little plastic babies. You can find these at craft stores. Place the ice cubes in drinks and tell guests the first one whose ice melts and sets their baby free is the winner. 

Baby Bingo

The only thing you need are markers and bingo cards. Put a twist on this classic by offering enviable prizes like gift cards or free babysitting.

Ready To Pop Relay

A relay race dedicated to balloon popping! Divide guests evenly into teams. Give each player a balloon. At the buzzer, the first player on each team with blow up their balloon, stick it under their shirt and get it to pop. Once popped, the next player starts. The first team to finish wins.

Babies Around the World

How many different ways can you say baby? Create a matching game of different ways to say baby in other languages. From bébé to bambino and dijete, guests will learn some new lingo.

Dough Baby

This one is great for parties with lots of kids. Leave out containers of Play-Doh so guests can make a cute dough baby and the mom-to-be picks the winner.

What’s It Called?

If a lot of the guests don’t have kids or it’s been a while since they’ve purchased baby items, this is a fun game. Rattle off a list of baby product names and see if they can guess which ones are real and which are fake. From Butt Paste to a Snot Sucker, you’ll have plenty to work with for this game.

Pin The Paci

Reminiscent of the class “Pin The Tail On The Donkey” game, blindfold guests and have them pin a pacifier on a poster of a baby. The closest to baby’s mouth wins a prize.

Celebrity Baby

Perfect for the mom-to-be that loves her celebrity new. Round up pictures of celebs and their babies and see if guests can match the pairs. 

The Price Is Right

Everyone loves a good guessing game and for this one just print out pictures of baby products and have partygoers guess the price of each item.

Inspirational Diapers

Grab a pack of newborn diapers and have guests write funny quotes, sweet notes or inspirational messages to the parents-to-be for those middle-of-the-night changes.

What’s In My Diaper Bag?

Place one baby item — a pacifier, a rattle, or diaper cream — inside a paper bag. Blindfold guests and have them put their hands inside the bag and try to figure out what’s inside. No peeking allowed!

Mother Knows Best

Ask the mom-to-be’s partner to answer a list of questions, and at the shower, see if she can guess their answers. From “how many kids do you want?” to “how many diapers will the baby go through in a day?” you’ll see if their answers match up.

Diaper Raffle

Have guests bring a box of diapers to the shower. When they arrive, they’ll get to add their name to a raffle. The lucky parents get plenty of diapers and a few lucky guests get prizes.

Baby Shark

Everyone gets a cup full of gummy sharks and gets into two lines. When the timer starts, have guests toss the sharks into each other’s cups. The person with the most sharks at the end of the game is the winner.

Onesie and Bib-Making Station

Let guests get crafty by using fabric markers or paint to decorate onesies and bibs for the baby.  

Lullaby Charades

Give regular charades a baby shower twist by having guests act out different lullabies. 

Don’t Say Baby

Give each guest five clothespins at the start of the party. Each time they’re caught saying the word “baby” another guest can take one of their clothespins. Whoever has the most clothespins at the end of the party wins.

Baby Face Mix and Match

Start by enlarging pictures of both parents’ faces and gluing them to a poster board. Next cut the pictures into strips–one strip for their chin, lips, nose, eyes, and hair. Then like a puzzle, let guests mix and match the strips to create a mock up version of what the baby might like. 

Baby Trivia

Create a baby trivia game with facts and stats about babies, labor and delivery, and raising babies around the world. This fun game will leave everyone feeling a little smarter and ready for a trivia night.

Baby Pool

Have each person make a prediction for the exact date, time, and weight when the baby is born. However, you’ll have to wait to see who wins this game.

Guess How Many

Fill an extra large baby bottle with candy, counting as you add each piece. Have guests drop their best guess into a bucket, and at the end of the party, give a prize to whoever comes the closest. 

 TV Babies

Create a quiz to test guests’ TV family knowledge and match kids with their TV family. 

Baby Jeopardy

All About Baby for $100! Just like the traditional quiz game, create categories and questions for attendees to test their knowledge.

Oh Baby, Baby

Give every guest a sheet of paper and ask them to write down as many songs as they can think of that mention the word “baby.” Set a timer and whoever has the most on their list at the end wins.

Fathers and sons. How single adoptive fathers live

Anatoly Efremovich Novoseltsev from Ryazan’s “Office Romance” is the only replicated image of a single father. At the time of the filming of the film, a single father, perhaps, was an exception. Today in Russia, according to Rosstat, there are 650,000 single fathers. Most single dads are in Moscow, St. Petersburg, Krasnodar Territory, Tatarstan, Sverdlovsk and Nizhny Novgorod regions.

Who is he, a man who manages to work, braid, cook borscht, wash the floor, check “homework”, treat bronchitis, make repairs, and so on? The hero of a fantasy novel? Adoptive fathers with many children Ruslan Khabibullin, Anton Rubin and Svyatoslav Chever spoke about how single fathers live. nine0003

Ruslan Khabibullin

Ruslan from Moscow region

Ruslan Khabibullin has four children. Two of them are adopted. Adoptive parenthood was a decision that they made together with their wife Lilia.

– But I did not come to this decision right away, – Ruslan admits. – When Lilya offered to take the children from the hospital, it came as a shock to me. What for? We also have a child. I resisted for a long time. But one day I was in a traffic jam and the host of the “So far, everyone is at home” program on the radio was talking about how he arranges children from orphanages to families. He spoke so interestingly that I wanted to read about this topic. I began to study and realized that I was ready for this responsibility. And my wife and I went to the school of foster parents, although at that time it was not necessary, but we really wanted to understand as much as possible about foster parenting. nine0003

Ward offered the couple little Veronica, who was almost a year old. Seeing her in the hospital, they immediately began to draw up documents. After some time, the wife was sent a questionnaire of three-year-old Daniel from Voskresensk.

– We arrived, he immediately called us dad-mom. It was an incredibly beautiful, very sunny boy. Now, when I study psychology and communicate in the papal group, I understand that we were lucky – these were children without broken attachment. Both children at the time of our appearance in their lives managed to live in a family. The girl was taken to the hospital from the family, and Danya was taken care of by a loving grandmother. She had no documents for the child and Danya was taken to a boarding school. True, guardianship for some reason made up a story for us that Danya was found in the store, his mother left him and refused. nine0003

Grandmother found her beloved grandson three months after the adoption. The spouses were tormented by the fear of losing the child, but, after conferring, they courageously called their grandmother, who was beside herself with happiness. Danya remained in the family, and they still communicate with their beloved grandmother.

And then disaster struck. Beloved Lilya, wife, mother of four children died. The eldest was nine years old and the youngest was three years old. And Ruslan was left alone.

When a man stays with children, sympathizers sympathetically hint that with so many children it would be nice to have a new mother. Many men do this. But listening to Ruslan, who talks so calmly about the events of five years ago, I understand that he had no idea to save himself from the grief he loved. nine0003

– I was very worried about the fact that the children did not have a mother, – says Ruslan. – Fear, feelings. Now I understand that this is about the same as being left without a good dad. A good dad is no less a resource than a good mom. If dad is passionate about children, this is also a great resource. But before this fear, everyday life fell upon me – I did not know where the things and documents were.

The first year Ruslan was helped by his mother. To keep up with everything, he had to change jobs. The salary was less, but the flexible schedule allowed me to keep up with everything. Finances became another problem. nine0003

– Left without a wife, I became less successful in this matter. I was entitled to 15 thousand each for adopted children, plus a pension for blood children due to the death of my wife. I can’t say that we are chic, but you can live.

Ruslan dealt with domestic issues rather quickly.

– When I discovered such a life hack as the distribution of responsibilities, life became easier, – says Ruslan. – We have a list hanging on the refrigerator – who is responsible for what. One cleans up, the other walks the dog, the third cooks, the fourth washes the dishes. Every six months we change duties. If someone has not done his job, then he will do what is not included in his duties. Previously, I took away the phone for what was not done, but over time I realized that it was not necessary to do this. The telephone today is a part of life, but if it is a punishment, then it can be an encouragement and will attract even more. nine0003

This parental literacy was not given to Ruslan at once. Having solved everyday issues, he realized that it was necessary to solve the main problem – how to raise children.

– It seemed to me that something was wrong with them, – says Ruslan. They don’t listen, they play around. I understood, or I will go crazy, swearing and punishing them, or something needs to be done.

And the father of many children went to a psychologist to correct his children. But the psychologist corrected his attitude to life. And he felt better.

– I learned to punish less often and negotiate more often, – says Ruslan. – This is surprising, but it seems to me that single parenthood is easier for a man. We are less emotional. When I watch single women, it seems to me that it is much more difficult for them. Of course, there are vivid examples of successful single mothers with many children. But a man is still much easier. I can’t say that I’m suffering from life. Once we raised children together with my wife. But her departure did not lessen my responsibility for our joint cause. And I realized that this is my resource. This is a reason not to give up and move on. I even found my further development in this – psychology. I looked at my life and myself differently. nine0003

Ruslan graduated as a psychologist and now conducts consultations himself. In addition, he has found something to do for the soul – he is going to take courses in parental mentoring to help other foster parents.

I ask him what educational discoveries he made during his lonely fatherhood.

– There is such an attitude that children should go in for sports, study for “five”, – says Ruslan. – They don’t get A’s from me and I’m calm. They must want something. Go in for sports, study for five. Get somewhere. It should be their choice. During the pandemic, Danya fell into two for me. When online studies began, he realized that we were sitting at home and relaxing. I was called to school. Failures in all subjects. Before going to school, I warned Danya – most likely you will be left for the second year, but if you want, we will agree that you pass all the tails, but it will be your job. This is your responsibility. I don’t sit with the kids for lessons. If they ask for help, I will definitely help. But they must understand that study is their area of ​​responsibility. nine0003

I ask Ruslan if he knows the answer to the question – how can a single father raise his daughter.

– I can not say that I understood this issue. Our relationship is very warm. She is gentle, soft, loves to cuddle or just sit next to her. I love it. But sometimes I realize that somehow I know little about her. Now she is 10 years old, she began to share less with me. But in general, when something bothers her, she turns to me. It’s not easy for me, but it’s not hard either. It’s easier with boys though. Maybe I give her more tenderness. Although my boys are also tactile. With the eldest, who is already 15, we recently stopped hugging. Although last summer they walked in an embrace. It embarrassed me a little – an adult son hugs in public, but I understood that these are my settings, and since he hugs, then this is normal. nine0003

– Formulate the main rule for the parent.

– Be happy, says Ruslan. Parents often make raising their children their goal in life. And then they present the child with an account-reproach: I raised you, devoted my whole life to you, and you! But you yourself chose this path, why do you reproach the child? Help, support the children in any way you can. But most importantly, be happy, then the children will be resourceful. Don’t carry parenthood like a flag. Parents should have their own interests and hobbies. I have it all. And I never think of myself that I’m a single cool dad. I am a normal dad and a happy person. nine0003

Svyatoslav Chever

Svyatoslav from Moscow

Svyatoslav Chever from Moscow is the foster father of five children. A year ago, Svyatoslav went through a divorce. Now he is raising three sons, two more children remained with his ex-wife. Soon a fourth boy with a special story will appear in Svyatoslav’s family. The guy was taken under guardianship by a single woman. After some time, she was diagnosed with cancer. The foster mother found strength in herself and asked to find a new family for the 17-year-old boy. This family turned out to be the family of Svyatoslav. nine0003

Svyatoslav came to foster parenthood gradually. He worked in children’s summer camps, volunteered in orphanages. This experience allowed him to make some discoveries.

– Orphanages can be filled with gifts, you can create cool living conditions for children, but the family is the most precious story for a child, – says Svyatoslav. “That is why our children so often remember and dearly love their alcoholic parents. These are the most precious people for them. After all, the most talented teacher comes to the orphanage to work, and then goes to the family. nine0003

Svyatoslav made another discovery while working at the 2014 Olympics.

– There I saw volunteers, young guys with burning eyes, who could not eat, not sleep and do very cool things, – says Svyatoslav. – The fact that the Olympics went so well, including their great merit. And I saw their peers, children from orphanages. The maximum of their dreams is that I will become a welder if I am lucky. Or a chef.

Svyatoslav was perplexed – how can youth talk like that, before which the whole world is open? After all, he can become anyone – fly to Mars, become a brilliant surgeon, actor, programmer, but you never know who. nine0003

– I realized that no system can change this hopelessness, you need to take a child and reformat him, – Svyatoslav shares. – And this upgrade takes years. Children who came to me at the age of 12, only after three years began to understand something. And imagine what happens to children who have a short period of residence in the family? Well, yes, they think, I lived a beautiful life, but all this is not about me, I will still be a welder.

These reflections brought him closer and closer to foster parenthood. Svyatoslav studied at the School of a foster parent. There was little left before the decisive step, but fate slightly corrected his plans. Svyatoslav fell in love with a single foster mother. And here his volunteer lifestyle played an important role. At one of the forums, the future wife asked for help (the handle on the door broke, who can fix it?) and Svyatoslav went to repair the handle. From one end of Moscow to the other. nine0003

– Women usually sit on the forums, this post-request had a bunch of likes and reposts, the ladies wrote “you are a cool single mother with adopted children”, but not a single one sent her husband to help, – Svyatoslav ironically. – And I went. Fixed it. While drinking tea, it turned out that we have a lot of points of contact.

Being in love always makes one admire each other.

– And we also went through this, – admits Svyatoslav. – We talked with each other about how much we do for children, I admired my future wife – “how cool you are, you did everything I dreamed of …”. And at first it brought us very close, and then it destroyed us. And if at first we saw only the positive in each other, then later we saw the negative as well. nine0003

The focus on children also played a role. The wife’s children became the children of Svyatoslav, together they adopted another child. The couple were so absorbed in children that they did not find time for each other. At some point, they even stopped noticing each other.

– The most difficult thing in our family life was to find a balance, – says Svyatoslav. – We worked in different schedules. In the morning the children went to school and I did not see them, in the evening I came when they were already asleep. We could talk when the children were already asleep. But on weekends we always tried to go somewhere together. Now we have a joint dinner without fail. nine0003

The last destructive straw was the professionalism of the spouses. He is a specialist in international relations and conflictology, she is a psychologist.

– Two professionals in one team turned out to be a difficult test, – says Svyatoslav. – We constantly said to each other – you do everything wrong, you need to do it differently. In theory, everything was fine with us – they knew the reasons for their mistakes and understood where everything was heading. Proper motivation is very important in a relationship. Everything you do, you do not do it to save someone. And not because you are both great craftsmen and you definitely need to build something together. You are only doing this because you love each other. Any other motivation will inevitably lead to the question – why are we together at all? nine0003

Svyatoslav, like many responsible foster parents, leads webinars and helps young foster parents. He says listeners are often fascinated and inspired by the fact that a parent can handle everything alone. But this path should be the exception to the rule.

– We must do our best to maintain relations between wife and husband, – Svyatoslav is convinced. – A man and a woman in the family is a very cool addition, but they must be focused on each other. Otherwise the boat will not float. nine0003

Another observation that Svyatoslav made during his public work: married couples who live under the illusion that children can become a magical medicine and help save spoiled relationships.

– First you need to fix the boat – relationships with each other and only then set sail, – Svyatoslav is convinced. – If there are any problems, it is dangerous for the family to assume that children will strengthen the marriage. If you have a great relationship with each other, the children see it, it contributes to their understanding of a strong family, and if it is the other way around, they will feel unhappy. nine0003

Svyatoslav, like a true knight, speaks of his ex-wife with great respect.

– I know that it is very difficult for my wife now, sometimes it is very difficult for me, because I am alone, – says Svyatoslav. – We tried our best to save our marriage, but the divorce did happen.

When the divorce happened, three children stayed with Svyatoslav. Two are with mom.

– For the first few days I was in ecstasy – “to bite”, I can do anything! Svyatoslav laughs. – On the third day, I realized that if I spend one more day in the kitchen, I will simply die, – Svyatoslav laughs. – I just finished cooking dinner, and I have to cook dinner already?! Well no. Here is the duty schedule, let’s take turns. I sent recipes to the children, one cooked borscht, the second pasta in the Navy, but before that they had to go to the store with a certain amount and buy groceries. And recently, as a family, we got hooked on a service that brings a set of products and a recipe. Now dinner with us is like dinner in a restaurant, and with the help of such home cooking courses, children feel like real chefs. nine0003

Issues of order It was very difficult to keep order, my wife and I were thinking about how to organize our life. “Chur, not me,” said the boys. Now I have divided the whole house into zones, each is responsible for his own zone. The guys try not to let each other down and not make a mess on someone else’s territory. Svyatoslav liked the idea of ​​responsibility for his territory so much that he delegated other powers to the guys. For example, large purchases and entertainment are consistent with the eldest 17-year-old son Roman. He is the family’s financial director. nine0003

– When the brothers come to him with their “wants”, Roma says – no, we do not need it, and we began to save a lot of money, – Svyatoslav laughs. – The middle son acts as an administrator, keeps track of whether the powder or shampoo has run out. The third is responsible for the products – if milk or fruit is over, he tells you what to buy. This is how they feel responsible.

Svyatoslav’s lessons are also in order. The modern school presupposes not only the presence of tutors, but also selfless parental work. Svyatoslav also had to work hard. Two years ago, the school recommended that the youngest son switch to a lightweight program

– The guy did not pull at all, – Svyatoslav recalls. – We sat with “homework” until one in the morning, because everything he did himself had to be redone. Now, finishing the sixth grade, he is ahead of the curve and even became a math tutor for some of his classmates. He fell in love with history and became the best student in the class, although he whined that he was not interested. But history is my specialty, I tried to tell him in such a way that

The father of many children would understand the most disturbing mother’s issue – endless childhood illnesses. nine0003

– When your mother treats you, you are wrapped in love, you have a scarf, you are wrapped in love, – Svyatoslav jokes. – When dad treats, dad gave a pill, said that the temperature should subside and that in general I have to go to school tomorrow. With such a campaign, getting sick is boring and uninteresting.

In fact, Svyatoslav is a proponent of active prevention. Fruits, exercise, outdoor walks, a weekend at the skating rink – this is the recipe for his family’s health.

– What is the main thing in the relationship between mom and dad? nine0003

– Love, – Svyatoslav replies without hesitation. – Love is always a choice of the good of another. When you are ready to sacrifice something for the sake of another, when there is a mutual feeling – this works very cool. If you wish, you can find pluses in loneliness, for example, now I alone make a decision and this simplifies some points. But to be honest, if she was around, it would be great.

Anton Rubin

Anton from Samara

Anton Rubin from Samara has four children, two of them are adults. Anton is an enthusiast, a volunteer, a person who cares. His parenthood was a desperate attempt to fight indifference and bureaucracy.

– There was no desire to become a foster parent, everything happened unexpectedly for himself, – says Anton.

By profession, Anton is an IT specialist, by way of life he is a volunteer, head of the regional volunteer organization “House of Childhood”, which works with orphans and graduates of orphanages. He met his children 10 years ago. nine0003

– Three older boys are brothers, pupils of the Samara orphanage, where we came with various developmental events, – says Anton. – I did not single them out from other children until the brothers were divided into different orphanages, and then it turned out that they have a sister.

And Anton decided to arrange meetings for them so that the children could communicate with each other.

Later, the volunteer found out that the specialist in charge of orphanages divided the children according to a formal basis – they had different surnames (parents got divorced and remarried, changed surnames). The curator did not bother to read the personal file to the end, to the page where all family members were listed. She promised to correct the mistake. And the brothers were sent to one orphanage. 200 km from Samara. in Syzran. nine0003

– I went to visit the guys and discovered that they were legally transferred to the same orphanage, – says Anton. – But this orphanage has two buildings, they are located at different ends of Syzran, 10 km from each other and, of course, children cannot see each other.

Anton told about how negligent adults manage orphans’ lives in his blog. There were many stories. One of the shelters with disabled children protected the pupils from unnecessary visitors so much that potential parents had to be brought in under the guise of volunteers who arrange holidays for children. nine0003

– People saw children not from ugly database photos, but live, and they understood that “there’s nothing to worry about, a cool child, I’ll take him away,” says Anton. And they started taking the kids. The director of this house does not hesitate to tell us – do you want to leave me without a job? And they stopped letting us in.

In another shelter, a 14-year-old orphanage gave birth to a child, the shelter asked volunteers to find an experienced volunteer mother who would teach the young mother how to care for the baby.

– Our volunteer, an experienced mother, came to the girl and taught, – says Anton. – After some time, the baby fell ill, he was admitted to the hospital, a month later he was discharged with a diagnosis of meningitis. nine0003

Mom-volunteer, visiting her wards, noticed that the baby is very weak – “the lips are blue, the hands are cold, let’s show him to the doctor.” Volunteers asked a professor at the local medical university to see the child. For free. But the leadership of the shelter did not allow it – “you are people from the street, we will not let the child go, he has a scheduled appointment in three weeks.”

– We asked for a caregiver to accompany the child to the appointment, but it was all useless, says Anton. “The baby died two weeks later. The shelter tried to hide it, the girl-mother was locked up, her phone was taken away. nine0003

Anton’s indifference caused the shelters to close the entrance not only to him, but also to his organization. And the meetings that Anton arranged for the separated brothers were in jeopardy. They refused to give Anton another permission to visit them. Having received permission through the court, he realized that this document would be the last pass to the shelter.

– I have no choice but to take the children to the family so that they can be together, – says Anton. – There was no time even to doubt and ponder. It had to be picked up immediately. It was three years ago. Just a month before I made the decision that I was taking the children, I was sure that nothing depended on me. I do everything I can. And when I made a decision, suddenly everything began to depend on me. nine0003

But what about those on whom a lot really depends? The administration of the shelter, and other resource officials? Maybe in order to make a human decision you need to change the laws? Anton is convinced that it is not the laws that need to be changed, but the attitude.

– We have excellent laws, but we need to start working, and not be a function, – says the volunteer. – I am 100% sure that if the shelter workers had a desire to arrange all the children in families, then all would have been arranged long ago. But there is no desire. nine0003

I ask Anton where he got the strength for the endless struggle.

– In children’s tears. When I saw how the youngest son Anton roars when he is separated from his brothers.

– And now?

– And now they give me so much love and gratitude, and this is my strength.

Having made his choice, Anton lost his romantic relationship.

– The girl with whom I lived at the time of registration of the children, unfortunately, considered that she did not need it, – says Anton.

How did the young man feel when he suddenly had four children? Anton had no time to reflect on his emotions. nine0003

– They had to be registered with a polyclinic, assigned to schools and colleges, to understand what their health was like, – lists Anton. – The youngest daughter has epilepsy and mental retardation (MPD), it was necessary to find her a place of study.

And all four had to be dressed and put on shoes for all seasons. Buy school clothes, backpacks, stationery.

– And it was hard, – Anton admits. – I had to taxi in the evenings.

The children were given to the newly-made father almost naked. nine0003

– With “armature” for each, – says Anton. – “Armaturka” is a reinforcement list, which lists the property of the child, which must be returned after you took them from the orphanage, because the property is state-owned. Briefs – 2 pieces, T-shirt – two pieces, jacket – 1 piece, toothbrush – 1 piece, soap dish – 1 piece. That is, I will come to Samara, change the children’s clothes and take my shorts and a toothbrush back for 200 kilometers? I asked – would you seriously give someone a used toothbrush? nine0003

– Who helped you?

– Especially no one, but when I had to go on a business trip, my mother stayed with the children. The first three months were difficult. I worked from eight to five, at the same time I had to undergo a bunch of medical examinations and draw up documents for school. I had to install a Google calendar and write to everyone – what-where-when to do. For example, on Friday it pops up in the calendar – Anton has to be at the clinic at 17.10. She is near the house, Anton is waiting for me at the clinic, I come to register, and at 17.40 I am already going to the commission with Sasha, etc. This was my hack. nine0003

The quest “Get your child in school” was completed by Anton with the help of the Department of Education. But before asking for help, he visited three schools. And everywhere – there are no places.

– As a result, I called the Department of Education, they responded very quickly, – says Anton. – At the school near the house, places were immediately found.

The youngest daughter needed a special school. There are only a few such schools in Samara. The nearest one is seven kilometers from the house. There it turned out that there was no third grade this year and they would not open it for the sake of one child. I had to go back to the second one. nine0003

Anton says that he managed to overcome these endless adventures only because his children are super-conscious.

– They treated the situation with great understanding, that’s the only reason I succeeded, – says Anton.

When school started and all registrations were over, it became a little easier. Against the background of the struggle with people-functions, everyday difficulties do not seem to be a problem for Anton.

– I had to master a lot of different dishes very quickly, – the young father laughs. – To be honest, I’m relaxing in the kitchen. I leave to cook, close the door and say – do not touch me. School was more difficult. There is a very strong difference in the level of education, study was difficult. I had to hire tutors – Russian, mathematics, speech therapist. The first year I did lessons with them every day. There were tantrums, swearing, slamming doors. But the second year was already easier. And now they do almost everything themselves. nine0003

– Why do you need all this?

– Now it’s very easy for me to answer this question – I love my children very much and I can’t live without them, – Anton smiles.

The stories of Ruslan, Svyatoslav and Anton turned out to be stories not about paternal loneliness and admirable heroism. Each of them is a caring and responsible person who, under the circumstances, could not have done otherwise. Their philosophical attitude to life, endurance and endless love for children turned out to be the qualities of a responsible parent, or, as our hero said, “a normal dad.” Therefore, it is not at all difficult for them, like normal mothers, to cook borscht, braid pigtails, work, treat bronchitis, put things in order, check “homework”, and most importantly, just love their children. nine0003

Comment

Armen Popov, author and head of the Adopt. ru portal, director of the Center for the Development of Social Projects:

– The topic of single adoptive dads was a real discovery for me. Young men could devote their lives to something else, a career, for example, than to raise other people’s children alone. But all as one they say – these are not strangers, these are our children. Life throws up surprises. From one of our wonderful hero left the girl he planned to marry. Four children became an unbearable burden for her. I think he was lucky, because she left the ship before the ship sailed, and not while sailing on the high seas. As it was with other heroes, when one day mom gets tired and dad is left alone with the children. Single fatherhood is always difficult and dramatic. The most dramatic story of the loneliness of a foster dad, when for some reason mom dies and dad is left alone with the children. And to his honor and dignity, he does not abandon children and continues this difficult journey alone. nine0003

Single dads don’t ask us for help. But we are trying to impose it on them. Especially for dads who live in the regions. Metropolitan dads find support in the form of parental communities, looking for some life hacks of their own.

We can’t even imagine how difficult life becomes for a single man with children. Finding a rented apartment for them becomes a funny and very sad story, because when a man with four children is looking for an apartment, for society it looks like some kind of nightmare story. nine0003

Another point is the attitude of guardianship authorities towards single dads. Everyone, as one says – thank you for not interfering. This suggests that there is no help for single dads, although a single dad is a serious risk zone, and such families should be especially helped and supported. These dads are usually working. Especially in the regions. Because it is impossible to feed children on regional benefits. But our dads are optimists. They say that they are doing well, they never get sick. My grandfather was a very sickly man, but during the war he neither sneezed nor coughed. The mobilization of the body is such that you have no right to get sick. So are foster dads – they can’t afford it. Our dads manage everything and inspire endless respect. They approach their parenthood consciously – it happened with us, but we are not an example to follow, because for a child, of course, a full-fledged family is important. nine0003

Author – Tatyana Vladykina

Materials were prepared using a grant of the President of the Russian Federation, provided by the Presidential Grants Foundation

90,000 Nikolai Belousov: Lonely fathers have the same problems as mothers

alone Only a mother will be able to bring up, our compatriots are convinced (35 percent). And only 4 percent of Russians believe that it is better to leave children with their father in a divorce (data from VTsIOM). nine0272